Side Story:
The Friendly Face at the Nice Perch
THERE WERE LESS PEOPLE THAN USUAL TONIGHT at the Nice Perch. In fact, it was practically empty. There was just me, the cow, and the master cooking in the back. I took a seat at the bar, which inevitably put me face to face with her.
“I’m telling you! You’ve gotta put some more effort into your outfits, Sue.”
“And I’m telling you I don’t want to.”
“If you were being honest about that, I wouldn’t be bringing this up. I can see how your eyes linger on all the pretty women you come across, Sue!”
“Stop acting like you have me figured out!”
I would occasionally come to drink at the Nice Perch alone, just like I was doing today. And as much as I hated it, it was the cow who always served as my conversation partner. I was always trying to enjoy my drinks in silence, but she never stopped yapping at me.
But, well… If she wanted to chat, I wasn’t completely against the idea.
“Uh-huh. You’re soooo stubborn. Don’t come crying back to me when you start to regret it once you’ve hit your thirties!”
“This is just how I am.”
“Riiiight…”
Ugh! The look on her face was so obnoxious.
“Maybe it’s time I used my secret weapon.”
“I know what you’re gonna say, and don’t. I’ll use my authority as an elder to put this place under.”
“You know, I’ve started to hear Wim’s name whispered around here ever since he became a temporary member of Nachtlibelle.”
I had been half-expecting her to bring him up, but I didn’t imagine she would mention any girls.
“Tell me.”
“What happened to your ‘authority as an elder’?”
“I’ll put that aside for now. Hurry, out with it.”
“Right, right.” It was annoying hearing her act so full of herself, but you couldn’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs. “The ladies of Filburn love to make promising abenteurers their own. His name’s spread now that he’s joined Nachtlibelle, and people are starting to think he has some promise.”
“What do you mean?”
“The days when women chased only rich, handsome men is over. Now, they love showing off by proving they found themselves a diamond in a place where nobody else was looking. Rather than play dirty to win an ugly fight, it’s more tasteful to discover what no other woman was after.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“There’s a certain group of women who prefer real talent, and the more hidden the gem, the better. Wim’s a perfect target for these girls.”
“Forgive me since I’m not too versed in this world myself, but doesn’t that mean they’re still fighting over him?”
“Well, I won’t deny that.”
“Sounds fun. I guess the girls in town have too much time on their hands.”
“No need to be rude! We’re already at a marriageable age, you know! This is when us girls need to put our pride on the line to prove that we’re in our prime!”
“Right, right.”
I looked up at the cow. Despite working a customer service job, she was dressed in a dirndl that spoke to her personal tastes. She was much, much taller than me, but was short enough to not hurt the pride of an average man. Her chestnut hair was braided to match the current trend, her voice cute and high-pitched, though she still managed to sound kind.
Most importantly, she had huge knockers. There’s no way she would ever have any trouble with the opposite sex.
She was my exact opposite. Wim and I had come from the countryside just to dive into the labyrinth, which meant that we couldn’t live our lives assuming we would one day have families. I had both labyrinth conquering and magical research to do—it kept me busy.
“Anyway, are you really fine staying as you are now, Sue?”
“What do you mean?”
“Wim’s going to be taken from you if you’re not careful. Do you plan on just being his stalker forever?”
“Shut up. I’ve told you I’m not his stalker! I’ve got a real purpose to what I’m doing.”
“Which is?”
“A secret.”
“Tee hee! Yes, of course… Ahem!” The cow put on airs and took a step forward. Then, she cleared her throat a few times. “I’ve got no idea what this purpose of yours is but aren’t you putting the cart before the horse?” she said, speaking in a teasingly low voice. And she was bending her knees to pretend to be short too.
“Just who the hell are you pretending to be?!”
“Wow, so you do have some self-awareness!”
I was actually starting to get pissed off. It was time I went home.
“But, let me be serious for a second, Sue.”
The cow must have picked up on my thoughts, putting aside the joking tone and switching to a serious one. I had no choice but to rescind my plans. This girl was a master of both kindness and cruelty. It was as if I was dancing on the palm of her hand, and it only made me more annoyed.
“Your clothes are a bit weird, Sue. Haven’t you noticed people looking at you when you walk around town? When you’re not stalking Wim, that is.”
I knew reacting to all her teasing would only encourage her, so I gave her an honest answer. “Well, I guess so. If I’m not trying to hide, people tend to look at me. But that’s because I’m an elder. I’m famous.”
“I see. So that’s how you’ve interpreted it.”
“What? Stop talking like you have some secret wisdom!”
