The girl’s name was Yuuhi Hajime, and until recently, she had been a human hospitalized with a deadly disease. When she was at death’s door, Lala intervened (without permission), taking a zombie’s tooth and making Yuuhi one of the living dead. Despite being a zombie, she looked much livelier than she used to. Happier and healthier too, Kimihito thought as he watched her and Lala.
“Tae atone for me many sins, I have sworn meself in service of the society of the crimson cross,” Lala said.
“I see. You’re doing work experience,” Yuuhi said.
“Though I risk bringing their holy garb tae disrepute, I have wrapped this wretched body in its soft embrace and seek absolution among them.”
“Wearing a nurse’s uniform and everything, huh?”
“Furthermore, I seek tae meet with yer ladyship and inquire upon ye health.”
“I’m doing fine! This is just a routine visit to have my preservation fluid changed.”
It was hard to tell if Yuuhi and Lala were on the same wavelength or not. Kimihito hoped they were—he’d realized that Lala requested to work for this hospital so she could check on Yuuhi. Yuuhi could no longer go to a human hospital and had to be treated here, but she seemed comfortable with the change and had even built a rapport with the nurses.
“How could anyone continue in such a sick, sad world?” Lala asked.
“I’m fine! In fact, I’m really glad you came to visit,” Yuuhi said.
“I see.”
“Anyway, I’ve got to go—come play again sometime, Reaper-san!” She smiled and waved as a nurse escorted her out.
“You could’ve just said you wanted to see Yuuhi-chan,” Kimihito said.
“Tch. I have nae interest in the petty concerns of the living,” Lala said casually. It could be hard to read her expressions, but in this case, it was clear she was thinking about Yuuhi. “At any rate, ye’ll fall tae our blades soon.”
“Huh? What?”
“Were you not informed?” Her eyes widened.
He was about to speak when something wet splashed over his arm. “Wh—Suu?”
“Master! Exam!” Suu said.
“What?”
“Hah, did nobody tell you, Buddy? Or maybe that jerk Smith kept it secret on purpose.” Doppel’s hair reached out and wound around him.
He still didn’t know why he was being restrained, just that he was, the strange elastic pull of Doppel’s hair and the wet grasp of Suu’s tentacles taking hold of his arms.
“Be good and stay still! The doctors are here to look after you,” Doppel said.
“Me?! Why?! These are doctors for liminals, not humans!”
“That may be true, but you’ve been manhandled by so many of us, you’re lucky to be alive. The doctors are excited to meet the star case study from all those reports.”
“There’s nothing wrong with me!”
“You’ve been squeezed by lamias and landed on by harpies, and even passed out at Polt’s casino—all with no lasting injuries. No broken bones or side effects. Can you be sure you’re human? You’re so special it only makes sense for liminal specialists to do this.” Doppel was set on it.
“That’s why? Because I’m too healthy?!”
“At least that’s what I think—but why don’t we get a second opinion?”
Her hair twined around his arms like a living thing, reeling him back in whenever he tried to escape. Suu clung to his side, and Lala held his legs—she was surprisingly strong, maybe from carrying a scythe everywhere.
“All right! Make way! We’ve got a patient!” Doppel shouted as they walked through the ward.
“Suu with a syringe! What will she do?”
“It’s tae be an examination, then? Whatever fate the inquisition may choose, I will await at the gates of the underworld.”
“I’m not dying!” Kimihito huffed. “Seriously! Wait!!” He struggled with his bonds to no avail.
“Sheesh, calm down! Most guys would die to be held by this many cute nurses,” Doppel said.
“Sure, it’s great, until you try to examine me,” Kimihito retorted.
“Too late to argue, we’re outta here!” She raised her fist in the air.
Suu and Lala cheered in response.
No matter how he resisted, he couldn’t get them to stop. They dragged him to an unknown wing of the hospital.
✦ ✦ ✦
“The results are in!” one of the human nurses said and then furrowed her brow at the page. “You’re definitely…normal.”
“I-Is that so?” Kimihito breathed a sigh of relief.
The nurse, however, was not pleased. It made him anxious, seeing her scowl at what seemed like a good result.
“Nah, he’s still weird,” Doppel said. “He gets squeezed by lamia, kicked by centaurs, drowned by mermaids, and there’s never a scratch on him?”
“Aye, ’tis long past time his soul was collected. As a dullahan, I say he is most unusual,” Lala agreed.
“If the exams say I’m healthy, then that’s that,” Kimihito said and folded his arms.
“But a healthy what? There’s no way you’re human, Buddy,” Doppel said.
“He might not be strong, but he’s certainly sturdy. Kurusu-san, are you getting proper rest? Do you give yourself time to recover after hard labor or taxing sports?” the nurse asked.
Kimihito shook his head. “I don’t do much, so I’ve got nothing to rest from.”
“Liar. How many pilot program events did you attend this week? Everyone else was one and done, but you’ve been to four of them. You’ve done the most work by far,” Doppel said, easily disproving him.
He could say nothing in response.
“Plus Polt’s gig makes five. You’re overworked!”
“What was I supposed to do, turn her down?”
“Yes! You’re too damn nice! Learn to say no!” She shook her head in disgust.
The nurse sighed. “I asked because, while you’re otherwise healthy, you did show signs of fatigue. You need to take care of yourself, all right?”
“O-okay…” At one point, he’d worked part-time to pay for everyone’s food by himself, and he still measured his exhaustion against that benchmark. The nurse wouldn’t know that, though. “Anyway, if I’m fine, maybe we should get back to the girls’ work experience? What should they do?”
“They don’t have to do anything,” the nurse said.
“Huh?”
“Suu-chan isn’t allowed to help. She doesn’t have any qualifications. We just thought it’d be cute to let her wear the uniform,” the nurse said.
“Oh. That makes sense.” Now that he thought about it, of course they couldn’t let untrained people handle their patients. Having experienced their “care,” he was very aware why.
“But to be honest, you are exhausted, Kurusu-san.”
“I—I’m not!”
“Maybe they can look after you as practice?” She spoke with complete seriousness.
The new nurses, the completely unqualified trio of Suu, Doppel, and Lala, all looked at Kimihito in unison.
“We have some relaxation facilities here, and they’re currently empty. Why don’t you all use those?”
“Suu will fix Master,” Suu said.
“Guess we’re back on the clock, Buddy. Let’s go take care of you,” Doppel said.
“Take care of me? Fix me? What’re you planning??” Kimihito asked.
Lala was hesitant, but Suu and Doppel were all in.
Ignoring his distress, the nurse excused herself from the room, “I’ve got other patients to tend to. Have a lovely time!”
“Don’t leave me like this—”
“You’re lucky, Kurusu-san. You’re perfectly healthy and surrounded by lovely young women looking out for your well-being. You’re going to have a wonderful afternoon,” she replied as she disappeared down the hall.
“Looking out how?”
The girls surrounded him.
“Suu gonna take good care.”
“That’s great, but what’re you gonna do, Suu?” he asked.
“That.” She pointed at a massage chair across the hallway.
It wasn’t a normal chair for human use. It was covered in weird, long appendages and a few short protrusions as well. It wasn’t clear what any of them were supposed to do.
Before he could get carried away imagining what it was for, he noticed a sign, “Liminal Massage Chair: Still in Testing Phase”. On the right side of the machine was a familiar logo that looked like a dog’s paw print. Now, who could have made such a thing…?
“Suu wanna try,” Suu said.