“Oh, you’re up.”
I woke up from the dream on the brink of death and returned to the world.
Kizuha was petting Dick and sipping blood.
I felt like something of mine had been eaten. Well, that didn’t matter.
“You gotta stop messing with me! I told you twice, I don’t want to drink it!”
“But I only did it because your body language said you wanted me to kiss you!”
“It did not!”
Kizuha’s cackling made me feel a bit sick.
But my secret hangout in the unwholesome shed with the girl, Dick, and the drugs continued. I felt like I was doing something I could never tell Mama Lupe about.
But it was summer.
In a world with no air conditioners, the mix of strange pleasure and guilt felt a bit like a cool breeze. I never had any friends in my old world to do bad stuff like this with. So I thought, It’s summer.
“Dick got bigger, huh?”
I still couldn’t help reacting as if she was talking about my crotch, but spending time in the brothel’s backyard with Kizuha and Dick had become a habit.
Dick was growing up fast, like a puppy growing into a dog. Pretty soon I’d have to pixelate him out.
“Yeah, he has quite an appetite lately.”
We were using boldgrass laundry detergent as his food, but now he gobbled up a whole bag at a time. We didn’t know what Dick’s optimal weight was, so we were just letting him eat as much as he wanted.
“We’re getting to the point where it’s going to be hard to hide him, don’t you think? Let’s take him to my house.”
“Huh? No. We’re keeping him here. I’m his mommy.”
“I’m sure Dick doesn’t like being locked up in this cramped shed. You probably don’t know, but a sweaty dick is so annoying; it’s like having a steamed frog in your pan—”
“You’re way more annoying!”
“Oww!”
She bit my hand. Damned ogre princess.
“Then should we let him out?” She said something crazy as she licked the teeth marks she left on my right hand.
“We can’t possibly do that. What if someone found him?”
“We can just say it’s a dick. Yours. Okay, that’s settled. Let’s get up really early tomorrow and meet here.”
“Whaaat? Are you even listening to what I said?”
“It’s settled! We decided!”
Pushy Kizuha’s plan was to go to the lake.
I was worried someone would see us, but the only people there were fishing or doing laundry, so if we kept our distance we would just look like a couple who had brought our pet out. Thus, Kizuha, Dick, and I played by the edge of the lake.
Dick was all excited to be outside and exposed to the shining sun. And Kizuha was enchanted by him.
She rubbed him as he lounged, and she said to me, “You’re kinda weird, huh?”
“Well, weird, or people often call me eccentric, or a genius. That said, I feel like I only point out the obvious.”
“But you think animals are cute even though you’re a man. And you don’t hit me.”
“Isn’t that pretty normal? Anyone who hits a girl is the lowest of the low. I would never raise my hand against a woman, a kid, or a cute animal.”
“Weird. Then you don’t need to hit men either.”
“Huh? But then I’d lose my job...or like, the cool thing about me.”
“Is the reason you don’t hit kids because you like them...?”
“Do I...like them? I mean, cute kids are cute. If they listen, I like them.”
I had played with kids of relatives before. We gamed together.
I wasn’t opposed to that sort of thing. Maybe in this world I could find a promising youngster and teach them fencing. I already hit my level cap, so maybe being the one to cultivate a hero would be a happy ending for me.
“I kinda get what you mean. When I look at Dick, it makes me think I might want kids.”
“Nah, you should emphatically not. There’s no way you could raise kids.”
“I’d make Lupe do it. I’ll specialize in pampering.”
“I’m serious—don’t do it.”
“Shall I have one for you?”
“What?”
“A baby, of course. Yours.” When I froze up, she laughed. “I’m just kidding. Don’t take that seriously, stupid.”
I exhaled intending to laugh, but ended up choking.
No, no. I’m not flustered. Why would I be? That was a dumb joke. My face isn’t hot or anything, and my heart isn’t pounding. On the contrary, it’s not making a sound.
“Mww.”
“Mmwwww?!”
She stole another kiss. Crap, more poppybat blood?
Braced for suspended animation, I protected the back of my head with an arm so I wouldn’t hit it when I fell down. But I didn’t.
It was just a kiss.
“...I guess we should head back.”
She abruptly left, carrying Dick.
I moved my arm from the back of my head to my lips, but then decided not to wipe them off. Being kissed didn’t weird me out—although I didn’t know why that was.
But while we were having those sappy TV drama moments, the one enjoying himself the most was Dick. He started wanting to go out all the time.
“There’s nothing to do but let him play in the backyard early in the morning and whatnot.”
“But I’m telling you, we’ll be in trouble if anyone sees him!”
“I’m making sure no one sees him, so we’re fine!”
It was her saying it was fine, so it was definitely not fine.
Dick’s appetite and growth knew no bounds. He ate his morning and evening meals, but then even started nibbling on the panties the girls were drying outside while he was playing. It was the boldgrass. They leave the boldgrass until their items are done drying and then brush it off, which made them Dick’s favorite snack.
I learned about that after it became a whole issue, but apparently Kizuha had been letting him do as he liked because, A pair or two here and there won’t matter.
Dick’s spit is white and sticky. Apparently she would just throw them out when she found any covered in it. Neglecting my responsibility as a pet owner had come back to bite me.
“What should I do? I blinked and he spooged all over every single pair!”
“Don’t say ‘spooge.’ And why did you leave him alone long enough for that to happen? Training is the owner’s job!”
There was no way to gloss over that many pairs, so I told her to wash them. But Kizuha has rocks for brains, so she said she had never done laundry before. She even told me to ask Mama Lupe. As if I could do that!