“Can we stay like this for a while longer?” I asked. She plonked her head on my shoulder in response. We sat there snuggled together in a sunbeam.
This is so warm... It was still late autumn though, and the sun set early this time of year. It wouldn’t be long before it got cold. So I decided to enjoy this precious warmth while it lasted.
◊◊◊
The next day, Hadori-kun came up to talk to me the moment I got to school.
“Hey, Yashiro. Can you come with me for a sec?”
“Sure.”
We wordlessly walked to the same landing we had gone to before, but this time Hadori-kun’s expression was much softer.
“Thanks for telling me about Yuzuki,” he said.
I snickered. “I’m the one who asked you to help her. Shouldn’t I be thanking you?”
“Ah ha ha. I guess you’ve got a point there! But I am grateful to you. Just accept it, okay?”
“All right. And thanks for helping out.”
“You bet. If anything else comes up, just let me know.” He whacked me on the chest. I knew I could count on him if that happened.
Now that we’d both thanked each other, a silence fell between us. We didn’t really know much about each other, so we weren’t sure what else to say. We were little more than strangers, so it was kind of a miracle that he’d cooperated with me at all.
The silence felt awkward, so I thought I should probably say something.
“Hey, Yashiro...” But he beat me to it.
“Hm?”
“Are we friends?”
“Not really,” I answered frankly.
“I guess you’re right,” he said, laughing. “It’s not like we’re gonna go hang out together or something. You feel the same way, right?”
“Yeah. It’d be pretty weird if you asked me to join your friend group tomorrow or something.” Sure they were all nice, but the idea of keeping up with that energy sounded exhausting. I didn’t have the same motivation as Sato-san either.
Hadori-kun crossed his arms and tilted his head to the side. “So if we’re not friends, then why do we understand each other so well?”
I wasn’t sure what to say to that.
“And if we understand each other so well, then why aren’t we friends?”
“That’s just how the world works right now.”
There was more mutual understanding between popular kids and loners now, and the walls between them had disappeared. They’d both gotten to know each other better, which led to mutual separation. Mutual understanding leading to mutual separation may sound contradictory, but that’s how things were happening in the world today. Because we understood each other so well, we lived apart from each other. It was a result of caring about each other, a conscious choice to not hurt each other. To preserve the other’s worlds by staying out of them, by respecting and giving each other space.
Even if we could no longer interact with each other, it was better than hurting each other.
“I don’t have the desire to be with people to the point that I’d blindly go along with the group. And you don’t really want to be alone, right?”
“Yeah. I feel more comfortable being with everyone.”
“I think that we won’t really talk much anymore because we respect each other’s feelings.”
“Yeah, but...that’s kinda sad, don’t you think?”
“That’s just how it is. I don’t think it’s so bad as long as we can keep reaching out if someone’s in trouble though.”
“Yeah. But...” Hadori-kun rested a hand on my shoulder. “Maybe someone won’t be satisfied with that, and they’ll try to bring loners and popular kids together? They’ll say it’s just too sad to have to stay apart.”
“It’ll just lead to more conflict, won’t it? Then we’ll be right back to how things used to be, when everyone was jealous or looking down on each other.”
It’d be a vicious cycle. Getting involved, becoming hostile, reaching an understanding, getting involved... Over and over again. It’s like history repeating itself.
“Not necessarily.” Hadori-kun shrugged. “There are people like Kanon and Chikaze and Yuzuki who can fit in on both sides. Someone neutral like that could really change things.”
“Someone neutral, who wasn’t a loner or a cool kid?” Hm, he might be onto something. With only the two groups, the cycle would just continue. But if a neutral party appeared... Who knows what the future would hold if someone like that came into the picture?
“You’ll help out again if something happens with Kanon and the other girls, right?” he asked.
“Well, yeah.”
“And so will I. We can both help out if they need it. Isn’t that enough of a connection?”
“Hm, I guess you’re right.” That was one thing we had in common, something important to both of us that still connected us. Even if understanding led to separation, it didn’t have to be the end. Maybe there was something beyond that. I wasn’t sure yet whether it was a repeating cycle or deeper understanding. But just because I didn’t know didn’t necessarily mean it had to be something bad.
Hadori-kun whacked me on the shoulder. “Well, see ya, Yashiro. Keep takin’ care of Kanon and Chikaze for me.”
“Same to you. Take care of Sato-san.”
“You know I will.”
And so we went our separate ways, back to the places we both belonged.
◊◊◊
After second period ended, we found out we had to have third period in the AV room, so I gathered up my stuff. I was just about to leave the classroom when I ran into Sato-san, who was clutching her textbooks and pencil case to her chest.
“Ah!” we both said in unison.
“Um, hey, Sato-san.”
