Everyone was pretty happy to see me when I got home. I inspected the changes I’d made while I was gone, then made some pretty extensive modifications to my own chambers. My dungeon master room became a multiroom complex, with separate chambers for bathing, eating, and sleeping. There was even a lounge complete with sofas. I also made a small room just for the toilet, and an enormous closet where I could display some of my favorite outfits when I wasn’t wearing them.
Now this was the sort of sanctuary I was accustomed to. After I upgraded absolutely everything I could, I paid a visit to the Sprigrizzly I’d summoned as a dungeon boss.
Ah, it’s so cute, I just wanna hug it. You know what? I will. Hug attack!
I couldn’t quite wrap my arms around it, but I gave it a big hug anyway, sinking into its plush fluffiness. It seemed a bit confused, but it didn’t really seem to mind.
“Ah, you’re so fluffy, I couldn’t resist giving you a great big hug,” I sighed happily. “I know! I’ll give you a name too!”
I couldn’t resist; I wanted to see how it would change after I named it. I mean, how could it possibly get any cuter? I thought for a moment, then decided on a great name.
“Your name will be Ursa.”
After being named, Ursa glowed brightly, then shrank down to almost my height. Other than that, it looked pretty much the same. I checked its stats, and they’d all gone up, as expected. Wait, didn’t that mean—
“You’re even easier to hug now!”
I lunged forward and wrapped my arms around its neck in a proper hug.
Then its head came off.
My head bumped against it as I went in for the hug, and it just sort of flopped onto the ground. I was horrified.
“Waaaaugh! I’m so sorry!” I wailed, stumbling backward—only to find a new head in place of the old one. “Ursa?”
She had long blonde hair, big blue eyes, and pointed ears. Absolutely adorable.
Oh! I get it. After I named her, she’d switched from being a giant animated stuffed animal to being a Sprigian in a bear kigurumi, and I’d accidentally knocked off her mascot head.
Just to clarify, Ursa wore a different kind of kigurumi than the one I wore to bed. The term “kigurumi” is actually an abbreviation, but it essentially means “human-sized stuffed toy covering.” My pajamas were a kigurumi onesie, which meant that it was an animal-shaped costume with a hood. Ursa wore a mascot-suit-style kigurumi, which was more like a costume a theme park employee might wear. Both were kigurumi, but they were different kinds. I know, because I looked it up. I’ll just call hers a mascot costume for now, to avoid confusion.
“Y-yes Your Majesty?” Holy crud, her voice was cute too. Was she embarrassed? She was blushing like crazy. Was it because I was hugging her, or was she just shy without her mascot head on? After two weeks locked up in that awful prison cell, I had to be going through cuteness withdrawals.
Yeah, just let me get my fix. I’m soaking up all the cuteness...! Oh wait, she talked, I should say something back.
“You’re so cute.”
It was no good, my brain melted back there, and that was the only thing I could think to say. Now I sounded creepy. Forgive me Ursa, your queen is just a slobbering idiot who’s obsessed with cuties! Her image of me had to be in tatters. Oh no! My precious royal dignity! What if she hates me? What if she tries to avoid me from now on? Ah, this is so awkward!
“Th-Th-Th-Thank you, Your Majesty!”
Huh? She just took the compliment? Yes! I’m not sunk yet! Come on Lilac, pull it together. You’ve gotta act like the queen you’re supposed to be. Now, let’s give her the most dignified response we can manage.
“Thanks for letting me hug you, I feel much better now.”
That was the best I could come up with?! What is wrong with me?! She thinks I’m creepy for sure now. Why did my brain turn into hot fudge? I’m gonna die of embarrassment. That’s how my second life ends.
“A-any time, Your Majesty.”
She’s smiling?! She’s an angel, no, a goddess! Ursa, goddess of warm fuzzy hugs and sweet feels. Ah, I’m gonna melt into a gooey cuddle puddle. Why is she so freakin’ cute?! She’s so embarrassed, but you can tell she’s happy too. Even though she’s the shy, quiet type. It’s no good, I can’t escape the gravitational pull of her cuteness, she’s like a black hole of adorable. I wanna hug her again. Nope, can’t stop, doing it!
I gave Ursa another hug, then fled as fast as I could. Of course, I made sure to properly say goodbye so I wouldn’t upset her, but then I made another mistake. In my flustered state, I thought it would be a good idea to drink something sweet to calm myself. So I wandered right into the kitchen. There I saw Bistro in all his studly glory.
Oh no! He’s hot!
This was a completely different problem. Ursa triggered all of my protective, motherly urges and made me want to hug and cuddle her nonstop. Bistro, on the other hand, made me feel like a woman. One who really wanted to get to know a certain devastatingly charming chef. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, he was so adorable. Normally I would have steered well clear of the kitchen to avoid this exact situation, but now I was stuck. Maybe I could slip away before—
“Your Majesty!”
“Eep!”
“Is there something I can do for you?”
Yup, you can tell me you love me, and watch my heart melt. Oh, thank goodness that one didn’t slip out. Ah, his voice is cute too. Not too deep, but not super high either. The perfect way for an “adorable man” to sound.
“C-C-C-Coffee!”
“As you wish,” Bistro said with a bow.
I’d just blurted out something that sounded good. I never drank it much in my old life, but since being reborn as a creature with a mostly fruit diet, I’d really grown fond of savory and bitter flavors. They balanced the sweet things I normally ate really well. Even so, I usually took my coffee with sugar, since milk was off the menu. Sprigians couldn’t do dairy at all—unless it was a mother nursing her child, but that was different.
This time, though, I was going to try to snap myself out of it with some unsweetened, black coffee, bitter enough to brace me. As I tried to prepare myself, Bistro arrived with my freshly brewed coffee.
“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said in that smooth, gorgeous voice. “It should be ready to drink now.”
“Th-Th-Th-Thank you!”
I grabbed the coffee cup and quickly took a huge swig. Normally, this would be an incredibly stupid move. I mean, it still was, but I didn’t suffer for it. Not only did I not get scalded by hot coffee, it wasn’t bitter at all.
“It isn’t too hot, and it’s not bitter at all.”
“Ah, forgive me, it seemed as if Your Majesty wanted to drink it right away, so I took the liberty of cooling it down for you. I am also well acquainted with how many sugars Your Majesty normally takes, so I added them on my own. Was it not to your taste?”
The taste was the farthest thing from my mind at the moment.
“H-how did you cool it down?”
Please don’t say you blew on it. Please don’t say you blew on it. If you say you cooled it down with a gentle breath from those lips, I will absolutely lose my mind.
“I used a paper fan. Was it too cold?”
“Oh, no, it was lovely.”