Chapter 1

The doctor was standing by the bed, holding his hands behind his back. Flowers decorated the windowsill, their white heads blooming at the end of long, thick stalks. They almost looked like fireworks exploding in the night sky. Every time the white curtains fluttered in the breeze, I could smell the sweet scent of the flowers. The doctor spoke again. I should have been prepared for what he was about to say—but my voice came out intermingled with tears. “I’ve had enough. Let’s end this.” Just as I was nodding off, Narumi’s loud voice woke me up. He must have just told one of those one-liners he’d learned back home in Kansai. I opened my eyes and saw that everyone else was clapping and laughing. I might have missed one of Narumi’s jokes, but I wasn’t disappointed in the least. In fact, I was just annoyed he’d woken me up. As he sat back down, I prodded him with my elbow. “Oh, Sorano,” he said. “You’re awake.” Narumi patted me on the back with a cheery expression on his face. “I had a weird dream,” I told him. “What kinda dream?” “The depressing kind.” “Whaddaya mean?” We were at a freshman party held jointly by a number of different clubs to welcome new members. I was sitting next to Narumi—who’d forced me to come along—right at the back of the room. We could see the entire venue from here. I lacked any kind of enthusiasm for the party and I was low on sleep. I was being a total party pooper. “Lighten up, won’cha? Since you made the effort to show up, ya might as well enjoy it.” “It wasn’t my choice to come. You just brought me here.” Narumi was my roommate back at our college dorm. He’d suggested we “change up the room” the night before, and I’d ended up doing just that until the early hours of the morning. Thanks to him, I’d been sleepy all day long. I thought I’d finally get the chance to sleep once my lectures were over, but he’d ended up dragging me to this freshman welcome party. Beside me, Narumi looked around the room with a chipper expression. How much stamina does this guy have…? I pondered that question as I took a sip from my glass of oolong tea and glanced around the room. The scene unfolding in front of me was surreal. The “Super Mega Joint Freshman Welcome Party” had started out pretty sedate. The president from each club had said a few words, then raised their glasses in such a grandiose toast you’d have been forgiven for assuming they were drinking champagne. So how had things ended up like this? The large room, filled with around forty freshmen, had descended into chaos. No one was staying in their seats. Instead, they all drifted around like zombies, holding their drinks in one hand. Noodles had been added to the hot pot sitting on one of the tables to turn it into champon, but nobody had even bothered picking up their chopsticks. It just kept simmering until the noodles lost all their elasticity. Anyway, some flirty guys were chatting enthusiastically with the girls, raising their voices to make themselves heard, while a group of nerdy-looking people sat hunched over in the corner. I also spotted some girls with thick makeup on, laughing and clapping their hands like broken toys—though I had no idea what they could be finding so funny. We were in a bar, in a room partitioned off by a set of sliding doors, and the excited atmosphere made it seem hot and stuffy. Everyone was talking so loud I felt like it was getting a bit hard to breathe with the amount of carbon dioxide in the room. I pulled at the collar of my T-shirt, trying to create some sort of breeze. Between the heat and the air quality, the discomfort index was off the charts, so I was desperate to get outside. But just as that thought crossed my mind, someone who sounded a lot older than us started singing “Happy Birthday” in a loud, raspy voice. It was coming from the room next door—the one separated from ours by the sliding doors—which prompted our table to start clapping and singing, too, as if it was some sort of call-and-response. They were celebrating the birthday of a total stranger we couldn’t even see. Maybe the people over there had requested this in advance, or maybe it was some kind of flash mob. A few guys around me were trying to stand out by overdoing the vibrato, singing “Happy Birthdaaaay…toooo yoooou” a beat off. Not to be outdone, others shouted “Happy Birthdaaaaaay!!” so loudly I wouldn’t have been surprised if they’d ruptured their vocal cords. If it was a flash mob, it was