Chapter 3:
Damping
HINAKO COULDN’T REALLY TELL if she was awake or asleep. She couldn’t recall the last time she ate. Then again, she didn’t feel hungry.
She’d never thought there would come a day that she wouldn’t want to be at the beach. But no, she didn’t want to leave her apartment at all. She didn’t have the energy. Instead, she hid indoors like she was allergic to the sun.
While she was awake, her brain replayed scenes from her time with Minato, over and over and over, like a broken projector. When she closed her eyes, she could see it all from a third-person perspective, like she was watching a movie.
It started at the end of summer—Hinako running barefoot across the beach, Minato chasing after her. Then he pulled her into his arms and swung her around as the waves sparkled behind them. Both grinned from ear to ear.
Then autumn descended over the beach. A close-up of the happy couple feeding the seagulls. The camera panned to the ocean and zoomed in on the couple in their wetsuits, lying side by side on their surfboards, holding hands and chatting.
Then the sparkling ocean transitioned to Christmas lights, revealing a theme park in winter. Hinako and Minato walked through the park, gazing up at the paper lanterns, holding hands, and wearing matching knit caps. Minato went in for a kiss, but Hinako bashfully deflected it with her hand. He waited for her to let her guard down and then went for it again. Their romance was as sweet as candy.
The final scene took place between the bedsheets, on the morning after Hinako’s birthday. I love you, Minato whispered, affectionately gazing down at her from above. I love you too, Hinako replied, cupping his face in her hands. They kissed again and again.
But this movie had no ending. And it never would.
Had Hinako ever really kissed his lips? Or felt his body heat? Had she ever truly been that happy? It all felt fake. She’d thought she had known everything about Minato, but she never realized he was a bad swimmer. And now, just like that, he was gone. Had he ever really been there? Or had her brain simply invented the perfect man?
Just when Hinako thought she was finally out of tears, her eyes burned all over again. This could have been a neat party trick if it were something useful, like holy water or crude oil, but her unending fountain of tears did nothing to ease the agony in her chest.
Hinako’s phone rang atop the table where she’d left it. After two rings, her voice mail answered for her. “The number you have dialed is unavailable or not in service at this time. Please leave a message after the tone.”
Beeeep.
“Hinako?”
It was her mother. Clutching at her hair, Hinako sat among the cardboard boxes, her knees tucked up to her chin.
“How are you feeling, sweetheart? Give me a call when you’re ready. You can take as much time as you need.”
Hinako knew her family was worried about her, since she hadn’t gone back to visit them for New Year’s. But right now, their concern was smothering. She rubbed her big toes together.
“Message received on the 16th at 2:42 PM,” the automated message finished.
Sixteenth? Of what month?
Time had stopped for Hinako on that fateful day.
Thank yuo for saveing my teddy!! —Yoshikawa Yuuki
At the station, Wasabi sniffled as he read a clumsily written letter addressed to Minato from a child whose toy Minato had recovered during the fire at Hinako’s apartment complex. Enclosed with the letter were a few pictures: one of the kid with her slightly burnt buddy, and some of her dressed up as a firefighter and holding a hose at what appeared to be a children’s career-themed amusement park.
Oh, I see. Minato-senpai inspired you, didn’t he? Wasabi smiled slightly and glanced over at the empty desk adorned with flowers, drinks, and snacks. His personal contribution: a small sea turtle plushie. Additionally, there was a framed photo of Minato giving a firm salute in his firefighting gear. Even Wasabi could tell it was a swoon-worthy shot.
It was still so hard to believe he was gone.
Being a firefighter meant coming face-to-face with death every day. It was a dangerous job, and sometimes saving lives meant risking your own. Obviously Wasabi understood that by now, but…
“Hey there!” a voice called out from the doorway.
“Oh…”
Wasabi looked up and saw Youko standing there, wearing a duffel coat over her uniform.
Youko pressed the doorbell—ding-dong. No response.
She pressed it again—ding-dong, ding-dong. No response.
Dingdongdingdongdingdongdingdongdingdong! She mashed it stubbornly, as if to suggest she wasn’t going to stop until the door opened. Wasabi stood behind her, carrying a cardboard box.
Bam, bam, bam! Having lost her patience, Youko started pounding on the door with her fist. “Hello? I know you’re in there! Open the door, please!”
A few moments later, the door finally opened, and Hinako appeared, looking haggard. This was the first Wasabi had seen of her since Christmas, when she passed out on the beach. Her gait was unsteady—maybe her blood sugar was low.
“Sorry to drop in on you with no warning,” Wasabi apologized sheepishly once they were inside her apartment. “I see you moved away from the coast, huh?”
