So will I stay in Mizuki’s shadow forever, Azusa wondered, and keep on living the way she tells me to? Is that okay?
The mood in the classroom shifted, and Azusa lifted her head. Nayuta had just entered the classroom. In her gym top with thick black hair cropped short, she looked at first glance like a boy. She took a seat in the center of the classroom without speaking to anyone.
“She’s not in her school uniform. Again!” Overhearing Kanako’s comment, Azusa shifted her gaze back to the group of girls by Mizuki, now all wearing looks of stern disapproval. “Why isn’t the teacher warning her? She’s breaking the rules!”
It wasn’t the first time Azusa had heard such loud, tactless remarks. Nayuta would come to school in her gym clothes, not a uniform. Someone in Mizuki’s entourage would see her and start going on about uniform this, uniform that, like a broken record until Mizuki chided them. Today again, Mizuki said, “Come on, guys,” settling them down. “I told you, it’s not a violation! She’s wearing official school gym clothes, so basically it’s fine.”
According to school regulations, students were allowed to wear designated gym clothes to school, except on days with special events, when they have to wear their uniforms. Azusa hadn’t known that until recently. She knew it now, of course, because of Nayuta.
There had been something funny going on with Nayuta since March, or around then. She cut her waist-length hair short and started wearing gym clothes instead of a blazer. She came to school late, left early, and was frequently absent. She had never been the most social student, but lately she had taken it to the extreme, rejecting even the most innocent overtures. When asked what was wrong or why, she insisted that it was nothing. At first, Mizuki and her crowd were worried about her, but Nayuta’s stubborn refusal to tell them what was going on annoyed them, so that now, two months later, they were mostly just critical. It was because she disrupted the class, they said, and made everyone worry with absolutely no explanation.
Their teacher said nothing about it, and he must have had his reasons. Azusa gazed at Nayuta’s back, in the chair diagonally in front of her. Nayuta had probably heard Kanako talking about her, but she looked completely indifferent, not reacting in the slightest. Azusa wished she could ask her where that strength came from. She didn’t care about the hair or the uniform. She just wanted to know how Nayuta was strong enough to keep looking straight ahead under those circumstances.
“I mean, is she ignoring us?” Kanako said in a scandalized voice. “Not even a good morning! She’s the worst.”
Listening to Kanako put Azusa’s teeth on edge. Wasn’t it strange that Kanako was so sure she deserved a greeting? If greetings were important to her, she should be the first to speak.
“It’s true, isn’t it? Who does she think she is?”
“Over here! Look at us, pretty please!”
The girls around Mizuki picked up the chant, while another group, instead of trying to put a stop to it, looked on, smirking. A boy in the class muttered under his breath, “Girls are trouble.”
“Don’t worry about it, everyone,” Mizuki said with a sigh. “If she doesn’t want to do it, you can’t force her.”
“Mizuki, you’re too nice!” Kanako replied with a petulant look. “She’s acting like she’s above us!”
“But now people might think we’re ganging up on her. It’s not true, but we don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, do we?”
Mizuki put on a forced smile, while Kanako and the others glared at the boy who let the comment slip. Watching this, Azusa was annoyed all the same. Unconsciously, she clenched her hands into fists. Mizuki also thinks that she should be the one to be greeted first. She thinks that’s only right.
“Azusa, you’re spacing out. Are you okay?”
At the sudden voice, Azusa came to her senses. She looked up and Mizuki had somehow slipped out of her circle of friends and was standing next to her.
“Are you okay? You were staring at Taguchi.”
“Oh? Um, I…I was just looking. I don’t know why.” She hadn’t been aware that Mizuki was watching her, so she was a little flustered.
“Don’t act like you’re interested in her,” Mizuki said. “She wants to be in our circle, and she’s got her eye on you. She wants to use you as a way to get in with us. If that happens, I know you’ll be sorry, so…”
Surprised, but trying not to let it show, Azusa quietly asked, “You don’t want to include her?”
To that, Mizuki replied, “Isn’t it obvious?” as if shocked. “That’s the kind of naïveté that she’s trying to take advantage of, Azusa. Look, we’ve held out a hand to her so many times, but she’s always the one to reject us, isn’t she? And that hurts. It’s important that you understand that.”
Mizuki was speaking loud enough that Nayuta could surely hear. “Well, I know you’re the kind of girl who will say the right thing when the time comes, aren’t you, Azusa?” She smiled. Listening to her, Azusa knew her face was hardening. Her stomach twisted, and she placed her hand there. It hurt. It hurt.
“I know you’ll be okay, Azusa, but I can’t help worrying. You understand.”
“Oh…okay.”
“Anyway, don’t waste your time worrying about her! You’re just so nice that you’re easy to take advantage of. Right?”
Would she listen to Mizuki and live the way she was told? Did she truly think that was the right thing to do? Her stomach was in knots again. But she nodded, slowly. She nodded and thought to herself, Is this really right? Oh, her stomach hurt so much.