CHAPTER 3 Likes and Dislikes That day, when Asana woke up on her worn-out, deflated futon, she grimaced again at the heaviness in her head and body. The sun shining through the latticework window was hidden by a cloud, and the sky had barely brightened. In the dim light, Asana somehow managed to get herself up and begin dressing. She washed her face in cold water, which she drew in a bucket from the sink behind the house, and applied some light makeup. She managed to improve the appearance of both her pallid skin, with its wan complexion and visible veins, and her chapped, colorless lips with powder and rouge. She carefully combed through her long black hair and tied it into two braids. She wound those around her head and secured them there, into the same crown-like hairstyle she usually wore. She took off her nightclothes and pulled tabi socks onto her bare feet. Her unlined kimono was a pale blue, almost white, with small flower blossoms cascading across it. Then she put on the deep indigo andon-style hakama, the student uniform for Yotsuru Girls’ Academy, and after fitting lace gloves onto both hands, she was finished. When she peered into her vanity mirror at the end of all her work, the schoolgirl reflected there had a grim expression, like someone who was already dead. As she stared at that face, Asana smiled, producing a sullen grin. It wasn’t so bad. She was sure that by the time she got to school, she would have worked up to a slightly more natural expression. A short distance from the Academy, Asana climbed out of her family’s private car and walked the rest of the way under an oppressively cloudy sky. There were many other students around her, walking to school just like Asana was or arriving on bicycles. In the crowd, one figure in particular caught her eye. Ah, she thought, it’s the professor. Although Sakuya had always worn perfectly stylish Western clothes ever since the day she first met him at the marriage interview, that morning, he was wearing elegant Japanese attire. Over a white shirt with a tall collar, he wore a long kimono with a crisp pine-needle pattern, as well as a pair of hakama. Western clothing suited him, but sure enough, with Sakuya’s beautiful straight black hair that spilled over his shoulders, Japanese-style clothing really complemented his handsome features. He looks amazing just walking to school. Maybe handsome men just look good no matter what they wear. While Asana was thinking that, she noticed a schoolgirl walking next to Sakuya, and her eyes widened in astonishment. “Is that Kyouko?” Sakuya looked like he was nodding in agreement with something, while the girl next to him looked back at him with a smile. Asana could see her profile, and it was unmistakably Kyouko. Her friend had said that they were old acquaintances, but arriving at school together in such a familiar way seemed bold, considering the gossip about Sakuya. “I guess they really do have that kind of relationship…” “Do you mean Professor Shigure?” Asana had just been talking to herself, but someone beside her unexpectedly responded with a question, and she spun around in shock. “To-Tomono!” The younger student who adored Asana looked as cute as a baby bunny, as always. Asana’s expression turned sour as she tried to quiet her racing heart. “You startled me.” “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken to you so suddenly.” “Tomono?” “I always insist on following you around… I’m sure I annoy you, Big Sister.” Tomono slumped like a wilted flower, so Asana hurried to explain herself. “Not at all. I really was just startled. I’m not angry, and I don’t think you’re annoying.” When she said that, Tomono grinned. “Thank goodness,” she said cheerfully. She had probably also been deliberately acting upset, in response to Asana pretending to be angry. I’m afraid to imagine what she’ll be like in the future… Tomono may turn out to be a diabolical woman… Despite how taken aback Asana was, Tomono tilted her head innocently. “So tell me, Big Sister,” she asked, “is it possible that you are also interested in Professor Shigure?” In response to Tomono’s question, Asana gave a vague answer. “No, not necessarily.” “Well, that is a relief,” Tomono said with an adoring smile. “I would hate to see you deceived by a womanizer like him.” “‘A womanizer’…?” “It’s obvious. According to what I’ve heard, that man has quite the reputation as a philanderer. What’s more, for someone who’s supposed to be a teacher to get so friendly with a student… There’s no question he became a teacher so he could chase young girls. I’m sure of it.” “A bad reputation…” She had never heard those rumors, and moreover, Tomono’s opinion was definitely biased, but Asana also didn’t know Sakuya well enough to be able to correct her. “But listen, Big Sister.” “What is it?” “If you were to say that you wanted to belong to Professor Shigure, I, Tomono Yuhata, would do everything I could to support you. It goes without saying that your wishes are more important than my fondness for you.” Asana looked at Tomono, who had puffed her chest out bravely, and smiled bitterly. The hazy mist that had been hanging over her head since she spotted Sakuya walking alongside Kyouko had dispersed. Once again, Asana hurried out of the classroom as soon as the day’s lessons were over. Earlier during class, she had decided that there was something she needed to do in the Mermaid’s Garden that day. Asana stealthily took a set of pruning shears and a small wooden stepladder out of the storehouse behind the school building and headed for the Garden. The day was slightly cloudy and not overly hot—the perfect weather for some yard work. “Here goes!” Asana promptly set up the stepladder beside the camellia tree that concealed the pond and shrine, climbed up on it, and began trimming branches, the shears clacking. Really, she