I tried killing Alice.
I was arrested and sent to a correctional institution. Looks like I didn’t need that world. I came back and killed Alice. I thought I pulled it off, but I got caught again. So I didn’t need that one either. I killed Alice a third time, which is when I finally realized why I’d done it. Yukari had died because Alice had come here to Japan. The solution was simple: destroy Alice.
Destroy her completely.
I pulled it off, but another Alice arrived. I destroyed her replacement, but I got caught again. Trial and error. Trial and error. I’d just keep it up until I was successful.
Eventually, no one came anymore. This time, I thought, Yukari might not die.
How naive of me. Yukari was abducted; I was killed.
Trial and error. Let’s start from the beginning…
✦ ✦ ✦
Sometimes I complained to “me.”
“Maybe it’s not possible to save Yukari. Maybe fate exists.”
“Fate?”
“Yes, precisely. Did you know everything started from Yukari’s death? The way I am now started from there. It’s because Yukari died that I exist as I am. If Yukari had lived, I wouldn’t be here, so…maybe it is possible to turn back time. Maybe it is possible to change the past and the future. On the other hand, maybe fate is real. Maybe once it’s observed, it can’t be changed no matter what you do. So if Yukari’s death is ‘determined’ and ‘I’ was generated from it, maybe ‘I’ can’t—maybe it’s impossible to save her as long as ‘I’ exist…”
“Yeah. That could be true, but what if it’s not? We don’t really know. But there’s one thing I can say: I don’t need a ‘me’ who gives up as easily as you do. Go ahead and disappear.”
I ended the call with a sigh.
Let’s try this again. From the beginning. Like a beam of light, let’s charge through every route. For the sake of the one solution. Because by now, that’s how I go.
✦ ✦ ✦
One day I suddenly realized, if I didn’t have time, I could make it so I did. I didn’t have enough time because I was starting from here—from the time I got the first call. All I had to do was start from an earlier point in time. I’d been able to go back in time before, so it should be possible to do it again. Yes, that’s what I should do. I might as well go back before Jaunt was created.
I’d used my memories from parallel worlds to study up on Jaunt. It hadn’t been that long since it was founded. The organization was actually younger than I was. It was tough because it was an organization, which would be fine if they never formalized into an organization with power. If I started from before Jaunt existed, I’d be able to take my time saving Yukari, and my enemy would be weak. This was exactly what was meant by “two birds with one stone.”
“Wait a minute. You want to go further into the past—and have ‘me’ fight them as a little kid?”
“My age doesn’t matter. I’ll still have ‘our’ knowledge and experience. So no worries. It will actually be a big advantage to be a little kid, because it’ll catch the enemy off guard.”
“But if you’re planning to go back that far—I mean, I hadn’t even met Yukari yet, and my left hand was still normal!”
“What am I hearing from you?” I cackled. “I” still didn’t know what “I” was. “Don’t you realize? This cell phone is nothing more than a trigger. By this point I’m just using it because it’s convenient. I don’t really need it anymore. It’s already the case that that’s how I go. I’ve long since ‘determined’ myself as this. The only important thing is the result. The process can be interpreted however you want. Or do you have something else you need to do?”
A pause.
“No.”
“Then stop your bitchin’ and try it, okay? We gotta try every single possible method available—”
I hung up and called again. Repeated use of my cell phone would consume my energy, but that didn’t matter. Plus, I didn’t need this world anymore. All I needed was the possibility of saving her. By now, I didn’t even need myself.
“And with that…
✦ ✦ ✦
“…you can handle the rest, can’t you?”
“Leave it to me.”
I sighed dramatically and hung up the toy phone. I was startled when the phone I thought was just a toy rang, but what did you expect? I was barely five now. It wouldn’t be surprising if a little thing startled me enough that I’d wet myself.
But still…
“It doesn’t matter how much knowledge and experience you have if you can’t use them well. Maybe it’s true that when you get old you get set in your ways.”
I turned my head and thought back to my fourteen-year-old self. Then I thought about my sixteen-year-old self before that. Then I recalled my earlier twenty-year-old self (twenty?), my thirty-year-old self (thirty, wow!), my older selves in distant worlds that now exceed my imagination—all the “mes” in all the worlds.
Pathetic.
“Be flexible, ‘me’!”
“My” failing was that “I’d” only sought possibilities vertically. On my own “I’d” tethered the infinity of parallel worlds. But I wouldn’t make the same mistake. I wouldn’t put limits on possibility.
What I needed was adaptability.
The important thing was the result. As long as the results were determined, the process would come by itself.
Giddy, I pushed the toy phone’s buttons. “Hello?”
“Yeah! Hello!” “I” answered immediately.
“You know what to do, right? What’s in my head is in yours now, right?”
“Yeah! I have to find myself in a parallel world! Unfortunately I’m not the one. But I’ll do my best!”
“Okay,” I nodded. I hung up and called again.
Probably at this moment infinite “mes” were making calls all at once. My heart raced to think of it. We’d find her in no time.
Yes, we just had to find her. If I was powerless, I just had to find a “me” who had power. Like a “me” with magic.
If the parallel worlds were infinite, there had to be at least one “me” who could use magic. And if we just managed to find one, that would be the foundation for everything after. That’s how you ought to use infinite possibilities.
“Hello!”
“Yeah! Leave it to me! I’m sure I can do it!”
That’s right, I could do it. After all, I’d always wanted to be a magical girl.