Jaeyoung splashed water onto his face, scrubbing every inch of his skin before finally looking up at the mirror. His reflection stared back at him with an unreadable look simmering in its eyes, water dripping down its chin. With a sigh, he ran his palm over his face. All day, he’d been plagued by a whirlwind of emotions—excitement, shock, rage, self-deprecation, jealousy—each one mixing into the next, leaving him feeling lost. Honestly, it was shocking he’d felt such a large range of emotions in a span of twenty-four hours. Jaeyoung patted his face dry with a towel, the cacophony inside him settling slightly. “Shit… What am I even doing?” he muttered bitterly, grabbing the paper bag that held his costume and heading out of the humanities building. When he stepped outside, a warm breeze brushed past, but Jaeyoung barely even noticed; his mind was elsewhere. Sangwoo didn’t consider him relationship material—that much was obvious. The weirdo was only willing to be in a “normal” relationship, and Jaeyoung was nothing but a way for him to relieve his “abnormal sexual desires.” For a moment, he’d actually considered the idea of being friends with benefits with Sangwoo Choo, of all people. It had been a bizarre thought, as off-putting as a steamy comic drawn in the style of a children’s cartoon. But maybe it was for the best. He knew himself well enough—his attention was fickle and fleeting, and his interest in Sangwoo would likely fizzle out after the first time they slept together. That was far preferable to a messier scenario where the two of them tried to be in a relationship and things wound up as dramatic as a soap opera. When he’d first spotted Sangwoo at the festival, Jaeyoung had been wandering around campus dressed like a medieval vampire with a sign advertising the drama club’s tent. The sight of the weirdo taking a selfie with Jihye in front of a flowering tree had emptied any semblance of rational thought from his mind. Oh, I get it. So you want to sleep with me, but dating is for Jihye? There that asshole was, on a cute little outing with Jihye, after everything he’d done with Jaeyoung. Calling his name in that manner, convincing him to develop VV together, flirting with him in the studio, patting him on the head, sneaking a kiss, leaving him dumbfounded after that passionate kiss at the bar… And yet, he’d shot down the idea of them being in a relationship without a second thought. And he thinks I’m a scumbag? What an absolute hypocrite. Jaeyoung’s heart pounded angrily in his chest. Sangwoo had given him so much shit for having someone answer roll call for him, but that was nothing compared to what the asshole was doing now—it was like a sewage treatment plant calling a small bag of garbage “trash.” Before he registered what he was doing, Jaeyoung snatched a mask from one of the underclassmen in the drama club and chased after Sangwoo and Jihye with the sole intent of ruining their date. Later, when Jaeyoung had been making his way back to the Haunted Tavern with the mechanical keyboard he’d won, he’d suddenly found himself confused. Try as he might, he couldn’t think of any way to justify his anger. He and Sangwoo had agreed to be friends with benefits, after all—the only point of their relationship was to “relieve their sexual desires,” as Sangwoo would put it. What did it matter that Sangwoo had suddenly decided to become the personification of a sewage treatment plant? He could ignore the weirdo, and everything would be fine. This ends tonight. We do it once, and this desire will be gone… I don’t need more than that. Needless to say, his plan had gone right out the window the moment Sangwoo walked into the drama club tent. Jaeyoung couldn’t explain why he’d forced the underclassmen to set up a table for him and Jihye or had them load it with complimentary dishes to make sure the two of them would stay. He didn’t have any good answers for why he’d stayed at the booth the entire day when he’d only been supposed to help out with advertising during the opening, either. Even worse, over the course of his observation of Sangwoo and Jihye’s candlelit dinner, Jaeyoung had been forced to admit that the two of them looked good together. Sangwoo’s introverted, stoic, and diligent personality paired surprisingly well with that of the extroverted, bubbly, and friendly Jihye. If he was being honest, it was obvious Sangwoo didn’t have an inkling of romantic interest in Jihye. Despite that, Jaeyoung found himself nearly sick with jealousy. He could practically hear the weirdo rambling on in his head. “Through