1 Life is too short to achieve something but too long to do nothing. That’s a famous quote I heard once. This is just my theory, but I believe that for every person, there are words that effortlessly transform their life. Everyone encounters them at some point, even if those words have taken root so deep that they can’t be recalled without conscious effort. For me, that line was the one that stuck. I don’t remember when I read it or heard it the first time, but I came across it somewhere, and by the time I was in fourth or fifth grade of elementary school, it had become a part of me, a shadowy idea in the back of my mind. Life is too long to do nothing. Yet each day passes by, one after the next, unceasing. What really planted that seed inside me was when I went on a field trip in fifth grade. We went on a tour of a factory and watched products getting assembled on moving conveyer belts. The other kids in my class didn’t seem particularly impressed, but for some reason, I was mesmerized by the process. Even though I was just a little kid, I wondered vaguely whether my own life was going to follow a track just like one of those conveyer belts. Life is too long to do nothing, yet each day passes by, one after the next… You drift through life, following a predetermined course, and your life ends up just like anyone else’s. I felt like I was riding on a conveyer belt. Not just in the grand scheme of things, but also in my day-to-day life. I woke up, went to school, chatted with my friends, sat in class, and then it was time to go home. Most of the day just slipped away on autopilot. The days passed by as if I were simply sitting on a conveyer belt. One day, I wondered where this conveyer belt was taking me. Who was I going to become? I suddenly became afraid of those uneventful days that kept streaming by. I didn’t know how, but I wanted to gather up my courage and jump off the conveyer belt. It was my childhood friend Aoi who gave me a way out—movies. We’d been friends since preschool, and we’d always been together. I tended to have my head in the clouds, so Aoi, the down-to-earth, reliable one, would help me out. My parents were relieved that Aoi was around to look after me. Sometime after the factory trip, I confided in Aoi about my abstract anxieties. The very next day, she came over to my house with a DVD and said, “I’m not sure what to do about your worries, but do you wanna watch this with me?” The DVD had once belonged to her dad. I’d often seen Aoi watching some sort of hard-to-follow movie with him when I’d gone over to her house. Her dad was kind, and he used to buy me sweets, but he disappeared without warning when Aoi and I were in fourth grade. We watched the movie Aoi had brought over together. Up until then, I’d only ever watched anime or comedy flicks, so this was my first time watching a serious foreign film. I suddenly felt like a real grown-up; my heart pounded, and my eyes were glued to the screen. The protagonist was an earnest, mundane man who worked at a run-of-the-mill company. A few minutes into the movie, he said, “Every day goes by as if I’m riding on a conveyer belt.” I was riveted, stunned into silence by the realization that there was someone else in the world who had the exact same thought that I’d had. The protagonist has a girlfriend who’s beautiful but tough on him. One day, she tells him, “Imagine we stay together—you and I are going to get married, make a home for ourselves, have children, and carry on like that until we’re buried in our graves. It’s like we’re riding on a conveyer belt. I couldn’t stand a life like that.” And she dumps him. The protagonist looks down at his feet in a daze. I’d done the same gesture before—staring at the conveyer belt running beneath the soles of my feet, but unlike me, the protagonist makes an effort to change. He used to make movies when he was a student; he’d set his heart on becoming a film director, but he’d long since given up on that dream. Now, trying to turn his life around, the protagonist starts making films again. At first, he struggles by himself, but he gradually finds friends who help him with his movie. I was blown away by the film. For the first time in my life, I felt like strangers weren’t complete strangers to me. This movie was proof that there were people out there who had the same thoughts that I did. Cinema opened my eyes. Before I knew it, I found myself captivated by film. From that day on, I started watching all kinds of movies with Aoi. There were so many DVDs in her house that we couldn’t even get through all of them, as well as lots of books about old cameras, filming equipment, and film production. It was a natural progression for me to feel the itch to make movies myself. Since then, my life has suddenly spun into a dizzying flurry of activity. I roped in Ichika, who lived nearby, and I asked my parents to buy me a filmmaking kit that was designed for elementary school kids. Following the kit’s instructions, the three of us made a movie titled Ichika’s Adventure. This movie—the first movie I’d ever made in my life—was a clumsy attempt at filmmaking, but it still filled me with excitement. Aoi, Ichika, and I would get together almost every day to watch movies or record videos on our phones. The filmmaking kit also included software for editing videos on a computer, so I practiced using that, too. At our junior high school, there hadn’t been any clubs related to movies, so Aoi and I joined the literature club instead. Claiming that it was one aspect of creative writing, the two of us studied how to make movies and taught ourselves to use professional editing software. We shot a lot of different movies, starting with homages to our favorite works. Ichika came to our junior high when we were both second-years there. Two became three. Ena transferred in from a different school, and I managed to coax her into joining us. Three became four. Then, in the summer of my third year in junior high, we won an award in a film competition for junior high kids. We were overjoyed. Aoi, who was always as cool as a cucumber, cried at the news and said, “Let’s keep making movies with the four of us.” In high school, too, Aoi and I kept making movies. For me, cinema was life. I don’t know when it disappeared, but I’d stopped seeing the conveyer belt under my feet. One day, a classmate told me, “You’re a bit odd, Tsubasa. Don’t you have any interest in romance?” There was something I’d