“Yeah, sorry. Not the best metaphor. But you know those old video games, where you’re looking down at your character, and you can see their HP and MP and all that jazz off to the side? It’s kind of like that, where you try to see your emotions as quantitative values and act accordingly based on the overall severity of the situation, rather than making knee-jerk responses. Just like how you might only use a potion when you get below half health, you’ve gotta actively decide to only take a swing at someone after they cross a certain line. Oh, and you always want to get the first strike, if at all possible. Because most of the time, all it takes is one good, hard punch to leave people too stunned to respond. Also, if you know your opponent’s a lot stronger than you, don’t be afraid to arm yourself accordingly or resort to underhanded tactics. Whatever it takes to get the job done.”
It was a surprisingly detailed explanation, albeit a highly unsettling one. Just how many fistfights had Anzu gotten into in her lifetime?
“…That’s crazy. I could never do that,” Koharu said, sulking. Neither could I, to be fair.
“I mean, I’m not saying you should go around picking fights just to build confidence. But you do have to learn how to face your problems head-on, or you’ll be a bluffer your entire life. Nothing’s going to change unless you do.”
Koharu shuddered visibly. Her face was starting to go pale. “Where do I even start?”
“Don’t ask me. That’s your problem.”
It looked like Koharu was about to start crying again, so I nudged Anzu with my elbow. She scratched her head as though she was sick and tired of having to play the therapist, but resumed her little pep talk regardless.
“Anyway, my point here isn’t that violence can solve all your problems, for the record. Again, this is about setting your own boundaries and sticking to them. Staying true to your convictions and not letting anyone peer-pressure you into doing otherwise. Do it long enough, and not only will it build up your self-esteem, but you’ll also be a much cooler person in general. There’s nothing more uncool than insecurity. It’s that same insecurity that led you to hide behind that temperamental thug’s reputation and let everyone in school think you two were dating. Isn’t that right?”
“I mean…yeah…”
“Well, there you go, then. My advice to you would be to start living on your own terms for once. I don’t care what those terms might be. Just set expectations for yourself and follow through on them. It’ll probably really suck at first, but it’ll help you get much closer to the person you actually want to be, so I’m pretty sure you’ll be a lot happier in the end.”
“The person I…want to be…?”
“Correct. Because at the end of the day, there’s no one right way to live our lives. All we can do is pick whatever path suits us best, then run down it as fast as we can to see how far we can get in what little time we have,” said Anzu, followed by a conclusive sigh as she turned to look out the window. “Oh hey, would you look at that. The rain finally let up.”
Since we agreed we’d only stay until the weather cleared up, Anzu and I figured it was about time we took our leave. We said our goodbyes, walked out the front door, and immediately had to squint our eyes at the harsh glare of the setting sun. However, no sooner had we descended the stairs at the end of the outdoor hallway than a voice called out from behind us. Turning around, I saw that Koharu had come chasing after us in her slippers. She scrambled down the stairs before sliding to a stop right in front of Anzu, then started nervously twiddling her thumbs at belly button level.
“…What now?” Anzu asked dubiously.
“Oh, yeah, um… So, like, all that stuff you said just now? I’ll be honest: you totally hit the nail on the head. Like, that was so freakishly accurate, you’re either psychic or I’m even more pathetically transparent than I thought… Anyway, uh… I wanted to apologize, I guess. For being such a horrible person to you up until now. I’m sorry.”
Koharu bowed her head low, and my jaw dropped in turn. I’d never seen this girl apologize to a teacher when she got in trouble, so watching her humble herself like this was almost too surreal to believe. That stuff Anzu said back there must have really sparked some sort of change inside of Koharu.
Anzu seemed pretty taken aback by this too. There was a good, long pause before she actually responded to the apology. “…It’s fine. I’m not hung up on it.”
“Well, if you say so… Oh, and Tono?”
“Yeah?” I replied.
“I owe you this.” Koharu reached into her pocket and pulled out three thousand-yen bills, then practically shoved them into my hand.
“Wait, what’s this for? I never lent you this much money…”
“It’s to pay you back for everything I’ve extorted from you. I don’t remember the exact amount, so I’m sorry if it’s not enough.”
“Nah, that’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
“It’s not okay. I’m trying to make a clean break here, so just take it, all right?”
A clean break, huh? Guess I can’t really say no in that case, I thought. “All right. If you insist.”
I pocketed the bills, then we said our goodbyes to Koharu yet again before leaving the apartment building behind. We walked in silence along the rain-slicked sidewalk, inhaling the scent of fresh precipitation rising up off the asphalt. Countless puddles lined the roadway—the biggest and most transparent of which reflected the blinding light of the setting sun. We soon arrived at the bus stop. I checked the schedule and saw that the next bus wouldn’t be arriving for another twenty minutes. Unfortunately for us, the nearby bench was utterly soaked from the rain, so we had no choice but to wait side by side on the shoulder of the road.
It was quiet all around. Off in the distance, a lone evening cicada sang its song.
“Well, I’m glad we managed to get her back on her feet,” I said, spouting words to fill the silence. I was still expecting at least an “uh-huh” from Anzu, yet no reply came. Curious, I glanced over at her. She kept staring straight ahead. Her profile seemed to almost glimmer in the streaks of receding sunlight. Then I watched as her pursed lips opened slowly to utter a few pointed words:
“Do you have a crush on Kawasaki?”