a very weird and poorly executed one, so I could only assume it was a spur-of-the-moment sort of thing. I felt like I was in a zoo, watching all the caged animals howling in unison. “Thank you!” came a young woman’s voice from the other side. A few of the guys began edgily suggesting that they take a peek at the mystery woman—earning them silent glares from the girls. Ugh… “You look grossed out.” My discomfort must have shown on my face. Narumi was smirking, which made me feel even more awkward. “Who wouldn’t be grossed out by that?” I said. “Who cares? It’s funny.” “I don’t find any of this even remotely funny.” “Awww…” Narumi’s teasing annoyed me a little, so I subtly pointed to a table two away from ours. “I mean, don’t you find that a little gross?” A group of boys were swarming all over a girl there. The topic of conversation had shifted from “Join our club” to prying into her love life. When the tantalizing revelation came to light that she was single and living alone, the discussion eventually descended into an unabashed self-promotion session. If she mentioned she didn’t like smoking, all the guys would immediately put out their cigarettes. If she said she liked the veins on a man’s arms, they’d all roll up their sleeves. “It’s not that gross, is it? You must be a total saint, Sorano.” “Are you making fun of me?” Narumi waved a hand dismissively. “Nah. Still, I guess you’re just one o’ those people.” He gave me a knowing smile. “What do you mean by that?” I asked. “I mean, look at ya. You got your back against the wall, refusing to move from your spot. Everyone else is out there tryin’ desperately to connect with other people.” “It’s that desperation I find so—” But before I could finish my sentence, I heard a clap from a table in the back. “Can I have everyone’s attention?” I think he was the president of some club, but I couldn’t remember which one. It might have been something music related, or an athletic one. I didn’t think it was the tennis club, but then again, it may well have been. Anyway, a guy with light brown hair and a playboy vibe had risen from his seat. “I have an important announcement to make!” His voice was brimming with confidence—the kind that made someone sound like they’d never had a hard day in their life. To be honest, I found his overconfident attitude pretty annoying. Maybe other people found it funny, though, because I could hear a few chuckles. His exaggerated pauses had attracted people’s attention…or so I’d thought. Instead, people had started digging into the now cold champon, and slurping sounds echoed from all corners of the room. Still, the guy wasn’t going to let a little noise stop him. He certainly wouldn’t come out of this looking any cooler, but he was going to make his announcement no matter what. Either he’d drunk too much to hear properly, or he was made of incredibly tough stuff mentally. “Freshman Yuuko Hayase!” As it turned out, Hayase was one of the slurpers. She put some more noodles into her mouth and made a face that seemed to say Huh, me? When the people around her urged her to stand up, she did so, covering her mouth with one hand while she chewed. She used her other hand to try to comb her hair a bit, as if uncomfortable. Curious gazes converged on the new student. The guy ran a hand through his hair and gave her an intense look. The girl, on the other hand, didn’t take any notice of him; she just glanced around the room, clearly embarrassed. It didn’t seem like they were going to gaze dramatically into each other’s eyes anytime soon. He took in a sharp breath. “I’ve never fallen in love at first sight before, but I honestly don’t think I can keep this in. Will you go out with me?” Who did this guy think he was? Any sober person would be completely disgusted. Yet the inebriated crowd erupted into applause. “Say yes! Say yes!” the crowd started chanting in English. For some strange reason, they were using a foreign language to demand a response. “What’s it matter? Just go out with him!” someone jeered irresponsibly. “Go out with me, too!” another added opportunistically. Ignoring the bystanders, the girl bowed her head deeply. “I’m sorry, but no!” It was a decisive rejection. Just those few words would have sufficed, but she doubled down, saying, “You’re not my type at all!” It was merciless, as if she’d kept hitting him when he was already down. “Seriously?” asked the guy who’d been rejected, unable to believe what he was