been neglecting because my head was too full of movies. When I looked around, my classmates were falling in love, dating, and getting a taste of that fresh school-life drama that made people’s hearts go wild. I knew a little about romance, at least. I’d seen love stories in movies and heard about it in songs all the time. A boy even asked me out. But I still didn’t know how it felt; I’d never fallen in love with anyone. Somewhere deep down, I felt a pang of desire to fall in love like I’d seen in all those movies or heard about in songs. I thought it might be enriching to love someone. I wanted to experience it both to keep making movies and to live my life to the fullest. But it wasn’t so simple to like someone like that… “Okay, cut!” I yelled out. The heat of the summer was nearly gone, and fall was almost here. As soon as summer vacation was over, we’d gotten started on our new film, The Withered Sunflower, to submit to the Eiga Koushien Competition in the winter. We had asked Ichika to play the leading role—an ordinary high schooler—and as soon as I called “cut,” Ichika let out a huge sigh. “Phew, that was nerve-racking.” She smiled at Ena, who was also acting in the same scene. As I checked the footage we’d just shot, Aoi and Makoto made sure the filming ran smoothly. Aoi asked him about the next scene, and Makoto replied, “Scene twenty-two, right? Once the footage check is done—,” and on they went like that, checking that everything was done right. We were filming in one corner of the grounds at the back of the school. I turned around to look at Makoto. I’d never known how happy you could feel just by looking at someone. I had confessed my feelings to Makoto, and we’d started going out before summer break. I hadn’t asked him out because I was trying to learn more about romance; we were together because we liked each other—a real, genuine couple. Makoto must’ve sensed my eyes on him, and he looked up at me. He gave me a bashful grin. I felt warm affection overflowing inside me. “Hey, Makoto,” I called out before I could stop myself. “Yes? What is it?” he asked, acting in his role as assistant to the director. “Nothing much.” “Oh, okay?” “I just felt like saying…I really like you.” I had something I wanted to do, friends to do it with, and someone who was special to me. I felt happier than ever. I had everything I could ever want right here and now. Makoto’s face turned bright red, and Aoi marched over to me with a sigh. “Hey, Boss. Could you stop flirting with your assistant and move on to the next scene?” “Sorry, Aoi. I like you a lot too, you know.” “Huh?” “Oh, aren’t you telling me off ’cause you’re jealous?” “Sometimes I can’t help but think…you’re crazy, Tsubasa.” “Crazy about movies, you mean? Yeah, I can own that.” “Uh, there are limits, you know. You’re with me on this, right, Tsukishima?” “What? Oh, but I… I really like how Minami gets excited about movies.” “Ugh.” Ichika came over, asking “Ooh, were you just talking about love?” Ena followed close behind, also chiming in: “So, who’s crazy about who? Who’s jealous? Tell me, tell me.” The more things I found to like, the happier I felt. These sort of everyday moments, when the five of us spent time together, made me happier than I’d ever been before. We continued with the filming, and thanks to Aoi’s organizational skills, we managed to tick off everything on our schedule for the day. In the glow of the sunset, we cleared away our equipment and went back to the clubroom. As we were putting our gear back, it struck me that we’d never taken a photo together. “Hey, wanna take a pic with all five of us?” I asked. Everyone seemed to wonder why I suddenly wanted to take a photo, but I ushered them into their seats, then fixed my phone on a stand in front of them. I set the camera to timer mode. “All righty, everyone get ready. Smile!” Ten seconds later, the shutter sound rang out, and this moment in time was saved as a collection of data. In the photo, Aoi was smiling like she had no choice but to listen to my whims, and Ena and Ichika were huddled together with big smiles. Makoto looked happy, too. I was beaming next to him, practically bursting with joy. When I got home, I shared the photo in our group chat. Everyone reacted in their own way. Reading their replies and gazing at the picture, I wished that we would always stay as happy as this. And I believed with all my heart that we would. But I should have been more attentive. There had been so many hints already, but I was careless, hopelessly blind to what was going on around me. Back then, I’d had no idea that Makoto was pushing himself just to keep up with our daily filming. 2 It was October, when the cool autumn air had settled in, that I noticed something was wrong with Makoto. The filming for our new movie was all going according to schedule. In fact, we were ahead for once. But that day, we noticed a mistake in the script during a shoot—just a small problem we needed to revise. Since it would be simple to fix if they looked at the reference material, the screenwriter, Aoi, and her assistant, Makoto, went back to our clubroom, and the rest of us decided to go ahead with filming the other scenes. Much to our surprise, we finished shooting earlier than expected. Aoi was usually the one who made sure the filming ran smoothly, so sometimes our shoots would drag on if she wasn’t there. The three of us headed back up to the clubroom, hoping to surprise Aoi and Makoto, but we found Makoto alone in the room. Unusually for him, he was slumped face down over the desk. Aoi was nowhere to be seen. “Oh, where’s Aoi?” Ichika asked. “Looks like she’s gone off somewhere,” Ena replied. “Is Makoto asleep? I guess he must be really tired.” “Maybe ’cause Aoi’s working him so hard,” I joked. The three of us pictured Aoi bossing Makoto around and giggled. Careful not to wake Makoto up, we put away our equipment. Since we couldn’t do any more filming without fixing the script first, I told Ichika and Ena they could go home. “Awesome,” Ena said happily. “Wanna stop by a café, Ichika?” “Good idea. It’s past time we had some girl talk!” I waved good-bye to them, and I was left alone with Makoto. I wondered where Aoi had gone, but she hadn’t called me, so I assumed there was nothing to worry about. I sat down in the seat across from Makoto and watched him sleep. My eyes turned to his hand resting on the desk. Something had changed in me ever since we’d started going out. I