At that point, it was actually tedious, and I started thinking uncharacteristically grim things like, Has my life even had any meaning?
“She’s so tight—it’s great.”
“She’s probably done it with everyone by now. Young chicks are so durable.”
In middle school, I was an escort for a while.
I had just broken up with my second boyfriend, and my first ex was a pain in the ass who showed up again, and there was all this drama. Right in the middle of that, my big sister got pregnant.
My sister is pretty, but her head isn’t screwed on quite right, so I guess she got involved in this college sex club, and it wasn’t like she could tell our parents. Right then, one of her friends showed up and said he would lend her the money she needed.
It was so nice to have a dependable acquaintance supporting her that my sister trusted him completely, so I thought he was a super good person and trusted him, too.
We were really panicking at the time. My sister had no plan, and I couldn’t do anything for her on my own.
He seemed like a savior.
“Open your mouth. Drink it down and don’t spill any.”
“Dude, don’t do that. It smells weird when you go to kiss her then.”
“Uh, it’s weirder that you’d wanna kiss this kind of girl.”
So he lent us the money and got rid of my ex for me. Then all that was left was to figure out how to pay him back, and that’s when he said, “Let’s do some work together.” He invited me to be an escort.
Refusing didn’t seem like an option, and I trusted him—I liked him—so I did it.
I didn’t really know what the going rate was, so I just did as I was told and met the guys he introduced me to on LINE, slept with them, went out with them, and got paid several thousand yen.
I thought it was a pretty easy job, so I proactively arranged for the twice-a-week arrangement to go up to three times, and I thought I was paying back the debt with the money I earned.
Then, when I found out how much he was taking off the top, I complained. But since the only evidence of the crime was on my end, they ended up threatening me.
I got scared and asked my parents what to do, and they got so mad at me. We had a relative who knew how to deal with legal stuff and the police, so it got sorted out, but I paid for it anyhow when weird rumors started going around. My parents let me go to a private high school that was pretty far outside our school district.
I restarted in a place where I didn’t have any friends. Surrounded by unfamiliar faces, I had to build relationships from scratch.
I felt like I was in another world back then, too.
“Hahh, hahh, this girl’s great. Her skin’s so taut.”
“Isn’t it kinda weird? The commander whipped her ass so much, and it’s still so smooth!”
“She’s a country slut; they’re made to go the distance. We should fuck her too, let’s go!”
Some of the rumors from middle school followed me, but I just pretended I had no idea what all that was about and acted cute and cheerful.
And I was cute, so I started going out with a boy two years older than me almost right away. My girl friends and my boyfriend introduced me to their friends, so I expanded my social network and made more and more friends.
Positive, attentive, politically correct.
I thought only of how to make people like me and I took on the role of getting everyone going. I laughed at what other people laughed at and made fun of what other people made fun of. At the same time, I was careful with what I said IRL and on LINE so I wouldn’t make enemies.
I had decided that I would definitely have fun in high school, so I didn’t want to mess up my relationships, and I took my cheerful-girl image seriously so no one would believe the few whispered rumors that were left.
Because if I turned around, my past frightened me. I didn’t want my friends to laugh at me for the stuff I did back then.
What was Chiba calling me? Something about a paste or something?
He’s really such an idiot.
“Hey, move your hips more! You’re doing this for your friend, aren’t you?”
A person’s worth is decided in ways that they can’t do anything about.
All you can do is decide how you’ll live your life regardless of your worth.
So, Chiba.
If you came here and told me again that you got strong to protect me, I’d never make fun of you ever again.
But that’s not going to happen.
＊
On the third day, I was supposed to be able to go home, but as expected, that was a lie.
Still, it was less the army’s fault than the weather’s. It had been raining hard since morning, and up at the front a few kilometers to the north, the monsters were going wild, so the rotation was postponed.
Since it’s raining like this, maybe the silver-haired man will be at the shop tonight.
The thought made me miss the brothel.
I was worked hard all day long there, but I liked working. There were a dizzying number of things to get done, but it was fun to see myself becoming capable of doing more.
Every day I thought this other world was the worst, and whenever anything horrible happened I thought of my old world, but now the memories that cheer me up the most are of that lively pub atmosphere.
I can’t believe it could be true, but did I get hooked on being a sex worker?
At least, I felt like working at that shop—where I’d drink with guys and listen to them brag about their exploits, generous guys would tip when I made them laugh, and I’d score a regular if the sex was good—I felt like it was worthwhile.
And yeah, if my parents found out, I’d get knocked into who knows what kind of other world, but I like that atmosphere of competing to provide quality service as a sex worker way better than endlessly doing these boring soldiers in this awful place.
Lupe with her warm smile was there, and Shequraso, who was so cool and messy and good at singing. Madam with her formal demeanor, Sumo’s kindness, the ultra-sophisticated silver-haired man, and the accidental Carp fan.
Even in this world, I’d found a place to go home to.
I dunno if I’m hooked on it or not, but at least I know there are people waiting for me.
This is no time to be getting ground down to nothing in a place like this!
“All riiight!”
“Whoa, what?”
I hadn’t actually spoken properly in quite a while, so it sort of hurt my throat, but it perked me up.
I pushed over the soldier doing a horrible job bonking me and got on top.
“Sir, could it be you’re not accustomed to women? Perhaps you’re not confident in your thrusting technique? If you like, I can give you a lecture.”
“Uh, err, what are you...?”
“Okay, clap your hands, please! I’ll dance to the rhythm of your choosing.”
“Wait, no, why are you suddenly so—”
Just then, the door to my fuck room slid open and Dekasquad Commander Bisque declared, “Time’s up. The rotation orders came in. The monsters are temporarily withdrawing. We need to switch up to the front now and prepare for nightfall. Hurry up and get ready.”
“Yes, sir!”
The young soldier shoved me off of him and stood to salute.
Watching him scramble to pick up his clothes and rush off, Mr. Bisque chuckled.
“What a pity. We have to let you go now.”
I wrapped my tattered dress around me and said, “Thank you,” with a smile.
I made it. I did the hell out of that sex work.
“...Haru, are you by any chance immortal?” Mr. Bisque grinned at me. As usual, his eyes weren’t smiling, though. “Three days, and there were probably a lot of pretty unreasonable guys, but you’re still kicking.”
“I have my youth, after all.”
I wouldn’t lose to the likes of you.
Mr. Bisque leaned against the door, watching me get dressed. “I really don’t want to let you go,” he said playfully.