Tsuneo laughed and kissed her. Just looking at her made him want to lock them both in the apartment and sleep with her again. The view of her slender, doll-like legs was strangely erotic, and between them was a quivering bottomless trap that held Tsuneo spellbound.
Josee ended up asking him to take her to the zoo. When she was living at the care facility, some of the volunteers took her to the zoo on a bus, but there was a time limit, so they only got to see the birds, monkeys, and elephants before having to leave. It was a big place that quickly tired out people with disabilities.
Josee said she wanted to see the tigers, so Tsuneo showed her to where the wild cats were kept. The zoo was surprisingly crowded for a weekday; maybe the first day of nice spring weather had drawn them all here. One look at the tiger, and Josee was unsurprisingly hooked. She watched in fascination as it tirelessly paced back and forth in its cage in a way unique to predators.
The tiger’s deranged golden eyes full of silent, ferocious energy fixated on Josee, causing her to tremble in fear. However, her morbid curiosity was far stronger than any urge to look away.
The beast stopped right in front of Josee. She froze with terror to the point that she started struggling to breathe. The tiger then took one front limb, which looked strong enough to kill an elephant in a single swipe, and struck the concrete terrain in frustration before letting out a roar.
Its vivid golden and black fur glittered in the sunlight as it writhed, and its roar was so terrifying that Josee almost fainted.
“That thing’s gonna give me nightmares…,” she said, clinging to Tsuneo.
“Why’d you wanna see it if it scares you so much?”
“’Cause I wanted to see whatever scared me the most…once I met the love of my life. That way I could hold on to him like this,” she explained. “I thought I’d go see a tiger as soon as I found that someone. And if I never found anybody, then I guess I’d just never see a real tiger in person. I couldn’t let that bother me, though.”
From high above, the island seemed hidden among a mass of greenery surrounded by ocean. The weather was hot and muggy, typical of southern Japan, and the lush trees were stubbornly verdant, making the island resemble a giant ball of moss.
There was an underwater aquarium here, which was why Josee had been asking Tsuneo to bring her for a visit. The island was part of an archipelago at the farthest point in Kyushu, so a day trip wasn’t feasible. Therefore, Tsuneo decided to take some time off work to bring Josee here, since she adored zoos and aquariums so much.
A massive red bridge connected the island to the mainland. It looked like a long piece of yarn attached to the island. Just like a yo-yo, Josee thought. The expressway ran up through the mountains, occasionally obscuring the island and bridge from view until they reappeared even larger than before. The next thing they knew, Tsuneo and Josee had reached the bridge.
The bridge was dizzyingly high up and intimidating. It didn’t help that the ocean below looked incredibly distant. Once they finally crossed it, Tsuneo and Josee continued through a parking lot full of sightseeing buses. Tsuneo followed the signs to a coastal road that snaked through a fourth of the island, until they eventually arrived at a beachside resort hotel.
“Hey, I called you guys earlier. Said I wanted a room on the first floor. Something wheelchair-friendly,” Tsuneo told a hotel worker as he pulled the folded wheelchair out of the trunk of the car.
The young man in the black suit who came to greet them was making every effort not to look down at Josee’s feet, to the point that Tsuneo actually started to feel bad for him.
Josee was wearing a long light-pink skirt along with a pink short-sleeved shirt. She was in a haughty mood with her chin held high, not even sparing a glance in the young man’s direction, much less offering him a polite smile. The hotel employee eyed her as if she were a doll in an unopened box.
“We have a room for you on the second floor,” he said. “The resort has an elevator, so you can use the banquet hall and cafeteria on the first floor whenever you like.”
However, the elevator ended up being too small for the wheelchair to fit, so Tsuneo had to hoist Josee onto his back instead. The bellhop folded the wheelchair and carried it up to their room for them. A tour group of middle-aged women was making no effort not to stare at Josee, which got her really annoyed.
Tsuneo had told the hotel that they were on their honeymoon, so their room was decorated with flowers. Once the bellhop left…
“This is all your fault, Caretaker! You should’ve checked if the elevator was big enough to fit a wheelchair before you booked the room! Those old ladies were staring at me the entire time!” Josee howled with fury.
“Hey, Josee, forget about that for a sec and check out this view. Just look at that ocean.”
Tsuneo opened the curtains and marveled at the sight. Outside the bay window was a panoramic vista of the sea, which put Josee in a slightly better mood. She climbed over the table and across the chairs, then gazed at the ocean in silence.
“There’s really an aquarium down there?” she asked.
“Yep.”
“Hurry up and let’s go, then.”
“Gimme a second to breathe, okay? I’m tired from driving all day.”
“Then you don’t have to come! I don’t need you! I’ll just ask the bellhop to take me.”
Tsuneo heaved a deep sigh, then decided to take Josee straight to the aquarium. He still needed the bellhop’s help, though. The aquarium was eight meters below ground, and the only way to get there was via the long concrete staircase. Tsuneo managed to carry Josee down the stairs and had the bellhop bring the wheelchair for them.
All of a sudden, they were surrounded by faint lights. Once Josee was back in her wheelchair, the bellhop departed the aquarium, leaving Josee and Tsuneo to themselves. The walls and ceiling were made of glass, and the seawater had a clear green tint to it. Rows of tiny cobalt fish swam through the swaying seaweed as vivid red fish passed them by.
Crawling along the sand at the bottom were eels, crabs, shrimp, and turtles. The only sounds were Tsuneo’s footsteps and the creaking wheelchair; it must have been just the two of them there. A long silver and blue fish slowly came into view—a yellowtail.
Greater amberjack, black sea bream, and banded dogfish swam through the tank, brushing against the coral reef. Their eyes were dry, and each one looked slightly more human than the last.
“Wow. It was more than worth it coming all the way here. This is great,” said Tsuneo, simply enjoying himself.
Josee, however, couldn’t even speak. Down here, where you couldn’t tell whether it was night or day, Josee felt as if she and Tsuneo were all alone at the bottom of the sea. She was entranced—borderline terrified—looping around the aquarium over and over again. Tsuneo eventually lost patience and scolded her, then had the lady at the ticket stand call for the bellhop before carrying Josee back up the staircase. By the time they got to the top, Tsuneo was already panting. They came face-to-face with the bright summer sunshine and the gift shop, and the salty sea air tickled their noses. The two of them decided to have some iced coffee at the nearby parlor before heading back up to the hotel, where they ordered room service.
When Josee woke up late into the night, the moonlight peeking through the opened curtains lit up the room like an underwater grotto in an aquarium.
Both Josee and Tsuneo were fish.
I must’ve died, Josee thought. We both must’ve died.
Tsuneo started living with Josee from then on. They were planning on getting married, but they never changed their family register, or announced a wedding, or even told Tsuneo’s parents. Josee’s grandmother’s ashes remained in that same cardboard box, too.
And Josee was fine with this. She would take her time cooking and flavor the food just as Tsuneo liked. She’d leisurely wash his clothes and make sure that Tsuneo looked his absolute best. The two of them would carefully save their money so that they could go on a trip like this once a year.
We’re both dead. Just a couple of bodies.
Dead bodies was what she meant.
Josee let out a sigh of deep satisfaction at their fishlike bodies. She didn’t know if Tsuneo would leave her one day, but she was happy as long as he was by her side. That was enough. And in Josee’s mind, happiness felt synonymous with death. Absolute happiness was death itself.
We’re fish. Just a couple of bodies was her way of saying they were happy.
Josee laced her fingers through Tsuneo’s, leaned into him, and pushed her beautifully slender yet limp doll-like legs closer before falling back into a peaceful slumber.