“Anyway,” said Karane, “care to explain why you included a peeing function?”
“Oh dear!” said Hakari. “Karane-san, don’t make her say the quiet part out loud!”
“I wanted to biggify myself and change Rentaro-chan Robot’s diapers!” declared Hahari. Her shamelessness was off the charts.
“See? Now you’ve done it! Of course it would be something like that! That’s the whole reason you decided to make a Rentaro-kun Robot in the first place, wasn’t it, Mother?! It’s all coming together!” Hakari clutched her head in her hands.
It should also be noted that Hahari was currently drooling a significant amount.
“If I change the Rentaro-chan Robot’s diaper while everyone is inside it, it would be like changing everyone’s diapers at once, wouldn’t it?”
“Not even slightly,” Kurumi said flatly.
“The extra-large diaper for the Rentaro-sama Robot has finished production,” said Mei.
‹Her proclivities.› ‹Transcend the heavens.› ‹By jove…!›
“Had you achieved maximum efficiency by storing Medicine-Reversing Medicine in that space instead of water,” said Nano, “our victory would have been assured.”
As evidenced by all of this banter, the tension in the cockpit had relaxed somewhat now that they had escaped mortal danger.
“We managed to get out of that jam this time, but close-quarters fighting is still dangerous!” Rentaro gripped the controls, still tense. “Is there a function that allows us to fight at long range?!”
Hahari nodded promptly. “Yes, there is!”
“There is a strong possibility that this will also end in a crass joke.”
Nobody could contradict Nano, given that they had seen the gigantic (pun not intended) pile of evidence for themselves. Hakari clasped her hands in prayer—perhaps she was begging for a reprieve, however slim the chance.
“Rentaro-chan, press the blue button this time!”
“Yes, ma’am!” Rentaro once again responded to Hahari’s order by smashing the corresponding button.
Then, something fell from high in the sky, the tip sinking into the ground like a knife through butter.
“It’s the Rentaro-chan Sword!” declared Hahari.
“I knew it would be a dirty joke!” Hakari moaned, seemingly on instinct.
“Huh?” The other girls looked at her in confusion.
“Huh?” Hakari mirrored their blank expressions. “Oh…!”
Having apparently realized where the discrepancy lay, her cheeks turned scarlet.
“Aye? It’s just a regular big ol’ sword,” said Kusuri.
“Not that big swords are a regular thing. But, yeah,” said Kurumi.
“To be fair, aren’t giant swords kind of a staple for giant robot media? Not that I’m an expert on it or anything, but—oh.” Karane cut herself off. Something must have dawned on her as well, because her cheeks turned faintly red. “Why, you! Did you interpret ‘Rentaro’s Sword’ to mean that?! You’re just projecting your own dirty thoughts, you sicko!”
“Urk!”
Having realized that she had fallen on her own sword (pun also not intended), Hakari had no words to defend herself.
“Aye?” Kusuri still looked confused.
Some of the other girls, however, appeared to be focusing their attention on the lower half of Rentaro’s flesh-and-blood body, prompting him to blush faintly.
‹Prithee, tell.› Shizuka’s smartphone interrupted the awkward exchange. ‹From whence did this sword emerge?›
“It was dispatched from a helicopter, waiting on standby,” said Mei.
“Money is a simple and efficient solution,” said Nano.
“I’m just spitballing here, but wouldn’t that be breaking some kind of law?” said Karane.
“Oh my, didn’t you know, Karane-chan?” said Hahari, cackling. “Money can be so very, very useful.”
‹Were you to become our enemy.› ‹I would rue the day.›
Author’s note: Please rest assured, dear reader, that Hahari was merely cackling like a capitalist villain for effect. She never broke any laws (whatever they were). In fact, she received the government’s enthusiastic approval for creating the robot.
“Okay, but why does a machine meant for diaper role-play have a sword?” asked Kurumi.
“Kurumi-san,” said Hahari, “could you please stop openly referring to it as ‘role-play’?!”
