Although pain was obvious on his own face, Charles still did all he could to consider Lille’s feelings. He was so caught up on the times he couldn’t save people that it was almost like he forgot he had saved them. No one remembered the anguish of the other timelines, yet Charles seemed to be shouldering it on their behalves regardless.
“Please understand that it wasn’t your fault I died. You saved me… You saved me so many times, so…” she hiccupped. “Stop apologizing. Don’t say it’s your fault…”
There were only two things that Lille, Leo, Ark, and August wanted to tell him. The first was that they were sorry for making him suffer all by himself. And the second was…
“Thank you so much. When I think of how you saved me, all I feel is gratitude. Nothing else!” she told him confidently.
Thank you for saving us. Thank you for fighting for us all those years to make sure we were all safe in the end.
Charles swallowed hard and his face scrunched up.
“Sorry,” he whispered as if he were talking to himself. At the same time, he drew Lille toward him. She blinked, opening her eyes to see his protruding collarbone right in front of her. He had his arms wrapped firmly around her head and shoulders; she couldn’t move an inch.
“Master Charlie…” she breathed. He was hugging her—far tighter than when she fell in the forest, or when he congratulated her at her hat ceremony.
“Sorry, just…don’t look at my face right now. Can we stay like this for a bit?” he requested, his voice thick. Lille wondered if he could feel her tears dripping against his neck. Given a safe place to cry, he wept, his tears soon flooding out in full force.
“Sorry, Lille…and thank you.”
Ever since she arrived at Charles’s house, Lille had questioned why she’d been born with magic, and what her purpose in life as a sorcerer was. She finally felt like she had her answer.
I must have been born with magic in order to save Master Charlie. Or, that’s how I feel, at least. I hope it’s not too selfish of me.
When Charles released Lille, she looked up to see his cheeks beet red. With shaking hands, Lille made them some tea, and they both stiffly walked over to sit on the sofa. Even after Charles finished his tea, he held the cup in the air with an iron grip, his elbow fixed in place.
“Umm… Master Charlie. Would you like another cup of tea?” Lille asked hesitantly.
“O-Oh, no. I’m all right. Sorry for spacing out,” he replied awkwardly.
“No, don’t worry about that…”
“Also, I’m sorry for being so pathetic,” he added with a forced laugh.
“You’re not pathetic,” Lille countered.
She gently took the cup from Charles’s hand and placed it on the table. As she watched him sigh with relief, she noticed the tips of his ears were still dusted pink. Perhaps it was embarrassing for him to cry in front of someone else, especially as an adult.
“Master Charlie…? Can I ask you something?” Lille piped up.
“Go ahead.”
“About my home country… What will you do?” she asked, nervous.
Charles knitted his fingers together in front of his forehead, resting it against his hands in silence. After a few tense minutes of deep thought, he raised his head again. He looked conflicted, and his tone was apprehensive as he started to speak.
“…Lille. If you feel at all resentful toward your country, then I won’t do anything. But if you’re worried about your family, I’ll do all I can to stop them from getting hurt. It might not make much sense to leave such a big decision to you, but that’s what I believe we should do,” he told her slowly.
He clearly wasn’t tasking Lille with the decision because he wanted to avoid responsibility for what happened, but rather because he wanted to prevent Lille from suffering. That was precisely why she wanted her choice to result in the least amount of harm to Charles. She already knew what made him happy, and what would upset him.
“As it happens, this is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time now. Even back when I was living in the tower,” Lille began. “You may think that everyone in my country is a bad person, but that’s not the experience I had. When I listened to the townspeople, they were warm, kind, regular people. There’s no difference between us and them.”
“…Indeed,” he agreed.
Lille knew them as people who rejoiced at others’ happiness and shared in others’ pain. She had heard it each and every day of her uneventful life in the tower. They were regular people who loved their families and appreciated the beauty in the world.
“That’s why I never believed they truly hated sorcerers. I thought they were simply frightened of us—frightened of the unknown. They’re afraid of us because we’re different. I always imagined it was just like the fear I felt when I saw big animals in the forest when I was little,” she continued.
She had been scared of those animals because they were bigger and stronger than she was. And when she’d realized she couldn’t reason with them, she grew even more frightened.
“When I saw your memories, I wondered—for just a moment—if I’d been wrong this whole time. Perhaps they really do detest sorcerers enough to want to eradicate them all. But…when I looked at the soldiers who attacked you, they were all terrified. As they fought you, it was clear they didn’t want to, they just didn’t want to die… They were just utterly terrified.”
If Leo heard her theory, he would probably call her stupid. Ark would groan in disbelief, and August might try to refute the idea. Nevertheless, Lille trusted Charles.
“I believe the people of my country simply don’t understand what a sorcerer is. If we could get them to see that we’re neither frightening nor evil, perhaps they would change their minds about us. And I think I could most definitely help them see that,” she proposed.
“Lille…” Charles said affectionately. “I thought you’d say that,” he added more quietly. So why was he still frowning? “It’s true that I want to save your country, but…I feel like things will escalate.” He pursed his lips worriedly, glancing at her. “I don’t want to lose you, Lille.”
His honest gaze swam with an emotion Lille recognized. It was the same look he’d given her when forced to watch the other Lille stop moving in his arms all over again.
“Ever since you came here, I’ve loved watching you grow and learn. Because I saved you, you’ve gotten to do so many things for the first time, and I love watching the way your face lights up when you learn new things. Before I knew it, your growth became my reason to live.” His face softened.
Lille’s heart pounded at an extraordinary rate. Heat coursed through her body at such a high temperature that she felt as though she might burn alive.
“Do you remember how you thanked me for saving you at your hat ceremony? When you said that, I finally accepted that what I did wasn’t wrong. In the end, the girl I saved went on to save me, too,” he said softly, taking Lille’s braid in his hand.
It might have been the first time he’d ever touched her hair like that. He lifted the braid and carefully brought it to his lips, almost as if he were going to kiss it. But then he dropped it, and it hung by her shoulders again.
She hadn’t felt the press of his lips on her hair, but her heart squeezed as if she’d been kissed all the same.
“Even if I can turn back time, I don’t want to see you die ever again. I know I’ve seen similar things happen, time and time again, but I’m still petrified.”
Lille didn’t think anything could ever top what she was hearing. Even if she could never tell him she loved him, she was plenty satisfied. To hear the man she loved say such heartfelt words was wonderful. In fact, she thought she had to be the happiest person in the world at that moment.
“There’s no need to be scared. I’ll make sure I don’t die,” she promised. She had long resolved to never let Charles be alone. She’d long decided she was going to save him. “There’s something I want to do. And, I’ll need everyone’s help to do it,” she said firmly.
“Lille, what are you planning to—?”
She interrupted him with a question of her own. “Do you remember the reason the citizens of my country treat sorcerers as criminals? I told you once.”
“Because they believe sorcerers sell their souls to demons, no?” he recalled. No one knew where the myth originated from, yet everyone believed it to be true. However, not one person had ever proven it fact.
“Exactly. So, all we have to do is show them a being even more powerful than a demon. Someone who can wholly convince them that sorcerers aren’t criminals,” she schemed.
“Don’t tell me…” Charles said with wide eyes, his gaze fixed on Lille. She gave him a sweet smile in return.
“I’ll become a god.”