I wore an apron and a bandanna wrapped around my head. I had a rag in one hand and a vacuum in the other. Geared head to toe and ready for battle, I stood before the entire manor’s worth of familiars.
“Listen up, ladies and gents! My teacher put me in charge while she’s not around, and we’re gonna clean this place up until it’s spotless! A filthy house sullies the soul! Do you hear me?!”
The little army of woodland creatures all squeaked, squawked, chirped, and yowled a Ma’am, yes ma’am!
We were ready.
“Begin!!”
I gave the orders, and the familiars all dispersed to clean at their posts. I fought with them on the front lines, vacuuming throughout the house with great vigor. I cleaned each room, which included mopping, organizing books, and then washing dishes and clothes. The manor was big, and I was going to need the familiars’ help if I hoped to finish in any reasonable amount of time.
“I see you there! Put both of those front paws into your wiping! You need to use the loo? Hurry back to your nest, and make it quick! You two! Stop bickering! And you already had breakfast!”
It was an hour-long battle, but the tiny animals and I finally finished cleaning the entire manor.
“Whew, that was a workout.”
I sprawled out on my desk, and Carbuncle wiped off my sweat while White-Owl massaged my shoulders by gently tapping on them with his talons.
These two really are the cutest.
I glanced over at the clock and saw that it was already eleven. I needed to give the familiars their lunch an hour before my teacher and I had ours, then I had to run to town for some errands. After that was magic practice and some studying before tending to the trees and plants in the Witch’s Forest.
Maybe this is actually hell?
“Aaah… Nothing beats the smell of a fresh pot of tea,” I said with a smile before taking a sip.
I breathed a long sigh of relief, satisfied with a job well done that morning. The familiars seemed satisfied as well. Teatime was always nice. I brought a table outside and had my tea in the garden. This was the only time I had for myself every day.
That’s what it usually was for me anyway.
I calmly and quietly grabbed the table edge with both hands.
“The heck am I doing with my life?!”
Angrily flipping the table sent all my woodland familiar friends running and flying away. The table hit the ground a few feet away from me with a loud, satisfying crash, and the teapot that sat on top of it also cracked into several pieces. It didn’t matter that I’d just finished cleaning.
“A week has passed already! I’ve spent this last week of my remaining one year of life cleaning this stupid manor!”
The fateful day I learned of my impending death was already a full week ago.
“Okay, riddle me this: How many tears am I gonna need a day if I want to live?! Answer!”
White-Owl hopped down to the ground, and with a “Hoot,” scritched and scratched at the dirt with his talon, leaving some writing.
“Th-three tears a day…?”
Setting aside the fact that I’d gotten an actual answer from my owl, I need to make three people so happy that they cried—every day…? All while taking care of my teacher’s chores, which leave me with only a few hours each day…?
“Waaait, wait, wait. It took me an entire day just to get my first two, and they weren’t even pure tears of joy. So you’re tellin’ me I have to get one more on top of all that?”
White-Owl and Carbuncle both nodded.
“Argh!”
I ran my hands through my hair and fell to the ground, where I rolled around until I eventually banged my foot on the table I’d flipped over and screeched in pain.
This is bad. Veeery bad.
At this rate, I was as good as dead.
“Chores and errands eat up most of my day, so I have to do something about them… Which means I have to do something about that old hag—uh, ha…ppy teacher of mine.”
I couldn’t even picture it in my mind. Me, taking down one of the Seven Sages. A witch capable of wiping an entire country off the face of the planet, and I had to whack her before it was too late.
Heh, who am I kidding?
“Maybe I could poison her. Like with some wolfsbane, or a perfume that paralyzes her, or…a drug?”
I felt a jolt run through my body as this idea came to me.
Drugs! Medicine! That’s it! I’ll use medicine to make people cry! I can use it to control their hormones and up their adrenaline to kick their tear ducts into high gear. This just might solve all my problems in a single brew!
I needed to strike while the iron was hot. I ran and got my herbs, mixed them, and made a test potion. It didn’t take long to come up with my first rendition.
“Now I just need someone to test this on…”
I glanced over at my familiars, and the two began to quiver. I tried to soothe them with a smile. It was a long, thin smile, like a crescent moon.
“There, there, babies. Everything’ll be all right. You’ve got nothing to worry about. It’s not like this will kill you or anything.”
I said this to them while clutching Carbuncle by the scruff of his neck. My grip was gentle but firm enough for him to know I had no intention of letting him go, try as he may to escape. White-Owl pecked away at the back of my head as I did this.
“Well, what do ya want me to do?! I need a guinea pig for the sake of human advancement! C’mon, it’s just one sip!”