should have pruned the tree some time before, but she had completely forgotten to do so. The Mermaid’s Garden was originally the place where the remains of all the girls with mermaid’s blood were burned and their ashes buried. As far as the Amamizu family was concerned, it was a detestable spot, a symbol of the many years of sin and corruption hidden behind their prosperity. Accordingly, it seemed like the only people who regularly set foot in the Garden were the girls with mermaid’s blood. In recent times, the Amamizu family had abandoned their responsibility for the plot and loaned it to the school, but ultimately, it remained an isolated place. That’s why I’m the only one who’s going to look after it… Of course, Asana did not know much about gardening. However, she had read some books on the subject and had been pruning the trees every year since starting school at the Academy, learning by experience. “I think I can cut some off here. And here, too.” At first, she had been somewhat hesitant, but she gradually grew bolder as she got used to the chore and trimmed the branches with the shears. There were many white blossoms on the camellia branches, and its leaves were overgrown, too. The slim extremities of the branches had been growing unchecked, and the tree looked like some kind of leafy woodland spirit. Asana lopped off those branches without caring whether she cut off leaves or flowers. That camellia bloomed all year round without withering. It was said the tree had grown from one of many cuttings taken from a camellia that had been planted in the spot where the Yaobikuni died, so it probably had something to do with the power of the mermaid. If she didn’t cut off any of the flowers and left them all, then the branches and leaves would begin to sag. Though her books said that after removing the flowers that bloomed during the winter, spring was the best time for pruning, the seasons didn’t seem to matter to this tree’s growth. But because she tended to forget about it if she didn’t set a schedule, Asana had decided to prune in the spring, like the books recommended. Although this year, she was a little late. When Sakuya had wandered into the Garden the day before, it had reminded her that she hadn’t been looking after it, and she’d felt embarrassed by that. “Aww, I cut too much.” As she got caught up in her work, Asana carelessly cut off a branch that she hadn’t meant to. But she soon remembered that this was no ordinary camellia and breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, well, it’ll be fine… Certainly.” “What are you doing?” “Eeek!” A voice suddenly called out to her from behind, and her heart skipped a beat. Without meaning to, she nearly dropped the shears she was holding, and after quickly fixing her grip on them, she turned to look behind her. “Professor?” When she turned around, she saw Sakuya standing there, wearing his pine-green kimono, blinking at her. Just like with Tomono, he had easily startled her. “I—I didn’t notice your arrival.” “Ah, right, could I have a moment?” He held something up for Asana to see, and it was the light purple umbrella she had lent him the day before. Apparently, he had gone out of his way to come and return it to her. Asana carefully descended the stepladder and accepted the umbrella from his hands. “I was surprised yesterday, you know. I didn’t actually expect it to rain.” Sakuya was talking quickly, making his astonishment apparent. It was quite charming and made Asana smile. “I’m glad. If my prediction had been off, I might have made you carry around something you didn’t need.” “No. Thanks to you, I got home without getting rained on. I appreciate it.” Sakuya’s casual, easy words of gratitude made her incredibly happy. She was glad she could be helpful to him, even in such a trivial way. As a matter of fact, reading the weather was one of the less significant skills of the girls with mermaid’s blood. Like the pungent smell of warm rain, the smell of mermaid’s blood was fishy and earthy. Consequently, Asana was extremely sensitive to that smell. That was all there was to it. There were stories about the Yaobikuni being especially good at predicting the weather, so there was probably some connection to her at play. “You’re very welcome… Are you going back to work after this?” “Yeah. I still have a little bit left to do for tomorrow’s lessons. I just stepped out for a break and came to return the umbrella. Are you pruning the camellia tree?” “Yes.” Simultaneously, Asana and Sakuya moved over to the raised grassy area around the pond and sat down next to each other, leaving a gap big enough for about two people between them. Asana hadn’t noticed while she was focused on her work, but once she took a seat and settled down, she felt just a little bit tired. “Is it all right if I smoke?” Sakuya made a point of asking, and Asana nodded. “I don’t mind. Ah, but please don’t toss your cigarette butts aside here.” “Ha-ha, thanks. I’ll be careful not to.” With a chuckle, he lit his cigarette, then deeply inhaled and exhaled the smoke. Sakuya’s gestures had something startlingly erotic about them, and Asana felt her cheeks growing hot just watching him. …He looks good no matter what he does, huh? Unaware that Asana was desperately trying to keep her composure, Sakuya opened his mouth to speak. “I thought so yesterday, too, but this camellia is really something. Every branch is still in full bloom, even though the season is over already. I didn’t know you were caring for it.” “Professor, this camellia blooms all year round.” “Huh?!” Sakuya’s eyes opened wide in shock. It was funny how they had been doing nothing but startling each other since he showed up. As she listened intently to the sound of the water in the pond, Asana gave herself over to the cool, refreshing atmosphere. Whenever she did so, she