Satsuki’s dried eyes brimmed with tears once more. She was happy that Shindo was the one who found her. Yet at the same time, it thrust the excruciating reality before her. It made her face the fact that she would be separated from the man who brought her such joy.
It wasn’t as though she would never see him again. Shindo would still serve as a regular attendant. Eventually he would become her first secretary, assisting her as the Tsujikawa heiress. However, he would no longer get to spend every waking moment with her as he did now.
Satsuki took Shindo’s presence as a matter of course. She took hearing his voice for granted.
Yet she would no longer get to be with the man who comforted her so. Once she decided on a fiancé, her days of playing the violin for Shindo would be gone.
“If you hold me dear...try to understand how I feel...” she insisted. The pain was so agonizing, it felt as if her chest would tear asunder.
On the other side of her tears, Shindo smiled softly at her in concern. She wanted him to accept her feelings more than anyone else in the world...
“I don’t want to pick a fiancé...” Satsuki confessed, large teardrops falling down her cheeks. “I don’t want to...part...from you, Shindo...”
Whoosh...! There was a gust of wind that was not a wind. The air blew in synchronization with the sorrow and uncertainty swaying Satsuki’s heart.
“...How do you feel...?” she asked.
Rustle... Crackle...! The movement of air caused the trees in the park to stir. It was as if they were trying to stop Satsuki from acting on her emotions.
“Shindo...do you honestly believe I’ll be happy without you?” she pushed.
The shock that assaulted Shindo was on par with a stake thrust into his heart. She wanted to know how he truly felt. If I was prepared to cast everything aside and accept the possibility I may never see Satsuki again, I would probably shout, ‘Of course that isn’t how I feel!’ And then, I would tell her those other forbidden words.
“Shindo...” Satsuki’s sad voice echoed in his heart. She was asking for an answer—his honest answer.
“I...” Shindo faltered, returning Satsuki’s hands back to her lap. He could lose himself in her intelligent eyes. Shindo was forever unable to pull himself away from these eyes. He never could, and never would, now and forever... “I don’t want to leave you, Miss,” he answered.
Whoosh...! The air wavered violently, much like Satsuki’s heart...
“Say it...again,” Satsuki requested.
Shindo felt as though he was losing himself in the gaze of her eyes as he broke the taboo once more. “I...don’t want to be separated from you, Miss.”
Whoosh...! Rustle...! The wind that was not a wind blew. The trees rustled. A gentle energy wave overcame the two as if the area surrounding them were cut and pasted into another dimension.
Satsuki’s heart was bursting with such joy, she could barely breathe. Shindo said that he didn’t want to be torn away from her! He told her how he truly felt. He expressed his personal feelings... It made Satsuki so happy, she didn’t know what to say.
“Really...?” she confirmed once more with her eyes locked on Shindo, wanting to ensure her happiness was real.
The light of the moon and stars shone upon them. The park lights served little use as the heavenly bodies illuminated the two confirming their innermost desires. Despite the darkness of night shrouding the park, Shindo could clearly see Satsuki, down to her beautiful, teary eyes. Likewise, Satsuki could clearly see Shindo, clear down to the gray tinge in his eyes that was only visible in the bright light of the sun.
“Shindo...”
At the sound of his name, Shindo pulled away from Satsuki’s hands. Kneeling before her, he quietly pulled Satsuki toward his chest.
“I can’t remain your retainer once you pick your future spouse...” Shindo whispered in her ear. His whisper indicated the depth of his words. “But...I don’t want to leave your side...”
A wavering air surrounded the two. It seemed to represent how Satsuki’s heart could melt from the onslaught of emotion bombarding her.
“Shindo, me too...” she confided. She rested her hands against his chest.
“However, I feel that I must leave your side.”
The wavering in the air came to a stop. The warmth surrounding them suddenly turned cold.
“Perhaps this is a good opportunity...to put some distance between us...”
“Shindo...!” Satsuki shrieked.
Furious with her retainer, Satsuki tried to pull away from him. However, he grabbed her and pulled her into a strong embrace!
“But...you just...said...you don’t want...to leave me...!” Satsuki cried, her voice trembling.
Held painfully tight in Shindo’s arms, she clawed at his suit. Yet she wasn’t the only one who wanted to burst out crying. Shindo was overcome with such grief, he wanted to scream and cry.
“I can’t be with you anymore...”
“Shindo...!”
Unable to move her arms while caught in his embrace, Satsuki thrashed her wrists to strike at Shindo.
Why...? Why, Shindo? You just said you didn’t want to leave me! Aren’t I allowed to savor this dream?!
“If I remain at your side...” It tortured Shindo to force the words out. He had to defy his heart. “I...am bound...” his voice trembled at the mention of the sin he might commit, “...to personally corrupt you...”
The moonlight wavered, illuminating the two potential sinners.
“And that terrifies me,” Shindo confessed, his words leaving Satsuki frozen.
Satsuki naturally understood the meaning behind those words. And to think, they came from Shindo. The beating in her heart pounded with terrifying ferocity. The implication behind Shindo’s words was that he viewed Satsuki as a woman, not as his mistress.
“I have no right to do such a thing. I am hardly in a position to love you. Normally it would be unthinkable to even speak...” he cut himself short to pull her into a tight embrace, “...to speak...of such things...”
Shindo unhanded Satsuki, took a step back, and knelt once more. He dropped his head, and pressed his right hand against his chest.
“Please forgive what I said as jest. I would appreciate it if you graciously pretended I never said anything...” Shindo apologized to his little lady for accidentally expressing a fraction of what lied in his heart.
“Come here...” Satsuki commanded with both arms extended toward the man who just released her.
Shindo hesitated for a moment. This was the pose Satsuki struck whenever she wanted him to pick her up. Although it was always effortless for him in the past, it might prove somewhat painful to him now given the circumstances.
Shindo closed the step’s distance he just created and took her proffered hands.
Just as always, he offered Satsuki the same gentle retainer smile meant for his mistress. Satsuki was overwrought with sorrow at the sight of Shindo acting like usual. Only moments ago, she heard him confess how he viewed her as a woman. Without giving her time to savor the moment, he was trying to reset everything back to normal.
“I can’t even do this with you anymore...?” Satsuki asked. She took his proffered hand for granted. She simply expected his hand to be there for her if she reached out. But before long, he would no longer be able to hold his hand out for her. “I...won’t get to hold your hands...”
Shindo wouldn’t get to stay at her side. The presence she took for granted, from his faint smile to the warmth of his hands, was going to leave her.
“I can’t even be with you all the time...” she bemoaned.
Satsuki was so upset, she was unable to stop the tears from streaming down her cheeks. The sight of her tears was a shock to Shindo, who was trying to return to his usual self and resume a sense of normalcy. She was crying for Shindo.
The precious feeling brimming in his heart was beyond description. Those insuppressible feelings overflowed, flooding from his heart.
“Miss...”
Slipping his hands out of hers, Shindo pulled Satsuki into an embrace.
“...Shin...do...”
Held against his chest, he squeezed Satsuki tightly in his arms. This embrace was clearly different from the other times. Reading his emotions in the moment, Satsuki felt a soft, warm sensation come over her.
It wasn’t as though one acted before the other. The two gazed deep into one another’s eyes. And then, their lips locked...