HARUKA ranked up to Rank 7. Corinne and Montana were Rank 8s, and only Albert remained at Rank 9.
“Awww, poor Al, all by his lonesome!”
It was normal for Corinne to say things like that without hesitation, which Albert (of course) found annoying.
“Corinne,” Haruka said, “you really shouldn’t say such things…”
Haruka’s words were the last straw for Albert, and he finally snapped. He stood up and slammed his hands down on the table.
“You piss me off. You’re just making fun of me and treating me like a kid!”
And with that, he left.
He knew she’d probably only been trying to defend him, and he felt guilty for letting his pent-up stress explode like that. The look on Haruka’s face when he walked away was seared into his mind. Her eyes had widened for a moment, then her eyelids had closed halfway as she’d cast her gaze down. When he remembered that look of sadness, his chest tightened.
The next morning, he met Corinne and Montana at work. Montana told him that Haruka was out shopping today because it was her day off. Despite Corinne’s sulky expression, she still talked to him once they started working.
“You need to apologize to Haruka,” she said.
“Why?”
A part of Albert had actually been thinking the same thing, but he immediately felt rebellious when someone else told him to do it.
“Her expression never changes, and she doesn’t tell us anything about herself. She’s probably always making fun of me on the inside because I suck at everything.”
The thoughts that had burrowed deep inside his heart came pouring out as nastiness and accusations. Just as he realized he’d been unnecessarily harsh, Corinne kicked him in the shin, and Albert dropped to the floor, curling up in pain.
“You are the worst. Haruka doesn’t talk much because she doesn’t remember anything from her past, you idiot.”
“Damn it, that hurt! Why’d you go and do that?!”
“Stop playing dumb!” Corinne yelled, ignoring Albert’s complaints. “She said she doesn’t remember anything from before Ralf took her in! Not about her family, her hometown, nothing! When I just asked her why she never talked about her past, she told me right away! You make stupid assumptions, then you hate her because of them. Seriously, how dumb can you be?! Just apologize, will you?!”
And with that final admonishment, Corinne left.
Montana watched Albert, who was still lying on the floor in the fetal position. Even though he wasn’t actually in pain anymore.
“You…you think I should apologize too?”
“…Yes.”
“I know, okay? I know. I feel bad.”
“I know.”
Montana didn’t say anything else that day, simply kept working beside Albert the whole time. Albert made a lot of mistakes, but Montana covered for him, so there were no major accidents.
I’ll tell her I’m sorry at dinnertime. Mind made up, Albert trudged to the dining hall, but Haruka was nowhere to be found. She usually arrived first, took a seat, and waited for them, so it was unusual for her to be missing.
Usually, she’d stare intently at the entrance and watch for their arrival. When Albert appeared, she would beckon him over. Thinking back, he realized she always looked a little happier than usual at those times. The realization made his heart ache.
Today, there was no sign of her.
Surveying the canteen, he saw a sulky Corinne and a spacey Montana sitting at their usual table for four. As he approached, Corinne glared at him with a stern expression.
“You haven’t apologized yet, have you?”
“I was going to, when she got here.”
She stood up and shoved him roughly in the shoulder. “Well, she’s not coming. Go and apologize! Get a move on! I saw her at the training ground earlier!”
Not having the energy to resist, Albert let himself be turned out of the dining hall. Corinne stood at the entrance with her arms folded, blocking the way so he couldn’t even try to go back. With slumped shoulders, Albert dragged himself to the training ground.
✦ ✦ ✦
NOW that the sun had set, the training ground was almost deserted.
Albert spotted a small figure sitting on the ground at the edge of the field. Though her hood was pulled down low, long silver hair spilled out, glittering in the faint light from the moon. She seemed terribly lonely, gazing blankly up at the night sky like that.
Haruka heard Albert’s footsteps drawing near and lifted her face to look at him. She let out a meaningless, “Um,” before mumbling something indistinctly under her breath, then lowered her head and apologized. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Please forgive me.”
There were so many things Albert wanted to say, like that he should be the one apologizing, or that she should look at him properly when talking. But he felt that no matter what he said, it wouldn’t get across, so he just stood there.
“I’ve been an awful person,” Haruka continued. “I was so happy that you three invited me to join you, and I was happy I could do so much and be useful. I never meant to make you feel bad. I just thought that if I tried my best, it would make you happy. But things didn’t work out how I wanted, and I feel like all I really accomplished was upsetting you. I’m sorry.”
Haruka slowly stood up and, without looking at Albert, murmured one more time, “I’m really sorry.” Albert didn’t even know who she was apologizing to anymore. To him, the constant refrain only seemed to be a rejection of herself.
“The reason I didn’t talk much is because I didn’t have anything important to share,” she said. “I’m not good at dreaming or imagining the future like you all… I was just leaning on you without any purpose of my own, and I’m sure that made you uncomfortable.”
All Albert could think was that Haruka had completely missed the mark. But he remained silent as she looked up at the sky and stepped away from him. Her expression was hard to see.
“I think I’m better off on my own, after all,” she said. “I’m terrible at interacting with people. But I like you all, so if we happen to run into each other, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t avoid me.”
When she turned to leave, though, Albert grabbed a fistful of her robe. He had a bad feeling that if he let her go without saying anything, he’d never see her again.
“Stop it… Don’t just decide something like that on your own.”
He had intended to apologize, but he ended up saying something indignant instead. He bit his lip hard once before continuing.
“I think you’re amazing, Haruka, but you know, I can do a lot too. I’m still a newbie and not as mature as you, so I may not be all that good at anything right now. But I can still do a lot. I’m actually not this much of a jerk. The truth is,” he explained, “I wanted to know more about you, and I wanted you to recognize me for my strengths. Except I screwed up. And that made me so frustrated… But the one I’m actually pissed off at is myself…”
The more Albert spoke, the more his throat closed up. By the end of his speech, he was struggling to get the words out, let alone make eye contact.
Albert had finally realized that he wasn’t angry at Haruka; he was angry at his own lack of ability. He wanted her to acknowledge his talents, because she was an amazing person, and he wanted her to be able to rely on him as a friend. It frustrated him that he wasn’t good enough for her to do so.
He felt like a child. He felt so embarrassed and pathetic, he couldn’t lift his head.
Then he sensed Haruka turning around and lowering her hood. Albert closed his eyes tightly. He was worried about what she would say. She was probably so disillusioned with him now.
Haruka had only joined their party because they’d asked her to. And now it seemed like she was planning to take this opportunity to distance herself from them because they were incompatible. The thought made him feel frustrated and helpless, and tears welled up in his eyes.
When he slowly opened his eyes again, Albert saw Haruka’s shadow in the moonlight. She was moving her arm strangely, raising and lowering it. Maybe she was about to give him the beating he rightfully deserved for all the awful, selfish things he’d been saying. If that’s all it takes for us to be even, then I’m fine with it. If that’s all it takes for her to give me another chance, then that’s fine.
Then he felt a hand on his head. It moved back and forth awkwardly, stroking his hair.
“…I’m sorry,” she said, again. “This misunderstanding is all my fault. I always thought you were amazing, too, Al. It dazzles me, the way you always run straight toward your goal. I always run away from things that scare me, so maybe, I just really, really wanted to be like you.”
When he remained silent, she continued softly.
“To be honest, I still want to be adventurers together. I mean, we haven’t even really traveled much together yet, have we?”
Albert wiped his eyes with his sleeve. He wanted to see Haruka’s expression.