hadn’t had a problem holding hands with him before, but now I felt too shy to do it. On the other hand, Makoto was asleep. I hesitated a little, then reached out a hand toward his. It was just a small, simple gesture, but I could feel my heart racing. The tips of my fingers hovered over his. Holding my breath, I took his hand in mine. “Huh…?” I’d expected to feel excited and embarrassed, but surprise pushed everything else aside. Makoto’s hand was as cold as ice—so cold that I thought I must be imagining it. I drew back in shock, then took his hand again. It was cold. My senses hadn’t been playing tricks on me. I jumped up and put my hand close to his mouth. He was breathing, of course, but something was wrong. It seemed shallow. “Um, Makoto?” I shook his shoulder, trying to wake him up. Just then, I heard footsteps and urgent voices coming from the hallway. The door opened and Aoi came in, followed, to my surprise, by the school nurse. “Oh, Tsubasa? You’re done already?” Aoi was startled to find me in the room. “Yeah, we finished earlier than we thought—but Makoto, he’s really cold.” “Calm down, Tsubasa. It’s okay,” Aoi said reassuringly. “He’s…just asleep.” “He’s sleeping?” Bewildered, I looked at Makoto again. Aoi was silent for a few moments, as though she was making up her mind about what to say. When I turned my eyes back to her, she reluctantly opened her mouth to explain. “Uh, to tell you the truth…Tsukishima said he’s got insomnia.” Insomnia…? I was confused, and I struggled to understand the situation at first. Aoi seemed hesitant to disclose Makoto’s condition, but she told me haltingly that Makoto was taking prescription medicine for it, and that he had asked her to keep it a secret from me so I wouldn’t worry. Apparently the medicine had significant side effects, so sometimes he would fall asleep for long stretches of time even during the day, and his body would go cold. Apparently, Makoto had told Aoi about his insomnia when she’d appointed him as her assistant. But it was the first time Aoi had seen the side effects of his medicine for herself, so she’d called the nurse just to be safe. The nurse gave me a small smile. “People might think that all there is to insomnia is a lack of sleep…but it’s much more serious for the person suffering from it. And sometimes the medicine that’s prescribed is very strong.” “So that’s what it was…,” I murmured. “It’d be a pity to wake him up when he’s finally gone to sleep… I’ll take him to my office so he can rest there. Don’t worry, if he stays asleep much longer, I’ll call his parents.” The nurse quickly checked over Makoto, then carried him out of the clubroom on her back. I got a text from Makoto the next morning: “Sorry about yesterday. I heard you found me sleeping like a rock.” Since Makoto’s insomnia might get worse if he worried about it too much, I pretended not to know about his condition, just as the nurse had suggested, and went along with his story that he had simply dozed off. But ever since I found out, I often found myself worrying about Makoto. Was he pushing himself too hard? Was he trying to be brave for our sake? I did a bit of research into insomnia, too. It wasn’t a rare condition, and it could happen to high schoolers. Stress was the worst enemy for insomniacs, so I talked with Aoi to cut back his workload for the club. Makoto didn’t bring up his insomnia, but he missed school and the club on some days, most likely to go to the hospital. I’d noticed he’d been going to the hospital for a while now, but since I knew he’d been prone to sickness in the past, and he’d told me himself that he was fine, I’d never bothered asking him about it. I wondered whether those visits had been because he was having trouble sleeping. Even though I was his girlfriend, I’d had no idea he was suffering so badly. Though I was concerned about Makoto, our filming was going well. We all worked in close accord to keep things moving. Ena’s acting was great, and it drew out natural responses from Ichika. “Cut!” I called out. “Good job, everyone. I’ll check the footage.” Two weeks had gone by since I found Makoto asleep in the clubroom. We were filming in the park near the school, and once I confirmed that everything was okay with the footage, we started clearing away our equipment. Hoisting everything onto our shoulders, we walked back to the school. Makoto was with us, bringing up the rear as he discussed the filming schedule with Aoi. “Filming’s going so smoothly so far,” Ena commented. “Yeah, we’re doing great,” I said. “Thanks to you and Ichika.” “Oh, it’s all thanks to Ena,” Ichika said. “I’m the one making you do retakes.” I thought Makoto wouldn’t want too much attention on his condition, so I hadn’t said anything about it to Ena or Ichika. Even as I was chatting with them, I was anxious about whether he was doing okay and kept glancing back at him. Ichika noticed my glances and sidled up to me. “By the way, Tsubasa, how’s it going with Makoto?” “Huh? What do you mean?” “You know, you two are together, so…” “Ooh, Ichika wants to know all about the sexy stuff,” Ena teased. “N-no, that’s not what I meant!” Ichika had enjoyed talking about romance and people’s crushes ever since she was little, and even though she was in high school now, nothing had changed. I thought it was cute, but I wasn’t sure what to say about my relationship with Makoto—I couldn’t give away anything about his insomnia. “I think things are going well,” I said. After a pause, I decided to share my honest feelings. “But I guess sometimes I get a bit worried that I’m a burden on him and I don’t realize it. Like, what if it’s one-sided, and I like him much more than he likes me…?” Ena and Ichika stared at me, wide-eyed. “You are the classic teen girl in love, Tsubasa…,” Ichika said. “You really are head over heels for him,” Ena added. “Oh, was my reaction that good? Maybe I should’ve filmed myself. It could’ve been good reference material for a love story.” “Phew, now that’s the Tsubasa we know and love,” Ena said, and we all laughed. They started asking me about where Makoto and I had gone for dates lately, but we hadn’t done anything special since the fall term started, what with the filming and Makoto’s errands at home. Sometimes we went to a café or a video game arcade after school, but we hadn’t gone out on the weekend in a long time. When I told them that, Ena suggested in her usual laid-back tone, “Well, we’re on top of the filming schedule, so