...I was born really far away from here, in the country.
I’m from a sheep-farming family, and I never went to school, so of course I had never seen the city.
So when I was told to become a prostitute, I didn’t really know what it meant.
But my eldest sister was already married, my second elder sister was marrying into the next village over, and my younger brother was still little. I more or less understood the idea that because of the bad weather the previous year, I would have to sell myself somewhere in order to pay back our debts. And I had friends who had disappeared off somewhere, too.
Anyhow, it meant I wouldn’t have to take care of the sheep anymore. I could undo my gloves and turn them into socks or something. My naughty little brother ruined them so quickly that there were never enough no matter how many I made.
If I start now, I can finish them before I leave. If I work hard, I’m sure I’ll get them done. That’s what I was thinking, knitting silently in my room when I heard a voice from outside calling me.
“Lupe. Wanna go fishing with me?”
I hesitated because I wasn’t finished with my knitting, but said, “Sure,” and left with my fishing pole.
His big hands patted my head and rubbed my back. My big brother was from a slightly better house, relatives of ours, and his father had helped our family out a bunch of times when we were having trouble.
I didn’t really know the details of all that, but my big brother always played with us sisters, so I loved him. I couldn’t tell my sisters, but he even said I was the cutest one.
I dropped my line in the river and waited. The weather was nice, and the breeze was gentle.
There was no one around, so he sidled up to me, said, “Here’s a secret,” and told me I was going to be a prostitute. It seemed like he knew all about it. He asked, “Do you know what you’ll have to do?”
“Not really. I guess sleep with men?”
When I laughed about what a weird job that was, he glanced around and said, “Should I teach you how?”
I said, “Okay.”
Then he grabbed my arm and said we should go “over there.”
When we got home, I told Mama what my brother did to me.
I was crying, but she looked straight at me and said, “You can’t tell anyone about that,” and put a finger to her lips. She said his dad had lined up the prostitute work for me. “He only showed you what your job is going to be. You’ll be doing that every day from now on.”
I told her no way. It hurt and embarrassed me, and I never wanted to do it again.
“Everyone woman does it. You’ll just have to put up with it.”
I didn’t understand why I should have to put up with something like that. I cried and cried that I didn’t want to work that kind of job.
Mama scolded me, “That’s enough. Don’t cry,” and caressed my cheek with her rough hand. “You have nothing, so you’ve got to smile. If you don’t smile, you won’t have anything to eat. Work on being pleasant. That’s your only weapon to survive.”
I thought it was strange to smile if you have nothing. And what’s more, Mama was telling me to smile, but she was crying.
Still, I knew that survival was the most important thing. So I smiled. Mama said, “That’s good,” and hugged me.
And then I became a prostitute at Blue Cat Nocturne.
I hated my mom after that, so I never even wrote her a letter.
That story’s no fun, so I’ve never told it to anyone before.
“I’m Haru. Nice to meet you!”
By the time she came around I was used to the place, and I’d seen lots of girls come and go. That’s why my first impression of her was that she wouldn’t last long.
In a nutshell, I couldn’t take her seriously. She was a weird one. She was fine sleeping with the men, but when it came to living in a woman’s world, she would never fit in.
The number-one seller is the same way, but that’s because she was born in the shop. For someone coming in later, that personality would make things rough.
Eventually things wouldn’t be going very well and she’d either run off without saying anything or transfer to another shop. Or maybe she’d become a slave.
I don’t know what ends up happening to those kinds of girls. But I think that there’s no better life than what they had here, and I’m scared for them.
“I’m Lupe. If you have any questions, just ask.”
So I try to help the new girls by showing them the ropes so at least they wouldn’t have trouble for lack of knowledge.
Still.
“Lupe, what should I do? My underwear got moldy...”
This Haru girl was even more clueless than I imagined. She even went pale in the face thinking the boldgrass we use after washing was mold.
“That’s to soften the fibers. Once it dries you can just shake it off, and your underwear should be all fluffy. Look.”
“Oh, you’re right. Whoa, so this is fabric softener? Is it magic? Wow, this other world is awesome. It’s wild how you guys solve every issue with grass, though. Makes me wonder if I’m high on some or something.”
“How have you been washing your stuff if you didn’t know that...?”
Haru blushed and looked down. I decided not to ask any more.
“Thanks. I’m one notch smarter, now, heh-heh.”
This one was always smiling. I’d even seen her laugh and sling comebacks at the other girls when they were being mean. That’s a pretty important skill to have as a prostitute, so I was a bit impressed.
Her smile didn’t seem fake. She was a girl who could smile enough to hide her real feelings. It made me think she had fought through lots of other situations in the same way. She had a different way of smiling than me, but I figured it was because we were from different places. I didn’t think those places were similar, but I did have the feeling they were close. I was a bit curious.
“You don’t have to be formal with me. There’s not even that big of a gap between our ages.”
When I tried to close the distance between us, sure enough, she went on guard. Maybe I was being pushy. But times like that, if you don’t keep pushing, the wall will never come down. I took her hand. “Come on. Bring the other things you need to wash. I’ll show you how.”
“...This is my only dress.”
“Oh. I see. If you don’t mind a hand-me-down, I’ll give you one of mine. I have one that’ll look cute on you.”
I felt like it was a bit of a waste, but I decided to be generous and give her my favorite. Since the previous year, I’d been making enough as a top seller to save some money, so I could buy a cheap dress anytime. No problem, totally fine.
“Thanks, Lupe! You’re so nice!” Haru squeezed my hand. She’s so easy to understand.
But I’m not nice at all. I just treat people sometimes because if the people around me aren’t smiling, it’s harder for me to.
And even if I save up money, I can never escape this place, so I might as well use it to make my life here easier. It’s all just for my own survival, not kindness.
There are a few customers who call me Mama. I smile and take it when they slap me, forgive all sorts of things, listen to what they want to say, and for some reason they apparently confuse me with their mothers. So then when I scold them, they bow their heads and apologize.
Men like that are actually pretty cute; even the proudest ones turn into spoiled little boys. It makes work go easier, so I have them call me Mama. Or more like, I can sort of tell which guys have that quality, so I lead them a little.
Of course, men are still men even when they’re being treated kindly, so I don’t let my guard down. I don’t want them to think that just because they give me a present or something I’ll be satisfied, so I have them demonstrate their loyalty in their attitude. I learned how to do that sort of management and taming back on the farm, so as their sheep dog, I sometimes show my teeth—with a growl.
I think work is going well. I’ve been number two in sales ever since last year. Apparently Madam tells the other girls to learn from my example, so I’m always nervous while I’m working.
I may look happy, but I don’t think we should forget why prostitutes smile.
“And then he was like, ‘Muselussable!’ and arched his back like this!”
But lately I’ve been smiling for real, and laughing so hard I could cry more often.
Haru’s good at telling stories. Before I knew it, she had fit in with the other girls. Not only that, but whenever she says, “Speaking of,” everyone turns to listen. Everyone wants to know what she’ll talk about, and she always involves other people and gets them laughing.