“Without that word, I wouldn’t even know where to begin in describing this.”
“I figured young boys love to play with toy swords. Tee hee!” Hahari put a hand on her cheek, looking slightly bashful. “I’ve never raised a boy, so I’m not quite sure, though. Did I make the right assumption?”
Hahari’s display of motherliness made Rentaro swoon. “Absolutely!” he declared as he clutched his pounding heart. Nevertheless, cold logic made him hesitate on using the Rentaro Sword. “Still, it doesn’t seem right to whack the vice principal with a sword…”
“It doesn’t have a real blade, of course, so it isn’t that lethal.”
“That still doesn’t mean it isn’t lethal,” Karane pointed out.
“Given its sheer mass, it would be reasonable to consider it a deadly weapon,” said Nano.
Kurumi snorted. “Toy, my ass.”
After listening to the four girls, Rentaro came to his decision. “Okay!”
With eyes full of resolve, he picked up the Rentaro Sword and readied it, pointing it toward the vice principal.
“As long as I don’t actually hit her with it and only use it to keep her in check…”
Bleeeehhhhhhh!
“It melted!” The blade was gone in the blink of an eye after the vice principal launched a second wave of acidic liquid.
“The Rentaro Sword was also made of material that is extremely weak to acid,” Mei explained.
“Why does that keep coming back to bite us in the ass?” Kurumi demanded. “What sort of stuff is it even made of?”
“Maybe nickel?” Kusuri seemed to have taken Kurumi’s rhetorical question as an earnest one. It wasn’t as if nickel was that susceptible to acid, though.
Meanwhile, Rentaro was taking his fight with the vice principal seriously in his own earnest way. “Urk! Without a weapon, I’ve gotta use footwork to keep my distance from the vice principal and fight with my fists!”
The Rentaro Robot started shadowboxing.
“No, Rentaro-chan!” Hahari went back to looking smart and professional. “You have one other weapon! Press the green button this time!”
Right on command, Rentaro pressed the third button. All of a sudden, the Rentaro Robot’s eyes lit up and shot a powerful beam straight at the vice principal.
“Argh!”
The vice principal must have possessed immaculate reflexes because she narrowly sidestepped the attack. Nevertheless, the beam had forced her to retreat slightly.
“That’s ‘The Beam That Shoots from Rentaro-chan’s Eyes’!” said Hahari. “It only has enough force to lightly shock a person, so there’s no need to worry!”
‹Then should you not have tried that first?›
“Instead of whacking with a sword, it’s way faster to go zappy-zap with a beam, aye!” said Kusuri.
“True, but…” Hahari’s expression seemed somewhat somber, as if there was something more she wanted to say.
“Huh?” At that very same moment, Rentaro’s voice rang out, confused. “The Rentaro Robot suddenly stopped moving. Wait, don’t tell me…”
“It has run out of fuel,” said Mei.
“Indeed,” said Hahari. “‘The Beam That Shoots from Rentaro-chan’s Eyes’ uses up a lot of it!”
“That makes sense from an energy-consumption perspective,” said Nano.
“Do you have to say the full name of that beam every time?” asked Kurumi.
While this conversation raged on in the cockpit…
“Huh? Is it trying to trick me into dropping my guard?”
Although she was still wary of an incoming attack from the robot, the vice principal had noticed that the machine had gone stock-still. She advanced once more, slow and cautious.
“Don’t you think the vice principal is acting more rationally than normal?” Karane pointed out.
“There is a possibility that the enlargement of her body has caused her mental faculties to overflow, thereby restoring her thought processes to normal levels,” said Nano.
“Does rationality work like that?” Hakari sounded doubtful.
Rentaro nodded along to this completely inconsequential conversation. At the same time, however, his face took on a serious expression. “Running out of fuel means we’re in trouble! We’ve gotta charge up quick, everyone!”
The girls responded promptly though a little shyly to his request. Even those who were acting huffy were all too ready to lend their aid.