But this lady was different. She wasn’t trash like the others. No piece of trash could be this kind. I still wanted her to disappear, though. Having someone see through to a part of me that not even I understood was too much for me to handle. Responding to my feelings, the chairs, desks, wooden boards, every object in the room began flying around. I could hear the dull impact as several of them crashed into her. Somehow, the woman found the strength to smile through the pain and walked toward me, one step at a time, until she was right in front of me.
“Don’t be afraid.”
She took my left hand in hers.
“Let me go.”
A folding chair hit her in the head. She let out a low groan. Blood started to trickle down her head.
“No. I won’t.” She flatly refused. “I just want you to feel safe.”
“I don’t need safety!”
Her hand was so warm, I wanted to cry. I didn’t want to accept the warmth that was flowing into me. It wasn’t something that someone like me needed or deserved. I focused my power on her hand.
“And I don’t need you!”
There was a muffled sound, and the next thing I knew, the woman’s arm had bent back at an unnatural angle.
“I-it’s okay… Look, everything’s fine…”
She had tears in her eyes, and her voice was strained, but she still didn’t let her smile falter.
“Nothing is fine!” I was feeling even more scared now. “Y-your arm is broken! It’s bent the wrong way… How can you say any of this is fine?!”
She held up her unbroken arm and took my hand again.
“Because I’m alive. You said you didn’t need me, but I’m still here. You’re not the kind of girl who would kill people who’ve done nothing wrong. It wasn’t your fault.”
I didn’t have the words to respond. Fear and joy and relief all warred for prominence within me. I did the only thing I could do, sobbing and howling like a wounded beast.
“My power might not be as amazing as yours, but I’ve always been able to tell what other people are thinking. Because of that, things have happened that have made me sad…”
The lady…Yuriko Sasaki told me all about her power.
There’s a monster called a satori that’s said to live in the deep mountains of Hida. Like Yuriko, it’s able to read people’s minds and tell what they’re thinking. Yuriko said that normal people feared her and found her unsettling, as if she were that monster. She was the reason I became interested in the supernatural and eventually decided to study it.
“But you know, it hasn’t been all bad. I’m using my power to do a job that involves listening to people. A lot of people just want someone to nod and agree and help them sort out their feelings. Some people call me a fraud or a glorified fortune teller, but I try not to let that bother me. What I’m trying to say is, you’ve been gifted with a power that other people don’t have. Maybe there’s a better way to use it.”
“…The only thing I can do is kill people.”
“That’s not true.” Yuriko smiled. “If your power is strong enough to kill people, you can do all kinds of other things with it, too. Superman and Batman could kill people if they wanted, but they don’t. They choose to be heroes instead.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Oh, you don’t know them? I’ll have to show you a video next time I come visit.”
I stared at her, shaken to my core.
“M-Ms. Yuriko, are you…going to be my foster mother?”
“I’d like to. But it’s not up to me, I’m afraid.”
Then out of nowhere, she told me to close my eyes. I did and felt the sensation of something hard settling on my left arm. When I opened my eyes, I saw a string of colorful shining beads.
“It’s a pretty bracelet, isn’t it? It might be a little big for you now, but…would you like it?”
The bracelet looked like it would fall if I relaxed my arm. I hurriedly took it off and grasped it with both hands.
“When you’re a little bigger, and if you still think you and I could be friends…”
My face went red. She was reading my thoughts again. I’d just been thinking this lady might be the kind of person I could be friends with.
“…maybe you could come live with me? I’m sure two people with interesting powers could have a nice life together.”
I nodded. Quickly. Several times. I felt like if I hesitated for even a moment, Yuriko would think better of the idea and call the whole thing off.
Several years passed. I graduated from middle school, and Yuriko officially adopted me. She really was a very kind woman. Along with her husband, Kenichi—sadly deceased now—the three of us lived like a real family. The food she made was delicious, and I put on a lot of weight. But people started to say that my mother and I looked alike, and that made me happy.
Even though I was surrounded by good people and being shown so much kindness, the terrible parts of me that I’d inherited from my birth parents weren’t going to go away. But I was at least able to become a real human. All thanks to Yuriko. After that incident, I stopped hurting people. I started venting my violent and abusive tendencies on the supernatural instead.
That bracelet is so precious to me. It’s like an umbilical cord linking me with Yuriko. The time will come when I have to part ways with her. She will die one day. The mother I was blessed with will be lost once more. When that happens, I probably won’t be able to stay human anymore.
For now, I’m doing okay. I have Aoyama. He’s there to protect me, to cheer me up when I need it, and to take care of my health. He’s someone who could be like a mother to me. It’s something I’ve learned all too well—people die. They disappear and are gone forever. That’s why you can’t rely too heavily on any one person. You need to have a spare ready.
Not so long ago, I thought of Aoyama as something like a puppy. He was sweetly virtuous in a way that made him impossible to hate. Amiable. Considerate. But that was all. The incident a few months ago changed that. I realized he trusts me. He trusts me from the very bottom of his heart and is willing to tread the same path as me. And not just because he’s being nice. That kind of presence in one’s life… That’s what a mother is, isn’t it?
It was a mistake to let Mononobe find out. “Makes my skin crawl,” he said. You only use those words when you find something creepy or unpleasant. I never let his abuse get to me. Mononobe is better acquainted with suffering than I am. He’s physically disabled, and even now, a fell presence continues to eat away at his body. He’s younger than me, but I doubt he’ll live to be the age I am now.
He has a family, though. His mother, his father, all the people in his life love and support him. There is no way someone like that could understand how I feel. Is it so wrong for me, having been abandoned by my mother, to seek out a new one? Is it so strange for me to fear my mother’s death? People who have always had a mother have no idea how precious they are.
Then there’s Aoyama. I’m worried about him. There’s a good chance that while I’m here, trapped in this strange dream, he’s going through something similar. I don’t want him to have to suffer.
“I’m sorry, Mommy.”
I shove aside one of the women with blotched faces and get to my feet. When I do, their heads all snap up at once. They have downturned eyes, delicate noses, and rather small mouths. Every face the same. I bite the inside of my cheeks to stifle a scream.
“Why are you here?”
A raw, plantlike smell floods my nostrils. It’s just the smell of grass, but it’s so sharp that it hurts my head. A strong grip grasps my shoulder from behind.
“Why?”
The women disappear. The pews disappear. The church disappears. Now there’s just an empty space where one tall woman in heavy makeup stands.
“I didn’t call for you. Get out of here, pig.”
Every time her mouth moves, powder falls from her face. The makeup around her mouth is cracked and flaking. I hear a grinding noise. I understand too late. This is the sound Toshihiko described. Haruko and his stalker really are one and the same. But if that’s the case, who was the woman whose duplicates filled the church pews?
Krsh, krsh, krsh…
I’m having trouble thinking. I can’t visualize my palace. Only one thing comes to mind.
“I’m sorry, Mommy.”
“Rumi! Are you okay?”
It’s Aoyama. I’m back in my office. Of course. I finished my fieldwork for the day, came back here, and fell asleep. Then I had that dream.
“I’m…sorry, Mommy…”
I grasp his arm and mutter the same sentence the women in the church did. I can feel his body shaking. I clamp my mouth shut and look up at him.
“You call your mother ‘Mommy’ when you’re at home?”
He smiles a carefree smile and makes some inane comment about the contrast to my usual demeanor.
Mononobe wouldn’t understand. A good, strong person like him never could. He could never understand the feelings of abnormal people like me and Toshihiko.
“Maybe I should call you Mommy from now on, too?” I ask.
My voice is trembling. Aoyama doesn’t seem to notice. He just points out that he’s a man.