I never felt that way about him, myself, at least not through my junior high years. When he asked my eighth-grade self whether I’d be interested in going to high school in Tokyo, I took him up on the offer and moved to the big city right after graduating from junior high. To be clear, though, my decision had less to do with me wanting to rekindle any sort of father-son relationship and more to do with me becoming just generally disenchanted with Sodeshima on the whole.
“Come on, now, Eri. Have a seat with us,” my grandmother pleaded gently, and Eri obliged, sitting down right beside her. “I’m going to go brew some tea for us; you kids feel free to catch up a bit while I’m gone, okay?”
Eri nodded silently as my grandmother pushed herself up and headed over toward the kitchen. I sat across from my sister, who was now hanging her head low in shame. She’d always been a huge Grandma’s girl, so it probably came as a shock for her to be chided like that. As far as Eri was concerned, Grandma and I were the only family she had, so it made sense that she was so desperate to stop me from moving to Tokyo. I actually felt quite sorry for her when I framed it that way.
“Aw, c’mon. Don’t let it get you down,” I tried to reassure her.
“Says the guy who started it… This sucks,” she pouted.
“Why don’t we change the subject? You’re in junior high now, huh? Hard to believe. Doing any sports or after-school activities?”
“Like you even care. How come you never called or came to visit in the past two years, if you’re so curious about my life?”
“Well, I mean…it felt kinda awkward, y’know? Especially after you fought tooth and nail to stop me from moving to Tokyo. Wasn’t sure you’d wanna hear anything I had to say.”
“Wow, I didn’t know you were such a wuss,” she sneered. “Yes, talking to people can be pretty awkward sometimes, Kanae, but that doesn’t mean you should go cutting a family member out of your life. I can’t believe you’re so dense. We’re not even talking common courtesy here—it’s just common sense.”
“Sheesh, did you really miss me that much?”
“Huh?” she scoffed. “What are you, stupid? Of course not. See, this is exactly what I’m talking about: you have a chronic case of always picking the worst possible thing to say in any tough situation. I’m guessing you probably don’t have many friends over there in Tokyo, do you?”
“Excuse you?” I snapped, more annoyed that she was right than anything. “Look, I’ll admit that I should’ve tried to stay in touch. Sure. The same can be said for you, y’know! You knew my phone number. You could’ve called me up whenever you wanted, but you didn’t.”
“Sorry? Why should it be my job to reach out to you when you’re the one who ran off and ditched us? Anyone with half a brain would agree that it was your job to bury the hatchet, Kanae. You really don’t have a sensitive bone in your body, do you?”
“This has nothing to do with me being insensitive, and you know it. Anyway, would you quit saying my name in that condescending tone of voice? ‘KUH-NYE.’ You sound stupid. It’s time for you to grow out of this little rebellious phase and go back to calling me ‘Big Brother’ like a good little sister. Or should I say, ‘Big Bwudder’?”
“Ew, what?! You mean when I was, like, five?! Don’t make me puke. If anyone’s going through a rebellious phase here, it’s you. Aren’t you a little old to be running away from home ’cause Daddy made you mad?”
“Sh-shut the hell up! You don’t know what happened! He forced my hand!”
“Oh, please. You probably just got caught skipping school, and he called you out on it!”
“It wasn’t school! It was just a supplementary course, okay?!”
“Would you two knock it off already?!”
My grandmother’s booming voice reverberated like a clap of thunder as she reentered the living room, carrying a tray with some cups and a small teapot.
“Eri! Stop trying to get a rise out of your brother like that!”
“Wha… No, he was the one that…” Eri stammered.
“And you, Kanae! You’re her older brother; you’re supposed to be the mature one here! You can’t let yourself be so easily provoked!”
“…Fine. Whatever you say, Grandma,” I sighed, then stood up from the table and headed for the doorway.
“Where are you going?” she called after me.
“To cool off for a bit,” I replied without even looking back at her, then quickly slipped my shoes on and stepped out the door.
“Welp, I sure didn’t waste any time making things awkward…”
I muttered to myself as I made my way back down the hilly road outside our house. How ridiculous was it to have gotten myself in another argument less than an hour after I arrived here? Eri was one hundred percent right about me, and there was the proof. I didn’t want to admit it to her, so I got heated and tried to deny it.
I was kind of a loner at my high school in Tokyo. That was already the case when I was at junior high here in Sodeshima, though, so I couldn’t blame it purely on the culture shock. My relative lack of social skills meant I didn’t have many friends growing up, but then, in eighth grade, there was an incident where I stood up for another classmate who was being bullied that caused all the “cool kids” to start ignoring me and spreading nasty rumors behind my back. Eventually, even the bullied kid I’d stood up for jumped on the bandwagon out of fear that they might turn their attention back on him. It was at this point that I first developed some (admittedly pretty mild) trust issues.