I thought as long as he was there…
As long as he was there by my side…
…then I could do anything.
But now…
I…
To survive for long in the slums, you needed an edge. Wits, money, power, influence. My parents had none of them. When muggers killed them…I lost everything. Everything, that is, except the will to live. For I had a hope that let me dispel all the pessimism and despair.
“Remy! Look at all the grub I got for us tonight!”
“Wow! That’s amazing, big brother! I’ve never seen so much white bread at once!”
Remy, my dear little sister. With her, even the dirty corner of a filthy street felt like paradise. She was the distillation of my hopes—my dreams.
“One of the adventurers fed me already, so this is all for you.”
“Wow, really?!”
“Yeah, I’m so full, I’ll burst if I have another bite.”
So long as she was happy, then it didn’t matter how much I starved.
“I can’t believe normal people get to eat this every day. It’s so yummy,” she said.
“Yeah,” I replied. “But we’ll live like that soon. Just you wait.”
Very soon now, I would be twelve. Then I would be able to register with the guild as an adventurer and be officially recognized as a working-class citizen. That was when my life could—
“Rgh…!”
My right arm ached, interrupting my thoughts.
“Big brother? What’s wrong?”
“N-nothing. I just hurt it while working, that’s all.”
As far as Remy knew, I helped carry adventurers’ equipment for them, but that wasn’t true. Instead…I sold my body for a pittance a day, but I could never tell her that.
“You wouldn’t believe the adventurers I met today…!”
I made up stories about the brave men I’d worked with and the source of my injury.
…The real reason was that a customer had been rough with me. His leering eyes were scorched into my mind. I forced myself not to throw up at the thought so that I could go on protecting my sister’s smile.
“You’re amazing, big brother. Soon you’ll be a hero, and everyone will love you! Just like Claire, the Hero of Salvation!”
Remy loved Claire. She was young and a girl just like her, and yet she was a famous hero. She made an excellent role model for my little sister.
“Big brother? Do you think I’ll ever be like her?”
An adventurer, she meant. I didn’t want that life for her… But I couldn’t risk harming that wonderful smile.
“Of course! I bet you will! You’ll be a hero just like Claire and go on adventures, and…”
“No, that’s not what I mean,” she said, shaking her head. She was innocent, pure…and precious.
“If I become like Claire, I want to stay right here and protect the people of this town. They all look so tired, day after day… I feel sorry for them.”
“I see. You’re a kind girl, Remy.”
I was proud of her. In a world of darkness, she was the blinding light. For her, I could do anything, take any pain…and sink to any low.
“Now then, it’s time for bed.”
“Okay. Nighty night, big brother.”
We cuddled up to each other by the side of the road, using each other’s body heat just to keep ourselves from freezing to death. This was how we survived the nights, but very soon now, all that would change.
Remy and I would move up in the world.
That was what I believed.
That was what I wished for.
But the world was never content to let me be happy.
After work the next day, I came back to Remy. It was dangerous in the slums, so whenever I wasn’t around, she hid in the ruins of an abandoned building. There was a hidden room there that only we knew about. There, she would remain safe. Nobody could possibly harm her.
So when I came back, I didn’t believe what I saw at first.
“Rgh…!”
As I entered, something crumpled beneath my feet. However, the nightmare before my eyes commanded my total attention.
“Re…my…?”
I couldn’t even tell at first glance whether she was my precious little sister or not. That was how badly she had been hurt. Broken.
Her naked body was covered in bruises, and her arms and legs were all bent out of shape. She was coated in a layer of semen and urine.
“Big…brother…”
“Hrh…! Remy!”
She was breathing. Faint breaths that felt like they might disappear at any moment, but my sister was alive. I ran over to her and picked her up.
“I’ll save you…!” I said. “Don’t worry; I’ll take care of you!”
Then I ran. I ran as fast as I could.
“Please, somebody help! It’s my sister! She needs help!”
I felt like I was going to spit up blood and vomit, but still I ran.
“Please! Please! My sister’s going to…! She’s going to…!”
I ran. I ran all the way, with my sister on my back, to a clinic and went inside.
But everywhere I went, I heard the same thing.
“Get out.”
And if I tried to stand my ground, their security would throw us out. Both of us, onto the cold, hard ground outside.
“Remy…! Ahh, Remy…!”
I recognized the eyes of the people walking by on the street. They weren’t seeing people. They were seeing trash lying in the road.
“This can’t be happening…! It can’t…it can’t be happening…!”
My sister wasn’t infected. She didn’t have Blue-Eye or anything. Anyone could have saved us just by offering a helping hand. Just by lending a bed, some medicine, or first aid.
That was all anyone needed to do to save my sister’s life.
“Urgh…urgh…!”
My legs gave out. I couldn’t even stand anymore. The two of us fell to the ground.
My sister was no longer breathing.
I never even heard her last words or knew at what moment she had departed this world.
“…Remy.”
I cried. Over my sister’s cold body, I cried.
But soon my tears dried up. I was left with only a single question.
“Why?”
Why had this happened? I knew the answer.
It was them. Those who looked at us and treated us like dog turds. They had killed her.
At that moment, all my sadness and grief disappeared…to be replaced by a violent fury. I stood up, heedless of the fact my legs felt like they would tear themselves apart.
I had to kill them. Nothing else mattered.
Just then, as I perched on the verge of madness, about to remove everything that made me me and replace it with a mindless, bloodthirsty rage…
“Give it up, boy.”
I jumped. I growled like a beast and threw myself at the voice. No plan or anything. Impulsive, automatic…and weak. No matter how much I punched, no matter how much I kicked, no matter how much I bit, I couldn’t inflict a single mark.
“…If only I’d found you sooner,” the voice said.
I watched as a single tear flowed from their eye. Then I finally realized who it was.
Scarlet hair and a mature, adult charm. She was exactly as depicted in my sister’s drawings.
Claire Redheart, the second Hero of Salvation, kneeled before my sister’s body and said, “May your rest be eternal salvation.”
Shedding tears of anguish, she prayed for her. Seeing her, I…
“What can you possibly do for her now?”
I was overcome with such a strong emotion that all my anger from just moments ago seemed to vanish.
“What can you possibly do for her now?! Why show up now, when there’s nothing you can do?!”
I could see, the woman bore us no ill will. She didn’t discriminate against us or try to get rid of us. But I hated her. That was why I hated her. I hated her so much, I couldn’t stand to look at her.
“Why now?! Why…?”
Another question formed in my mind. Why did this misfortune have to happen now, of all times? Tomorrow was my twelfth birthday, and I would finally become an adventurer. I would finally be able to escape that rubbish heap we called a home.
So why did she have to show up now? If she’d been just a few minutes earlier, she could have saved my sister.
Why? Why? Why? Why?
“Wrooaaaaaaaaaahhh!”
The tears I thought long since dry came back. I cried and I punched her in the face. It didn’t hurt her at all, of course, but I still did it. I had to.
“You’re right. I was late. It was all my fault.”
Claire picked up my sister’s lifeless body, even dirtying her own clothes to do so.
“We shall mourn her. Come.”
I followed her. I had no choice. To a nearby church. We cleaned her corpse and listened to the priest’s words. We encased her in a coffin and buried her in the graveyard.
It was obvious what would happen next. The hate and disgust swirling within me would not go away. With time, the grief would grow to envelop it. And so, as I stood alongside Claire before my sister’s grave, I asked her, “Kill me.”
“No,” she answered.
I glanced at the sword at her waist.
“Then give me that, and I’ll do it myself.”