“We’re all going into Pleasure Town tomorrow,” the Junker announced solemnly one night after dinner. “You remember the deal we made—I don’t just need you helping out around the house, you also have to work for me in town. Over two months have passed since you showed up, and it’s time to keep up your end of the deal. This is a give-and-take relationship, and if you’re going to stay here you’ll need to account for your rent and meals.” Then he fixed us with a meaningful look.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t agree right off the bat. Going into town… Just the idea of it made me shiver with fright. Yes, my white lead disease was cured now; the white patches on my face were gone, and nobody would freak out like the last time I was there. But still, the memories of my past hadn’t just vanished. Their sediment remained, clogging up my system. I thought back on the times I spent walking through the snow with Cora, and of doctors who were all smiles until they heard the words “white lead disease,” and then suddenly acted as though they were in the presence of something disgusting and unspeakable. I was scared.
“I’m going to hit the sack now. We’ll leave in the morning, right after breakfast,” Wolf said, and retreated to his bedroom. He wasn’t goofing around this time; I even thought I detected a cold tone in his voice.
The rest of the meal felt strange and anxious after he left. I wasn’t the only one who wasn’t excited about the old man’s request.
“Hey, Law,” Bepo said weakly. “Do we really have to go to town?”
“The old man’s got a point. We promised him we’d help with his job in town at the start of all of this. So we can’t just go back on our word.”
“But I’m scared. It frightens me to think of what people will do when they see a talking bear.”
“What are you gonna do, then? Just stay here in comfort and be the man’s house servant for the rest of your life?” I asked Bepo. “That’s not what you came here to do. You gotta go outside if you want your life to move forward.”
Dammit. It’s like I’m talking to myself. I bet Shachi and Penguin feel the same way Bepo does. But they actually came here to escape their previous home, so they might be even more worried about it than we are.
“Shachi, Penguin. Is Pleasure Town a dangerous place?” I asked.
“I dunno. We lived at Shachi’s uncle’s home, and we weren’t allowed to associate with anyone in town at all,” Penguin said lifelessly.
“The only times they let us leave were when we were smuggling weapons or breaking into stores for them, so we never really talked to anyone in town. Law, I don’t want to go either,” Shachi admitted. “Me and Penguin have done a lot of bad stuff in our time. Someone might remember our faces. Not to mention that I have a panic attack at just the thought of my aunt or uncle catching sight of us there.” He hung his head miserably.
Oh, I see. They’re afraid of adults, just like me. They understand very well that not all grown-ups are as kind and considerate as Wolf. As young children we were supported and pampered, but now we’re terrified of being despised, humiliated, threatened, and picked on by the adults of society. And yet, I have a feeling…
“It’ll be fine,” I said. They all stared at me. After hesitating for a moment, I went ahead and told them the story of my white lead disease. I told them how I’d been persecuted because of the disease and shunned by adults over and over again. I also spoke about the pain I’d felt when I lost someone important to me. They listened to the tale of my life in silence.
“You went through all of that, Law? I had no idea…” Penguin whispered.
“It’s not the kind of thing you go around telling people about. My disease is totally cured now. The point of this story is that you just have to learn to be strong. Yes, I was persecuted, and I went through hell, but I’m still alive. Maybe we’ll have a bad experience when we go into town tomorrow. But if you sit around terrified of what could happen next, you’ll never move forward in your lives! You’ll just spend the rest of your years trembling in fear of having contact with anyone in the world. That’s no way to live.” I said all of this calmly, making a real effort to impress my point upon them.
Their gloomy expressions turned a little bit brighter.
“Yeah… Yeah, you’re right! I can do this! I’ll talk to some people and find myself a proper job!” Bepo said, pumping his fists.
“There you go, that’s the spirit,” I told him.
“Heh heh. You know, I think I feel better now. Thanks, Law. You’re really something, you know? If I were you, I’d be too scared to go into town,” said Shachi.
“Is that so?” I replied. I’m no different from you guys, Shachi.
The truth was, my hands and feet were starting to get cold with anxiety, and a drop of nervous sweat trickled down my spine. Thinking about what might happen tomorrow made my stomach hurt, but I had to put on a tough front.
Bepo, Penguin, and Shachi… I had asked them to follow me. That meant I was responsible for them; it was like I was their boss. I had to be strong and put up a brave front. If I started moping too, they would never learn from me to be strong and live a life without fear. They’d always be looking over their shoulders. I didn’t want that. I had my own pride to uphold. And if I had to act a little braver than I really felt, that was a small price to pay.
“All right, let’s get to bed. If we sleep in, the old man’s gonna chew our ears off again.”
“Aye aye, sir!” the three said loudly, seeming a little happier now. We returned to the bedroom and laid down to sleep. Whatever happened, it would all become clear tomorrow. It’ll be fine, I repeated silently to myself, as I pulled the blanket over my head and closed my eyes.