felt as if her mind and body were dissolving, and it felt nice. “But I’m not all that happy about it.” Despite telling herself not to speak her mind, Asana couldn’t help herself. She suddenly felt like she wanted to tell Sakuya everything. Even though she had no trouble hiding things from her friends and classmates. “About the camellia flowers blooming all year?” Sakuya responded with a question, and she nodded. “Yes. If they’re going to bloom, doing so during the winter would be plenty… Actually, I’m not particularly fond of camellia flowers.” There was a famous story about the Yaobikuni traveling the countryside, carrying a camellia branch in her hand. The Amamizu family, who counted her among their ancestors, could never detach themselves from the camellia, no matter how many Asana trimmed off. The family crest of the Amamizus was modeled after the camellia flower, and countless camellias were planted in the gardens of their estate. Every time she saw a camellia, Asana felt a muddled mess of feelings coalesce in her heart toward the Yaobikuni. Even so, this place—only this place, though it was surrounded by camellia trees—was a comfort to Asana. Because it was the final resting place for a great many women, women whom Asana knew had felt the same way she did about camellia flowers. “Well, that’s just how it goes sometimes, eh? I also…don’t particularly like camellias,” Sakuya mumbled quietly, and Asana looked over at him. “You too, Professor?” “You know, I’ve got my reasons— Ah, let’s get off this topic. There’s no point in talking about the things we don’t like.” “I suppose you’re right.” Sakuya shrugged as he made the suggestion, and Asana agreed with a smile. Since they were taking the time to have a conversation, it would be better to discuss what they liked, rather than the things they disliked. Sakuya’s attitude was positive and kind, no different than it had been in the past. “If you don’t mind, why don’t you tell me about a few things you do like?” Asana wanted to know more about Sakuya. And she wanted him to know about her. Every single word he said filled her heart with warmth. Asana couldn’t resist his request. “Yes. Gladly.” “Thank you. And I’ll tell you mine in return.” Asana and Sakuya smiled at each other. The edges of his lips curled upward just a little, and she would have been happy to look at his gentle smile forever. There were many camellia trees growing there. Each day after that, Sakuya helped Asana prune the trees, while they both talked about things they liked. The content of their conversations was very simple, just trifling small talk. “Asana, do you have a favorite flower?” “A favorite flower… I’ve never thought about it. Do you, Professor?” “Let me see, I think I like flowers that are not too small but not too big. Like bellflowers, pinks, and cosmos.” “I like the sunny mornings of early summer. Professor, do you have a favorite type of weather?” “Slightly cloudy autumn days, I think.” “Cloudy days?” “Yeah. I like that lonely feeling, like I’m the only person left in the world. I know it’s strange, though.” “It’s not that strange. Even I have days when I wish I could be alone.” “I really love the blue color of the sky on sunny days like this. Asana, what’s your favorite color?” “I also like sky blue. But I think my very favorite is a deeper blue, almost purple.” “I think that color suits you very well.” “Professor, you are accomplished in foreign languages, so why did you become our language arts teacher?” “Because I appreciate the merits of the language, literature, and culture of this country.” “More so than other countries?” “Right. Traveling abroad allowed me to see it. Every country has its own good points and beauties. However, that beauty branches out in infinite directions, and this country has a magnificence all its own. I wanted to communicate that to everyone.” They talked about their favorite foods, about minor, everyday things that left deep impressions on them, and about literature and the books they were reading. For Asana, those brief moments with her benefactor were like colorful pieces of candy packed into a jar, a sparkling, glistening treasure. The fact that the treasure grew by one or two pieces, day after day, made her so happy, she could hardly stand it. At first, Asana had believed Sakuya was keeping her company because he thought it was dangerous for her to be pruning the camellia trees alone. But Sakuya apparently enjoyed their time together, too, as he turned up day after day in the Mermaid’s Garden, which made it feel even more like a dream. About a week had passed since Asana’s first meeting with Sakuya in the Mermaid’s Garden after school. During a break, Asana was sitting in the hallway outside of the classroom, chatting with several of her classmates. Even when they were out in the hallway, the girls couldn’t help but keep an eye on Sakuya. Some time had passed since Sakuya had taken the job, but he was still a hot topic among all the girls. “Professor Shigure really does always look so lovely…” “I know it. Whenever I see him, I feel a little like I’ve spotted a Buddha or something, like I might live longer because of it.” “For real. He’s a real sight for sore eyes. Oh, if only I could marry someone so beautiful… I just know I would be happy every day.” Each girl had something to say, and Asana was forcing a smile to match Kyouko, who was sitting beside her. Then one of their friends looked their way. “I’m seriously jealous of you, Kyouko, getting to walk to school with him!” She must have been talking about that morning a week earlier. It didn’t seem that peculiar, given the connection between their families, but, drawn in by what Tomono had said, Asana also suspected there had been something special between the two of them. She could have cleared things up just by asking Sakuya himself, but