As long as the profession of adventurer existed, there had to have been dangers out there I couldn’t even imagine. And I would have bet that the hurdles to living a peaceful, normal life were high. Those boys attested to that. They had been flung into this cold world at such a young age.
Drop your guard for even a second and this world will devour you. I really need to be careful.
We resumed walking through the streets. A few people addressed me as a “beautiful young lady” and such, but unfortunately for them, I was still a washed-up middle-aged man on the inside. Don’t be fooled by appearances, folks.
Then there was Ralf, to whom people called out constantly: People, presumably other adventurers, teasing him for walking around with a woman, i.e., me. Women inviting him to spend time with them in honeyed tones. All of this told me he was a ridiculously popular young man.
With the gentle way he talked and his kind, handsome features, it made sense. And I didn’t want to be jealous, but I couldn’t help muttering the following words in my mind:
He wet his pants yesterday, you know.
Even thinking it made me feel ashamed and on the verge of hating myself, though, so I stopped right away. I was being way too disrespectful to someone who had been nothing but kind to me. Not touching upon that topic was a silent promise between us, man to man. Never mind that I was the only one who’d actually made the promise, with myself.
Ralf came to a halt in front of a large building that sprawled out horizontally on either side of us.
“This is Oranz’s Adventurers’ Guild. Let’s head inside and get you registered.”
I stopped and stared at Ralf’s back. There was something I wanted to ask him before we started on the formalities of becoming an adventurer. “Wait, please,” I said. “This might be rude of me to ask, but why are you being so kind to me? Just so you’re aware, I fully intend to repay you and then some for all the money you’ve spent on me. But I still can’t explain the extent of your kindness.”
“Well… Hmmm.”
Ralf turned away from the building and walked toward a nearby bench. I could hear him “um”-ing and “uh”-ing the whole time, so maybe he really had done all this out of the kindness of his heart, and didn’t know how to explain it. He sat down on the bench, then patted the empty spot next to him, inviting me to sit too. I shook my head in refusal. I didn’t know why, but something told me it was better to stand while I listened to him.
“I’m not that good a fighter,” he said. “I’m the type who survives through careful planning and instinct. And that instinct is telling me to nurture the connection I have with you, Miss Yamagishi. Is that enough to convince you?”
It sounded to me like he had forced himself to say that much. I knew it wasn’t good to force someone to say something they didn’t want to, especially someone I was relying on. But I was scared that if I continued to rely on him, I would soon find myself in something of an indentured situation. Maybe that was why my intuition was telling me to have a proper discussion now, before it went any further. So I remained silent, waiting for him to continue. Finally, Ralf sighed and began to speak again, in a low voice.
“The first time we met, your magical energy hit me like a wave, Miss Yamagishi, and…well, I really botched that, didn’t I?”
By that, does he mean the part where he wet himself? His vagueness told me he was aware of his own faux pas. And I had to admit, it was a relief hearing him say it out loud because now I knew for sure he wasn’t the sort of person to take pleasure in the act of wetting his pants in front of others. Honestly, it had been worth asking my question just to have that kernel of doubt cleared up once and for all. One of the walls between us came crashing down.
“More than anything though, you were so beautiful when you used magic that I couldn’t take my eyes off of you,” he confessed. “I guess you could call it love at first sight.”
Goosebumps erupted all across my skin and dread raced down my spine.
Imagine it, if you would. The sight of a handsome young man in his twenties saying this to a middle-aged man approaching his mid-forties. Maybe, if I’d seen it happen with someone else, I might have been able to ignore it, but it was a completely different story now that it was happening to me. Because, despite how I looked, I was still a middle-aged man on the inside.
Even so, Ralf had treated me kindly. Kindness is kindness. No matter what feelings it stemmed from, the kindness I had received from him was genuine.
“Which is why I’m trying to get on your good side, Miss Yamagishi, so that someday, you’ll think of me as someone worthy of your affection.”
“Please don’t get your hopes up.”
I said what I said. I didn’t want him to get any ideas, nor did I want to hurt him. First of all, I’d been living a life far removed from romance ever since my mid-teens. I was way too old now to think about falling in love.
And besides, Ralf was a young man who was clearly popular with the ladies. Instead of tying himself up in knots over someone like me, he should have been throwing himself into a relationship with one of the many women who would reciprocate his feelings.
“Seriously, I’m just being selfish by even bringing it up, so please, don’t worry about it, Miss Yamagishi.”
Despite looking somewhat despondent, he rolled with the punches. If I’d been in his shoes, it would have taken me a lot longer to recover from the rejection, so I was pretty impressed.
This definitely brings up a tricky question though. It hadn’t occurred to me that having a body like this would have such a negative effect. I’d always envied good-looking people, but I felt like my mindset on that front was about to change.