TIME passed, and he advanced to university. Despite his strong misgivings about stooping so low as to sully his hands by participating in worldly matters, he now had to make a living as his family’s wealth grew more minuscule with each passing day. To do that, it was necessary to get an education. That put him face to face with all sorts of dilemmas, but he continued on his path, throwing himself into his studies. It was there that he first met her.
A cheerful and free-spirited girl, she never put on airs. Her manner of speaking was clear and brisk; when she presented her research paper, she did so in a very accessible manner, her findings thought-provoking. Dynamic, guileless, and lively, she wasn’t one to think about things too deeply. And yet, during group discussions, she somehow displayed the ability to identify the heart of the matter with surprising precision, positively influencing their pace.
She was easily inspired, her intuition extraordinarily keen. She was popular among both men and women; making friends came to her just as easily as breathing. She spent her days surrounded by animated talking and laughter. The man wasn’t immune to her charms either—and so, he fell in love.
At first, he wasn’t even aware of his sudden attraction—his eyes just seemed to follow her whenever she appeared in his sight. In their shared classes, he always chose a seat where he could see her. When they were assigned group work, she would always randomly pick people in her immediate vicinity to form a group with, so he made an effort to sit closer to her so that he would end up on her team.
…While still oblivious to his own feelings, as he got to talk to the girl more, schoolwork ceased to be the only topic of their conversation. They began eating lunch in the university cafeteria together, went to the library to look for materials for their next group presentation, and read said materials over tea. Each time they met, the man discovered new charms about the girl. The man yearned to learn more about her, and soon, she was all he could think about. He was completely captivated by her.
As he spent more and more time around the girl, he began behaving in a different manner. It was probably thanks to her influence. Like how the passage of time polishes the surface of a rough, pointy rock down to reveal a rounded, smooth pebble hidden underneath, so did the man turn calmer and kinder in her presence.
He had been blessed with good looks from birth; now that his beautiful features were tempered with newfound softness, he made many a young woman’s heart beat faster. The girl didn’t remain unaffected by the way the man was changing either; in the spring two years after they had first met, they became lovers.
The man only ever revealed the fact that he was a sorcerer to two people—one of them being the girl, the other being the man he was closest to at the university. When he first showed them his magic, he watched the doubt on their faces make way for wide-eyed amazement. He was actually not supposed to let anyone know about his true nature, but he found himself wanting to share it with the two closest to him no matter the consequences, for they were the most important people to him: his lover and his best friend.
They asked him all sorts of things about his magic, their eyes sparkling, and he answered, explaining to them about the way his powers worked. He never knew that opening his heart to people could feel so wonderful. The man discovered the bliss that was being surrounded by the people you love. Maybe it would’ve been better for him if he hadn’t.
✦ ✦ ✦
HE found out that she didn’t have much longer to live two years into their marriage, after their daughter had been born. The doctor letting him know she had a disease was like a bolt out of the blue. And yet, that was an undeniable fact, a part of his reality now. He desperately searched for a way to cure it, like a madman. When he soon discovered that it was impossible through scientific and medical means, he was left to rely on his arcane powers.
Pouring his heart and soul into the words and then chanting them—that was his magic. He detailed the image of the girl recovering from her illness countless times in his head; he even did research on her ailment, and imbued his words with a fervent wish to eradicate the cancerous disease eating away at her body. Then he pronounced the formed words, again and again and again. He cast spells upon her an infinite amount of times, but he couldn’t achieve the impossible. Magic, it turned out, wasn’t all-powerful.
He had been so sure that if he spoke the words with the right intent, he could do anything, but he discovered that all his spells could produce was an “external” effect: protecting his body from physical attacks, conjuring up hailstones or blades of wind, materializing jewels. Those were all “external” phenomena. Tampering with internal affairs, especially those of someone else’s body, was something he couldn’t do. He didn’t know that. Understandably so, for before he had met the girl, he had never shown interest in other human beings.
The man wept, apologizing to the girl, but she continued to smile at him kindly until her last breath.
“Thank you. You know, meeting you and becoming your wife has made me so, so happy. Thanks to you, our little Mia was born into this world. I love her so much it hurts. But, I’m sorry. I’m the one who has to apologize. I’m so sorry I have to leave you and Mia. I love you both with all my heart. And I love the world you both live in too. So, please, don’t give in to despair. You still have Mia.”
…A few days after that, she passed away.