“I think I can safely say that I haven’t felt any desire to die in quite a while now,” I continued. “Anytime life gets me down, I just think about how once I’m dead, I’ll never be able to draw anything ever again, and that alone is enough to keep me going. As long as there’s still art left in me, I’m not gonna let it die.”
“I’m really glad to hear that, dude,” Ryo said with a nod before turning his head. “And what about you, Aoi? Take it you’ve decided to go on living too?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I mean, that’s what you told me you wanted me to do, right? The last time we met…”
“Oh, so you did get that, huh? Gotta admit, I was a little worried whether my words were even getting through to you at that point. Couldn’t even make sounds anymore at the end there, so I figured maybe you were just nodding along to be polite, ha ha…”
“No, no. I could read your lip movements just fine…” she replied. “Don’t worry.”
The last time the two of them saw each other was in Ryo’s hospital room. I hadn’t been there myself, but according to Aoi, Ryo was so emaciated and woozy from all of the drugs at that point that it already seemed like he was barely there, mentally. He passed away about twelve hours after she walked out the door.
A hundred tiny beads of light hung in the air around the sparkler’s glowing tip. I’d long since let go of the sparkler itself, but in this time-frozen state, it remained suspended in midair as if it was weightless. The contours of Ryo’s silhouette were hazy and indistinct now—just like how the Summer Ghost had been when we first met her, one year prior. Although it seemed like he was standing right here in front of us, he looked more like a mirage than a tangible being—a projection being beamed in from somewhere far away.
“I think that was my only real regret, y’know,” said Ryo. “Whether or not my last words made it through to you all right.”
“And that’s why you’re still a wandering ghost right now?” she balked.
“I mean, c’mon,” he countered. “Knowing you, it wouldn’t be that crazy to assume you’d totally misheard me, would it?”
“Yes it would! How little faith in me do you have?!” Aoi pouted, puffing out her cheeks in protest.
“Anyway, it’s a real load off my mind to see that you’re doin’ okay. Think I can finally rest easy now and move on to wherever I’m going next.”
“And where do you think that might be?” I asked, curious. “The afterlife? A heaven of some sort? Does such a place actually exist?”
“Couldn’t tell ya, my man,” Ryo replied.
“Okay, well… Could you tell me why you didn’t end up killing yourself, at least?”
Surely he was still at least partially in control of his body after being hospitalized for the last time. He could have hung himself in his bed, or perhaps gotten help from one of us to do it another way. But he didn’t—and I always wondered why. I meant to ask even before he passed, actually, but as the disease progressed and his symptoms got worse and worse, I just felt like it would’ve been pretty tasteless to ask why he didn’t take the easier route in hindsight.
Ryo just kind of looked at me for a moment. His lips curled up into a wry smirk. “It’s ’cause of what you said in that message of yours—that you were gonna try seeing what actually being alive felt like for a while. I think that’s what convinced me to stick things out until the very end.”
“I’m…not sure I see the logical connection there.”
“I mean, it would’ve looked pretty lame for me to go and off myself after you just had this whole cool soul-searching moment and found renewed hope in life, y’know what I mean?” he said. “Even if I still went and died like a loser in the end.”
“I think it would have been pretty understandable in your situation, but okay.”
“You’re not a loser at all, Ryo-kun…” said Aoi. She was trying to keep calm, but she ultimately failed to hold back the tears now streaming down her cheeks. “You were really cool too, right up until the very end… Hey, you wanna know something? I’m actually going back to school now. Even though every day, the mere thought makes me so nauseous I could puke. Even though every day, just being there makes me wish I were dead. The way everyone laughs at me, and how I just can’t stop making stupid mistakes… I hate every minute of it. It makes me want to run off and crawl into a ditch and die. But every time I feel that way, I think of you, Ryo-kun. And how you stayed with us and kept fighting until the very end, even though you knew the odds were stacked against you. That’s what gives me the strength to get back up again. That’s what makes me feel like maybe I can go on living after all. I can’t thank you enough for that, Ryo-kun. I’m really glad I got the chance to know you, if only for a little while.”
Ryo brought his hands up and stroked his thumbs across Aoi’s cheeks as if to wipe her tears away—even though the streams just passed right through his fingertips. But even though he could no longer offer her any physical comfort or consolation, he still flashed her the warmest, most reassuring smile I had ever seen.
“Man, I wish I could stay and talk with you guys a whole lot longer. If only I could pull your souls out of your bodies like Ayane used to, yeah? The three of us could chill and chat here for hours.”
“Why don’t you give it a try?” I asked.
“Just did, when I touched Aoi’s cheek. It didn’t work,” he said—and then turned and tried to grab me by the arm. His fingers passed right through it. “See? I can’t touch you either.”
“Huh. I wonder why. Maybe there’s a trick to it you just don’t know yet?” I thought aloud.
“Tomoya, my man… I thought you were smarter than this,” said Ryo, shaking his head. “You guys can’t enter ghost form ’cause your souls aren’t ready to die anymore. You want to live now. Your souls don’t want to let go of your bodies, so I can’t pull them out of you. Or, well…I’m pretty sure that’s why, anyway.”
The frozen sparks that hung in midair around the sparkler’s tip slowly began moving once more, tracing trails of golden light through the air. The flow of time was rapidly returning to normal.
“Looks like this is farewell, then,” I said.
Aoi wiped away her tears and did her best to see Ryo off with a smile. “Goodbye, Ryo-kun,” she said. “I’m glad I got to see you one last time.”
“Me too, Aoi,” said Ryo. “I’m glad we could talk again like this. And you too, Tomoya—thanks for showing up, man.”
The eastern sky was growing brighter by the second now as the dark of night swiftly receded before the light of morning. And as it gave way, so did Ryo’s spectral form begin to fade.
“See ya,” he said, waving us both a casual goodbye.
As the morning sun peeked over the horizon and bathed the runway in its light, the skies overhead recalled their summer blue. Ryo’s last remaining contours passed forever into memory, melting softly into the humid air. Aoi and I just stood there for a time, watching the sun rise over the asphalt where he was standing moments prior. As the wind picked up and brushed its way over the airfield, the rhythmic swaying of the tall grass all around us almost sounded like waves gently crashing against the shore.
I placed one hand on Aoi’s back, and the two of us agreed that it was best we left. We snuck back out through the gap in the chain-link fence and began our homeward journey into town—but as we reached the crest of the hill overlooking the abandoned airfield, I turned back one last time and said a silent farewell to the ghost of Sato Ayane.
And with that, we headed off—each and all of us to wherever it was we were going next.