“H-Hi, Yashiro-kun.”
We stared at each other in silence. Yep. We said hello at the same time and then neither of us could think of a thing to say otherwise. Things had been awkward like this between us since I turned down her request for help that day.
Finally, she managed to squeeze out the words, “W-We’ve got class in the AV room next, huh? Let’s go.”
“Y-Yeah. We’d better get going.”
We began to walk side by side, not knowing what to say, as usual.
“Hey...” she murmured all of a sudden. “Were you the one who asked Yukito-kun and the others to come yesterday?”
I didn’t answer. Who was Yukito again? Oh, right—Hadori-kun. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Are you sure?” She studied my face. “You saw me right before Misono-san and the others confronted me, so I don’t know who else it could’ve been. But if you say it wasn’t you...”
“It wasn’t me. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Hmm. Okay, then.” She paused and then whispered, “Thank you.”
“Huh?”
“Hee hee. Nothing. Yukito-kun, Kanon-san, and Chikaze-san saved me. I can’t thank them enough.” She smiled softly. “I want to become the kind of person who can repay someone’s kindness, like they do.”
“That sounds like a noble goal.”
“Yeah!” she replied enthusiastically.
I decided to ask her something I’d been wondering about. “Hey, how come you’re calling Hadori-kun by his first name now?”
“U-Uh...!” Her face turned bright red after I pointed that out. “I’d...really appreciate it if you just ignored that,” she whispered. It was obvious that she was developing feelings for him.
“Got it. I won’t stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. I’m more sensitive than that.”
“Ugh... Hey, that reminds me—are there any girls you like, Yashiro-kun?” She was probably just trying to take the focus off herself. In that case...
“Yeah.”
“Huh?” She gave me a look of surprise. She seemed frozen for a moment and then snapped back to reality. “What? Seriously?!”
I let out a laugh and then answered plainly, “Yep. There’s a girl I like.”
Later, at lunchtime, I quickly finished eating as usual and was about to head to the library when Hanamizawa-san and Ido-san came over.
“Thanks for yesterday, Yashiro-kun.”
“Yukito told us what happened at kendo club. Sounds like you had a pretty rough time too.”
They both had warm smiles on their faces. I smiled back at them. “I guess you could say that. Thanks for your help, though.”
“Anything for Yuzu-chan!”
“We didn’t tell Yuzuki that you were involved, but I have a feeling she figured it out. That’s cool with you, right?” Ido-san asked, and I nodded.
“Yeah. You guys should solve your own problems, after all.”
“Hee hee hee. You missed out on your chance to be the hero,” Hanamizawa-san teased.
I shrugged. “I’m not the hero type. That fits Hadori-kun way better than me.”
“Ooh, so are you going to be a supporter who watches over her from the shadows?”
“I don’t really want to get involved with people that much.”
As we had this ridiculous conversation, I realized that if something had happened to Sato-san yesterday that made her close off her heart, we wouldn’t be joking around like this today. So I was really glad that we’d resolved everything peacefully.
If Hanamizawa-san and Ido-san hadn’t started talking to me, I never would’ve connected with Sato-san or started talking to Hadori-kun either. And then we all wouldn’t have worked together to help Sato-san.
Sato-san wanted to change herself, so she came to me for advice and worked really hard to fit in with Hanamizawa-san and the others. You could almost say they laid the foundation for the friendship that saved her.
It all started with three girls. They had crossed the boundaries between loners and cool kids, got me and Hadori-kun involved, and tied us all together, which led to a better outcome for everyone. “Isn’t that enough of a connection for us?”
Hadori-kun was right. Suddenly, those three girls seemed almost glaringly bright to me.
Just then, Hanamizawa-san slammed her hand down on my desk and leaned forward. “Anyway, Yashiro-kun! Let’s go to the spa or karaoke together again sometime. Going alone is fine or whatever, but I think it’ll be way more fun if we all go together!”
“Ooh, I wanna come! I thought of another thing I can’t enjoy alone. Are you free this weekend?” Ido-san leaned forward too.
“This weekend? I’m not really sure it’s a good idea to keep going out with girls like this...” I said hesitantly.
Hanamizawa-san smirked at me. “Don’t tell me you still think going out with girls equals going on a date! You’re way too self-conscious.”
“Yeah, we do that kinda thing all the time,” Ido-san agreed with Hanamizawa-san.
That’s not what I meant... “I mean, it’s a bad idea to keep going out with other girls on the weekends when I already have a girlfriend.”
“What?!” Both of them stared at me in shock.
“Uhh, can you say that one more time?” Hanamizawa-san held up a finger.
Apparently I needed to spell it out for them. “I have a girlfriend and I love her very much.”
◊◊◊