What a relief. He’s so big and reassuring.
“What? Hey. Is she your girlfriend or something? Sorry, man.”
But he’s a bit timid and reserved. When the man with the beard said the g-word, Sumo turned bright red and said, “Don’t be ridiculous,” in a soft voice.
Sorry.“It’s fine. I’ll come a different day.” I decided to turn him down. My stomach felt so heavy I might as well have been full anyhow.
“Sorry.”
I replied to his apology with one of my own, “No, I’m sorry.” More than anything, I was glad his business was going well. Let’s both work hard.
“Um, here you go, if you like.” He gave me one of the cakes on the tray. When I tried to pay, he said, “I have too many anyhow,” looking apologetic.
Even though Haru wasn’t around and we weren’t coming to the cafe, he still made the same number of cakes. They weren’t selling, so he was going around to the customers.
“Who would want a girly thing like that?!” The bearded man harshly refused when offered one.
Sumo was really trying his best. Who was I to suggest that we should both work hard, as if he wasn’t?
The delicious cakes seemed a bit sad. Even if I ate one on my own, it would just taste lonely.
I’m gonna go insane.
That customer was mad his food was taking forever; the customer over there started a fight out of spite because he couldn’t get the girl he wanted. One girl said she was sick; another’s face was swollen from being hit by a customer.
Smile. Smile. No matter how I feel, I can’t make a weird face in front of the customers. I can’t make the girls nervous.
Madam says it’s important to “light into someone” now and then. But I don’t think I can do that. I’m no Haru.
I went around to everyone and apologized. I knew it wasn’t the cleverest solution, but I didn’t know any other. Even when I remembered how Madam was always leaving tasks up to others, I couldn’t think of anyone I could rely on.
I was completely exhausted. And sales were garbage. Still, I had to smile until the end.
Another day sleeping right where I face-planted.
A slap on the butt opened my eyes. When I sat up in surprise, I got flipped over.
I could smell alcohol. And Kizuha was on top of me.
“Do you remember what I told you yesterday?”
Her big, shining eyes were so close that they were even more intense, and they were all I could see. I’m going to get sucked in.
“...Sorry.”
“If you get it, then don’t apologize! Bring me men. If you won’t...” She grinned and said she would eat me.
I thought I might actually get eaten. Her breath brushed my nose and crawled on my skin—like a tongue.
“Kizuha.” Her breath smelled a bit like blood. I hate this, I thought, but I had to say something. “Are you drinking again? Madam said that was the one thing you weren’t—”
“Oh shush. Who cares what she says?” She slapped back at me with those words, and I couldn’t say anything else. She had my arms pinned, so I couldn’t move, either. She sniffed the nape of my neck and brought her mouth near my hair. “You always smell so sweet. How many people fucked you last night? You ignored me and enjoyed the men by yourself! Isn’t that right?”
I told her I hadn’t been fucked. Pretty soon I would only be sleeping with specific customers—ones that Madam introduced to me.
“Oh right. You’re going to be our new mama, huh?” Kizuha stroked my cheek. She pricked my ear with her nails. When she saw me grimace from the pain, she smiled. “Mama, work hard for me. And then I’ll be a good girl. I promise.”
I really didn’t know what to say to that smile. It was so pretty it gave me shivers, but it also hurt like thorns.
Kizuha was born at the brothel. She says that she doesn’t remember when she got into the business. Madam doesn’t talk much about it, either. And I’ve never seen the two of them have a conversation. It’s because Kizuha does nothing but lie.
She always smells like blood during the day. Poppybat blood.
Of course, there’s no such animal. And it’s not real blood. It’s an oddly shaped fruit you can find in the eastern part of Demon Lord Forest. When you ferment it, it turns red and smells like blood.
The juice is more potent than alcohol—it ruins people. So if the soldiers find it on you, you’ll be arrested. But apparently it’s surprisingly easy to get ahold of, and some people even drink it at the brothel.
They get so far gone that they start talking to someone who isn’t there or suddenly turn violent. Some of them collapse and have to be taken to the hospital.
People who know how to handle it don’t get so messed up. So they recommend it to the girls, saying that when you do it after drinking some, it feels really good. Madam tells everyone to refuse because it’s dangerous, and that we can run away if we get too pressured.
Kizuha knows how to drink it. I don’t think anyone besides me has even noticed.
“...Make sure you eat. If you don’t get your nutrients, you’ll collapse.”
“What’s that about? Are you trying to act like my mom?”
Even I knew that what I was saying missed the mark. But Kizuha had been eating less and less lately. Maybe she had picked up another pet. She used to pick up any creature she found and keep them hidden in the shed. It was me who put a lock on the door when Madam said to.
And I wondered if the one she was keeping was a boy I knew.
“You look pretty tired yourself.” Kizuha cocked her head, commenting as if it had nothing to do with her, and brushed her hair back. Today it was neat. She was probably going to meet someone. “Is work really that hard?”
Compared to when I was just another girl, by a ton, yeah.
But if I couldn’t get used to it, I probably wouldn’t be able to survive. Everyone has to keep evolving.
“You’re not cut out for it, Lupe.”
I felt like something gross had been stabbed through my chest. I know that. I don’t need to hear it from you.
“You’re only faking it with a smile. It’ll never last. It’s impossible to do a job you can’t enjoy.”
She laughed and said she enjoyed herself. She laughed so much. The sound echoed, throbbing, in my head.
“Lupe, do you wanna do some blood, too? It’ll make things more fun.”
A red tongue licked her lips. Maybe just the smell had an effect. My cheeks were heating up. I felt suffocated and started to get a craving.
“Just kidding. I would never give any to you.”
After all that taunting, Kizuha finally got off of me. As the smell of blood moved away, I smelled flowers for a moment.
Chiba didn’t come that day, either.
I had a late lunch by myself in the brothel kitchen. It was nostalgic, but it made me wonder, Is this what we were eating? The food we’d always eaten together up until a little while ago just didn’t taste good to me anymore.
But I can’t be thinking like that. I’m going to have more and more days like this. I need to talk to the other girls; I need to keep tabs on the mood of the shop. I can’t get spoiled by how tasty the food is when we eat out.
And besides, Haru might never come back. Maybe she feels like she doesn’t have to be a prostitute anymore.
When she got here she didn’t know anything, but now she’s more capable than me. She can cook, do laundry, and even do repairs around the shop. She can’t calculate her sales to save her life, but she’s great at singing and playing instruments. And she’s super cute.
She seems to be going around with someone outside the shop and has even been to the forest, so maybe she’s already talked to him about quitting.
She wouldn’t tell me about it. She couldn’t say something like that to me, someone who’s stuck here forever.
I’ll be sad, but I think I’ll be able to congratulate her with a smile. I can do that much. But maybe she thinks I’ll cry and tell her not to go. Even though I won’t. I know that everyone will leave before me, so I’m fine.
...is the kind of boring stuff I was thinking about—even though when Haru was around I would try to have interesting things to bring up.
I should drink some water.
When I stood up to get some, there was no strength in my knees. They buckled under me and I almost fell. It was a shock.
That night, there weren’t many customers thanks to the rain.
It was horrible that I felt relieved about bad traffic. I turned up the light out front to make the shop seem warmer. I had the band play a relaxing song. I discounted one of the kitchen’s dishes and advertised it on the sign outside. To the commuting girls, I said, “You can go home early tonight, so liven things up while you’re here.”