Chapter 3

Kaito awoke in a room on the second floor of the headman’s mansion. “Ugh… I’m sooo hungry…” Ninety percent of what he’d eaten at the feast the night before had been vegetables. He hardly felt full at all. There was a knock at the door, and Lilia came in. “Good morning, Lord Kaito,” she said. “Breakfast is ready.” “Oh, uh, th-thanks…” He sat up groggily. Whatever they’d put out for breakfast, he was sure it would be the same unsatisfying fare as the night before. With his stomach growling pitifully, Kaito got out of bed. “Eek!” Lilia gave a little shriek and put her hands to her face. “Huh?” Kaito grunted, looking down at himself. His pajama shirt was rumpled and rolled up, exposing his belly button. “Oh! Sorry.” He quickly smoothed the shirt out, covering himself. “N-no, it’s all right…” Lilia had turned red up to her pointy ears, fidgeting from the shock. It was really very cute. “I’m gonna get changed, and then I’ll come eat,” Kaito said. “Right!” Lilia all but bolted out of the room, and Kaito began putting on his clothes. Breakfast at the headman’s house consisted of piles of vegetables, a dry, flavorless bread, and fried eggs. Nothing had much taste. Umami was conspicuously lacking around here. Since they were offering him their hospitality, Kaito naturally felt he couldn’t complain, but neither could he muster much enthusiasm. “Thank you for the meal. Now let’s get ready for a feast!” “I eagerly await!” When he saw the anticipation in Edmond’s eyes, Kaito felt a twinge of anxiety. Do I even really know how to make a pizza? They can call me the High-Calorie Hero all they want, but I don’t know anything about pizza. And I’ve certainly never made one. Deeply concerned, Kaito headed for the little shop beside the mansion. He stood at the counter by the oven and let out a sigh. “Okay then, where to start? We don’t even have ingredients…” The only thing he had with him was the item pouch the goddess had given him when she sent him here. He rifled through it and found it had several cards inside. “Hmm. Let’s see here…” He examined the cards he’d pulled out. Each bore the name of something that sounded like it would be useful in the kitchen, like Black Apron, Pizza Skill 1, and Wheat Flour. “What do I do with these?” That goddess should’ve done her job properly. I don’t even know how to use any of my starter items! Kaito inspected the cards closely. “Do I have to exchange them somewhere? I don’t think I’ve seen any place like that…” For a long moment, he stared at one. “Uhhh, ‘Black Apron’?” He tried saying it aloud. No sooner had he done so than the card disappeared from his hand, and he found himself holding a black apron instead. “Ohhh! So I just read the names out loud!” It was pretty simple once you knew how it worked. The goddess had told Kaito that only he could use these items. In other words, if someone else got their hands on them, they’d just be regular cards. Kaito alone could turn them into useful tools. “I get it now. That’s pretty clever.” Putting the items in card form made them easy to carry—very convenient for interdimensional travel. Kaito started by tying the strings of the black apron around his waist. “So this is a hero’s equipment, huh?” he said with a wry smile. He had to admit it wasn’t bad. He thought he could feel himself standing a little straighter. “Okay, ingredients. Water, Wheat Flour, Yeast, Salt.” One by one, the items appeared on the countertop as Kaito read them out. “Wait, what’s this? ‘Peel’?” When he recited the unfamiliar word, something like a long-handled spatula appeared in front of him. There were two of them, one with a wooden blade and one with metal. “Oh, so this is that thing you use to put the pizza in the oven…” Finally, he held the last card in his hand. On it was written Pizza Skill 1 (Pizza Basics). The fact that this card said “1” suggested there was a “2.” He turned the card over and found something written in small letters on the back: To achieve Pizza Skill 2, make a margherita! Margherita he understood. It was a simple but delicious pie featuring mozzarella cheese and basil over tomato sauce. I see. I need to complete missions to gain new skill cards. So that’s how this works. Maybe I’ll get additional ingredients and tools as I need them, too. “Pizza Skill 1!” Kaito exclaimed, and suddenly, he found his brain full of the knowledge of how to prepare and bake a pizza. His understanding had increased instantaneously. “Awesome!!” At that moment, there was a halting knock at the door. “Yes, come in.” “I’ll assist you…” Someone entered in a trembling wave of anxiety. It was the headman’s only daughter, Lilia. She kept her eyes on the floor, but despite her display of reluctance, she came right up to