hearing. “Seriously,” she answered timidly. The room erupted into noise once again, and the applause resumed. Everyone was clapping and laughing—even Narumi sitting next to me. “You’re such a spoilsport, Sorano,” he said, hitting me on the back. “I’ve never liked people who try to stand out,” I told him. “Why not? It’s funny!” “I guess I just hate how desperate they are. You know, like they’re trying too hard.” “Maybe they’re just tryin’ to reinvent themselves in college. That’s what this place is for, right?” “Even so, I don’t like it when people try to make waves. Personally, I don’t even want to cause the tiniest ripple.” I felt that way with all my heart. Being impressive or memorable required a certain amount of effort. It was easier to stay below the radar. I always made sure nothing I said was so strange it was off-putting, and I tried to read the room in order to fit in. But I hated taking the initiative socially. “If you hadn’t invited me today, I wouldn’t have shown up.” As soon as I blurted out my true feelings, I regretted it. I never usually said things like that. Was I really so annoyed? I hadn’t meant to say that… My regret appeared unnecessary, though. The large, laid-back man next to me made a completely unrelated suggestion. “Hey, let’s go over there for a bit.” He was looking at the table where the girl who’d just rejected the momentous confession was sitting. Seriously? I thought, stumped. Most of the tables were swarmed by guys, creating small colonies around the women there—yet no one seemed interested in the girls at Hayase’s table. It made no sense. Even from a distance, they didn’t seem unattractive. In fact, they looked like the best-looking group around. It was no surprise that Hayase had been asked out, and the girl sitting next to her was so beautiful she could be mistaken for a fashion model. Everyone there was seeking out the opposite sex like zombies searching for flesh, but no one was paying any notice to these beautiful girls. What was going on…? It was as if that one table was in a parallel universe. I could understand why guys would be reluctant to approach such high-class women. There was a chance they wouldn’t even give you the time of day, and their personalities could be complete minefields. Either way, my instincts were telling me to stay away. Narumi, however, felt differently. “C’mon, let’s go,” he said, casually grabbing my arm and standing up. “Wait!” I protested, but it was futile. “Ya mind if we sit here?” Narumi asked. He sat down opposite the girls, forcing me to take the seat next to him. Hayase looked visibly wary. The would-be model, on the other hand, seemed more welcoming. “Hello!” she said. “I’m Ushio Narumi. And this’s—” “Kakeru Sorano,” I said with a quick bob of the head. Hayase sighed, as though she’d been backed into a corner. “I’m Yuuko Hayase. And this is…” “Koharu Fuyutsuki.” The girl in front of me—Koharu Fuyutsuki—gave us a gentle smile. For some reason, though, I found it off-putting. It was because she was so pretty. Before she’d opened her mouth, Fuyutsuki had looked like a true beauty, but when she smiled and her eyes narrowed, she seemed cuter. Her face was small, her eyes were big and bright, and her long hair shone under the lights. Her tone of voice was calm and sweet, completely changing the impression I’d had of her. Rather than a model, she almost looked like an idol. It was as if she was from a different dimension. Like there was no way the two of us lived on the same planet. She was so beautiful it freaked me out. That was a first for me. However, there was one thing about Fuyutsuki that I found a little odd. She just kept staring straight ahead. Curious as to what she was looking at, I followed her gaze—but there was nothing but a blank wall behind me. I wondered if there was something on the wall, but no matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t spot anything. I found myself under some sort of strange illusion that if someone as beautiful as her was looking at the wall, then there must be something there. I even started to wonder whether we were in a world-famous building, but I discounted that idea, reminding myself that this was just one of a chain of bars with the same name. When I shifted my gaze away from the wall and back to Fuyutsuki, I found her feeling around on the table with her right hand. Directly in front of her was a glass filled with orange juice, but she was struggling to