how about you guys go on a date this weekend?” “But we still have a lot more to film…” “The director needs a breather sometimes, too,” pressed Ena. “A breather, huh…?” A break might be good for me, and especially for Makoto. Though I didn’t know what was causing his insomnia, we needed to let our hair down, forget about everything else, and just hang out once in a while. Encouraged by Ena and Ichika, I tried asking Makoto out on a date when we were back in the clubroom. I was nervous, but I wanted to invite him before I got cold feet. “Um…Makoto, do you want to go out with me on Sunday? We’ve both been busy lately, so we haven’t gone anywhere. I…I’d like to go to the amusement park with you.” It was a bit out of the blue, but Makoto said yes. He wavered a little at first, so maybe he had something he had to do. But Ena and Ichika backed me up, and in the end, we decided to take a break from filming on Sunday so that Makoto and I could go on a date. I was worried I’d pressured him into it, but he said that wasn’t the case “Are you sure you don’t mind, Makoto?” I asked. “I’ve got no other plans if we’re not filming…so of course I don’t mind. Let’s go out.” “I don’t want you to push yourself. You’re feeling well enough?” “Yeah, totally. I’m glad you invited me.” We promised to meet in the square in front of the train station downtown at nine in the morning on Sunday. Ena and Ichika watched us with satisfied grins. I thought Aoi would poke fun at me and Makoto, but she just looked at us without saying a word. When I got home, I started picking out my outfit for the date, even though it was still three days away. I looked up the amusement park online, searching for things I thought Makoto might like. I just wanted Makoto to have so much fun that he forgot about his insomnia for one day, at least. Then, on the day of our date, I heard that Makoto had gotten into an accident. 3 As soon as I woke up on the morning of our date, I felt restless and was tingling with excitement. I usually don’t pay much attention to my makeup, but I took my time with it to calm my nerves. The cosmetics that Ena had recommended to me went well with my skin, and I felt like it was going to be a good day. I put on the outfit I’d picked out. I wanted to try wearing something a bit more feminine for a change, so I’d settled on a skirt and matching top instead of my usual pants. Once I was dressed, I examined myself in the mirror and couldn’t suppress a smile. Good thing I bought this skirt the other day, I thought. I wonder if Makoto will tell me I look cute. I couldn’t sit still, so I left the house before I needed to and got to our meeting place ten minutes early. The square in front of the station was bustling with people, all waiting there to meet someone. I sat down on a bench, joining the crowd. I couldn’t wait to see Makoto, but even just sitting there waiting for him didn’t bother me. After all, I knew that eventually, I’d get to see him. My head was full of ideas for the day as I sat there, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” I heard a voice nearby and glanced up, my face already breaking into a smile—but it wasn’t Makoto. A man who looked like he was in college was talking to one of the women sitting next to me. I checked my watch; it was five minutes until our meeting time. Knowing how conscientious Makoto was, I thought he was bound to come soon. I took out my phone so I could pretend to be surprised when he arrived. I waited for the sound of his voice. Has he seen me already? Did he notice that my outfit’s different today? Maybe he’s walking over right now… “Sorry I’m late!” I reflexively looked up, but it wasn’t Makoto this time, either. It was another man smiling at the woman on my left. They held hands and cheerfully strolled away. Feeling restless, I waited for Makoto to appear. He could show up any minute now. But he didn’t come. When I checked the time, it was already nine. I looked all around me. I thought for a second that he might be hiding somewhere, but there was no way Makoto would play a trick on someone that would make them worry. I hadn’t received a text from him yet, either; maybe he was running late. I wrote to him so that he wouldn’t have to come in a hurry: “I just got to the square. No rush!” After that, I kept looking around the square then back at my phone, but Makoto didn’t come, and my message stayed unread. Five minutes passed. Then ten minutes. I started to feel slightly anxious: This kind of thing had never happened before. Where could he be? I wondered. I tried calling him, but he didn’t pick up. Just as I was starting to worry that something had happened to him because of his insomnia, I heard an ambulance siren blaring in the distance. I looked up and in the direction of the sound. Normally I wouldn’t have given it a second thought, but for some reason, the sound seemed to ring in my ears. I looked down at my phone again. He still hadn’t seen my text. I felt strangely on edge. My throat had gone dry. Ten more minutes went by; still no word from him. What could this mean? He’s just running late, right? Yeah, that must be it. I told myself that he’d see my text and call any minute now. But no matter how long I waited, nothing changed. I felt a chill. The worst-case scenario crossed my mind, but I desperately tried to convince myself that I was just overreacting. I’m reading too much into this. It’s just my imagination running wild. But would Makoto ever break a promise for no reason? My body was rigid with nerves, and suddenly I heard someone running toward the square. I glanced up and locked eyes with the person who was frantically searching for me. “Tsubasa!” It was Aoi. She rushed toward me, panting heavily. “Aoi… What are you doing here?” “I overheard you guys talking about where you’d meet in the clubroom. Anyway, that’s not important right now. I have something to tell you, but I want you to stay calm.” She inhaled deeply, trying to steady her breathing. “Tsukishima got in an accident. My mom called me—she said he’s in her hospital.” My mind went blank. Makoto, in an accident…? I wished my concerns had all been for nothing, but there was one piece of good news. “Don’t worry, it was just a scrape,” Aoi said. “A motorbike blindsided him. His phone broke, but he’s all right.” “What? A bike? He’s not hurt or anything?” “That’s what I heard. So there’s nothing to worry about.” A sigh of relief escaped me. My mind was still blank, and