him. What’s the deal here? Is she into me…? I mean, she’s cute, but she’s just gonna get in the way. “It’s fine. I can handle it myself.” “Oh…” Lilia recoiled from him as if she’d been slapped, and her green eyes went wide. “B-but it’s a wife’s duty…” “Huh? Wife?” He looked at her, uncomprehending. “Who’s whose wife here?” “Lord Kaito, I’m your…” Kaito balked at this sudden claim. He had just been about to start making a pizza, and now some sort of marriage decree had thrown a wrench in those plans, smashing them to pieces. “No, no, no, wait, wait, wife? What do you mean?” “My father instructed me to look after everything for you, Lord Kaito.” “Hmm? That doesn’t necessarily make you my wife, does it?” “Well, I—” Lilia blushed fiercely. “I’m just about the right age to get married, and anyway, it’s… It’s what I want, too.” Her voice grew quieter and quieter as she spoke, until Kaito had to lean in to hear her. “Huh? What was that last part?” “Uh-uh! I can’t say it again!!” “OW!!” Lilia gave him a hearty smack on the shoulder, making him cry out. Yikes, that stings. This girl’s stronger than she looks. Maybe she really could help me with the pizza. It takes a fair amount of stamina, after all. Maybe it was his new status as the High-Calorie Hero that seemingly had all his thoughts revolving around pizza. “D-do you hate me that much…?” Lilia’s huge green eyes began to swim, and then comically large tears started rolling down her cheeks. Her long ears drooped pitifully. “H-hang on, now…!” Kaito hadn’t made a girl cry since elementary school. With no idea what to do, he grew mildly panicked. “I guess I’m just not the right girl for you,” Lilia said. She covered her face with her hands, her shoulders heaving. “N-no! That’s not it…” “I promise I’ll do my best, so…so please… Hic!” “Look, I just—” “I’m still immature, but I’m sure I’ll— Sniff! Hic!” “Aaaaarrrgh!” Though weeping like a little girl, she showed no sign of backing down. Kaito found himself cornered. “O-okay. Come on. Let’s just… Let’s just make a pizza for now, okay?” Lilia’s face was instantly shining again. “Yes, sir! I’d be thrilled to!” “……” Hang on a second. I didn’t say I’d marry her or anything, right? What’s with the giant smile? But he could hardly say any of this to the glowing Lilia. Kaito had the sneaking suspicion he was now engaged, but he decided not to dwell on it. One thing’s for sure—I’m hungry as hell. I wanna get that pizza made, then stuff it in my mouth. “All right, pizza time.” “Yes, sir!” “Just so you know, the food we know as pizza originated in the port city of Naples, in a country called Italy. It began as a bread-like foodstuff enjoyed by the fishermen there, and when tomatoes were introduced from South America, it took on the form we know today.” Holy crap. Where’d all this trivia come from? My mouth is moving on its own. “Emigrants from the south of Italy brought pizza to America at the end of the nineteenth century, and it arrived in my country, Japan, in 1956. In other words, it’s a relatively new food for the Japanese.” Lilia’s eyes were closed, her head bobbing rhythmically up and down. She’s not even listening!! In fact, she’s asleep! “Ahem! Shall we get started, then?” Lilia’s eyes popped open. Is the history of pizza that boring…? Kaito tried to collect himself. “So, first, we’re going to put all the ingredients in a big bowl.” The steps of the recipe came readily to his mind. First, you put water in a bowl and add salt. It’s important to make sure the salt is completely dissolved in the water. “Next, we take the wheat flour and… Hey, what are you doing?!” Lilia had buried her face in the bag of flour. “I thought it might smell nice. Flour is very rare. I don’t see it often.” “Uh, sure. But let’s not stick our faces in the ingredients, okay? Could you put in half the bag of flour?” Lilia was turning out to be a somewhat stranger girl than he’d thought, but she poured the wheat flour into the bowl. Now work it with your hands to mix it in. When it gets thick, add the yeast. “Ooh, it’s got a little stick to it now,” observed Kaito. It was starting to look like he’d have enough dough to feed a whole crowd. It took a fair amount of strength to work it. “Now put in half of what’s left of the flour.” Lilia obediently added the ingredients. I’ve got to admit, it’s nice having a helper. “You’re so good at this, Lord Kaito! It’s amazing how you know exactly what to do!” “Ha-ha, well…that’s ’cause I’m a hero!” The way she looks at me reverently like that… I could get used to this. If I’m gonna be a hero, I might as well practice looking good! Kaito had always thought of men who could cook as if they came from some other dimension, but now that he was among their number, he found