pick it up. She looked like she was navigating her way through a dense fog. I couldn’t help but wonder what she was doing. Hayase tapped Fuyutsuki on the shoulder and whispered in her ear. “It’s right in front of you, Koharu.” “Thanks, Yuuko.” Fuyutsuki extended her arm straight out in front of her, gently touching the glass and grabbing hold of it. As I sat there confused, struggling to work out what the problem was, Narumi casually asked, “Huh? D’ya have bad eyesight, Fuyutsuki?” I was shocked… How could he ask such a personal question to someone he’d only just met? Fuyutsuki didn’t seem bothered by it, though. She put down her glass and smiled sweetly. “Yeah. I’m blind.” As soon as I stepped out of the bar, the cool breeze brushed against my cheek. My body was still hot from being inside, so it felt good. There must not have been a ton of oxygen in the room, because even the exhaust-fume-filled air along the highway now seemed refreshing. The rowdy group we’d been with was probably on their way to an afterparty already. I could hear laughter echoing in the distance—most likely theirs. As we were leaving, Hayase had leaned in and whispered to me, careful not to let Fuyutsuki hear. “Those guys switched tables as soon as they found out Koharu couldn’t see.” “So that’s why your table was like a remote island.” “A remote island?” asked Hayase, her eyes wide. “It was like an island separated from the mainland, don’t you think?” “What are you talking about?” Hayase said, laughing. Having left the bar we’d been at in Tsukishima, we found ourselves heading down Kiyosumi-dori Avenue toward Monzen-nakacho. Narumi and I were heading to our college dorm across the Aioi Bridge, while Hayase said she was going to catch the subway after dropping Fuyutsuki off. Fuyutsuki was following the yellow tactile paving using a stick called a white cane. Hayase walked beside her, keeping a hand on Fuyutsuki’s elbow. Narumi, meanwhile, chattered away at the two girls. The sound of cars drowned out their voices as we walked along the highway. Looking up, I noticed it was a clear moonlit night. There were no stars in sight; the brightness of the moon and the city lights was probably to blame for that. Even so, the scattered lights of the apartment buildings looked like real stars. The huge moon peeked out through high-rise buildings, looking as if it were suspended in a star-filled sky. So this is what the city looks like at night, I thought—but then something else struck me. Fuyutsuki wouldn’t be able to see the moon, would she? She’s blind. What would I do if I lost my sight? Probably shut myself in my room, cursing my fate with every fiber of my being. It wouldn’t surprise me if I lost all hope. I’d feel guilty burdening other people whenever I had to eat or take a walk. I can’t even imagine how hard it would be. There was no way I’d act as cheerfully as Fuyutsuki did. Why had she decided to come to the freshman party even though she couldn’t see? Narumi had asked her that during the event, which shocked me. He never sugarcoated things, but Fuyutsuki hadn’t seemed to mind. “You came because it was a new experience, huh…?” As I was mulling over her words, I heard a voice beside me speak up. “What was that?” “Gah!” I accidentally blurted out. Hayase was looking at me, blinking in confusion. “Huh? Do you hate me or something?” she asked. “Of course not,” I told her. “I’m just kidding.” Hayase sulked for a moment but then immediately let out a giggle. The four of us had spent the entire end of the party chatting together, and the wariness she’d initially displayed seemed to have evaporated. “Is it okay for you not to hold her hand?” I asked Hayase. Fuyutsuki was walking along the yellow tiles unaided, forging straight ahead. “As long as there’s nothing on the tactile paving blocking her way, she’s fine walking alone. She doesn’t like people touching her when she hasn’t asked for help,” Hayase explained. “Are you two old friends?” “Why do you ask?” “I mean, you’re acting as her chaperone. I kind of figured that was the case.” “Oh, that’s what you mean. I only met Koharu at the entrance ceremony. I’m Hayase and she’s Fuyutsuki, so we’re Fu and Ha, right?” For a moment, I felt like Hayase was speaking in riddles. Students are put in alphabetical order for entrance ceremonies, though, so she must have meant they were seated together. “…I see.” “Hey, did you know our university has something called student guides? They’re