I thought I’d heard it in a commercial or something, so it had left an impression on me. When I listened to it, it made me all relaxed at first, like it was lulling me to sleep. But then in the middle, the melody abruptly changes, making you feel like a gust of wind blowing across the plains. It turns into this really grand, energizing song. That part was going through my head right now.
This felt completely different than when I was pseudo-lost. It was such a strange feeling.
I pedaled my bike through the midday sunlight. That’s all I was doing, and yet it felt like I was in a fantasy world. It was the dreamiest sensation, as if I had become the wind itself.
Huh? The next thing I knew, I’d come out onto Nakasendo highway. It hadn’t even been ten minutes. But it had felt so much longer than that. It all felt so strangely bewitching that I immediately called up Yashiro.
“Yashiro?”
“Oh, Ido-san. How was it?”
“Totally mysterious. One of the songs you had me listen to was playing in my head. I don’t even know how to explain it...” I said, and just then—
“A young girl pretended to be a shrine maiden...”
I heard a soft, quiet voice that didn’t belong to Yashiro. Huh? Who was that?
“...After night fell and the town grew quiet, she beat on a drum—ton, ton, ton—and said in a beautiful, clear voice, ‘This doesn’t matter. Nothing really matters...’”
I had a feeling it was from some classic Japanese story, but I was bad at literature, so I had no idea which one. And I really didn’t understand what it meant either.
And yet...
When I heard it in the middle of the sunlight, it felt like it was right in my ear. Just then, Yashiro’s voice snapped me back to reality. “Oh, from the Ichigonhodan? But why... Oh, I get it.”
“Huh?”
“Okay, so there was this critic named Hideo Kobayashi who wrote an essay called ‘Mujo to iu koto’ or ‘Transience.’ He was walking around Mt. Hiei and staring at this stone wall when all of a sudden those sentences mysteriously popped into his head.”
“Wh-Whoa.” No wonder he knew about it, since he was always reading books. I couldn’t keep up.
“That song popped into your head for the same kind of reason, I think. Not as fancy as that essay, but still.”
“Ohh, I get it!” Now I understood. I’d definitely heard the music in my head.
“Anyway, if you’re on the Nakasendo, can you see the hilly road off to the left?”
“Um... I think so?”
“If you go down that hill, you’ll come to the Shakujii River again. This time I want you to go downstream. Then you’ll be by Asukayama.”
“Okay, got it.”
“Oh, and I’ve got a bit of advice for you. When you’re with someone else, it might be easy to focus on that person’s voice. But when you’re alone, you don’t have that distraction. So you can hear your own inner voice much better. And it’s kind of fun to listen to it.”
“Huh? What? What the heck does that mean?”
“Well, I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip.” He hung up.
Listen to my inner voice? Seriously, what did that mean? Ahh, I forgot to ask him who was talking before! That reminded me—he did say he had other plans, so maybe it was someone in the background. I’ll just ask him later.
Right now I just wanted to see where I was going and how it would make me feel. I did as Yashiro said and went down the hill, ending up at Shakujii River from Kaga Park. Then I followed it downstream like he said. It was hilly and narrow. The road was winding and the terrain was kind of uneven, so I couldn’t go as fast as I wanted to.
But even though I was going slow, I didn’t get tired of looking around. There was so much nature out here, like the Otonashi Kunugi Green Space, the Otonashi Momiji Green Park—just so much greenery. The breeze felt wonderful, and the sunlight filtering through the trees was beautiful. I thought that the Shakujii River went around residential areas, so I had no idea it went this way.
I saw a sign that said “Matsuhashi Benzaiten Cave Ruins,” a waterside rest stop, and all kinds of interesting scenery that kept me from being bored. I bet even walking around here would be fun. Riding my bike in a place like this just naturally made my head fill with music.
But it wasn’t the music I borrowed from Yashiro.
It was “Embraced in Softness,” a theme song from a movie I liked as a kid. I had no idea why I remembered it all of a sudden. Maybe because the melody synced up with how fast I was pedaling? Or maybe the sunlight filtering through the trees reminded me of it?
I liked the movie when I was a kid, but I guess that wasn’t actually all that long ago. I’m only in the first year of high school, so elementary school was just four years ago. It’s not like I had lived a long life yet.
But...when you remember something you liked as a child, your heart feels all light and it really does feel like you’re being embraced in a soft feeling.
Ahh, that’s it...
That’s what listening to your inner voice meant.
It was something you wouldn’t notice when you were around other people—a memory that suddenly surfaces when you’re alone. It happens with both good memories and memories that make you wanna crawl into a hole and never come out. But those memories carry that kind of feeling with them. And when I was riding my bike in the sunlight like this, with the wind swirling all around me, every one of those memories felt beautiful.
This feels so amazing...
I really did enjoy my ride to Asukayama.
◊◊◊
“I had so much fun,” Ido-san said to me on Monday morning, with a slightly annoyed expression. “I guess it is pretty hard to get lost, wander around, and take a bunch of detours unless you’re cycling alone.”
“Ah ha ha. So Yashiro-kun wins this round!” Hanamizawa-san taunted. I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t provoke her...
Ido-san turned away with a huff. “I’m not saying he won.”
“Chi-chan, that’s what a sore loser says.”
“Shut up! Whose side are you on anyway, Kanon?!”
“Of course I’m your friend, but you’re so adorable pouting because you lost. I want to see you pout more, so I’m rooting for you to lose.”
“What?!”
Man, Hanamizawa-san was shameless. That was some personality...
Ido-san was quiet for a while, but then she poked my forehead. “Fine. I don’t care if I lost this time. But I’m still gonna keep trying to come up with something.”
“Aren’t you gonna say, ‘You’ll pay for this!’ or something, Chi-chan?”
“Knock it off, stupid Kanon!” Ido-san pinched Hanamizawa-san’s cheek and left.
“Wait, she’s gonna keep this up?”
“Ouch... Yeah, probably. Chi-chan’s a sore loser.” Hanamizawa-san grinned as she rubbed her pinched cheek. “For real though, isn’t there anything you can’t enjoy alone?” she asked.
I shrugged. “Of course there is.”
“Ah! So there’s something after all!”
“Yeah...things having to do with relationships.”
“Relationships?”
“Sure. Whether it’s friends or a romantic relationship. You can only have those with other people, right? And there are events you can’t do alone. Like celebrating a friend’s birthday at a party, or going on a date with your significant other.”
“O-Oh.”
All of a sudden she clapped her hands together like a light bulb had gone off. “Now that you mention it, it’s pretty simple!”
“Yep. But neither of you realized it before.” I let out a sigh. “Probably because those things aren’t special to you guys. And the fact that those things just come naturally to you is a really wonderful thing. Seriously.”
“D-Do you really think so? Heh heh.” She giggled shyly.
Yeah. I really did.
◊◊◊