he was enjoying himself. The High-Calorie Hero… Yeah, that’s not so bad. Even if it’s not the greatest nickname in the world. Kaito grabbed the dough, vigorously forming it into a ball. His body was moving on its own now. He would never have been able to work this smoothly before. Apparently, being a real-life hero had its perks, even if his powers were a bit unconventional. The dough had started to toughen, so he began mixing in the remaining flour, turning the dough periodically. When the dough was one big ball, he started kneading it again. It took more than a little strength; the sweat starting to bead on his forehead was proof. “Knead! Knead! Kneadkneadkneadknead!!” He suddenly got more and more enthusiastic, until he realized he was actually shouting. “Lord Kaito, you’re amazing! Look how much dough we have already!” Lilia applauded him, but Kaito, embarrassed, could only nod. Was it the skill card that had made him so passionate about pizza? “Phew…” The sweat was on his temples now. He was grateful when Lilia gently wiped it away with a cloth. I’ve got the ability now, but my stamina just isn’t what it used to be. This is tough work. Bet my muscles are gonna hurt tomorrow… “Shall we trade places?” Lilia asked. “Huh? This is pretty tough, you know.” Even though he was a fit young man, Kaito could already feel his arms going limp as noodles. “But you seem to be struggling, and I’ve watched you long enough to know how to do the work.” “Oh yeah? Give it a try, then.” He wanted to cook the pizza that night, so there was no time to rest. Kaito decided to let Lilia take over the kneading. “Hup! And hup!” As Kaito looked on anxiously, Lilia began working the dough. “Erm, so, uh, try to grab it, put a little strength into it—” “Like this?” “No, not quite. More like this.” Kaito placed his hands over Lilia’s. “Oh!!” She pulled her hands back, surprised. Her pointy ears quivered. “Huh? Oh, sorry.” “No, I was just…a little shocked…” Lilia’s face was bright red. Guess I got so caught up in the work that I wasn’t sensitive enough toward her. “Want to keep trying? I’ll just watch.” “Okay.” Lilia began assiduously working the dough. She didn’t quite have the knack yet, but she was definitely going in the right direction. “Knead! Knead! Kneadkneadkneadkneadknead!!” Suddenly, Lilia started shouting, and Kaito was stunned. “E-everything all right?” She stared back at him, equally mystified. “I’m just doing it like you did, Lord Kaito…” “No, no yelling! You don’t need to yell! You just need to knead!” “Oh, I see,” Lilia said, looking a little disappointed. You know, I keep wondering if this girl is quite…all there… “Okay, now we’re gonna add the last of the flour bit by bit.” But at that moment, Lilia stopped moving. “Are you okay? Are you tired?” Drooool… A big glob of drool had formed at the edge of Lilia’s mouth. She looked at Kaito, slightly panicked. “Oh…I’m sorry! It just looks so delicious!” “I know, but you can’t eat this yet, okay? Just calm down.” “Yes, sir…” Kaito, now anxious for a different reason, watched Lilia work again. He was very concerned she would drool in the dough—or perhaps start eating it. “Just let me know if you get tired, and we can switch back.” “Okay!” But in the end, Lilia finished all the kneading. Maybe elves had more strength than their thin bodies let on. When they took a good look at the dough after thirty minutes of kneading, they found the surface smooth and shiny, and it no longer stuck to the bowl. When they tugged at the dough, it stretched into a thin layer. “Perfect. This is great.” Kaito picked up the dough and put it on the countertop. Then he started pressing it from left to right, then right to left. Then from the center outward. With each movement, he tapped the dough gently, working the material into the perfect shape. “Wow… That looks really difficult, but you do it so smoothly! Amazing!” “Thanks.” It was true—this would be tricky for a beginner, but thanks to Kaito’s skill card, he managed it easily. “Why do you push on the dough like that?” “It helps build up layers of gas inside.” The words were rolling off his tongue now, but the explanation seemed lost on Lilia, who half nodded. Kaito repeated this process about a dozen times until the dough was a nice, round ball. Then he scored a cross-shaped mark into the top with a knife. Several gas bubbles popped up from the incision. “Now, that’s good dough!” Kaito wrapped the whole thing in a damp cloth. “Next, we’re going to let it ferment, so it’s gotta sit for a few hours.” “Sure thing! I can’t wait!” The work was hard, but Kaito felt surprisingly invigorated. Looking at the beautiful dough gave him a deep sense of satisfaction. It turns out it’s fun to work with your hands!