evolution, humans have developed complex biological mechanisms that trigger them to feel sexual desire for members of the opposite sex for the purpose of reproduction. While it’s not that efficient, humanity has survived and thrived by pairing up and going through the complicated stages of pregnancy. Therefore, feeling sexual attraction to someone of the same sex is nothing but a meaningless illusion that does not contribute to humankind’s survival or evolution.” If nobody interfered, Sangwoo’s life would probably follow an entirely predictable, nicely paved path—he’d fall for some girl, date her, and get married… The thought of himself being the only anomaly in that equation, prohibiting Sangwoo from living a “normal” life, made Jaeyoung’s stomach turn. To make things even worse, it seemed like Jihye was determined to finagle her way into becoming the weirdo’s girlfriend. She’d been putting more and more effort into her makeup and outfits over time—tonight, as she sat across from Sangwoo, she wore a green dress with pleats at the waist, patent leather shoes, and a headband studded with cute gemstones. Just so you know, this isn’t Kansas. Jaeyoung wanted to get all snarky and laugh to himself about how overboard she’d gone with the outfit, but…the reality was, she looked bubbly and adorable. Every time he saw Sangwoo cast a glance in her direction, another wave of irritation rushed through him. In the end, he resorted to pettiness. “Seonghyeok, don’t forget to give table three their menu.” “Oh, right! I’ll do that now!” “Hyungjin. Is it just me, or do the kiddos over at table three look a bit bored?” “We can’t have that. I’ll go and entertain them.” “Dayun, give table three some complimentary dishes.” “Got it!” “Seohyeon, table three…” “You got it!” “Hyungjin—” “Going now!” It got to the point where the underclassmen started delivering food and drinks to Sangwoo’s table without Jaeyoung even saying anything. The whole situation was a mess—as was his hair, which was currently smothered in hair wax. When Jaeyoung was done washing up, he went to pack up his things and pose in a couple of group pictures. Then he headed to his car, giving the underclassmen a wave as they thanked him profusely. Honestly, I could do so much better…, he mused as he stood at the edge of the parking lot for a smoke. One cigarette turned to two, then three. What was so special about Sangwoo, anyway? What had driven him to follow the weirdo around and pull his metaphorical pigtails like a stupid kid with a crush, disassemble his own laptop simply to get his attention, grind day and night for his damn game, stalk him, and finally compete in some game tournament he himself couldn’t give a damn about? Jaeyoung could pinpoint the exact moment when it had started. That day when I came to school in a red puffer jacket, red jersey, red beanie, and red boxers… I should’ve known that I was in for something bad. Hindsight really is twenty-twenty… In the beginning, he’d been bummed that Sangwoo didn’t know his name or remember him at all. Then he’d gotten depressed at the thought that the weirdo didn’t seem to recognize that he was a genuinely decent human being. And now…he was hurt that Sangwoo didn’t consider him to be relationship material. The cigarette tasted bitter in Jaeyoung’s mouth. He looked up at the night sky, a heavy sigh slipping from his lips. Frankly, he was in no position to enter a new relationship. So why was he so hung up on Sangwoo? It was a complete waste of his time and energy. Seriously, why?! He couldn’t come up with an answer. After putting out the half-burned cigarette under his heel, Jaeyoung opened the door to his car and slipped inside. His heart almost stopped the moment he glanced over at the passenger’s seat, his breath catching in his throat. Sangwoo was asleep with his head turned toward the door, which meant his long, white neck was completely exposed—Jaeyoung’s biggest weakness. That stupid body part was the root of all his misfortune. Jaeyoung’s hands curled into fists, and he felt his breath quicken. In that moment, there were countless things he wished he could do—things that would probably earn him a lawsuit from Sangwoo—but he forced himself to close his eyes and take a deep breath. Sure, he was desperate and horny, but he had enough sense not to force himself on someone who was drunk and asleep. Snap out of it. Thankfully, he felt much calmer by the time he opened his eyes. Pulling another deep breath into his lungs, Jaeyoung turned his eyes to Sangwoo again and slowly reached over. I’m only putting