Before long, the sparks crackled and danced with even greater fervor.
Then, the singing of insects grew distant, and the wind blowing through the grass went still.
Out of the corner of my eye, I perceived a sudden contrast. A human form.
And there she stood—a pale specter, set against the dark.
I wondered why exactly, of all things, it was fireworks that caused the Summer Ghost to appear. I knew, of course, that in ancient times they were thought to have supernatural properties that could appease the dead. It was also said that the reason there were so many fireworks festivals held in the summer months was because they were a natural evolution of the okuribi ritual traditionally done as a part of Obon, the Japanese festival of the dead. This was a custom in which a large bonfire, or “guiding fire,” was lit to help send the returning spirits of deceased ancestors safely back to the afterlife after having wandered out to visit their homelands once more. Supposedly, every fireworks festival in the country owed its origins to this ancient ritual of seeing off lost loved ones.
Perhaps the fireworks we lit here at the abandoned airfield had a similar but opposite effect for wandering souls like Ayane’s—a light to guide her safely down to the earth, like runway beacons for airplanes in the night.
Ayane walked over and crouched down in front of me, gazing wistfully into the sparkler’s light. “How pretty. You know, I always loved these things,” she said.
Neither her footsteps nor the rustling of her clothes made a sound. She was right there before my very eyes, and yet it was like she wasn’t there at all—her existence was so faint that she threatened to vanish like a wisp of smoke at any moment. After a few more beads of light dust burst forth from the droplet at the bottom of the sparkler, they froze in midair like tiny stars in orbit around a single, bright red sun.
“Tomoya-kun,” she started, her face illuminated in the dark by the orange glow. As I watched it cast shadows across her face, I wondered if this interaction of light meant that she and I now inhabited the same space, subject to the same physical phenomena, or if it was simply a figment of my perception. “Why have you come back here?”
“I had some other questions I wanted to ask you,” I answered, my voice cracking. I thought I came mentally prepared, but apparently I still wasn’t level-headed enough to remain perfectly calm in the face of a ghostly presence.
Ayane ran her fingers through her bangs, pulling them back out of her face—offering a rare glimpse of her porcelain-pale neck in the process. “Hopefully nothing too esoteric this time,” she said.
“Well, the thing is…I’ve been thinking about killing myself,” I confessed. “As have the other two who were here with me the other day.”
“Yeah, I kind of had a feeling.”
“Oh… You did?” I asked.
“You all had that look about you—like you’d already resigned yourselves to dying. Even for all Aoi-chan’s pep, she couldn’t hide the darkness lurking deep within her eyes. Not from me, anyway. Also, it seems I don’t appear as clearly to people who are in a sound and healthy state of mind. From what I can tell, they either see me as almost entirely translucent, or just a blurry, featureless mannequin. You kids are the first who’ve been able to see me crystal clear and have an actual, intelligible interaction with me. And I’m certain that’s because you’ve all become captivated by death.”
“Please, I want to know more about what death is like,” I said. “Could you tell me a bit more about your personal experience? What did it feel like? Was it as bad as people say?”
“Oh, it was terrifying. Excruciating, even. So if you’re asking my advice, then I really wouldn’t recommend doing so voluntarily. There’s no need to take matters into your own hands. Just live your life. Don’t worry—it’ll still come for you in the end. It always does.”
“It’s already excruciating enough just being alive,” I remarked. “If it means ending the pain once and for all, then why not just bite the bullet and get it over with, I say.”
“But why is your life so excruciating, Tomoya-kun?”
“I wish I could tell you. All I know is that I’m sick and tired of it all, and I really can’t go on like this much longer.”
Ayane let out a deep, exasperated sigh. “See, I blame our dysfunctional society for this,” she said. “It’s like a factory designed to churn out good little worker bees, but all it does is make apathetic robots out of bright young kids like you.”
“Are we really extrapolating my own personal suffering into a more generalized rant on modern society right now?”
“Well, what other explanation is there? When you can’t pinpoint the source of a problem, you just blame it on society as a whole. Everyone knows that.”
“That’s a pretty transparent cop-out,” I said.
“I mean, I’m a ghost. What did you expect?”
I had to admit, it was a solid retort—even if it did nothing to support her argument. Really, I just admired the sheer flippancy of it.
“So what’s next for you, Ayane-san?” I asked. “You gonna try to reach nirvana one of these days, or just stay in limbo?”
“Reach nirvana…?” she asked. “I don’t know what that means.”
“Oh, sorry. It’s a Buddhist term, originally—for achieving enlightenment, or a state of ‘Buddhahood’—that is, true inner peace. But nowadays it’s used more colloquially as a synonym for making it to heaven, or paradise, or whatever you might call the next life. The main reason I used it was because I figured maybe your soul’s not at peace yet and that’s why you’re stuck wandering around here as a lonely ghost.”
“I see. You know, for a high school kid, you sure do know an awful lot of random trivia, Tomoya-kun. I don’t think most kids your age are that familiar with Buddhism,” Ayane said. “Hey, so tell me, do you think there really is a heaven out there? ’Cause I sure don’t. Me, I think we just die and disappear and that’s it.”
“That’s quite the take, coming from someone in your predicament,” I said, not entirely sure if she was being serious or not. But assuming she truly believed that, then what exactly did she even think she was right now? “Ayane-san, please stop living in denial and accept the fact that you’re a ghost already.”
Her lips curled up into a playful little smirk. “You’re so uptight, Tomoya-kun.”
“I’m an honor student. Comes with the territory.”
“You should try being a ghost for a while. Maybe that’d help loosen you up.”