I didn’t know whether I was happy or scared, but I gradually got myself together as Aoi talked me through the situation again. Makoto had gotten in an accident, but he hadn’t been hurt badly. I hadn’t been able to reach him because his phone was smashed. “I’m glad he’s okay… I was worried sick that something bad might’ve happened to him. Wait, do you think he hit his head? I’ve heard that you might seem okay at first, but it can get worse afterward.” I couldn’t shake off my anxiety. I told myself not to panic, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t quell my worries and doubts. Maybe my sense of urgency showed on my face, because Aoi was watching me with concern. “You could talk to my mom if you want,” she said with a reassuring smile. “Oh. Can I?” “Sure. That should put your mind at ease—I’ve already told her we might call.” I hesitated, but I was close with Aoi’s mom. I would just worry until I heard the whole story, so I nodded, taking up their kind offer. Aoi rang her mom and handed me her phone. “Oh, Tsubasa? Are you all right? You must’ve been shocked to hear the news,” said Aoi’s mom. Just hearing her relaxed voice comforted me, and I realized how tense my shoulders had been. “I’m okay. Sorry for calling you when you’re busy at work.” “Oh, don’t worry, dear. It’s only natural that you’re scared for him. So, about the accident—” Aoi’s mom was probably used to describing all sorts of injuries; she gave me a short, clear explanation of Makoto’s situation. Just like Aoi had said, he only had a minor injury, and there were no signs of impact to his head. I wanted to rush over to the hospital to be by his side, but Aoi’s mom told me that, just to be safe, Makoto was getting a thorough checkup over the course of the entire day, so he couldn’t see any visitors. She offered to pass on a message from me instead, so I asked her to tell Makoto not to worry at all about our date. “You know, Tsubasa, when I heard you got a boyfriend, I have to say I was surprised,” Aoi’s mom said, a hint of emotion creeping into her voice. She knew me well, having watched me grow up since I was little. “He seems like a kind boy.” “You talked to Makoto?” “No, I just saw his face… I don’t think he knows I’m here.” We talked a bit more, and I was relieved to hear her reassure me that Makoto was fine. Since I didn’t want to get in the way of her work too much, I thanked Aoi’s mom and hung up. When I handed the phone back to Aoi, she was staring at me in surprise. “Are you crying, Tsubasa?” she asked. I noticed for the first time that my eyes were damp. “Oh, I guess so. Wonder why. I must just feel…relieved. Like, now I can let my guard down.” “Tsubasa…” “You might laugh at me, but he’s just not the kind of guy who’d break a promise, so I was really worried… And there’s that insomnia thing, too. I was wondering whether I’d asked too much of him and that’s why this happened… I don’t know, my head’s a mess.” I wiped my tears away before adding, “Sorry, forget I said that.” Aoi was quiet, but not long after, she let out a soft laugh. “You’re turning into a Makoto fanatic.” “Oh, I get a second title on top of ‘film fanatic.’” “More like getting branded than getting a title.” “Well, you know what? If you fall in love, too, you’ll get it soon enough.” “Whoa, life is freaky. Never thought I’d hear you say something like that, of all people.” “Me either.” We laughed as we always did, chasing away the somber mood. “Hey, wanna go to a café or something?” asked Aoi. “I ran all the way over here—I could use a drink.” We decided to stop in at a nearby café. As we sat and chatted, Aoi teased me about my date outfit, and I started to calm down. Since I had the whole day free now, we went shopping. Aoi got a message from her mom later in the morning and shared the news with me. “They got the results from the tests they did this morning. There’s nothing wrong with Tsukishima, as expected. And Mom also said she passed on your message.” The two of us spent the rest of the day together. Now that we were out, we figured we might as well go watch a movie that was creating a lot of buzz. Afterward, we went to a café to discuss our thoughts on the film. Aoi seemed to be waiting for more news from her mom, as she kept checking her phone the whole time. That evening, I got a call from a public pay phone. I was suspicious for a second, but realized it must be Makoto, who’d broken his phone in the accident. Aoi had asked her mom to give him my number. “Hello?” “Oh, hi. Um, sorry for calling you on a public phone. It’s Makoto.” As soon as I heard that familiar voice, a wave of relief washed all the way through me. I’d never thought of myself as quick to cry, but I felt tears pricking my eyes again. “I just got my test results from this afternoon, and everything looks good. Hayami’s mom told me what happened, so I wanted to call you,” he explained. “I’m sorry we couldn’t have our date.” “It’s not your fault, Makoto. I’m sorry if I put too much strain on you.” “No, I should’ve been more careful. If I’d been paying attention, this wouldn’t have happened.” We kept going in circles apologizing to one another, so we both laughed it off and agreed to let it go. “Anyway, are you really feeling okay, Makoto? You’re not hurt?” “Oh, no, I’m completely fine. It was just a small scooter.” “Really? I thought you got hit by a motorbike.” “Uh, right… No, it was a scooter. Did you hear otherwise?” “Sorry. Aoi said it was a motorbike, so I pictured something bigger.” I asked about his phone, too, but he said that luckily, he just had to get the cracked screen fixed, so it should be ready to use again by tomorrow. He said he’d stay home tomorrow, but that he should be back at school the day after that. We didn’t talk about going on another date. I didn’t want to put too much pressure on Makoto. 