Hinako’s new place was located on the riverside instead.
“I figured this way I wouldn’t have to look at the ocean,” she murmured.
“Oh.” Like an idiot, Wasabi had inadvertently reminded her of her dead boyfriend.
“This is all the stuff Oniichan left behind at the fire station,” Youko continued sharply. “Do you need any of this crap or what?”
When Hinako saw the item sitting on top of the pile, her expression twisted in misery. It was the plastic inflatable porpoise, deflated and neatly folded up. Wasabi remembered Minato telling him Hinako had given it to him as a birthday present.
“I…I’m really sorry about this. I know it probably…brings up a lot of memories…” Tears spilled from Wasabi’s eyes. He felt the same pain Hinako did—the pain of losing a loved one.
“We didn’t come here so you could cry,” Youko snapped.
But Wasabi couldn’t stop. “I can’t help it! I mean, they sent me out to rescue my own coworker… Can you even imagine…?”
On Christmas morning, Minato had gone out surfing alone. According to the young male witnesses who were riding their water scooters at the time, he was performing stunts and turns like a total pro. When one of the scooters capsized, he had already gone ashore, but then he heard the other two calling for help and ran back into the water with his board.
The young men were locals, and they knew the Kujukuri waves were not to be taken lightly, so they’d been hesitant to dive under the water to rescue their friend. Not only that, they’d been hungover from binge drinking the previous night. Nevertheless, they had gone out on the water.
But Minato plunged into the ocean regardless. He had never mastered water rescue training, but it was a firefighter’s duty to help people in need.
The young man was almost unconscious by the time Minato got him onto his surfboard, and they were headed back to the shore when tragedy struck.
“In the end, he sacrificed his own life for someone else’s… That’s just the kind of man he was…”
“No! You don’t understand!” Hinako shot back. “It’s all my fault… I told him the waves got bigger the morning after a snowy night!”
“Stop it!” Youko shouted. “Blaming yourself isn’t going to bring my brother back!”
The words seemed to hit Hinako like a ton of bricks. She stared at the floor. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
“Here’s his cell phone.” Scowling, Youko dropped the phone on top of the open cardboard box. “All this crap is yours now, so you can do whatever you want with it. Hell, throw it away if you want.”
“Youko-chan!” Wasabi shouted, flustered.
“It’s for her own good!” Youko shouted back as Hinako continued to hang her head. Then she jumped to her feet and stormed out.
“Um… Let me give you my contact information. If you ever need any help with anything, give me a call.” Wasabi scribbled his cell phone number onto the back of his business card and placed it on Hinako’s floor. Then he ran out of the apartment after Youko.
With Wasabi and Youko gone, the apartment fell silent once more.
Hinako reached out and gently ran a finger over Minato’s phone screen. It was smooth and cold—no trace of its owner’s warmth. She picked it up and flipped it over to look at the phone case. Half of a porpoise smiled up at her.
At one point, Minato had taught her about a smartphone app he’d discovered.
“Have you heard of this wave forecast app?”
“What?! I didn’t know they made an app for that!”
The app provided a map of the coast, complete with markers and detailed status information. This way, the user could tell at a glance which spots had the best waves—insanely useful for a surfer.
“Here, I’ll install it on your phone for you.”
Hinako could remember him smirking as he put his arm around her shoulder…
She set his phone down and then used her own phone to call his number. Sure enough, his phone began to buzz.
Normally, Minato answered after a few rings. She could remember the sound of his voice calling her name. But instead, a mechanical voice answered coldly in his place: “The number you have dialed is unavailable or not in service at this time.”
Why? Why?! Fury rose up inside Hinako, and she raised her phone high in the air—
“Please leave a message after the…”
She stopped herself. Instead, she lowered her phone and screamed into it: “You said you’d always be there for me, and now you’re unavailable?! Screw you!”
But no amount of screaming would reach Minato now.
Beside Hinako, someone was on their board doing a takeoff. Someone in a wetsuit. She recognized him even from behind—
“Minato?”
But the moment she called out to him, he disappeared under the waves.
Instantly, Hinako snapped awake. Apparently she’d nodded off at some point. Silently, she cursed herself for waking up. If only she could’ve stayed in that dream world a little longer…
Then she realized she’d fallen asleep on the floor, on top of the deflated porpoise. Minato’s other belongings from the box—his ballpoint pens, slippers, neck cushion, toothbrush, button-down shirts, socks, books, CDs, documents, coffee mug—were all scattered on the floor around her. Maybe that was why she’d dreamed of him.
Hinako curled into a ball and exhaled slowly. A crushing weight was pressing down on her chest.
Why? Why Minato of all people? What did he ever do to deserve this?