“What? No, you’re really similar!” Akane protested, mixing surprise into her smile.
“It’s not even about how similar we are. I mean, at no point does the story reveal she’s secretly a guy.”
“There are hints! They’re just really subtle!”
“Well, as far as I could tell, she doesn’t work at a music venue.”
“It says he works at a place where music is played.”
“That could be anywhere! Also, didn’t you say her outfits are identical to mine?”
“Yeah! When I first saw you, I was shocked how perfectly you captured my mental image of him.”
“But the book doesn’t even describe her clothes! Or the weather, for that matter! I really struggled trying to picture it!”
“Really? It was super easy for me.”
“Well, maybe it’s because I don’t read a ton of books.”
“Yeah, maybe.”
“There’s a bunch of other stuff, too. Like, there was no scene where Ai and The Girl go buy nail polish, no scene where The Girl confronts someone who was shit-talking Ai… Also, it seems to me Ai lives with a bunch of pets, not a roommate. But on top of all that…”
“Yeah?”
“The genre’s fantasy, of all things! Totally threw me for a loop when I started reading. Like, they talk about magic and curses and shit—there’s no way it’s set in our world. Certainly explains why the film trailer is all sparkly.”
“You’ve just been influenced by the movie. I’ve been reading it in text form since way before they adapted it.”
“I seriously thought I grabbed the wrong book, Itobayashi Akane. Just to double-check: this is the book you were talking about, right? Girl’s March by Ogusu Nanoka?”
“Of course.”
“And you’re not trying to mess with me?”
“I would never lie about my opinion of a book!”
“To be clear, I’m not accusing you of lying…”
“No, no, I didn’t think you were.”
“Okay, good. It’s just so different from what you told me, I started wondering why. Also, this might be more of the film’s influence, but it’s pretty obvious Ai and The Girl are romantically involved.”
“Oh my gosh, I didn’t take you for a shipper, Ai-san!”
“A shipper?”
“You know, when you ship two characters together?”
“Fine, whatever. Look here, Itobayashi Akane—do you still think I resemble this character, even now?”
“Yes, I do.”
“And you think you resemble The Girl?”
“It literally feels like it was written about me.”
“Well, I don’t see it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Setting aside me and Ai—as far as I’ve seen, you’re nothing like the protagonist this book describes. You don’t try to manipulate people to do your bidding, you don’t change your personality based on who you’re with, and you’re not arrogant. From what I can tell, you’re a lot more normal.”
“You’re giving me way too much credit!”
“You opened up to my coworker Fujino, you were worried about that childhood friend of yours, and you even picked a fight on my behalf. I really don’t think you’re as rotten as The Girl.”
“Maybe I’m just rotten on the inside. Hee hee.”
“An actual bad person wouldn’t say that. The Girl sure doesn’t.”
“You and I are both totally identical to them, though…”
“At the very least, I’m not this Ai.”
“Then why do you coincidentally both have the same name?”
“Mmm… To be honest, I used to really hate my name.”
“Aww, but it’s so nice!”
“Yeah, and it’s everywhere. Comedians, musicians, singer-songwriters, pop stars… I’m even friends with someone else named Ai. Plus, there are a million books and films and comics with characters called Ai, y’know?”
“True, there’s a ton. Not sure why.”
“Partly because it starts with the first letter of the alphabet. Plus, it can have so many different meanings—love, the color indigo, the pronoun I, the acronym for artificial intelligence… There was a time when I got real sick of hearing it everywhere I went. But at some point I realized it’s a waste of time to compare myself to all the others. When my friends and family call my name, they’re not thinking about the uncommon kanji and how it means ‘bring together’—they’re thinking of me specifically.”
“Wow, that’s beautiful.”
“So my name has nothing to do with the Ai in the story. And likewise, you’re just Itobayashi Akane.”
“I mean, yeah…”
“Not that I’m trying to say your interpretation’s wrong, but you said you wanted to change yourself like the main character does, right? Well, this is just my opinion, but if you’re worried that you’re a bad person like she is, then don’t be. Even if you relate to her struggles, you’re still you.”
“Ai would never say that.”
It slipped out. A single drop of blood had leaked through the indestructible seams of a door that was normally sealed tight. But her need to be liked wouldn’t allow her true self even this microscopic ray of hope, and so it quickly erased her cry for help.
