❄❄❄
THE day we were to leave Eisberk, I met up with Wolfe as he was tending to the sheepdog.
“Why did you keep quiet?” I asked, gathering up my courage.
Wolfe seemed confused by my question. “It’s what friends do,” he replied matter-of-factly.
My entire world lit up at that moment. I’m one of them. The all-too-late realization made me exceedingly happy.
“That they do,” I said.
Wolfe laughed. “Till next time, if there is one.”
“There will be.”
And so we parted ways, the boomerang dangling from my waist.
The journey home was the opposite of the trek to Eisberk. The wide, well-maintained road to the royal capital made me feel nothing but scorn for my life there. I reluctantly gazed out at the scenery as it slowly passed by.
“How was it? Eisberk,” Father asked, his voice lively.
“It was fun,” I answered honestly.
I’m fine now. I might still struggle around other children, but I have friends now, people who understand me. I’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.
“Take me with next year too.”
“Jumping straight to next year, I see,” he said with a bemused smile.
“The earlier the better.”
“You can get there in half a day on a fast horse, you know.” He narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “I think it’s about time I bought you an Eisberk horse, a sorrel one,” he proposed, almost as excited as I was.
“So the horse and I both have cute matching pink hair when we get old?”
He burst out laughing. “That’s my boy.”
I wondered if the bay that had borne me on its gentle back during my wobbly riding lessons was still available.
I can’t wait to grow up, I thought as we passed underneath the beautiful autumn foliage.
✦ ✦ ✦
❄❄❄
BERN, even just standing there against the wall, drew eyes whether she wanted to or not. She was tall for a woman and narrow-shouldered for a man, the tailcoat accentuating her thin waist. Her lustrous blue hair was bunched up into a ponytail secured by a silver barrette. She gazed at the dance floor blankly, her eyes like the frozen night sky, blinking slowly, quietly.
Her androgynous beauty stunned the ladies—and some older gentlemen too—and she seemed entirely unaware of the fact. Her admirers all lauded her cool demeanor, the impassive expression she sported in public gatherings, the composure with which she handled herself around some of the prettiest of women.
Her real self, however, was different.
I felt a sting in my chest at seeing Stern waltz up to Bern, at her troubled smile.
I’d been jealous of Stern since the day he first summoned Bern to court, and I’d liked her for as long as I could remember. I hid the fact that she was a girl from him because I suspected that he would require her presence in the capital far more often if he knew. Because a childish part of me feared that he’d take her away from me. Pathetic, yes, but I couldn’t help but feel there was something between the two, given that Bern had endearingly nicknamed Stern ‘angel’ the day I introduced them, much to his delight.
I felt something black well up inside me. Even as I watched them, I was jealous of how he looked at Bern the wrong way, how he stood just a little too close, how his touches felt a tad too intimate for a friend. I was jealous of how he drank out of her glass, stealing an indirect kiss from right underneath her nose.
I’d protected her for so long.
Don’t you dare touch her all willy-nilly.
I went over to her with a fresh champagne flute, bringing the sweets she avoided while in boy mode. I’ll pamper her like no one else can.
Satisfaction coursed through me at her delighted smile. I knew more than just her cool façade.
✦ ✦ ✦
❄❄❄
BERN returned to our dorm room after me.
She unclipped the silver barrette, her flycatcher-blue hair scattering. I felt the room instantly brighten. She never undid her ponytail in boy mode, not even for Stern.
Bern stripped off her jacket and tie, tossing her white vest aside. The stripes running down her dress pants emphasized the length of her legs. The woman inside revealed herself for just a brief moment, and my heart thudded in my chest. A sinful urge thrilled through me.
I had to resist. Once I touched her like that, there would be no going back.
The Eisberks had allowed Bern to attend military prep school on two conditions. One, I was to defend Bern’s innocence. Two, the Vulkans were to feign ignorance and cut all contact with the Eisberks should Bern’s true gender be revealed. If either stipulation were broken, we’d never get to see each other again.
I had to be her fortress at the all-male academy. I was the only one who could provide her a worry-free space to be herself. My hot-blooded Solar Fire Knight persona was just an act to put Bern’s mind at ease, to ensure she didn’t think I was lusting for her.
Because I had already found “the one” long, long ago.
I wanted to know everything about her. I was the only one who could know.
I asked her if there was anyone she liked, disguising the question as some light banter. I’d heard a rumor earlier that day that the dispassionate Lunar Ice Knight had found someone. Bern denied it. She appeared uninterested in romantic matters, which was a relief.
Her white shirt and suspenders made her meager chest stand out. Her collarbone peeked out through the undone buttons. How does Bern not realize how tempting and suggestive of a sight this is?
I wanted to wrap the blue hair stuck to her neck around my fingers. I wanted to touch her, touch her in all the places a friend wouldn’t.
I prepared some hot milk in an attempt to distract myself, cool my head, and handed it off to Bern. She drank it with a childlike expression of contentment. I sat down on the back of the sofa, settling as close as reasonable for a friend.
My heart leaped when Bern called me hot like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She was the one person I really wanted to hear it from. Yet I couldn’t profess my true feelings, nor could I let her catch on to them, no matter how much more beautiful she grew with every passing day.
I sensed Bern’s presence above me. One half of me wanted to protect her peaceful, sleepy moans. Another, darker half ached to hear a different type of moan altogether.
I suppressed that half, passing off as a gentlemanly knight for yet another day.