she didn’t want to be thought of as a troublesome, prying woman, and she hated the thought of ruining what they had going, so she didn’t ask. In response to her friend’s words, Kyouko raised her eyebrows and laughed a little. “I’m aware that I’m indulging myself. But, you know, I couldn’t talk to Sakuya for so long because he went abroad. So won’t you please forgive me?” “Sure, sure! No one’s complaining when it’s you, Kyouko.” “That’s right. A gentleman like Professor Shigure is a good match for someone like you anyway, Kyouko.” When she saw all her friends nodding in agreement, a sudden scarlet tinge appeared on Kyouko’s cheeks. Asana witnessed it up close and personal, and for some reason, it gave her a bad feeling. And if that was the case, then what? Asana hadn’t said anything, and her friends’ attention shifted to her. “I’m sure you’ll be married to a wonderful gentleman, too, Asana.” “Huh?” She blinked repeatedly at the unexpected statement. Married to a wonderful gentleman. For the past few years, she had only considered she might marry Viscount Katsui, and such fanciful thoughts had never crossed her mind. Now she was tentatively engaged to Sakuya, but that itself was a source of worry. But her friends’ chattering did not stop. “I mean, you get excellent marks, Asana, and your family’s business is flourishing, too.” “She’s right. Besides, you’ve got a unique appeal to you, too. Many of the girls in the lower grades have their hearts set on you, Asana.” “Th-there you go again…” Asana laughed the comments off. Then, at exactly that moment, she caught sight of Sakuya walking down the hallway a short distance away. Her friends all reacted to his presence, as if they had just been waiting for him to appear. “Look, it’s Professor Shigure!” “He really…looks amazing again today.” “Even the way he walks is different from other men, see?” They all let out deep, deep sighs. And not just Asana’s friends. All the classmates around them did, too. And Kyouko—her eyes were moist for some reason, and she was staring intently at Sakuya. I… Asana put on a little smile, keeping her true emotions off her face as best she could, and turned from her friends to look over at Sakuya. Their eyes met. She felt it as soon as her and Sakuya’s gazes intersected. But while Asana’s breath caught in her throat, Sakuya smiled, ever so slightly. It looked less like the smile she saw from the teaching lectern and more like the genuine smile he wore when he let his guard down a little in the Mermaid’s Garden. Why? Before she could ponder it too deeply, a high-pitched round of shrieking arose right beside her and interrupted Asana’s train of thought. “Aaah! Did you see that just now?” “Yes, Professor Shigure smiled at us!” “No way, he was smiling at us over here!” “Uh-uh, he was definitely smiling at us!” “Come on, there’s no way Professor Shigure was smiling at you. That smile was for his old friend Kyouko.” The girls’ fight devolved into a shouting match. Apparently, Asana was not the only one who thought Sakuya had smiled at her. Good grief. But that makes sense. She felt relieved but also a little bit lonesome. Surely Sakuya had merely been smiling considerately at his students, who were making a big fuss over him. It was like when a star performer showered adoring fans with smiles. Asana was just like the rest of them. She had completely misunderstood him and imagined that she was special. “Kyouko, Professor Shigure sure knows how to please his students, huh…? Kyouko?” For some reason, there was no reply from her friend. Asana stopped smiling and slowly peeked at the girl beside her. “Ah, sorry. I spaced out.” Maybe because she realized Asana was looking at her, Kyouko seemed to come back to her senses and hurried to smooth things over. But Asana hadn’t failed to notice. Kyouko had been staring wistfully at the spot where Sakuya had been standing…and kept on staring long after he was gone. After school, Asana went to the Mermaid’s Garden alone. She sat on the grass and stared at the surface of the pond. As she watched the water sparkle, reflecting the orange rays of the sun in its ripples, her mind began to clear. But unlike before, ever since Sakuya had started visiting the Garden, Asana had been watching the glimmer of the water from the ridge of earth around the pond, rather than from the stone wall of the small shrine in the middle of it. And sitting there, she harbored a small hope that he might appear there once again. She had gotten accustomed to sitting next to Sakuya, enjoying the natural sounds and radiance of the Mermaid’s Garden as they talked, and even to the smell of the cigarettes he smoked. I guess he’s not coming after all. Happily, they had completed pruning the camellia trees the previous day. The branches and leaves, which had been heavily overgrown, were clean and tidy now and looked somewhat neater. It meant that Sakuya, who had been coming to help her with the pruning, no longer had a reason to visit. She held her hand, fitted with its lace glove, out into a sunbeam. The gloves she wore that day were not the ones she’d received from Sakuya. If she wore the same gloves too frequently, they got worn out before she knew it. And so, although she always kept those gloves from her past tucked safely into her pocket, she often wore a different pair. It’s lonely back here… Thinking about it, she knew it made sense. Unlike Asana, who was only a student, Sakuya was very busy with the work of being a teacher. Though he had only just taken the post, he was extremely popular. Not only was he good-looking, but he was devoted to his teaching and lesson plans and was an interesting conversation partner who was both knowledgeable and humorous. It was enough to make her worry that the other teachers might be jealous of him. Even so—no, precisely because of that—getting to spend