4 Two days later, on Tuesday, I peeked into Makoto’s classroom first thing in the morning before homeroom started. He was back. We’d texted each other before leaving for school, but I was relieved just to see that he was really there. Makoto caught sight of me and came out into the hallway. He seemed unhurt, as far as I could tell. “I’m so glad you’re back, Makoto. You look great—it’s like nothing happened to you.” “Oh, yeah. I told you, I’m fine.” “So, how was it, then? Wrestling with a scooter.” “Um…I think it won.” We weren’t really talking about anything at all, but we still couldn’t help but grin at each other. It was these little moments that really felt precious to me. “Um, I…I wanted to say I’m really sorry I missed our date on Sunday,” he said sincerely. “Don’t worry about that—it’s all good,” I reassured him with a smile. I’d invited Makoto out in the hopes that it’d be a nice change of pace for him, but to be honest, I’d also been really looking forward to it for myself. I was sure we’d have another chance to go again sooner or later. That was what I was thinking, at least—until he said something I didn’t expect. “So, I was wondering…” Makoto glanced around, as though to make sure no one was close enough to overhear. “By way of apology, if you’re up for it…how about today?” “Huh? What do you mean, today?” “Do you feel like going to the amusement park with me? It might be less crowded on a weekday, too.” His suggestion came as such a shock that I didn’t catch on at first. “You mean… What, are you saying we should skip school to go hang out?” “Um, I guess it’s a crazy idea, right? Sorry, I don’t know what I was—” “I’d love to!” I said, leaning forward. I wouldn’t have imagined Makoto would be the type to suggest cutting classes to go on a date, but I was all for it. Even though he’d been the one to bring it up, I felt like I was way more excited than him. “That’s a great idea, Makoto. Let’s go! If we set off now, we should get there before noon.” “So…you wanna go?” “Yesss, we’re going!” We came up with a plan on the spot. Since we might attract attention if we went in our school uniforms on a weekday, we decided to go home and get changed first, then take the train to the amusement park together. We decided to meet up at the school entrance and went back to our classrooms to get our bags. I saw Aoi when I got back to my desk, so I told her straight out, “Sorry, I’m gonna miss school today.” “Huh? But you’re already here.” “I’m skipping school with Makoto—we’re going to the amusement park.” “Uh, seriously? You’re leaving now?” “Yup, completely serious.” Aoi looked perplexed. I thought she might try to stop me, but she started packing up her things as well. “I’ll come too,” she said. “You will?” “Yeah, I’m gonna tag along. It’s been a while since I went to an amusement park. Or did you two want to go just by yourselves?” “Hmmm. Nah, you’re more than welcome. Actually, it might be even more fun with the three of us.” “That’s settled, then. No time to lose. I’ll talk to the teacher about why we’re absent.” I told Aoi to meet us at the school entrance, and she headed for the faculty office. After a while, the bell for the start of homeroom rang. As everyone rushed to their classrooms, I made my way to the entrance hall with my bag. It was exciting being in the quiet hallway when I was supposed to be in class like everyone else, so I pulled out my phone and started filming. “You were quick, Minami. Oh, you’re recording?” Makoto showed up with his bag slung over one shoulder. “Yup. It’s not every day you get to see the place like this. By the way, is it okay if Aoi comes with us? Sorry, but I told her she could before checking with you.” “Hayami’s coming?” We heard someone running down the hallway toward us, and the next second, Aoi appeared. “I sorted things out so me and Tsubasa can take the day off,” she said nonchalantly. “We’re all set now.” “Wow, Aoi. I knew you were good…but how’d you manage that?” “I have my ways.” Aoi turned to Makoto. “I guess you heard from Tsubasa—I’m coming with you.” “Oh, sure. I don’t mind, but are you sure you’re okay with this?” “It’ll also be useful to collect some reference material for our future movies,” Aoi said. “So I’ll be your personal videographer today. You can pay for my entrance ticket and lunch, Tsukishima.” “Uh, why me?” “I went through a lot of trouble for you on Sunday, you know. I think that’s fair compensation. What, you don’t think so?” “No, you’re completely right.” Seeing Makoto surrender so easily made me giggle. “You’re such a pushover,” I teased, and he smiled sheepishly. “He really is,” Aoi agreed with a shrug. After that, we went back home, got changed, and met up at the same square in front of the train station where I’d waited for Makoto on Sunday. On the train, we chatted energetically all the way to the park. The amusement park was even less crowded than we’d hoped for. There was hardly anyone in the plaza beyond the entrance gate, and the whole place was quiet. As we were looking around in surprise, Aoi made a cutting remark. “Well, it’s almost November, it’s pretty chilly, and it’s a weekday, so I guess it’s mostly just people who skip school on a whim who’re here today—right, Tsukishima?” “…Sorry you had to go along with my whims,” he said apologetically. “On the flip side, we basically have the whole place to ourselves,” I chimed in. We didn’t have to wait in line for the rides, and we could film as much as we wanted. We had the run of the empty amusement park, and we could enjoy it to our hearts’ content. “All righty, we’re gonna go on every single ride in the park,” I announced. “C’mon, Makoto!” “Uh, all of them? I’m not so sure about that—” “President’s orders, Tsukishima,” Aoi said, shutting him down. I grabbed Makoto’s arm and pulled him through the park, while Aoi filmed us with a grin on her face. I wanted to make him laugh so much that he’d forget about his insomnia. Our first stop was the merry-go-round. We rode the horses and Aoi took a video of us. “Mooom, look at meee!” I called out, waving to Aoi. She waved back with a chagrined smile on her face. I asked Makoto to do the same, so on the next go-around, he timidly said, “M-Mom, look at me,” and waved his hand. “I’ll get you for that later,” Aoi said, flashing him a smirk. That freaked Makoto out, and I burst out laughing. Aoi made him get on the spinning teacup ride next, claiming it was time for some payback. I stayed on the ground to film them. When the music began, the other empty teacups started spinning slowly. Meanwhile, Aoi and Makoto’s teacup spun like crazy, and Makoto let out a scream. Once they got off, we watched the video I’d taken; it was completely absurd. Aoi couldn’t stop herself from cracking up, and then Makoto and I doubled over laughing, too. We kept going around the park after lunch. With almost fifty rides in total, it was almost impossible to fit all of them in. Still, we enjoyed the attractions and took a lot of videos of one another with our phones. The whole day was filled with pure joy, and I felt perfectly content. Time passed by