“Listen up, Sue.” She stared at me. “You stick out because you look and act weird. An average citizen like me has no right to talk about your labyrinth gear, but your everyday clothes are horrendous. Your hair and fashion sense scream country bumpkin brat. You might think they’re fine, but the things that stick out are practically screaming for attention—and not in a good way.”
“Ugh…” I looked into her eyes. Surprisingly, the cow didn’t seem like she was lying. She was telling the truth. It felt like all her teasing had been leading up to her telling me this. “Th-then, let me ask you this. What exactly about me has that effect…?”
“It’s everything! Absolutely everything! People need to dress to match their age. You’re so afraid of showing skin you basically dress like a nun!”
“A-a nun?”
“Yup. Young girls don’t know manners, so their parents dress them in clothes that’ll keep them from showing their underwear. That’s still what you’re wearing even now that you’re grown, Sue! Have some self-awareness!”
“R-really…?”
“Yes, really! Not to mention, you’re rough, violent, and extremely short. It makes you stick out like a sore thumb!”
Hey, you can’t just say absolutely anything under the guise of being serious!
“Like right now! Close your legs!”
I looked down at my knees. They were plenty closed enough, right?
“You’ve got to keep them squished together. Practice until that gets easy for you. It’s basic manners for a lady.”
“I have no interest in this sex-obsessed culture.”
“Culture?! You can’t choose where you’re born! This is common sense! It’s just being a proper adult!”
“Maybe, but…”
The knockers on the cow must absorb plenty of nutrients, but apparently that didn’t make her an idiot. While there was something sex-obsessed about her statement, they came from the realm of leisure and spoke of societal rules. It probably wouldn’t hurt to accept what she said as fairly accurate.
She really must know how to go with the flow. It must be fun being her.
“Hm, I think I went a little too far. You don’t need to change everything at once. I’m sure you had lenient parents that let you do as you pleased. I can tell you were loved.”
Maybe that’s how it was.
I was so absorbed in our conversation that I forgot to eat or drink. That seemed rude, as a guest at a tavern, so I ordered a fried potato and ate a few bites. Then, I washed down the grease in my mouth with a beer.
I sighed. At least this place had its food going for it.
“Anyway, let’s give you a glow-up!”
After some time, the cow had steered us back to the earlier topic of conversation. She must have time to kill, but I guess that made sense, given how there were only few customers tonight. Shouldn’t she be using this time to prepare for service tomorrow, then? I guess that was for her to figure out.
“Mm-hmm…”
“Let me rephrase that. Let’s stop you from sticking out. Are you really okay attracting unwanted attention alongside the people you’re with?”
“Mm-hmm…”
I couldn’t really handle my liquor, so I only took a few sips at a time. We had been talking for so long that I was starting to get drunk, my thoughts disorganized.
“It’s just embarrassing.”
“Huh?”
I snatched up my mug and chugged half of the beer that was left.
“Sue, be careful.”
I slammed my mug on the table. “I really have been wearing the same clothes I wore as a kid! I like how easy they are to move in! Isn’t hiding the stuff you’re supposed to be hiding the whole point of clothes?!”
“I understand that’s how you think, but what’s embarrassing, exactly?”
“Well, I’m just a bit embarrassed now about, um…”
“Just say it, Sue. We’re in a tavern, aren’t we? Let the liquor do the talking.”
At least be clear about whether or not you actually care about me!
“I-I’ve been with Wim for a long time. Whenever I think about getting new clothes, I think about what his reaction will be, and it’s just…you know?”
“Huh?”
“Changing my look after all this time is just a bit…yeah.”
“Huh? Who are you supposed to be, the Captain of Childhood Love?”
“It’s not that I lack self-awareness, it’s just…”
“Wow… I get it, but you’re even more twisted than Wim in some regards, huh?”
Oh, keep it to yourself.
The cow flicked me on the forehead, grinning ear to ear.
The bell above the door rang with a soft cling.
“Come on in!” The cow turned on her customer service voice and smiled. She really was a professional. Her concerns for appearances probably came from working this job. “Oh, it’s Wim!”
“H-hey, Grete.”
It was Wim. Damn it, I had completely let my guard down! I hadn’t been tracking the transmission crest for the past few hours, since I thought he was spending the whole weekend holed up in the guest house!
Our eyes met. Both of us froze.
Usually, this was when I would give him a hearty, “Hey, Wim!” but I just couldn’t manage it now. This was awkward.
In all honestly, our relationship wasn’t all that relaxed or familiar. Of course, he was an irreplaceable friend and the first I would save in a crisis, but that only held true if I was prepared for it. Surprise encounters with him made it hard for me to act like we were just friends.