Bonus Short Story:
Top Qualities in Partners!
“WHAT IS THIS?” I PULLED A GAUDY MAGAZINE out from under my bed. The entire issue was about love. Naturally, I didn’t buy this. It was weird that something like that was even in my home. “Hey, you.”
“My name is not ‘you.’ It’s Shinohara Mayu.” Shinohara lay face down with a cushion under her chest, reading manga. She hadn’t noticed the magazine in my hand, so I decided to smack her on the butt with it. “Ow! I-I’m not into that, so—”
“Hey.”
Realizing that I wasn’t in the mood for games, she took me more seriously this time. “Y-yes? What is it?”
“Why are your dumb magazines under my bed? It’s covered in dust too.”
She frowned and protested, “How rude. The magazines are not dumb, and it being covered in dust is just proof that you neglected to clean in my absence.”
“Urk…” Her unexpected counterattack cut deep. It was true that my laziness was the indirect cause of the dustiness. “But y’know, it won’t get dusty in the first place if you don’t leave it under my bed. Clean up after yourself.”
“I-I can’t believe you, of all people, are telling me that…”
“What is so shocking about that?!”
It felt ridiculous to keep talking about it, so I flipped through the magazine instead. I’d expected it to just summarize people’s social media comments, but surprisingly, the writer’s skill turned the subject into an interesting read. If even a man like me felt that way, then I could see why women liked it.
One article that really caught my eye was the headline from the cover, Top Qualities in Partners!
Rank 1: A fast runner!
Rank 2: Great at sports!
Rank 3: Sweet!
“Is this for elementary schoolers, or what?!” I couldn’t help but scream. It read like a stupid joke to me, but surely this was filling some sort of market demand.
“That’s the kind of mystery that makes this magazine popular.”
“What a bizarre trend.” Silly me for thinking it would actually have realistic answers. I felt a little curious, though, so I asked, “By the way, what kind of partner would you like?” She was watching a TV show about love a while back, so maybe she had given the subject some thought.
Shinohara seemed to rack her brain for a while, but then she clapped her hands together, apparently having come up with an answer.
“Someone older than me!”
“Oh, really?”
Out of all the people who’d confessed to her, the only guy she’d said yes to was older than her. A lot of girls preferred older men, so I wasn’t particularly surprised. But my response seemed to underwhelm her, so she marched over and got right in my face.
“Someone older than me,” she repeated.
“Oh… Okay?”
“Some. One. Old. Er. Than. Me.”
“You’re getting too close!” By the time she was close enough that I could feel her breath, I retreated.
“Ah ha ha! Look how embarrassed you are!” She thrashed all around as she laughed. I had to resist the urge to throw the magazine at her.
Any man who wouldn’t be embarrassed at that distance was insane. How I wished I could control this flirty underclassman, even just a little bit.