in a flash. Winter was on its way, so sunset came earlier now. As the sky became steeped in an orange glow, we got on the Ferris wheel to wrap up our day. “I wonder what people think when they see one guy going around the park with two girls,” I said once we were in the car of the Ferris wheel. Aoi scowled. “We look like friends, right? They probably think the guy’s going out with one of us, or that all three of us are just really close.” “Come on, Aoi, we are all close. Don’t make a face like that,” I teased her. “Huh? You’re including me and Tsukishima in that?” I’d known Aoi long enough to know her little jabs at Makoto didn’t mean she disliked him. The same went for Makoto. They actually got along well. The car we were in arrived back down on the ground, and we walked into the plaza. I gave a big stretch. It had been such a perfect day. I’d managed to do almost everything I’d been hoping to do with Makoto on Sunday—except for one thing. As I was thinking about that, Aoi said she wanted to go to the toilet, and she left me and Makoto by ourselves. We decided to sit on a bench near the Ferris wheel and wait for her. I gazed at Makoto’s hand resting on the bench. I gathered up my courage and gently took it in mine. He looked at me in surprise. Though it was such a small gesture, it made my heart thump loudly. “Um, you know, we haven’t had much of a chance to hold hands lately,” I stammered. “Oh…y-yeah, you’re right.” He looked down, blushing a little. I could feel the warmth of his hand—completely unlike that time I found him asleep in the clubroom. I thought my nerves would kill me if I didn’t say something, so I tried to make conversation. “Um…I had a lot of fun today.” “Oh, yeah. Me too.” “Thanks for asking me out. You really surprised me. I never would’ve guessed you’d want to skip school like this—but I’m really happy you did.” “I’m glad.” We were still holding hands. Though I was worried about his insomnia in the back of my mind, Makoto seemed to have enjoyed today as much as I had. I hoped we might have more dates like this in the future, assuming it hadn’t been too hard on him; I wanted to share experiences, see the same sights, and laugh together with Makoto. Just half a year ago, I had never even touched romance in my own life, and love had been a cryptic concept to me. It used to be something I craved, something I was impatient to explore. But now… “I want to go everywhere with you, Makoto. I want to keep making movies together.” Before I realized it, I’d given voice to my wishes, squeezing his hand a little all the while. A part of me was still anxious not to be a burden on Makoto, but I told myself that it was okay, that Makoto would nod and say yes. I thought he might be shy about it, but I hoped he would say he felt the same way. Except, for some reason, Makoto’s shoulders grew tense; I could only sense it because I was holding his hand. I waited for his answer, but he was silent for a while before answering. “I’m sorry. I… I have to move overseas this winter.” I’d been caught completely off guard, and at first, the sentence made no sense to me. “What? You’re moving?” I murmured once my brain had finally grasped the meaning. A pained expression crossed Makoto’s face. “Yeah. For my parents’ work. So once I go…” He hesitated, then seemed to make up his mind and said firmly, “I can’t make movies with you anymore.” 5 Makoto is moving to another country. We won’t be able to make movies together anymore. I was shocked, but I think I managed to stay calm. “Oh…okay. You’re moving away…” “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you sooner. It was decided during summer break, but it’s been so great making movies with you all that I just couldn’t find the right time to tell you.” I must’ve looked like a lost child: anxious, unsure. I opened my mouth to try to say something in response, but nothing came out, and I shut it again. I wanted to tell him, “No, don’t go anywhere. I want to be with you,” but it wasn’t easy to just come out and say that to his face. Maybe this was partly where his insomnia had come from… “Makoto. I…I…” I didn’t know what to do, but I wanted him to know how I felt. But before I could say anything more, someone else spoke. “Even if we can’t make movies together, that’s only going to be for a year or so, right?” Startled, I looked around to find Aoi walking across the plaza toward us. Apparently, she’d heard our conversation. “I guess you can’t stay in Japan by yourself now ’cause you’re still a high schooler, but what about when you’re in college? Or are you gonna go to college abroad, too?” Makoto looked somewhat unsettled by Aoi’s words. “Um…I haven’t thought about that yet.” “So you can persuade your parents to let you go to the same college as us, or at least somewhere in the same prefecture, right? That way, we can still make movies together.” Aoi was looking not just at Makoto, but also at me. Though I was still a bit stunned by the news, I thought about what Aoi had just said. If Makoto goes to college overseas, then there’s nothing we can do…but if he’s in Japan, somewhere close enough, she’s right—it wouldn’t be too hard to keep making movies together. Still… “Right. Case closed,” Aoi declared. “So don’t look so sad, Tsubasa. It’s not like you have to break up with him just because he’s going away. Though you’d have to do long distance.” I finally figured out that Aoi had been concerned about me and trying to cheer me up. “Did I really look that sad?” “Uh-huh. Just like that time you got so excited about the dessert in our school lunch that you knocked it off your tray and accidentally stepped on it.” That had actually happened, I remembered. It had been like a scene right out of a manga. “Uh, are you saying I’m on the same level as a dessert?” Makoto asked hesitantly. “Are you kidding? You’re lower than dessert. Way lower,” Aoi said. “Ouch.” “You kept your mouth shut about something this important, so don’t complain. Sheesh, you could’ve told us a lot earlier. I’ve already taught you so much about movies. Were you seriously just gonna let that go to waste?” “Sorry…” “I don’t want your apologies; I want reparations. You better pick a college in Japan, all right? In the same prefecture as us. Got that?” Cowed by Aoi’s fierce attack, all Makoto could do was agree. “S-sure. You got it.” Aoi must’ve been startled by the news, too, but I guessed she’d said all that to lighten the mood around all of us. My eyes met