so much time with the busy Sakuya, as she had over the past week, was surely something of a miracle. But that time had ended. The sun gradually set in the sky as Asana mulled things over on her own. “I guess I should get going soon.” It was self-indulgent of her to sit there feeling unsatisfied. If she invited Kyouko, or Tomono, or one of the other girls, they would probably be happy to sit and talk with her in the Garden. And yet she didn’t want company unless it was Sakuya, which she thought was selfish. “But…I forget about the time when I’m with him.” There had also been moments when they’d taken a little break from pruning and simply sat in silence together, enjoying the scenery. But it was strange—even when they weren’t exchanging words, she felt more content with Sakuya than when she was alone and really felt like she was truly present there. The sun sloped downward, sinking into the western horizon. The colors of night started to spread across the eastern sky. The days were long in early summer. It would probably still be light out for a little while, but she needed to get home before dark. Asana gathered up her things, passed through the thicket of camellia trees, and left the Mermaid’s Garden. When she did, she bumped right into someone—it was Sakuya. “P-Professor…why…?” “I’m sorry, I’m running late.” Sakuya was breathing hard. His dark gray kimono was in a bit of disarray. “Professor, you don’t… You didn’t need to force yourself to come when you’re so busy.” “I had a feeling you were waiting for me. I couldn’t leave you hanging.” “…I’m terribly sorry to have caused you so much trouble. I was about to head home.” She had really hoped Sakuya would show up. She’d felt just a little bit disappointed and lonely to be spending the time alone and then going home alone afterward. But that didn’t mean she wanted to make him rush. When Asana bowed and tried to quickly leave, Sakuya followed right along with her. “I’ll walk you home.” “Huh…? No, it will only cause trouble for you, Professor.” “Ah, come to think of it, you said you had an escort from home, didn’t you? In that case, I guess I mustn’t do anything so forward.” “No, if you were with me, I could tell the car that came to get me to go on ahead, so…so, um…” She started to say something, then came to a stop. No matter what happened, as soon as she took a single step off school premises, people working for her father would be watching her. Normally, between being dropped off and picked up in the car, and these chaperones, there were two layers of surveillance restricting Asana’s movements. All of it was in place so that Asana could not attempt anything rash. But if she explained the situation to the driver, she didn’t think there would be any problem with sending the car ahead. —What do I do? It’s hard to part with him. Just a short while would be sufficient. She just wanted to talk with Sakuya long enough to make up for the time they didn’t spend together that day, just during the walk home. They were already on close terms after the marriage meeting, and Sakuya had also walked to school with Kyouko, so Asana thought it would be all right for her to walk home with him. What a self-centered thought that was. If she wanted to liberate Sakuya from her family’s clutches someday, she knew she shouldn’t get any closer to him than she already had. But she could not help but wish to stay by his side a little while longer. H-he’s just walking me home. And we won’t make any detours. So then, just for today— Asana made excuses to herself, then turned to face Sakuya. “Um, Professor? I wonder if I could ask you to see me as far as my house…?” Asana timidly made her request, and Sakuya’s eyes widened for a moment. But immediately, his expression softened into a look of joy. “Of course. Well, shall we go?” Asana walked out of the school gate, sent the car ahead of her, and walked home with Sakuya. But before they made it very far, she started feeling terribly nervous. Up until then, she hadn’t done anything with Sakuya at school, except spend time in the secret Mermaid’s Garden. The sounds of their footsteps reverberated out of sync—clack, clatter, clack, clatter. There were few people on the road as the light faded. Surrounding the Girls’ Academy were only some small houses and a few venerable shops that seemed to belong to a different time. Almost all the students had already gone home, and though a few people were out, they didn’t seem to care about what anyone else was doing. Asana wondered what on earth she would do if the other students learned that she and Sakuya were walking together, if it became a rumor, and if her friends—or Kyouko—caught wind of it. I’m the only one who keeps everything about me a secret, which must make me a coward. She wanted to spend time with Sakuya. The time when she was with him was pleasant. It was precious to her, and she wanted more of it, an infinity of time. However, she knew she was not the only one who wanted that. The guilt she felt toward Kyouko and her other friends made it hard to breathe. “Professor.” “Hmm? What?” When Asana spoke to him, Sakuya turned to her with a gentle expression. Sakuya was casually walking on the side closest to the cars on the road, shortening his steps to match Asana’s stride. Just as she’d thought before, he seemed to have some experience dealing with women. Asana was certain he must have had many affairs before. Though that was based on hearsay from Tomono. Even though it was too late to do anything about it, it dawned on her that this man, Sakuya Shigure, had probably favored other girls besides her. “…Nothing. Professor, you’re…very kind.” “Is that really what you were thinking about? Somehow, I feel like there’s more behind it.” “I am thinking that, all the time.” Asana put on a solicitous smile that was meant to look exceptionally