“Didn’t I tell you not to start any trouble, Ringo?” I didn’t take my eyes off of the duke while I spoke; he was likely to get grabby if I gave him the opportunity.
“I didn’t start anything, the trouble was already in full swing when I got here.”
So I wasn’t imagining the two groups of humans fighting over there.
“Oh, you’re right, it’s Duke Pervy Pants. Looks like he got into daddy’s toy collection and found something dangerous. Bad boy, this toy is a bit too much for you.” I yanked the sword out of the drippy duke’s hands and stowed it in my inventory. I’d destroy it in the Unseen Realm later.
Without the substantial stat buffs he’d been getting from the weapon, the duke was back to his pathetic old self. I didn’t have any sort of skill for stealing items, but I was way stronger than he was. He had to let go, or I would have torn his arm off. At the very least, I would have had Ringo cut it off for me. Either option would involve getting blood all over me again, though, so I went with brute force.
“Th-The sacred sword of the royal family!” the duke wailed. “What have you done?!” He really did sound like a kid throwing a tantrum.
“Sacred? If it’s sacred, you really shouldn’t be swinging it around like a toy and trying to get blood all over it. Besides, it was the people of the Unseen Realm who gave that sword to your ancestors in the first place. The materials it’s made from are a part of my territory, so I’m just reclaiming them. If the king has a problem with that, I’ll have my smith create a new weapon for him that isn’t so awful.”
“Damn you! Damn you, Lilac Grimwood!”
Truly a poet. The duke sure has a way with words.
“J-Just what are you?”
The question came from a guy who didn’t look like he belonged there. He was wearing the fine clothes of a noble, in warm crimson colors. His hair was light brown, almost blond, and I supposed he was maybe a bit handsome—by this world’s standards anyway.
I thought about it for a moment. I could explain what a Sprigian was, but that probably wasn’t what he was really asking. He probably wanted to know just why I could do all the things I could do. So I gave him the first reply that came to mind:
“Me? I guess I’m just an adorable dungeon master.”
Truer words were never spoken. Muy bien!
But it looked like he didn’t get it. “Just what is that supposed to mean?” he sputtered.
“Baron Sedestin,” the duke interrupted, “we’ve lost the advantage here; we must flee.”
Ah so this guy was a baron. Guess he worked for the duke. That was probably how the duke got out. What a pain.
“Your Grace!” the baron cried. “My most humble apologies. We retreat for now, men!”
Baron New Guy and Duke Dipstick made a run for it, but I had a secret weapon to stop them in their tracks.
“How cute, they think they’re running. Ringo, target their legs; I want them left alive.”
“As you wish, Your Majesty.”
Ringo put himself between me and the duke’s retreating troops. A fierce grin spread across his face. I realized he was probably just smiling because I’d asked for his help, but what happened next just made him look psychotic.
“Shufla Debla!”
One swing from Ringo’s sword, and the duke and his goons were on the ground with no legs below the knees. Incidentally, “Shufla Debla” was one of Ringo’s special attacks; the name was Sprigian for “Flash Blade.” It was essentially a series of superfast sword strokes that created blades of wind pressure to mow down your enemies. I was expecting him to maybe just cut their ankles or something, but he really went and amputated every one of their legs below the knee. How brutal. If he really did like me, showing me how savage he was probably wasn’t the way to win me over. Men, am I right?
I turned to the men in front of the conference room door. “Could one of you please explain to King Doma what just happened before all of these guys bleed out? I’d rather not get involved with this kingdom’s politics, but I’m pretty sure these guys tried to kill one of my underlings. Is that correct?”
“Queen Grimwood, Sir Ringo saved us when we were about to be overrun by the duke’s men,” one of the guards said hastily. “If not for him, the king may very well have perished. We owe the two of you our lives, if not our country. I will report to His Majesty at once.”
Wait a minute, isn’t that a really huge deal? Wipe that smug look off of your face, Ringo, you only came out here because you were bored. It was a fluke, an accident. He probably saw the duke and picked a fight with him. Why are these humans looking at us like we’re angels? I mean, sure, I kinda am, but Ringo is the type of guy who thinks hacking his enemies to bits is fun. Please don’t look at him like he’s your new role model.
It took a while for the guards outside the conference room to convince the ones inside that the commotion was over. They delivered their report loudly, so everyone on the other side of the door could hear it. Eventually, the guards inside the room cautiously opened the door. They surveyed the scene and relayed to the king that the description was accurate. Ringo looked like the cat that got the canary. The smug grin on his face was proof of how pleased he was.
Eventually, the king appeared to witness the carnage for himself. Needless to say, he was appalled by the state of the corridor.
“Wh-What is— No, call for a doctor immediately!”
“Actually, I can heal them all,” I interrupted. “I just need you to make sure they’ve been properly restrained. I probably can’t do anything for those who have already died, but the ones who just had their legs cut off should be fine.”
“Very well. Restrain them all immediately!”