“But now that you mention it, the Ai in the story isn’t as nice as you are, so maybe you’re not the same after all.”
“Sheesh, you sure changed your tune quick!”
If she allowed herself to relish the warmth of the smile in front of her, the inner Akane would get too scared to let go. The girl in the mirror had trained her well.
“But that just proves my point. You’re a super sincere person, Itobayashi Akane.”
They had come so close, and yet…
“Nah, I can be pretty two-faced. I’m just a sucker for hot guys.”
She wanted to die.
“That’s not being two-faced—that’s called being easily bought.”
“Ugh, I don’t like the sound of that. Being two-faced is cooler.”
Kill me.
“Similarity stuff aside, it’s wild that our opinions ended up so different.”
“I think that’s just how it goes with novels. Without any illustrations, each person has to imagine for themselves.”
“Well, I have no idea how you read about this character and somehow pictured me.”
“Believe it or not, I have a powerful imagination.”
Kill me, kill me, kill me.
“Welp, I guess you’re not Ai after all, huh? Can’t really argue now that you’ve read the book…”
“Frankly, I’m glad you were wrong. I don’t want us to be Ai and The Girl from the story—I want you, Itobayashi Akane, to open up and be your real self with me, Ukawa Ai.”
“Okay, now you’re trying to get called a guilt-tripper.”
What do I do?
I was wrong.
This man wasn’t Ai. He was no different from the rest of them—just another run-of-the-mill sheep with no understanding of Girl’s March or the protagonist’s internal imprisonment.
“You grown-ups don’t play fair.”
She wanted out of here ASAP. If this bluntly honest, cross-dressing man wasn’t her Ai, then being with him had lost all purpose. Sitting across from him was like a dose of cold, hard reality, throwing all her wasted hopes and dreams in her face, and it hurt so badly, she wanted nothing more than to escape right that very moment.
Alas, if she was capable of that, then she wouldn’t have had these hopes and dreams in the first place. She didn’t need to play mind games like he was her boyfriend. Nonetheless, she knew storming out wouldn’t win his favor, so it was off the table.
“But ‘you’re still you’ is a pretty cool line, Ai-san. I wish I was brave enough to say something like that.”
“You are brave! I’ve seen you speak up against something you felt was wrong. You just have to pick your battles or you’ll be fighting every day.”
“Are you speaking from experience?”
“Yeah, it happened a lot back when I was your age. But eh, eventually I figured out I didn’t need other people’s validation to be myself.”
As she listened, she thought back to that one band whose performance she’d seen with Ai at the music venue. They sang about being yourself, living true to your heart, and how much more fun life was when you were genuine—all under the assumption that this was a positive message. But what about people like her, for whom it wasn’t so easy?
“That’s so cool!”
Right now, trapped within those spotless white walls, the inner Akane no one knew had only one thought: that it was too late to make up for the time she had wasted. The story’s final day was approaching, but she had enacted it with someone who wasn’t Ai. At this rate, she would witness the last day not as the protagonist, but some unnamed bystander…and then she would spend the rest of her life imprisoned, with no one coming to her rescue.
Entrusting the conversation with Ukawa Ai to the girl in the mirror, the inner Akane sat alone in the white room, utterly at a loss. But just then, oh-so-conveniently, a single comment reached her.
“Now that I think of it, you said you wanted to reenact all the scenes with Ai, but…surely not the last one, right? Because that’d be insane.”
At the sound, the invisible girl looked up. She’d forgotten that ending was an option, but at this point, she was willing to settle.
Little did he know that, with his offhand remark, he’d inspired a wretched creature nowhere close to his vision of “the real Itobayashi Akane” to take action. He didn’t know just how much his mere existence had kept her together, right from the moment she had first spoken to him believing him to be Ai.
“We can just go skydiving or something for that part. I already decided that’s when I’ll touch your hand for the first time. Just like in the story.”
“That explains your reaction when we played pool! Man, you’re kinda devious.”
“I prefer cunning, if you don’t mind!”
Now that she had made up her mind, she would flatter and fawn as much as the girl in the mirror commanded, and she would no longer need to want to die.
The gerbera didn’t even last a week.