beautiful. “After all, you’re the only one. The only one who cares about me.” Now and back then, she added mentally. Though her friends praised her, and younger students pined for her, no one was truly concerned for her welfare. “The girl who marries you is definitely going to be the happiest girl in the world.” Sakuya burst out laughing when he heard Asana’s comment. “Professor?” “I’m happy for the compliment, but you’re talking about yourself.” “Huh? Ah—” “I’d like you not to forget that… But listen, I’m not marrying you just because my grandfather said so. It’s because I think that together, you and I could form a nice, peaceful couple. These past few days, spending time with you has made me think so.” Sakuya looked down at Asana as he adjusted his hold on the leather bag under his arm. “Do you really believe that, Professor? There are plenty of other girls who would be more suitable for you.” Kyouko, for example. Sakuya and Kyouko looked like a good match standing side by side. Everyone around her had said so, and Asana had agreed. Asana suddenly flinched. What she’d just said might have been a bit troublesome for him. In a panic, she forced a smile to cover it up. “Asana.” “Oh, no, um, what I meant was that I hope you can live your whole life with a smile, Professor. I’ve heard that good things come to those who smile, so…oh, I’m sorry. I said something I shouldn’t have.” In her agitation, she’d accidentally said something careless. However, it was what she really believed. She wanted her benefactor to have nice things. She wanted Sakuya to be happy. To not be bound to her and the Amamizu family. Her cheeks gradually grew hot. “…A guy like me doesn’t deserve such kind wishes,” Sakuya muttered. His tone was self-deprecating, but his ears were tinged slightly red. It was quite some distance from the school to the Amamizu house in the Yamate neighborhood, but perhaps because she was walking with Sakuya, the trip was over before she knew it. “Ah…” Asana stood in front of the gate to the Amamizu estate and let out an involuntary noise. What awkward timing they had. At that exact moment, Asana’s older brother, Ukiharu, was apparently getting ready to go somewhere, and he and her mother, who was seeing him off, were at the entrance. She saw her mother, Kiriko, looking up lovingly at her son as she adjusted the collar on his shirt and her brother talking to their mother with a gentle expression on his face. Every time she had to see them like that, having a normal, loving parent-child relationship, Asana felt a pressure in her chest. Never mind. There’s something more important right now. If she continued walking with Sakuya, they would run right into her mother and brother. She was certain that Sakuya would think something was strange if he witnessed the cold way Ukiharu treated her and her mother’s behavior. I don’t want him to know about this. She didn’t want him to see how she was shunned. She hated the thought of being pitied. She wanted things to stay as they were—for them to simply maintain their relationship and their pleasant conversations as an engaged couple, to spend a short amount of time each day together, and then go back to being strangers. “P-Professor. This is far enough. Thank you very much.” “Uh, well, there’s only a little bit left, and I’ve got to give my regards.” Frantically, Asana tried to part ways with Sakuya, who frowned. “You don’t need to worry about my parents or my brother,” Asana said as she came to a halt. She thought that, instead, maybe she could stretch out their conversation and keep him there until her brother and mother were gone. This sneaky thought flitted through her mind, but it probably wouldn’t work with the conscientious Sakuya. If he said he was going to give his regards, then he was definitely going to pay a visit to her house and greet her family properly. If he did that, he would meet not only her departing brother but her mother as well. Sakuya gently took Asana’s hand as she hesitated. His unexpected touch made her heart pound so violently, it made her chest hurt, and a tingle ran up her spine. “P-Professor…” “It’s all right. Let’s go.” Nothing was all right. However, when he gently tugged her along by the hand, she had no choice but to go with him. “Good evening.” Ignoring Asana’s discomfort, Sakuya called out to her brother and mother. The fact that he suddenly let go of the hand he had been holding was the only sign of how anxious he was. “…And you are?” “Forgive me for not announcing myself earlier. Pleased to meet you. My name is Sakuya Shigure.” With a radiant smile and a slight bow, Sakuya gave his name to Ukiharu, whose brow was wrinkled with suspicion. When he did, Ukiharu returned the smile, forcing the corners of his mouth to lift. “Oh, are you? I’m Ukiharu Amamizu. This is my mother.” “Nice to meet you. I am Kiriko. My, what a lovely man you are. Mr. Shigure, was it? Are you an acquaintance of Ukiharu’s?” Asana could tell that Sakuya, who was standing a little ahead of her, was confused. Kiriko’s tone was completely natural, and there weren’t any barbs or insinuations in her words. But her question was strange. It was unthinkable that a mother wouldn’t even know the name of the man who had proposed to marry her daughter. Sakuya seemed to falter slightly but hid it immediately. “No,” he said, “I am the person who has become engaged to Asana.” As Asana had anticipated, Kiriko looked mystified and simply blinked a few times. Asana felt as if her heart had been gripped by a freezing cold hand—a feeling she couldn’t describe as either sorrow or fear. It was so intense, she feared she would collapse if she let her focus wander. “‘Asana’…? Well now, I wonder if that is someone I know? Could she be another acquaintance of Ukiharu’s? I’m sorry. It isn’t coming to mind.” “Huh…?” In utter shock, Sakuya turned