“Hey there, Sakura! Haven’t seen you since yesterday!” he said.
“Heya! I wanted to introduce this place to my friend here!”
The owner looked at Karamori. “Ah… First time here, I take it?”
“Uh, yeah,” Karamori said.
“I knew it! I never forget a customer’s face!”
He withdrew into the kitchen, looking pleased by his memory.
“You’re clearly a regular,” Karamori said.
“Duh. Who wouldn’t go to a ramen shop right across the street from their school?! You have no idea how much I missed this place when I was in the hospital.”
“You really do act like a boy.”
“Shut up. I’m sensitive about that.”
The ramen arrived quickly despite how busy the restaurant was. The thick fish-based soup was distinctive, just as Sakura said it would be, and it enriched the wavy noodles with flavor. She was definitely right to recommend it.
They finished eating at almost the same time. Not only was Sakura as tall as a boy—she also ate like one.
She sighed happily, her side ponytail resting on her shoulder.
“Whew, I’m stuffed. So what’d you think? You like it here?”
“Yeah, that was delicious. I don’t think I’d ever had fish-based ramen before.”
“Yay! Another convert!”
Sakura beamed at him, causing Karamori to smile, too.
“…You’re amazing, Sakura,” he said.
“Huh? What do you mean?”
“I mean, most people wouldn’t go nearly this far for someone they’re just a little concerned about.”
“That’s not why I invited you. I just wanted to bring you here. I don’t only hang out with you because I’m worried about you, you know.”
The frank way she said that probably meant it was the truth.
“Still, you saved me,” Karamori said. “I’m sure you really were concerned about me at first.”
“I guess…” Sakura scratched her cheek in embarrassment.
Karamori cleared his throat and pulled something out of his pocket.
“This is, uh…I guess a sort of thank-you gift.”
He held out a woven red bracelet. Karamori had made it himself using thread that he’d asked Nanba to get for him. He’d rehearsed a few different things to say when giving it to Sakura but ended up forgetting them all in his embarrassment.
“…It’s for you.”
“Oh, uh, really? Th-thanks…” Sakura was smiling, but she looked taken aback. Karamori was too afraid to meet her gaze.
“I didn’t really know what to get you, so I chose something that was popular at my middle school…”
“N-nice…”
Sakura put the bracelet on her right wrist without delay. She turned her wrist over multiple times to study it and let out a giggle.
“I…want my life to mean something,” she said slowly.
“Hmm?” Karamori tilted his head, confused by the sudden change of topic, but Sakura fell silent again. He looked at her, finding her behavior odd.
She gave him a sheepish smile. “It’s kind of embarrassing to say that out loud. But when I learned I needed surgery, I found that thought occupying my mind.”
Sakura traced the table around her empty bowl with her spoon.
“Hearing that I had a heart condition made me so scared that I was going to die… Even though it was something that could be fixed with a simple surgery. When that fear grew really strong, I had a thought: I want my life to have meant something.”
“What do you mean?”
“I wanted something I could point to and say, ‘This is the reason I was born. This is the mark I left on the world.’ Speaking to you was a part of that.”
“And you thought speaking to me would leave that mark?”
“Ah-ha-ha, I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. No one can tell the exact impact of their life while they’re still alive. But I’m not gonna be some kind of amazing inventor, so I thought that if I’m going to leave behind any proof of my existence, it’ll be in someone’s memory. That’s why I want to do my best to help people.”
“And then you found me…”
“Yeah. It was self-serving in part. I liked the idea of living on in someone’s mind.”
“…”
Karamori hung his head. In his mind, he saw the corpses scattered all around him. The mutilated flesh and the sea of blood. The putrid stink of death felt fresh in his nose.
“I wonder…if my life has meaning,” he found himself muttering.
“It does,” Sakura replied confidently.
“But…I did something unspeakable. Something I can never tell anyone about. Something I can’t undo… Can my life still have meaning?”
“Absolutely.”
Karamori frowned and looked at her, almost offended by the ease with which Sakura’s answer came.
“How can you say that so confidently?”
“Because you’re alive.”
“…!”
Karamori’s eyes wavered, and Sakura gazed directly into them.
“No one is born without a purpose. The fact that you’re alive is all the proof you need… So stop looking like you have a death wish all the time.”
Karamori’s words stuck in his throat.
“How…?”
“I can tell that what you’re dealing with isn’t just simple depression,” Sakura said, grinning from ear to ear.
Karamori bit his lip. “But… That terrible thing I did… What if that was the impact I was meant to leave on the world?”
“Hey, way to twist my words… Well, think what you want. But I want you to believe your life has a good meaning, too. That’ll help you feel better. And if you feel better, you’ll be able to deal with those negative feelings.”
Sakura poked herself in the cheeks with her fingers and pushed them up, giving herself an even wider smile.
“You won’t get anywhere if you’re feeling down in the dumps all the time. But if you can find the will to live on and be happy, you’ll be able to do anything. So shouldn’t you believe whatever you need to reach that mindset?”
Her smile was brighter than the sun.
Karamori looked down. He saw the thick chains of guilt wrapped around his body. He’d put them there himself to ensure he wouldn’t be able to escape his pain. But despite their death grip on his morale, the gentle light of the sun beside him began to melt them.