Kana had to take the train to go to her school in Kiuchi Kawara. She used to attend a junior high school closer to home, but after her mother vanished, she didn’t want to be around people who knew her, and she transferred farther away.
Kiuchi Kawara Junior High was a big school, with many other students commuting by train. Not wanting to accidentally bump into anyone she knew and have to endure nerve-racking silence if they asked her any questions, Kana always left for school much earlier than necessary and got on a train when she was sure there’d be no other students there.
The train car was pretty empty, as usual. Kana sat down and put her back on the seat next to her. Her stomach felt like lead. She didn’t want to go to school but she didn’t have much choice. She did play hooky sometimes, but she knew not to do it too often, or her “concerned” homeroom teacher, Ishihara, would pay her a visit at home. She remembered with painful clarity how her teacher spoke grandly about wanting the school to be a safe place where she could thrive despite her problems and that the school understood her attendance issues were due to a difficult home situation… Ishihara, who used to be a promising baseball player in high school, was annoyingly overeager and would happily write up a report about how to support Kana to the head teacher. He wanted to be seen as a superhero teacher, but he was a pain in the neck for Kana. If only he weren’t so persistent and confident that he could solve other people’s problems.
Maybe it was just made-up gossip, but Kana had heard he’d gotten kicked out of another school for causing a violent incident. Kana wouldn’t put it past Ishihara to base his methods on an old TV drama series where the teacher hero would sort out delinquent students by lining them up and slapping each of them.
Ishihara wasn’t a bad person, though. He was just stupid and annoying.
What face would “Ishihara, the students’ ally” make if she told him what was going on with the students in his class?
“Oh, wow, so you take the early train, Kyouko? Hello!”
Kana twitched, turning toward the girl who spoke to her, Ruri Mizokakushi. Ruri had long, glossy black hair, a pretty face with well-defined features, and milky-white skin. She was only in her second year of junior high but was tall and slim like a model and could pass for a high-schooler. She was holding a leather bag with both hands in a ladylike manner.
Ruri Mizokakushi was the very picture of a perfect student. She was astute, and her family was rich. One of her grandfathers was a politician, and her father was the boss of a renowned real estate agency.
Ruri stopped in front of Kana. She looked down at her and smiled, narrowing her eyes… Kana could see malice in them.
“Kyouko? Hello?”
Kana didn’t want to answer. If only she could ignore Ruri. Live in a different world from her. She wouldn’t be allowed to pretend she didn’t hear, though. She had to say something back.
Kana pressed her bag to her cheek, curling around it to make herself look smaller, like a scared bug.
“Good… Good morning.”
The train’s rumble seemed louder than before, and the air suddenly felt heavy. Very slowly, Kana looked up. Ruri was still smiling at her, just like before.
“You know what?! I just had an idea! You finish school early, don’t you? Are you free after classes? Why don’t we go hang out together!”
Kana had no idea what face she was making. Was she a picture of despair, or did she freeze in shock? Whichever it was, Ruri found it funny and smiled ear to ear.
“Let’s go to Tokyo together!”
“I’m…busy today…”
Kana looked back down. It was easy for her to act like a different person at LycoReco, but outside the café, she was very bad at lying.
No, that wasn’t it. At LycoReco, Kana was being her true self. It was the self outside the café that was fake. That was why she could easily talk to anyone at the café, but once she stepped out, it was so hard.
“Oh yeah? What are you doing?”
“I’m just…busy…with stuff…”
“Must be super important if you care more about it than hanging out with me.”
Ruri’s voice changed. She opened her bag.
“It’s not that important, but… Why do you…?!”
Ruri showed Kana a picture on her smartphone—Kana lying on the floor, naked.
Kana stood up in shock. The train car was pretty empty, but there were some people around.
Ruri giggled.
The picture had been taken during a physical education class. Ruri’s friend had taken a photo of her when she was changing, and when she’d fought to grab the phone and delete the picture, Ruri’s other friends had ganged up on her, pulled her underwear off, pushed her onto the ground, and, laughing, taken that photo of her naked. Ruri had said then that it was punishment for Kana having attacked her friend, and she was going to keep it as insurance to make sure Kana didn’t get violent with her and her friends again. Nobody had tried to intervene, and Ruri had left the changing room unchallenged, laughing all the way.
Before that incident, Kana had endured Ruri and her friends mocking or pushing her around. She’d hated it, but she could bear it. Compared to living with her father’s woman, it was nothing.