around, and his astonished gaze pierced Asana. What’s the meaning of this? What on earth is going on here? Unable to answer his unvoiced questions, Asana hung her head, and Sakuya turned back to Kiriko. “Wait, but that’s absurd. Asana is your daughter, isn’t she?” “‘Daughter’? Oh, no, I don’t have a daughter.” “What are you talking about? Well then, who is she? She can’t be anyone other than your daughter, Asana Amamizu, now can she?” Sakuya appealed to her, pointing at Asana. But Kiriko’s frown deepened. “‘She’? Please stop joking around. There’s no one else here!” “…I can’t believe this.” Sakuya groaned, and Asana tugged at his sleeve. “Professor, please stop. It’s all right.” Kiriko had once been a good mother. She was cheerful and kind, and she always patted Asana on the head. She was delighted when her daughter learned to read, write, and do arithmetic, and she praised her highly. At times, she had scolded Asana, too, but she had always been first in her mother’s mind. Kiriko, who always looked young and graceful, had been so proud of Asana. However, once her mother saw the mark that had appeared on her daughter’s hand and the unnatural spectacle of her healing from terrible harm in but a moment’s time, she fell ill. Kiriko wouldn’t accept her daughter, who had turned out to be a girl with mermaid’s blood. Before anyone knew it, Asana had vanished from Kiriko’s mind and memories, as well as her vision and hearing. And then, as soon as she forgot Asana, she returned to her original, lovable self but skillfully avoided anything and everything having to do with Asana. I don’t want to see my mother suffer again. At first, she had wanted Kiriko to remember her. But she knew that it would be better to leave things as they were and that things would be easier if she could endure it. Otherwise, the past would only repeat itself. “Ha,” came a low, derisive laugh from Ukiharu, who had been observing the whole exchange. “That’s an admirable attitude, Asana.” “……” “Bridegroom, you should hear this, too. There is no one who considers this girl family in this household. We all reject her and keep our distance. We loathe her, and if you knew her true nature, you’d loathe her, too. Although in this case, ignorance is bliss.” Ukiharu’s lips twisted into a sneer, and he shrugged. “Even Mother rejected her again and again until she became the way she is now.” “…Something is wrong with you people.” Sakuya spat out the words, contorting his handsome features. He was wrong. Asana was not a normal girl, so she could never live as a normal daughter or a normal sister. There was no choice but for all of them to discard their feelings and attachments to her. Everything was Asana’s fault, because of her deviance. When she looked at her mother, who was staring blankly at her, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. Something painful was blocking her throat, making her feel sick. “How dare you look so calm?” Her brother took big strides toward her. Ukiharu walked right past Sakuya and stood in front of Asana. He extended one hand and grabbed hold of Asana’s braids. She was forced to look up. A dull pain ran through her. She wanted to scream, but no sound came out. “Why do you always, always wear this face like you want to call yourself the victim?” Ukiharu said, baring his teeth, expressing his hatred for her. “We’re the real victims here. I can hardly believe someone like you could be my sister. Yeah, I’ve had that thought many times.” “Stop!” Sakuya pushed Ukiharu aside. “Profe…ssor?” With blurry vision, Asana sluggishly peered up at Sakuya. For some reason, he was the one grimacing, looking like he was on the verge of tears. Ah, she thought. He had learned she’d been putting on a brave front this whole time. She hadn’t wanted his sympathy or to be the kind of girl he pitied, but that had been a pointless struggle in any case. She had wished to spend just a little more time with him, and this was her punishment. “Asana, you don’t have to listen to this. That’s enough already. I’m sorry. I was wrong.” Sakuya gently covered both of Asana’s ears, enveloping them with his hands as if he was handling something delicate. Her brother’s disparaging, scoffing voice became muffled and slowly faded away. This isn’t the professor’s fault, though. The blame rested with the blood of the Amamizu family and Asana, who had manifested its curse. Because Asana possessed the blood of the mermaid, she had hurt her family, and she was making Sakuya see her in this miserable state. With his back still to Ukiharu, Sakuya spoke to him. “Brother-in-Law.” “What? Are you going to cancel the marriage proposal?” “No… As I will eventually be adopted into this household, I think it’s best that I become familiar with the Amamizu family sooner rather than later. Therefore, I’d like to ask if you would allow me to move into this house ahead of the wedding.” Asana’s breath caught in her throat in surprise. Of all the things he could’ve said, he wanted to live in the Amamizu house even before they were married. What contact he’d had with the Amamizu family so far had to have made it clear just how strange and twisted they were. Taking it upon himself to dive into that situation was not a sane thing to do. “P-Professor. You mustn’t. Why would you go that far…?” “It’s all right. I want to do what I can.” “But—” Then she remembered. Sakuya was someone who couldn’t turn away from someone who needed help. That was precisely why he had saved Asana in the past. He had a strong sense of justice. And he felt an obligation to fulfill the marriage proposal his grandfather had arranged. He was a direct and honest person. But at that moment, she hated that about him. “That’s fine. You can move in any time you like.” Of course, Ukiharu answered with a sneer. Her brother’s words from the other day echoed in Asana’s