“Thank you, though.”
At the very least, he wanted her to know that he applauded the bravery and integrity it took to defend a friend’s honor, so he followed his heart. And when she sucked in a breath, he sensed that his feelings had gotten through to her.
Naturally, as someone who had carried an anger like hers, he knew it often had a mind of its own. Having felt it himself, he understood that anger on behalf of a loved one was no joke. Even when he knew people didn’t want him to act on it, even when he tried to remind himself that the resulting domino effect could make them sad, a part of him still smoldered deep down. His friend was hurt, and so he was mad about it.
But though he understood the intrinsically selfish nature of the emotion, he still didn’t want to invalidate her for answering her heart’s call and rising to the challenge.
Akane remained silent for a while, then let a sigh slip subtly through the corners of her mouth, as if her concern had been resolved. She seemed to try to further conceal this behind a sip of tea.
“If I’m honest…I was pretty scared, Ai-san.”
He was a tiny bit relieved to see her lower the fist she had raised.
“I’m not surprised.” Someone who knew their way around a fight wouldn’t get teary-eyed when they were trying to be intimidating.
She seemed to possess some degree of emotional maturity, so if he had to guess, she normally either turned a deaf ear to passing insults or found something to distract her until she calmed down. There must have been something that pushed her to act this time around. Perhaps their insults were particularly creative, or maybe she had calculated that the security staff would step in if things got dicey. Either way, he suspected there was some kind of special circumstance.
“But since you were with me, I felt like I needed to be brave.”
Sure enough, his general suspicion was correct. But the specifics didn’t match any of the reasons he had imagined would inspire her to fight on behalf of another.
“After all,” she continued matter-of-factly, “The Girl in Girl’s March doesn’t let the threat of violence scare her. When someone insults her friend, she stands up for them.”
He failed to disguise his reaction. “Are you serious?”
At all times, be it joy or rage, gratitude or remorse, Ai tried to express himself as honestly as possible. This was the person he wanted to be, and he liked that he was capable of it. But regardless of his agency, he was fundamentally an open book, particularly when he was comfortable around someone. The concept of a poker face was alien to him; he allowed his emotions to take the wheel. In short, the essence of his humanity just so happened to match his ideal vision of the same, just as another person might be fond of their own face or voice. Even he wasn’t sure which had come first: his aspiration or his nature.
In other words, the teenager in front of him could surely see on his face what category he had just put her in.
“It goes that far?”
He hadn’t intended for this to slip out. Divorced of context, Akane likely had no idea what he meant.
Inside his body, his nervous system was at the wheel, making his already larger-than-average eyes widen all the more. The air he breathed seemed to steal the moisture from his throat, and he quickly took a sip of coffee. He was every bit as shocked as he looked, for he now realized his own misconception about Itobayashi Akane: he had thought she was playing a game, like two friends roleplaying as lovers. Assuming the two of them did indeed resemble the characters of that story, as she claimed, he figured a little reenactment was scarcely different from two music fans wearing the same merch together.
But this was more than that. She was telling him that the novel Girl’s March had inspired her to risk bodily harm in the name of justice. Who wouldn’t be shocked?
“I can’t believe you, Itobayashi Akane.”
“Wh-what?”
“I’ve known plenty of folks whose worldviews were influenced by a certain person or musician or what have you. But it’s not every day I meet someone whose entire life is built on a single piece of media.”
In response to his sincere opinion, she tilted her head bashfully. “I don’t know if it’s that serious. I just have a lot in common with The Girl from Girl’s March, and I’ve always wanted to be able to fight for my friends like she does, and…when I met you, it felt like a push in the right direction.”
“I see… Well, don’t forget, I’m not that other Ai.”
As soon as he said it, he cursed himself for being mean. He could have nodded along out of courtesy, but instead he only ever spoke his mind. Alas, there wasn’t much he could do about it. Even if it came as a letdown to other people, he liked being the kind of person who could stick to his guns.
Akane smiled shyly, as if fighting to keep burgeoning disappointment from taking root deep in her heart. “I knew you were going to say that.”
“I do envy you, though.” To Ai, shallow praise was no different from an insult, so he would never say something on the spur of the moment just to make someone else happy. “It’s a real blessing to find something that inspires you to be better, whether it’s a person, a thing, or even a book.”
At this, the smile evaporated into a more serious expression, though a trace of joy remained at the corners of her lips as she nodded. “This book means everything to me. Whenever I’m worried about my problems, I try to have faith that one day I’ll change, just like The Girl. You know, I’d really like it if you’d read it sometime.”
“You’re gonna have to wait a while, Itobayashi Akane. At least until you can go toe to toe with me at billiards.”
“That’s gonna take forever!”
As they shared a small chuckle, Ai added a footnote about Girl’s March to the opinion of Akane he had formulated in the smoking area. A little seed had taken root in him when she bared her heart earlier, but instead of plucking it, he merely grasped it. For now it was just a possibility, but it was there.
Going forward, if anyone were to deeply hurt Akane, he was most likely no longer capable of tolerating it. He hadn’t asked this seed to sprout, but now that it was here, he chose to accept it just as it was. He was simply that sort of guy.