That picture, though… It clearly showed Kana crying as she was held down on the floor by two others. You could identify a person in a photograph from something as minor as a mole on their chest or thigh, probably, but you didn’t need much sleuthing to find out who it was in the photo—the jersey with her name on it was in it too, adding to her humiliation.
Ruri liked to show that photo to Kana every now and again just to see her reaction. It always brought a smile to her face.
“If you don’t entertain me, I might just post this online.”
Ruri’s smile was freakishly wide, as if she were a monster. Kana corrected herself. Ruri was a monster.
“No…”
“Sorry, what did you say, Kyouko? Speak up, or I can’t hear you. Hmm, maybe I should post it on one of those sugar daddy sites, together with your number.”
“No… Don’t do it…”
Kana thought Ruri was probably bluffing and wouldn’t post that photo anywhere without good reason. Having it gave her power over Kana, and if she shared it online, the police might see it and take action. The photo was all the evidence they’d need.
Ruri wasn’t stupid. She knew how to play her cards. She wouldn’t share the photo online, but she might show it to someone if Kana tried to oppose her. She probably already had shown it to someone, and if Kana provoked her somehow… There was no telling what else Ruri might do, which was terrifying. And there was a rumor that Ruri was dating a really scary guy.
“Sorry, Kyouko, I was teasing you because you were rude to me earlier. You’ll hang with me today, right? We’re such good friends, after all.”
What else could Kana do but nod, clutching her school bag so tight it was getting badly crumpled?
Ruri was at the top of Kana’s list. Number two and three were Ruri’s friends who’d held Kana down for that picture.
She could begin her plan that day… But no, it had to be carried out to completion all in one go, and she wouldn’t be able to get all the way to number five that day. It would have to be some other time. Kana told herself that she had to be patient as she tried to calm her racing heart.
She’d be okay. She was used to bullying, having endured it for so long. Until the other day, she’d been resigned to it, but now she had hope.
“I’d really like us to get to know each other better, Kyouko. I’m just a bit lacking in social skills, though. It’s like with boys who pick on the girls they like because they don’t know how to talk to them. It’s the same with me.”
A blatant lie. It sounded so sickeningly fake, laced with venom.
The train was approaching Kiuchi Kawara Station. Kana was shaking, looking down at the ground as Ruri stood right in front of her, smiling shamelessly.
“Kyouko, why aren’t you getting up? You don’t want to miss our station.”
Ruri laughed one more time and got off the train. The doors closed, and the train started moving again, with Kana still on board. Any Kiuchi Kawara Junior High students had left.
Kana was struggling to breathe under the crushing pressure. She’d burst like a tomato squeezed too hard if she wasn’t strong. Maybe that would be better than living like this. But no, her oppressors would always stop short of crushing her completely. They’d push Kana to the breaking point, only to stop again and innocently assure her they had the best intentions.
What a joke. Kana didn’t want the temporary relief. That only made it worse. But who should she protest to? What was she really fighting against? Why was everything so hard?
She clung to her schoolbag, her only lifeline. But this lifeline didn’t lead to a safe place. It probably led to hell. Not that she minded. It was still a way out of this rotten world.
Kana sat on the train, feeling sick. When she finally felt ready to stand up, she was many stops past the one where she was supposed to get off, but since she’d left early, she could still make it in time for school if she went back on an express train. She loathed the idea of going to school, but she had to, or Ishihara would pay her a home visit.
Holding her bag to her chest, Kana changed trains, got off at the correct station, and walked to school. The tanned, already sweaty Ishihara was waiting by the school gates.
“There you are, Katashi! What happened? Did you stay up playing games and get up late? You barely made it today!”
He laughed jovially.
Kana dipped her head in greeting, quickly passing by him.
“Oh, hello there, Kyouko!”
She got spotted by Ruri, who was just coming out of the schoolhouse with two of her friends, carrying trash cans and tongs.
“You should learn from Mizokakushi and do some volunteering instead of only playing games all the time, Katashi! It’s good exercise, you’ll make new friends, and it’ll earn you points with the teachers! Ha-ha!”
Kana didn’t play video games. Ishihara, with his limited worldview, had to put people into one of the few stereotyped categories he could wrap his head around so that he could feel like he understood them. He was so naive.
Kana walked into the schoolhouse, leaving behind her homeroom teacher and Ruri with her friends.
“Don’t forget we’re hanging out after school today,” Ruri whispered when Kana passed her.
That whisper seemed to cling to Kana’s skin.