on his seat belt for him, that’s all. Safety first. Stretching out his arm, he grabbed the seat belt, then pulled it over to the fastener. Sangwoo’s hand was right there, lying limply on the seat right next to the red button. His nails were neat and short, as if he’d clipped them the day before, and each finger bore a prominent, well-defined knuckle. Click. The seat belt snapped into place. As Jaeyoung righted himself, he purposefully turned his face toward Sangwoo’s and saw that the weirdo’s slightly parted lips were a mere ten centimeters away. His head spun. The scent of Sangwoo’s breath stirred something in his lower abdomen. Since when is the reek of alcohol a turn-on? Very slowly, Jaeyoung returned to his seat, but his eyes continued to greedily drink in the sight of Sangwoo’s pale nape. Putting on the weirdo’s seat belt was such a simple task, but it had taken most of his self-restraint. After taking some deep breaths, Jaeyoung started the car. His cock was straining against the fabric of his pants—but in all honesty, he’d been hard since he got in the car. What the hell’s the matter with me? he wondered. It’s like I have a spring installed in my dick… Mentally, it seemed as if he’d gone back in time to middle school, when he’d just discovered what sex was for the first time. Everything around him felt like it had the potential to be sensual or arousing. Jaeyoung stepped on the gas, forcing himself not to look to his right, and turned his car in the direction of Sangwoo’s apartment. Not only was it much closer than his own place, but he wasn’t sure how the situation would play out yet. It turned out there weren’t any parking spaces in front of Sangwoo’s apartment building, but Jaeyoung managed to squeeze his car into a spot anyway and thumbed off the ignition. “Wake up, Sangwoo,” he said loudly. It’s time to fornicate, you asshole, he added inwardly. For a few seconds, he sat silently, forcing himself to calm down. Then he unbuckled his seat belt, took a deep breath, and turned to face Sangwoo. That damn neck… It had no right being so long and pretty. Narrowing his eyes, he shook the weirdo by the shoulder to wake him up, but Sangwoo didn’t stir. “Here…let me unbuckle your seat belt,” he muttered, feeling like some kind of creep. Sangwoo didn’t respond, of course. Jaeyoung draped his right arm over the backrest and reached out with his left to grab the door handle, leaning forward despite not needing to. Any closer, and his nose would brush against Sangwoo’s cheek. In the darkness, the younger man’s pale skin seemed to reflect the moonlight. It was like he’d suddenly slipped into a black-and-white movie. Overtaken by a sudden desire to see Sangwoo’s face, Jaeyoung grabbed the hat off his head and tossed it into the back seat. The monochrome scene before him was striking. His heart began to pound loudly. There was something about the shadows cast by Sangwoo’s nose, his lashes, his lips, paired with the dark pattern on his cheek formed by a stain on the window… In that moment, Sangwoo was the main character of their film. He looked so much more innocent in his sleep, and Jaeyoung felt a pang of guilt even as his arousal grew. What am I to do with him? Hell, why do I want him so badly? It makes no sense! Sangwoo had nothing in common with anyone Jaeyoung had been attracted to in the past. There was nothing special about him that would catch someone’s attention, and he was quiet. Some people might call him a stick-in-the-mud. And sure, he was pretty damn good at certain things, but he was a complete rookie when it came to dating. At this point, Jaeyoung was something of a relationship expert, which meant he knew better than to pursue someone who wasn’t interested. There were plenty of fish in the sea, and all that. There was no point in being obsessed with someone over a skin-deep desire that would fizzle away after a brief moment of ecstasy. So, given that…why couldn’t he be logical when it came to Sangwoo Choo? Suddenly, the younger man’s eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times, still looking sleepy, before staring at Jaeyoung with wide eyes. “I didn’t do anything, I swear!” Jaeyoung said frantically. It wasn’t very convincing, considering he looked like he was seconds away from kissing Sangwoo. As he watched, the weirdo’s chest began to rise and fall rapidly. Jaeyoung raised both his hands up in surrender, as though he’d just been caught raiding a bank and was showing he was unarmed. “This is a total misunderstanding. Now…stay still.” Jaeyoung lowered his arm very slowly. “See? This