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AFTER all those years, Bern still hadn’t noticed my feelings for him. I couldn’t come out to him, a guy, without being ridiculed, nor did I have the courage to force my way into his affections. I didn’t want to ruin what we already had but didn’t want to give up on him either, so I waited…at least until Kraut came into the picture. And as if that weren’t enough, Felzen had also been getting worryingly close to Bern.
How I wished we had met sooner. How I wished I could have met him but a day earlier than Felzen. I could’ve grown up at his side, but instead Felzen had gotten Bern all to himself, just because they became childhood friends first. How unfair.
If anyone deserved Bern’s affection, it was a man’s man like Felzen. That much I recognized. What that womanizer lacked, however, was my undying love for Bern. I had eyes for him and only him. No woman could compare.
Which was what had led me to tell Bern to pretend that he was mine while we were in the military.
I wanted him with me, act or not. I finally put my feelings into words only to be curtly shot down. Bern had lain there as I traced his lips yet rejected my proposal the second I brought it up. I realized then that Bern wasn’t the type to use other people for his own gain, that he didn’t care for my power as a prince—which was why I’d fallen for him in the first place. What am I even doing?
And then Wolfe showed up. The two were childhood friends. He spoke to Bern with superficial courtesy, maintaining a casual tone. The man lived up to his title as commander; his mere presence reassured Bern, much to my chagrin.
I had no intention of handing Bern over: not to Kraut, not to Wolfe, not to anyone.
I was worried—worried because everyone had realized Bern’s charm, worried what would happen if someone like Kraut set their sights on him.
Really, a justifiable concern considering how much he’d let me get away with after I warned him about that exact thing: I’d put my arm around him, brushed my fingers over his lips, and somehow had still not crossed the line. Was he okay with it because I was the one doing it, or did it not matter to him whatsoever? I detested that hopelessly innocent side of his and found it endearing all at once. I want to make him feel weird around me.
Each morning, Bern applied ointment to my back. It was the only time we got to ourselves. I let myself bask in his kindness. I cherished his occasional awkward expressions, expressions only I was privy to. Inside the tent he cared for me and me alone.
A shiver ran down my spine every time his soft, frosty fingers pressed against my chest. My sensitive body couldn’t help but mistake his gentle touch for a lover’s caress, filling me with ecstasy.
It was all his fault. If only his touch weren’t so delicate, so tender, so loving. If only he had tried to escape when our noses rubbed together.
On our last day with the Cavalry Brigade, I gathered up my courage and asked him to remain by my side until I was fully healed, the request one I could make only in that particular moment.
When Bern replied that he didn’t need a reason to stay with me, I threw him down into the bed. I couldn’t help myself, even though I was about to destroy everything we had built. I ached for him. I wished to explore every inch of his body. The wall between us was tall and thick, and I had to break it down before someone else did.
The sight of Bern lying there, compliant, almost drove me to tears. His loose hair cascaded onto the bed. He faced away, the nape of his neck flushed, just begging to be devoured, while his all-too-blue eyelashes quivered in panic. The same Bern that had fearlessly stood against the salamander, had downed a ferocious bear, wordlessly trembling.
I’m going to get the wrong idea, Bern. He looked so enchanting that I was ready to throw away everything. I went in for a kiss only for a nuisance by the name of Wolfe to rudely interrupt us. The bastard always waited outside the tent whenever Bern was inside. Felzen had finally left the picture, yet we still couldn’t be alone together.
“I’ll go get Yuki and Rain,” Bern volunteered, and once he’d left the tent, Wolfe shot me an angry glare.
“Listen here, Your Highness.”
How rude.
“Don’t you dare treat Eisberk’s son like a servant,” said Wolfe.
“Servant? I’d never. He’s the love of my life.”
“All the more improper, Your Highness.”
“Rich coming from you.”
His face froze over. “I’m not like you.”
Liar, I know you like Bern. I can’t lose to some spineless coward like you. “I’d give up everything for him.”
“No, you’d take everything from him.” The anger in Wolfe’s voice indicated he didn’t much care for royalty. “Wanna end up in hell? Go ahead, but don’t drag Bernstein down with you. You have no right to tear down everything he’s built.”
I can tell he cares for Bern deeply, not that that’s going to stop me.
“Hell? Heaven’s my only destination,” I retorted before leaving to finish preparations for our departure from Eisberk.