mind. She had no doubt that, just as Ukiharu had said, her family would take advantage of Sakuya and would silence him if the need arose, doing everything short of taking his life. “No, he can’t possibly!” Asana interrupted. She wished Sakuya had waited just a little while longer. She had her father’s word that he would cancel the marriage talks. Even though the chance he would keep that promise was infinitesimally small, she might have been able to use the promise as a pretext to negotiate and set Sakuya free. There was no longer anything Asana could do. “I said…I wanted you to be happy, Professor…” “If I ran away and abandoned you like this, I would worry about you, and I would regret for the rest of my life that I didn’t do something. If that happened, I would never be able to smile again.” He turned to her with his beautiful smile, and Asana couldn’t say anything back. His expression was radiant and warm, but when she thought about what was to come, the world seemed to plunge into darkness. “Father, I beg of you. Please cancel my engagement to Mr. Sakuya Shigure.” Asana visited her father’s study late that night and bowed deeply down on the tatami mat floor. Ever since the day of the marriage interview with Sakuya, she’d made the same request whenever her father was home. But she had never once received a favorable response. “This is tedious. We’ve already made it to the point of an in-person meeting. The money will be coming in soon. Do you think I can reverse course now?” “Please, I beseech you. I don’t care what happens to me. You can do anything, so…” Koutarou, sitting on his cushion with his arms crossed, snorted with displeasure. “No matter how we use you up, it could never equal the bride-price coming in from the second son of the Shigure family.” “……” “With that much capital in hand, we can buy a peerage, invest in new enterprises, and still have some left over. Do you think we can put you to enough use to make up for that kind of money?” Still keeping her face down, Asana bit her lip. If they kept Sakuya close at hand, they would be able to establish new business relationships with the bride-price money without dropping sales below where they had always been. She didn’t know how much the bride-price was. She could only tell, from the way her father spoke, that it was a sum they couldn’t soon match, no matter how much medicine they sold. And Asana didn’t have any way to acquire that much money. “You cannot. But still, please. Didn’t you say you would reconsider if I gave it my all?” “I said I would think about it, but not that I would reconsider.” She had known it from the very start—a promise like that was just lip service. …And if I use any other means, other than arranging it through the families, I’m sure it would cause trouble for the professor. The only option left was probably to plead her case to Sakuya’s grandfather. But Sakuya had said that his grandfather was on his deathbed, and she wasn’t sure if she would even be able to see him, so that didn’t seem like a promising plan. No matter how Asana strove to improve things, all she would do was drag Sakuya down. Once she had that thought, she wished she could just vanish. She felt so frustrated. “My god, you’ve been unbearably annoying lately.” There was a chill in his voice. Her father, who had stood up without Asana noticing, grabbed her arm and pulled her to her feet. “F-Father!” “Come! I’ll teach you some manners.” “Ow, oww… Father, n-no…!” Koutarou dragged Asana along, gripping her upper arms with such force that she feared they would break. She tried desperately to resist, but her thin body, which had been in poor health for many years, was no match for her father’s strength. He pulled her out of the study and down the hall. All the servants they encountered along the way pretended not to see anything. Koutarou violently flung open the door to the annex and threw Asana inside, then slammed the door closed behind his back. Asana’s body struck the floor hard, and she groaned from the impact. “No, no… Stop!” “You’re so loud. Sumako never kicked up a fuss like you do. I knew it was a mistake to send you to that academy. Girls with no learning are quieter, nicer.” Sumako was the name of Asana’s great-aunt, the girl with mermaid’s blood before her. For many years, her father had often spoken that name. Ever since the mark had appeared on Asana, he had compared his daughter to her great-aunt, preaching to her about what an obedient, quiet, and refined woman she had been. He’d spoken of her with a great deal of hatred yet with passion in his eyes. Koutarou picked up a leather whip that was sitting on a nearby bookshelf and gripped it tightly. His eyes were burning, focused only on Asana. “Father, I—” Still sitting on the floor, Asana scooted back away from Koutarou, who was approaching her with his back to the door. However, she was quickly driven to the wall. He pointed the tip of the whip directly at Asana. “Silence! All you need to do is shut your mouth and follow orders. And yet you’re always griping about something.” Koutarou swung the whip down, aiming for his daughter. Why won’t the world just let me die? She had experienced pain like this so many times. She wondered why she was the only one to whom the serenity of death would not come. It wasn’t fair. Outside this household, all the other girls her age were probably smiling and living happy lives. They were probably working toward becoming wives and mothers, or striving in their studies, or getting caught up in a good book, or having secret love affairs. They were probably slumbering in their warm futons, dreaming of the future, full of hope for tomorrow. Completely unlike Asana. Gradually, she stopped having coherent thoughts. All that was left at the end was a vague wish that she might lose consciousness quickly.
Chapter 3
42 min read