advertising for applicants on the bulletin boards.” “I hadn’t heard about that.” “Yeah, I figured as much. Student guides are volunteers who assist disabled people during their college years.” From what Hayase told me, the role involved accompanying the student to classes, helping them move around campus, and assisting them at mealtimes, depending on the needs of the individual. Hayase was such an admirable person. But even so, I felt like it was in my best interests to keep my distance. Apparently, Fuyutsuki had mentioned wanting to go to the party tonight, so Hayase had come along with her. She seemed like the type of person who did that sort of thing often, too. I knew people like her existed, but they were rare—and the total opposite of me. “I have a bad habit of trying to help at the drop of a hat, but as a general rule, it’s best not to interfere unless the person explicitly asks you to.” “Is that right?” “Yeah. Otherwise, it’s like you’re saying they can’t do it by themselves,” Hayase said, looking down at the ground. That did make sense. It would probably suck to have someone meddle in everything you did, treating you like a child. “She told me she wanted to try going to a party while she was at college,” Hayase said softly. “Pretty amazing, right?” There was a hint of pity in her voice. “Oh yeah!” she suddenly exclaimed, lifting her head in an exaggerated manner. “You’re in the same department as me, right, Sorano?” “You study logistics, too?” I asked Hayase. “Yep. So does Koharu.” “Whoa. Narumi’s the only one who’s studying something different, then.” “Do you take computer science?” she asked. “The one first period on Mondays? Well, yeah…” “I don’t.” “I’m regretting signing up for those lectures… I don’t understand a thing,” I admitted. “Koharu said that, too.” “We’re in the same class?” Now that I thought about it, there might have been someone who looked like Fuyutsuki sitting in the back. I tried to remember but couldn’t, probably because I hadn’t been all that interested. As I was pretending to rack my brain, Hayase came out with a sudden suggestion. “Are you interested in becoming a student guide, Sorano?” Dark clouds formed over our conversation. I didn’t like the way this was going. “Why?” I asked, subtly trying to reject her idea. “My schedule and Koharu’s don’t overlap. I was hoping you could help us out, even if it’s just during that one lecture.” “Well, the thing is—” “You only have to help her if she looks like she’s struggling, okay?” Hayase was being very forward—pushy, even. I actually found it pretty amazing. As I was reeling from the mild shock, I heard a crash ahead of us. A bike had fallen over, and it seemed to have startled Fuyutsuki. It looked like she’d accidentally knocked it over with her white cane on the tactile paving, where it had been parked. “Are you okay?” asked Hayase, rushing over. “Sorry ’bout that. I didn’t notice it was there,” said Narumi. I almost took a step forward, but I stopped when I saw Narumi pick the fallen bicycle up off the ground. “I’m sorry!” Fuyutsuki said. All I did was stand frozen to the spot, watching her. “It’s fine, seriously. Anyone coulda knocked over this junky old thing.” Was its stand broken or something? Narumi was struggling to get the rusty bike to stay upright. Hayase came back over, frowning. “Lately, I’ve become much more mindful not to park my bike on the tactile paving,” she said. “More people need to know how important it is.” “Yeah,” I responded almost automatically. “Yeah!” Hayase repeated, slightly irritated. Then, maintaining that same level of annoyance, she returned to our previous topic of conversation. “So what do you think about the student guide idea?” I’d hoped the incident with the knocked-over bicycle would have put the issue out of her mind, but unfortunately for me, it hadn’t. “Hmm.” I pretended to think things over for a moment. “Give me some time to consider it,” I replied vaguely. I meant it as another indirect refusal, but Hayase wasn’t going to back down. “Give me your contact info,” she demanded, showing me a QR code to add her on the LINE messaging app. I reluctantly swapped IDs with Hayase. As soon as that was done, she smiled and said, “Make sure you help Koharu out whenever she needs anything,” and rushed back over to Fuyutsuki. This was bad. “But—” I almost said “I’m terrible at that kind of stuff,” but I stopped myself at the last moment. When I was a young kid, I’d moved