Ruri and her friends headed to a shopping mall on the north side of Kinshicho.
That wasn’t good. Kana would attract too much attention if she shot the girls inside a mall, which would be crowded even this late.
She clicked her tongue, annoyed, and followed after Ruri and her friends. Losing them would be the worst outcome.
The girls had a great time shopping. They bought stylish clothes and accessories aimed at a slightly higher age range, then picked up some notebooks and other stationery. They joked, laughed, talked about the latest drama series they were watching and celebrities…
So that was what hanging out with friends was like. That sort of activity was utterly missing from her life. It was upsetting to watch those girls act so happy. It made Kana feel even more pathetic. But she reflected that she shouldn’t feel that way. She was superior to them. Their money was dirty. Meanwhile, she… She…
“Okay, girls. Let’s go home,” said Ruri.
The three left the mall and walked to the station through a park.
The park. This was it—no bystanders around and only a few streetlamps to light the paths. The girls were walking in single file. Three targets conveniently lined up.
Kana’s heart was racing as if it were about to jump out of her chest. She was getting closer and closer to the girls, but she was careful to stay far enough away that they wouldn’t be able to lunge at her and grab her. The gun was most effective at close-range, but not too close.
When Kana closed the distance to about five meters, she took her right hand out of her pocket. The gun she was holding was already loaded. With the pull of the trigger, she’d begin clearing her list.
She stopped and aimed. Good-bye, world of misery. Hello, slightly nicer hell.
Kana was aiming at Ruri—the back of her head.
She was going to shoot. She was going to shoot Ruri now…
“Argh!”
Her hand was shaking. From too much excitement? No. Anxiety? Maybe a bit of that. Fear? Yes, it was something like fear.
“Why…? Why can’t I do it…?”
She’d wished for Ruri to die so many times. When she’d found the gun, she’d decided to kill Ruri herself. It was her deepest desire. Now that the perfect opportunity had presented itself, why was she hesitating? She should just shoot. Shoot her already. Shoot her!
She only needed to pull the trigger three times, and she’d be safe, in a hell more welcoming than the dark world she’d been trapped in. It would benefit her and others, too—she’d save all the other would-be victims of Ruri and her friends. She’d become a hero. She just had to shoot them.
“Come on… What’s the matter with me…?”
Her hands were shaking, and her index finger wouldn’t budge, as if she had no control over it. If she could only move it a few centimeters, she’d shoot a hole in Ruri’s head, and the gross ooze from the inside of her skull would burst out. That was what Kana wanted. So why was her finger not moving?
It was exactly like when she’d tried to shoot Ishihara. Right at the very last moment, she couldn’t pull the trigger. Why was this happening again…?
“They deserve to die… The world will be better off once they’re dead… I need to do this…”
Tears started flowing from Kana’s eyes. Bitter tears. She hated what a coward she was. She had everything she needed to do the deed, and she’d already decided that this was the night, and this was the only choice she had…but her body refused to comply. She couldn’t do it.
She cursed herself for being a coward, but she didn’t budge. She knew that if she didn’t shoot those girls, the next day, she’d go right back to that horrible reality she’d been suffering so long. She didn’t want that. She didn’t. So why wasn’t she shooting? Was she not going to do it after all? No, no, she had to.
“I want to kill them so much… I swear I do…”
Was it that ingrained nonsense that killing was never good? Kana was sure that plenty of people didn’t deserve to live, and those girls were a prime example.
Why the hell can’t I kill them?!
She’d endured so much, and she’d endured it all alone, never telling anyone about her suffering, no matter how miserable she was… She just wanted it to end already…
Ruri and her friends were getting farther and farther away from Kana and closer to the station. They left the park and turned on a busy street. It was too late. Kana couldn’t hit any of them if she shot now.
She fell to her knees.
“I’m a coward… A coward! Too scared to do a thing! I’m a hypocrite!”
She couldn’t kill anyone. Why? Had she not suffered enough after all? Was the power of the lie that every life was precious stronger than her despair? No!
Why couldn’t she shoot them? Why? It’d bring her so much relief…
“No, no, no… No, no, no…”
Come tomorrow, Kana’s personal hell would resume. And what about Ishihara? Once he recovered from his injury and returned to work, he would definitely try to do something to her again. To him, she was a target.
And Ruri would keep using that photo to bully Kana. She had already predicted how it would affect Ishihara, so she’d have no problem setting other perverts on her.
Back home, Kana would feel like an unwanted stranger again. Her father would ignore her, drinking beer and watching variety TV late into the night…
She could have ended it all with a few shots. Then she wouldn’t have had to endure another horrible day like that.
Ruri and her friends had gone, though. Kana wouldn’t be able to shoot them. There’d be no end to her suffering. It would continue forever…
“I…can end it…”
The answer came to her suddenly. Her right hand moved like it had a mind of its own. She pressed the muzzle of the gun to her temple.
She hated it all. She couldn’t take it anymore. When she’d found the gun, she’d been frustrated that there were only five bullets, but she was glad to have that many, at least… But now she realized she only needed one.
A single bullet could solve all her problems.
That gun was her lifeline. A lifeline that would take her straight to hell. She knew it all along. The answer was right there in front of her the entire time. So simple.
Staying on her knees, Kana raised her head to face the sky, closing her eyes. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. She was having flashbacks, not of her parents or friends, but of a certain place filled with the aroma of coffee…
“I wanted to go there at least one more time…”
She didn’t have any more money, though, and she’d only be an embarrassment in her state.
The café was a paradise where everyone was welcome. Still, it wasn’t a shelter for losers, for desperate idiots who wanted to commit murder, only to find out they couldn’t even do that and promptly dissolved into pathetic, sobbing messes that decided to just shoot themselves in the head instead.
The café was a beautiful place. It wasn’t for someone like Kana.
It was time to end it all. Her existence was too wretched, pathetic, miserable. She’d be happier in hell, where the people she hated couldn’t follow her.
“I should’ve done this long ago…”
Her finger on the trigger, which had been stubbornly frozen before, now moved with ease. For an instant, Kana felt like her entire being now rested in that finger.
She pulled the trigger.
Bang!