INTERLUDE I
THINKING BACK ON IT, I realized that Kanae and I had been friends for more than ten years now. I couldn’t remember when our first interaction was, exactly. I guess our friendship had a lot to do with the fact that my last name (Hoshina) came right after his (Funami) alphabetically, so we’d often get grouped together and placed next to each other on the class seating chart. So naturally, we grew more comfortable talking to one another over time. It also probably helped that since there were so few kids in our school, we pretty much stayed together with the exact same class all throughout elementary school and junior high.
I always loved hearing what Kanae had to say. Because he lived in Tokyo before he moved to Sodeshima, he knew all sorts of things I didn’t and would tell these crazy stories that always sounded unbelievable to younger me—like about how everyone in the city power walks everywhere all the time, or how in Tokyo, there’s a mini-mart on every street corner. I was spellbound whenever he talked about it, hanging on his every word, never wanting to miss even a single unimportant detail.
Still, my initial impression of him was that he was some regular, smart kid who also happened to be a very good storyteller. It wasn’t until second grade that my perception of him began to change. At the time, I was kind of an introverted kid, and a grumpy pessimist, to boot. I haven’t really changed on either front, mind you, but back then I had virtually no social skills to speak of—which was probably why things ended up playing out the way they did.
It was lunchtime, and I’d finished eating my food. I was flipping to the correct page in my schoolbook when one of the boys in class came up to me and shoved his finger right in my face. I could still remember his exact words:
“Hey, you. How come your skin looks so dirty all the time?”
I couldn’t say a single word. My biggest insecurity back then was my naturally darker skin, and how I didn’t look like the other girls. I sat there, unable to try to think of a comeback. I must have been in shock, to be completely honest. The boy noticed this, which only emboldened him further, so he proceeded to deal the finishing blow:
“I mean, when was the last time you took a bath? Never?”
I felt my face go red hot. To make matters worse, the boy said it in a loud enough voice that it echoed through the classroom, and now everyone around was looking straight at me. I could hear snickering coming from various directions, broken up by whispers like “Ew, gross,” and “Dare you to go sniff her.” I did remember hearing one girl telling people to knock it off, but the majority of kids had already made their choice to take shots at me. Meanwhile, I was so frustrated and mortified that all I could do was sit there, biting my lip and looking down at my feet. No matter how hard I tried to stay strong, I couldn’t block out their cruel words, and eventually tears began to well up in my eyes. Right as the dam was about to burst, I felt someone grab me brusquely by the arm.
“C’mon, let’s go,” they said.
I was in disbelief—it was Kanae. At the time, I never would have expected him to jump to my defense like that.
“I said, come on!” he implored again.
There was a hint of anger in his face and voice that made me quick to obey. He dragged me out of the classroom the second I was on my feet, and paid no mind to the jeers from our fellow classmates as he pulled me down the hall at a brisk pace. I could still remember the feeling of his hand gripping my wrist as he led me down the outdoor staircase—firm to the point of being painful. It wasn’t until we reached the landing that we came to a stop, and he finally let go of my arm.
“Okay, I can’t hear them following us anymore,” he said matter-of-factly.
The very next instant, I gave in and broke down, and all the tears I’d been holding back came cascading down my cheeks like a waterfall. Kanae was visibly confused and panicked by this, stumbling over his words as he tried to ask me why I was crying. Between sniffles and sobs, I told him exactly how I felt:
“I hate my stupid body. I hate it.”
“Aw, c’mon. Who cares what those idiots say? They’re trying to mess with you, that’s all.”
“But now everyone thinks I’m gross and I stink!”
“Trust me: you’re not gross, and you definitely don’t stink.”
“You’re just saying that! Don’t lie!” I said, raising my voice so high that Kanae recoiled a bit. He didn’t even let that deter him, though. He shook his head and tried to reassure me.
“I’m not lying…”
“Yes you are! You probably think my skin’s dirty too, don’t you?! You think I’m some…some nasty girl who doesn’t know how to take a bath!”
With that, I plopped myself down on the ground with my head between my knees, covering my face with both hands. As the tears came streaming out, an intense wave of regret washed over me. I was rational enough even then to tell Kanae wasn’t lying, and yet I still lashed out at him, and why? Because I couldn’t fathom why he was being so nice to a misfit like me. That confusion meant I couldn’t accept his kindness as genuine. The more I thought about it, the more guilty I felt. I should never have taken my anger out on the one person who went out of his way to rescue me from that situation, no matter my logic. So I cried and I cried, until I could cry no more, and the guilt gave way to self-loathing. But then, when I lifted my head again, I saw that Kanae was still standing there in front of me. His gaze met mine. I could see the genuine concern for me in his eyes.
“A-are you okay, Akari?”
“…Yeah.”
“Look, I’m not good at this stuff, but…cheer up, okay?”
“…Okay.”
All I could muster were one-word, noncommittal responses. Kanae clearly was not satisfied with this, because he continued to stutter and fumble his words as he tried desperately, albeit in vain, to make me feel better. Eventually, after a moment of silence, his face lit up as though he’d hit on a brilliant idea.
“Hey, Akari. Give me your hand for a sec,” he said confidently.
“Huh…?”
I had no idea what he had in mind, but I held out my right hand regardless as instructed. He proceeded to grab it and, after a hesitant pause, crammed my fingers straight into his mouth.
“Eek?!” I gasped, yanking my hand back in surprise. At first, I was utterly dumbfounded as to why on earth Kanae would ever do such a thing, but then he looked me straight in the eye to say something that would stay with me for the rest of my life.
“See? You’re not dirty at all,” he proclaimed with confidence. Then, in a slightly more bashful tone, he added: “…I mean, I sure couldn’t taste any dirt, at least.”
My jaw dropped. There was a long pause—and then I started laughing hysterically. Kanae looked down at me like I was a crazy person, but I couldn’t help myself. I mean, I’d heard people describe things like linoleum floors as “so clean you could eat off of them,” but to actually put someone else’s hand in your mouth, just to prove it wasn’t dirty?! It was so absurd, I couldn’t take it! I laughed so hard that tears were coming out of my eyes again—so hard that my stomach started to hurt, and I completely forgot why I felt sad in the first place. The next thing I knew, I was in love.