“Itsumi,” someone called me.
On the last day of exams, Sayuri and I were near the school gates when I heard someone say my name. It was my father. He was in Mr. Muro’s car.
“Oh, father,” I greeted him. “What brings you to the school?”
“Get in the car. We’re going home right now.”
“But exams just finished. Sayuri and I were just going to…”
“Get in.” The sharp tone of his voice suddenly made me uneasy. Sayuri and I locked eyes for a moment. Sensing my apprehension, she searched for something to say.
“Mr. Shiraishi, it’s nice to see you,” she greeted. “May I join you both?”
“No, today’s not a good day.” His curt reply exacerbated my fears.
“Okay, I’ll text you later, Sayuri,” I told her.
When we got home, my father brought me straight to his library. I was so flustered, I accidentally stepped on Mirei’s shoes as we passed the front door.
“What’s your relationship with Mr. Hojo?” My father’s sudden question was such a shock, my heart tightened as if about to burst.
“Father, what are you asking?” I said. I tried to stay calm, but my voice shook. How did he know about the professor?
“Are you two dating?” he cut to the chase, pressing me to answer. His face was terrifying. His eyes were bloodshot.
“I would never!” Even when I denied his claim, the tension in his cheeks didn’t subside.
Someone must have secretly told him about me and the professor. Could it—was it Sayuri? But the next moment I realized how wrong I was to have doubted her.
“Still feel like playing dumb?!” My father grabbed pictures from the top of the bookshelf and flung them onto the floor. Pictures of Mr. Hojo and I gazing at each other with the Balkan Mountains in the background. Of us smiling at the Rila Church. Of us kissing in the Rose Valley.
How? When were they taken?
I picked each of the pictures up from the floor.
“This is absolutely shameful. I didn’t think you were so stupid,” my father said coldly.
“But…but I love him.” I stammered and lifted my face, looking directly at my father.
“Your words are worthless. Anyway, I’m not letting you have that baby.”
I was startled. I must have misheard him. “What did you just say?”
My father silently took a photo from the library drawer and thrust it before me. When I realized what it was, all the blood in my body froze.
It was a copy of my ultrasound. My name and the date of the exam were printed on it, despite the fact that I had purposefully gone to a hospital in the suburbs and hadn’t given them my insurance card.
“You are not going to have that baby. Got it?” He tore up the ultrasound. Shreds of black paper fluttered and fell to the floor. My beautiful baby, still only a tiny sea angel. The life I meant to raise, to call “Lily.”
I felt like the ground was shaking and crumbling beneath my feet. No one was supposed to know my secret. The secret I’d wanted to protect until the end…
“That damn professor. What’s all this ‘being in love’ crap about?”
“Have you met with him?”
“Yeah. I just fired him. I made him leave town. I told him that he’ll never see you for the rest of his life.”
“You’re evil!”
“Evil? You should be thankful that I even let him live!”
Right, my father corners people.
That’s how he got to where he is today. If I made him any angrier, he might actually kill the professor.
I started crying hysterically, and he hit me across the face. I don’t really remember anything after that. I was taken to my father’s hospital. One week later, all I did was continue to cry in the hospital bed. I couldn’t stop rubbing the empty spot where my baby had been. I didn’t want to do anything. Everything was hollow and bare.
After I was released, I finally began to think straight. What, exactly, had happened?
The only members who could’ve secretly taken the photographs of me and Mr. Hojo in Bulgaria were either Shiyo or Diana, or possibly both. The only ones who could’ve furtively told my father about it were those who had come to my home, which meant either Mirei or Sonoko, or both. The only ones who knew about my pregnancy were either Akane, who had noticed a change in my eating habits, or Diana, who had noticed a change in my body. Or both. The only ones who could get their hands on my ultrasound were either Sonoko, who helped out at the hospital, or Akane, who found my checkbook, or both.
In other words…everyone had betrayed me.
My faithful sidekicks had suddenly thrust me an ultimatum. They were telling me they wouldn’t let me hold onto their secrets forever. That they were the ones in possession of my soul.
Indeed…they had declared war.
✦ ✦ ✦
When I was released from the hospital and returned to school, I found out everyone had been told that I was in the hospital with chronic pneumonia and that Mr. Hojo had to resign because his mother had fallen terminally ill. No one knew the truth, except for the Literature Club members and me.
Mr. Hojo’s mobile phone and email weren’t working, and all the letters I sent him were returned as “undeliverable.” I thought I would never see him again. And when I went back to school, Sayuri was the only one who greeted me kindly.
“I’m glad you’re finally out of the hospital,” Sayuri said, giving me a gentle hug.
“Sayuri. I missed you so much. You didn’t even come visit me.”
“I went! Plenty of times. But your father turned me away.”
“What?”
“He realized that all my alibis were fake. He was really angry with me.”
“Oh my gosh. Sayuri, I’m so sorry I bothered you with all this.”
“It’s okay, don’t worry.”
“Sayuri, I just want to die.”
“Don’t say things like that. The Bible says, ‘Thou must not kill.’ That includes yourself, you know.”
“To Hell with the Bible!” I suddenly yelled. “I’m never going to read it again. I’ll never go near a church or cross for the rest of my life. I’m already damned for watching them murder my child.”
“Itsumi, you can’t think about the past. You’ve got to move forward.”
“No. I have no reason to live.”
“Yes, you do. You have every chance in the world to start over. Here, I have a get-well present for you.”
Sayuri handed me a postcard that had a cute picture of a kitten on it.
“Ahh…” I studied the postcard and let out an unwitting sigh. On the back were Mr. Hojo’s new mobile phone number, email, and home address.
“I asked him for his information before he left. He has yours, as well.”
“Sayuri…”
“I’m truly sorry about your baby. But you and Mr. Hojo could try again. Please try and stay positive. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
If Sayuri hadn’t been there for me, I wouldn’t have been able to get back on my feet.
The professor was my reason for living. I returned to sanity, happy to be alive again.
But there was another thing that would make me happy.
Revenge.
Revenge on the five club members that had betrayed me and murdered Lily.
✦ ✦ ✦
3
✦ ✦ ✦
My revenge was calling all of you to the terrace and then jumping to my death, holding the lily-of-the-valley, instead of a will, in my hand.
You all must have panicked. You must never have imagined that Itsumi Shiraishi would take her own life. I’m sure you all looked hard for the meaning of the lily in this puzzling suicide. If people realized that the flower represents my unborn daughter, they would also realize that all of you had duped me, and they would find out that your secrets—in other words, your sins—were what motivated your betrayal of me.
The lily was my warning.
I knew everyone would be tracking the other Literature Club members down after my death. I knew that you’d all share your stories and try to come to one conclusion.
I thought a homicide would be better than a suicide. I would make you think that one of you murdered me in cold blood, and that the lilies signified something different from what they actually did. You yourselves spread the rumors that I was murdered by a member of the club, and now all of you are having doubts about one another. It’s hard to single one person out, since everyone is suspicious.