is what I was about to do.” He pressed on the red button to unbuckle the weirdo’s seat belt, and it loosened with a soft swish. Sangwoo stared down at his lap, breathing heavily. It was time for Jaeyoung to return to his seat, but he found himself frozen, unable to move. “I have…something to say,” Sangwoo muttered. It felt like the inside of the car had turned into a sauna—the windows were fogging up, and Jaeyoung’s breath felt hot and heavy in his lungs. “I’ve been meaning to tell you… Ah, fuck…” So he starts cussing when he’s drunk. It was the second time Sangwoo had lost his verbal filter in front of him. “You see, I…” With a low groan, Sangwoo scowled and covered his eyes with one hand. A long moment passed before he lowered it again, revealing a gaze that looked strangely tired. “Damn it, this is hard…” How the hell is he so damn sexy? A moment ago, Jaeyoung had assumed Sangwoo was a dewy-eyed innocent when it came to dating, but the man before him now looked as if he could easily be in the starring role of a porno. The shift between two extremes left him reeling, and he gulped. “I—I was… I was doing some research…” To be honest, Jaeyoung wasn’t interested in hearing what Sangwoo had to say. He could see that the weirdo’s lips were moving, but the only thought in his head was: Even his lips are sexy. “I made sure to take a completely legal route, of course… Blah blah-blah purchased… Blah-blah blah downloaded…” What in the world is he talking about? “I just can’t bring myself to… Blah-blah blah blah-blah violent… Blah-blah blah the anus…” A violent rush of desire overtook Jaeyoung, drowning out the rest of whatever Sangwoo was saying. It was like he was watching a video without any sound. Something snapped in his head, and he rushed forward blindly. “Aah!” The noise was somewhere between a shout and a moan, but it was quickly muffled by Jaeyoung’s lips. For a moment, he felt Sangwoo hesitate, but then his tongue pushed its way into Jaeyoung’s mouth with the force of a charging bull. There wasn’t any technique or gentleness. It’s like I’m kissing a vacuum, Jaeyoung thought. And yet something about the forcefulness drew him in, left him wanting more. Without thinking, Jaeyoung returned the favor, tangling his tongue with Sangwoo’s and sucking relentlessly at his lips. Their movements only grew more passionate, like they both felt they were running out of time. As Jaeyoung bit at Sangwoo’s lips, the weirdo’s fingers dug into the hair at the back of his head and tightened into fists, grabbing hold of whatever purchase he could find. His other arm traveled around Jaeyoung’s torso and pulled him in closer. Jaeyoung didn’t even try to resist as his left knee was pulled onto Sangwoo’s thigh. He was practically in the passenger’s seat now, sitting on Sangwoo’s lap as he kissed him passionately. He had to hunch over deeply for the angle to work, but in that moment, he didn’t care. After what felt like an eternity, Sangwoo pushed Jaeyoung’s face away with one hand. He was panting as though he’d sprinted a mile—as was Jaeyoung. A sudden wave of shame washed over the older man; they were acting like dogs in heat. But any lingering sense of self-restraint vanished when he saw the raw desire gleaming in Sangwoo’s eyes. Looking was nowhere near enough. An invisible force pulled them back together before they could even catch their breath. Jaeyoung’s entire mind was aflame with the desire to consume Sangwoo whole. To mark his skin and make sure everyone knew he was his. There was no longer any point in trying to distinguish whether he was acting like Sangwoo’s special friend with benefits or trying to build a relationship. Crouched over Sangwoo’s lap, Jaeyoung reached under the seat with his left hand and pulled the lever, causing them to sharply recline. With a start, Sangwoo yelped, his short, dark hair scattering over the backrest. There was nothing sexual about the way the weirdo was staring up at him in surprise, but the fact that he was lying between Jaeyoung’s legs made it seem like he was trying to be seductive. They were only apart for a few seconds, but Jaeyoung couldn’t stand it any longer. He leaned forward, pressing his chest flush against Sangwoo’s. When he glanced up, he saw that the Sangwoo’s expression was twisted slightly, as if he was scared. With something like tenderness, Jaeyoung ran his hand along Sangwoo’s cheek, then traced a line with his finger from his shoulder to his neck. Then, at last, he did what he’d been longing to do—he dug his teeth into Sangwoo’s nape.
Chapter 11
16 min read