There was an awkward silence for a moment, but then the homeroom teacher cleared his throat. “I’m sure Sato’s anxious, coming to a new school so late in the year, so I want you all to help her out. Go ahead and sit in that empty seat there, Sato.” He wrapped things up and had her sit in the seat next to the rear door.
“Okay,” she said in a small voice, then quietly took her seat.
During break after homeroom, Sato-san was quickly surrounded by an unusual group of classmates. First there was Hanamizawa-san and Ido-san, along with Hadori-kun. I figured they were giving her the traditional interrogation that transfer students usually endured. So naturally, there was no way I could approach her—not that I would, anyway.
First off, she was a girl. Second, her seat was far away from mine. We’d never have a reason to talk to each other at all. At least, that’s what I thought.
◊◊◊
A few days had passed since Sato-san joined our class. And just as I expected, I’d had no opportunity to talk to her. But much to my surprise, I learned a lot about her. And by that, I meant Hanamizawa-san and Ido-san kept coming straight over to me and giving me reports about what they thought about her and things they talked about.
“Apparently Yuzu-chan’s pretty shy.”
“Yuzu-chan?”
“Yeah, her name is Yuzuki, right? So we call her Yuzu-chan for short.”
“Oh, right. I forgot her first name already.” I was terrible at remembering people’s first names.
“You know, you can call me Chikaze, Yashiro-kun.”
“Hmm, I don’t feel right calling girls by their first names...”
“You’re too self-conscious. Why don’t you call me by a nickname like Kanon does?”
“That would feel even more not right.” I wanted to reserve nicknames for people who were special to me.
“Anyway, back to talking about Yuzu-chan,” Hanamizawa-san said, as if just now remembering the topic at hand. Well, I had forgotten too. “So apparently Yuzu-chan is really shy. When everyone was interrogating her, she acted like she had no idea what to say, and she had this tense smile on her face.”
“Weren’t you both part of that interrogation?” I gave them a sideways glance, and their eyes darted around.
“Ah ha ha... Well, we stopped once we realized she was uncomfortable.”
“Yeah, we told the others to go easy on her.”
“Hm, so you’re actually pretty considerate, then?”
“Being considerate is, like, the basics of being a good person!” Hanamizawa-san puffed out her chest. But then her face fell immediately. “But I wonder if we were being too nosy. Maybe she just wants to be alone? Maybe she feels annoyed when people talk to her too much.”
No comment.
“Ha ha. Maybe she’d get along with you better, Yashiro-kun!”
“I don’t know about that,” I murmured, looking over at Sato-san. I thought I saw her quickly look away. Had she been looking at me, or was it just my imagination?
◊◊◊
I took my lunch box out, telling myself that I’d stalled enough—today I was going to eat my lunch quickly so I’d have time to go to the library.
“Y-You’re Yashiro-kun, right?” But all of a sudden, Sato-san timidly approached me.
“Um... Yes? Sato-san, right?”
“Uh-huh. Um... I had something I wanted to talk to you about...”
“Me?”
“Yeah... But... I’d prefer to talk to you alone,” she said, her eyes swimming around like crazy.
This again, I thought as I looked around. And Hanamizawa-san and Ido-san were staring at us, nodding with serious expressions on their faces. Apparently they were trying to encourage me to hear her out. They were just trying to be nice to her, so I couldn’t be mean to the girl.
“Okay... Mind if I eat while we talk?”
“Oh! Um, sure. Go ahead.”
I picked up my lunch box and water bottle and left the classroom with Sato-san. I took her to the same landing where I’d talked to Hadori-kun the other day. This was about the only place in school I could think of where you could have a private conversation.
I sat down on the stairs and opened my lunch box. “This okay?”
“Oh! Um, yeah. It’s fine.” She plopped down next to me and took out her own lunch box. It was much smaller than mine. “Actually...I’m used to eating lunch alone...in places like this, you know.” She said it so naturally I wasn’t sure how to react.
I tried to think of something to say in response while I chewed my food. Meanwhile, she smiled with a sheepish look on her face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I’m sure you can tell by now, but at my last school I was basically a loner. I just...didn’t belong in my classroom.” She took a sip of whatever hot liquid was in her thermos. “Phew... My last school still had terrible cliques, which I guess are pretty rare nowadays. But it was like the cool kids were on top and everyone else was at the bottom.”
“I’m surprised there are still places like that.” Cliques were a thing of the past in most schools, but apparently there were still some around clinging to the old ways. Schools like that would be made an example of in today’s digital age. In a few years it would probably go extinct altogether.
Sato-san laughed weakly. “I still tried really hard during the first semester. But it was just pointless, because nothing ever went right for me. I managed to make friends with a few other girls, but that didn’t really go smoothly either, because at some point they started looking down on me too.”
I listened quietly to her.
“Then one day during second semester they just kicked me out, and there was no place for me there anymore. Their decision was final, so I basically just ran away and transferred here instead...” She toyed with her hair while she spoke. “Sorry, I know that’s super vague.”
“It’s okay. I’m sure you don’t wanna talk about it, right?”
“...Yeah.”
“Then it’s fine,” I said.
She blinked at me in surprise and giggled. This time she had a natural smile on her face, totally different from the forced ones I’d seen before. “Mmm!” She gave a big stretch. “I feel so much more relaxed at kinda deserted places like this.”
“...Yeah.”
“I had a feeling you’d understand, Yashiro-kun.” Suddenly her smile vanished and a serious look came over her face. “I may be a loner, but I really want to change myself. Sure, it might be easier to be alone, but I really long to be a part of ‘everyone,’ you know?”
“Really?”
Hanamizawa-san, you said “Maybe she’d get along with you better, Yashiro-kun!” but it looks like you’re wrong.
I never think being alone is tough, and I never try to force myself to be with others either, but Sato-san wished she could be with everyone. That’s probably what got her hurt at her last school, and why she wanted it to happen so badly even now.
Our ways of thinking were complete opposites, but there was no right or wrong answer here. “Well, I hope things get better for you, but...why are you telling me this?” I asked, and her eyes darted around.
“Well... I thought maybe you had a similar personality to me, and at the same time you’re close with Hanamizawa-san and Ido-san in the popular group...”
“Am I?” Are we actually close? I felt like they gave me pretty rough treatment, but whatever.
“Sure you are,” Sato-san said with a weak smile. “I’m jealous. I want to be more like you, Yashiro-kun. That’s why I wanted to ask for your advice. How can I change myself to be more like you?”
“Ah, I see.” So that’s what this was all about. In that case, my answer was simple. “No.”
“...Huh?”
“I can’t help you.” Her expression froze, so I spelled it out clearly. “Sato-san. If you really want to change yourself, you shouldn’t try to be like me. So I can’t help you.”