SCP-348:
A Gift from Dad
AS CLOSE AS EVER, Iris and I were having breakfast together that day as well. We were dining in the canteen, a hot spot for the SCP Foundation’s on-site personnel for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Due to some atypical circumstances, we wound up sleeping in pretty late this day. The canteen was empty by the time we rolled in, completely void of any other diners. Silence hung so heavily in the air that the rattle of the revolving ventilation fan resounded clearly throughout the room.
“……”
Iris and I had been drawn into the upheaval concerning that horrifying Builder Bear until late the previous night. I have no doubt there will come a day I have a chance to recount that episode, although I’d personally prefer it stayed buried in my memories. It left us mentally and physically exhausted. It was obvious Iris took it particularly hard, since she used to dote on that strange, moving stuffed animal. For every nibble of toast, she sighed three times.
I didn’t have much of an appetite myself. It took all I had to slowly—slowly—sip at the piping hot, extra-strong coffee I’d brewed in hopes of fending off drowsiness. My actual breakfast of toast, a salad, bacon, and eggs remained untouched.
“You should force yourself to eat, ███,” Iris said in her typical mom-or-big-sister tone. “Dr. Bright is scheduled to return today from wherever he took off to under the pretext of work again. He’ll probably want to resume testing with us immediately upon arrival, so you need to eat up and get lots of nutrients,” she said.
I knew that. With a nod, I mechanically stuffed a cherry tomato into my mouth. It was surprising how that eccentric researcher—Dr. Bright—was constantly popping in and out of this research site. Rumor had it they visited research facilities around the globe. They seemed to truly be an elite researcher run ragged by their schedule. Dr. Bright had been gone a while, but supposedly they would return today.
Honestly, I mildly dreaded dealing with them. Neither Iris nor I were emotionally capable of dealing with their outlandish comments politely. They claimed the position of head researcher presiding over us as SCP objects, so if that weirdo said they wanted to use us for a test, we had to suck it up and comply.
At least we reaped some benefits from Dr. Bright becoming our supervisor and guardian. We hardly ever had anyone give us a hard time. It was almost as if no one wanted to get involved with Dr. Bright if they could help it.
There were times Dr. Bright’s presence came in handy, but they were fairly annoying and troublesome when around. We basically viewed them along the lines of an irritating parent. Iris and I were half-heartedly discussing our thoughts on the mad scientist when…
“Hey there! I’m home, kids! Did you miss me? It’s Daddy! ☆”
I could have sworn a grenade went off. Iris and I grudgingly turned toward the sound of the voice. As extravagant as ever, Dr. Bright was standing in the entrance of the canteen. I wasn’t sure if this was their favorite host, but lately they always used that mature, female beauty. Dr. Bright was in a crimson dress with a pure white lab coat. For some unknown reason, a massive number of paper bags dangled from both hands. For the finishing touch, a cheap lei hung from their neck. What in the world…? Did Dr. Bright go to Hawaii or something…? Lacking the energy today to balk over their antics, we simply gave unamused glares.
“My, my! Not much of a reaction! You’re going to make me sad! Of course, I heard all about the fascinating phenomena—er, I mean, unfortunate incident that you got mixed up in during my absence. Don’t let the past weigh you down forever! Turn your eyes toward the future! Push forward toward a bright tomorrow! C’mon, don’t break your promise to Daddy! ♪” Dr. Bright shouted gratuitously infuriating crap as they zoomed toward us at an amazing speed. They wasted energy trying to give Iris a return-home hug only for the younger girl to dodge it. Then Dr. Bright lunged at Iris and kissed the ground when the younger girl dodged again. Why did this weirdo always have to be so rowdy?
But thanks to Dr. Bright’s abnormally cheerful personality, the heavy, funereal atmosphere hanging over us dissipated as if it was never there. I was willing to give them that. As the rather rude thought of how even this freak could make themselves useful ran through my head, Iris spat, a finger pressed to the middle of her brow. “There are several issues I would like to raise, Dr. Bright. But first, you are not our father. Haven’t I told you countless times it’s unpleasant hearing you imply that we are related? Furthermore, wouldn’t you be our mother in that form, not our father?”
“Ah ha ha! You’re surprisingly nitpicky, Riss! If you’re too uptight, you’ll get wrinkles before your time.”
“Don’t shorten my name. Even if intended as an expression of affection, hearing it from you is infuriating.”
“That’s not a problem! Love and hate are two sides of the same coin! Just think, the disgust swirling around in your chest could be the buds of romance!”
“There is a 0% possibility of that. In fact, there is no need to discuss it further,” Iris snapped.
“I’m not surprised! After all, my sweetie Riss is too busy enjoying co-ed life with a boy nearly the same age, like something out of the pages of an old romcom manga. Your maiden’s heart is preoccupied with that!”
“……” Iris fell silent for a while. Either Dr. Bright’s last jeer threw her off-kilter, or she finally remembered a fundamental law of being left alone: don’t feed the trolls.
After moistening their mouth with some coffee, Dr. Bright began going over the contents of the paper bags—evidently souvenirs—without any prompting on our part. For the record, they were silly odds and ends from around the world, including an Akabeko cow from Japan, of all things. As the researcher commenced show-and-tell time, Iris gave them a death glare.
“I’m sorry, Dr. Bright, but you’re such an eyesore, please die… I mean, did you need us for something? You didn’t have to come out of your way to barge in on us while we’re eating breakfast. If you called for us, we would have gone to your lab later.” Iris tilted her head in curiosity even as she accidently let a rather terrifying comment slip out. Apparently, she really didn’t have the patience to deal with Dr. Bright today, and was sharper than usual. “Did you have something urgent to tell us?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s urgent, but it is extremely important,” Dr. Bright answered. Instead of taking offense at Iris’s questionable attitude, Dr. Bright seemed bemused as they gazed at her, and helped themself to a seat next to us. As if famished, they began to plow into the salads we had barely even touched. I swear, this person was too much.
“Num, yum! Dang, everyone gathered together at the table truly is wonderful! This is what life is all about! It is sheer bliss. And I actually mean that pretty seriously!” Dr. Bright released a satisfied belch and roughly pushed the dishes off to the side, making room for one of the paper bags they’d been holding.
“But unlike me, your lives are limited. Let’s make the most of your time. I’d like to take advantage of the fact we’re gathered around the table to conduct a little experiment. Is that all right with you?”
“If I said it wasn’t, you’d still drag us into it, wouldn’t you?” Iris said in defeat, too tired to put up a fight.