around a lot, from one home to another. Apparently, that was the only way my divorced single mother had been able to bring up a child. We’d started out at my grandparents’ place, but when they got sick, we ended up at my aunt’s instead. Then, after my aunt and my mom had a fight, we’d had to go and live with a distant relative. At one point, a friend of Mom’s took us in, even though we weren’t related. Wherever I went, people hated me for being “too arrogant.” When I’d tried to act courteously, they’d hated me for being “too polite.” Standing out was a surefire way to be disliked at every new school I transferred to—but no one said anything when I tried my hardest to keep to myself. At the end of the day, everyone likes the innocuous types. I eventually learned that blending in and staying away from people was the best approach. Before I knew it, I became a pro at reading people’s facial expressions, staying under the radar, and identifying safe zones. I looked up to find the moon obscured by fog. I could only make out its vague outline. The dull moonlight gave the throng of apartment buildings a mysterious glow. I found it a beautiful sight, but the cold, inorganic nature of the concrete caught my eye, making me feel a bit uneasy. “Oh, it’s this building, right?” said Hayase, coming to a stop. We were at one end of the Aioi Bridge. The university was just across the other side. “What a nice place!” exclaimed Narumi, looking up at the apartment complex. In front of us stood two buildings, each around fifty stories high. They looked like your typical high-rise apartment blocks. There was a short staircase and wheelchair ramp that led to a long promenade, and at the end of it was the entrance adorned by a waterfall flowing down a large pane of glass. It was immediately obvious that these were luxury apartments. Fuyutsuki gave off neat and clean vibes, but this confirmed my impression that she was a pristine rich girl. Hayase guided Fuyutsuki’s hand toward the railing of the wheelchair ramp. She tapped the tactile paving with her white cane and bowed politely. “Thank you.” “Have a good night.” “See ya.” “Good night.” We exchanged good-byes and waved to one another. That was when it happened. We heard the boom of something exploding, and red light reflected in the windows of the apartment building. Boom, boom. The explosions continued, one after another. Each time the sound cut through the night sky, the building’s windows were dyed in vivid color—yellow, blue, then red again. Narumi pointed to the other side of the Aioi Bridge. “Looks like they’re over there.” Hayase walked from the ramp back to the sidewalk, then looked up at the sky. “Isn’t that the university? Are they allowed to let off fireworks there?” “Wait, what? Fireworks?” said Fuyutsuki excitedly. She must have wished she could see them for herself, because she came running down the ramp, guided by the rail. Suddenly, her hand slipped, and she lost her balance. “Watch out!” I cried, instinctively catching her. I helped Fuyutsuki get her feet back under her again. When I touched her palm, it felt cool against my hand. “Your hands are so warm, Sorano,” she said, seeming totally unperturbed. “You could have hurt yourself,” I told her. “Sorry.” “No, it’s fine.” By the time I’d helped her to the sidewalk, the fireworks had already ended. “We missed them, didn’t we?” she asked with a playful smile. “Can you see them?” I asked, finding her reaction a little odd. “No,” she replied, turning her face toward me. “But I love fireworks.” “You do?” Even though you can’t see them? I kept that question to myself, though. “One day, I want to set off fireworks with friends,” she said, beaming. Fuyutsuki couldn’t see the world around her, so how could she enjoy fireworks? She would be alone, surrounded by pitch-black darkness. All alone, listening to the explosions echoing around her. So why, then, did she sound so happy talking about them? Was she pretending, or was it genuine? She was such a mystery to me. “Sorano,” Hayase whispered in my ear. “Koharu’s cute, don’t you think?” “Yeah, sure,” I replied ambiguously. I knew it’d be bad to say no. “She’s cute, and she’s cool.” Hayase kept nagging me until we eventually parted ways. She said things like “You only have to help out when you feel like it,” and on several occasions, the words I can’t almost escaped my lips. The best policy was to ignore her. So that’s what I did—just let it go past.