Makoto’s. He hadn’t completely brightened up, but he did laugh. I still hadn’t processed everything, but maybe Aoi was right; maybe we’d only have to be apart until we started college. If that was true, I’d still be lonely, but at least I’d only have to wait a little over a year. “Anyway, let’s get going, Tsubasa,” Aoi prompted, snapping me out of my thoughts. “We should look for souvenirs for Ena and Ichika.” We had told them we’d had to cancel filming for the day and promised we’d get them something to make up for it. “You’re footing the bill for this, too, Tsukishima,” Aoi said as we walked toward the souvenir shops. “Huh?” Makoto said, taken aback. “You haven’t told Ena and Ichika about your move, have you? Who do you think has to clean up after your mess? Hmm?” “…I’d love to buy something for them,” he said, defeated. They were both trying to be jokey. I remembered back to this morning, when Makoto had surrendered to Aoi just like that, so I chimed in, “You really are such a pushover, Makoto.” They both grinned. After that, I tried to act like I always did. Aoi and I teased Makoto as we picked out souvenirs, and we headed back to the train station. Luckily, we found empty seats on the train, so we sat down side by side. Aoi fell asleep. Maybe she was tired—or maybe she was just pretending to be. Makoto and I were awake. I slipped my hand into his, and he turned to look at me. “Makoto…come back for college. I’ll be waiting.” He stared at me, then softly said, “I will.” The next day, after school, Makoto gave Ena and Ichika their souvenirs and shared the news that he would be moving in the winter. The pair were both surprised. “Really?! What country are you moving to?” Ichika asked. “Singapore, apparently.” “Aww, that’s too bad. I thought we made a good team,” Ena said. “Yeah…but I’m planning to come back to Japan for college, so I hope you’ll let me help you make movies again when I do.” Though they looked disappointed, the girls agreed that there was nothing he could do but go with his parents. Makoto, meanwhile, seemed to have made up his mind about coming back to Japan for college; he’d assured them that he would only been gone for a little more than a year. Makoto told us that he would have to miss school fairly often from now on to get ready for the move. True to his word, he went home early the next day, and he didn’t show up at the clubroom. I heard that his homeroom teacher had officially announced the news that he was moving to his classmates as well. It still didn’t feel real to me, but I had to face the facts: Makoto was going to go away this winter, and it was going to be hard to see each other until he came back to Japan for college. The day Makoto left school early, I went up to the rooftop during the short break after fifth period. I used the key that Makoto had given me before; he’d told me that he didn’t need it anymore. A brisk wind blew across the deserted rooftop. I gazed up at the sky, standing near the fence. “What are you doing all the way up here?” I turned around at the sound of the voice and was a little surprised to find Aoi walking toward me. “Oh, nothing much,” I replied. “I guess I felt like gazing up at the sky.” Aoi came to stand next to me. After a beat, she asked, “Is this about Tsukishima?” “…Was it that obvious?” “Duh.” She cracked a wry grin. “How many years have I known you?” “Six years in elementary school, three years in junior high, and a year and a half in senior high. So, like ten and a half years?” “You’re forgetting preschool. Add another three years to that at least.” “That’s a long time.” She smiled. “And how long has it been since you met Tsukishima? A year and a half?” “Yup. If we just count the time he’s been in the club, about half a year.” “So, what’s on your mind?” “Well…” I looked back up at the sky again and tried to describe how I was feeling. “I’m gonna miss him.” It was as simple as that. Aoi let out a deep sigh. “It’s not like you’ll never see him again… That’s a bit much.” “You think?” “I mean, I get why you’d feel lonely, since you’ll be long-distance for a year at least. But it’s not like you to be so down, Tsubasa.” “What am I like, then?” “A film fanatic.” It never bothered me when Aoi called me that—in fact, I was grateful that she put up with my craziness and came along with me. I knew she looked out for me in ways I didn’t even notice. “But you know, maybe it’s a good thing you got to experience all sorts of new feelings with Tsukishima,” Aoi went on. “I bet it’ll come out in the movies you make, too.” “Yeah…you’re right.” “And like I said, it’s not like you’re saying good-bye forever. It’s just a little over a year. Between making movies and taking entrance exams for college, that’s gonna go by in a flash.” Aoi could be brusque, but she’s always been kind at heart. I could tell she was saying all this just to cheer me up, and when I realized that, I loved her even more than I usually did. “Thanks, Aoi, for always sticking with me.” She looked a bit taken aback. “What’s gotten into you, Tsubasa? Did you eat something weird?” “Sure did. I’m full of love and friendship.” “Oof, that’s gonna give you heartburn.” I burst out laughing, and Aoi’s lips curled up into a grin. She seemed relieved to see me smile. “I’m gonna head back to class. Don’t be late,” she said, walking away. I quietly watched her go, thankful to have her by my side. 6 The week after, Makoto was absent from school even more often than usual—which meant he couldn’t come to the club, either. It was already October, and apparently, he’d already started preparing for the move. Since we couldn’t be together as much as before, we texted each other instead. I was starting to get a feel for what being in a long-distance relationship would be like. If my past self could’ve peered into the future, she would’ve been shocked to see me looking things up online and reading articles about long-distance relationships and prepping myself mentally for what was to come. Long-distance relationships were more common than I’d expected, with a fair number of couples in relationships like that for more than three years. Compared to them, our case seemed trivial: just a year and a few months. Just as Aoi had said, that time would go by in the blink of an eye, since I’d be up to my neck with filmmaking and exams. Even on the days Makoto couldn’t come to school, he dutifully replied to all my messages. I was texting him during a break one day when Aoi asked, “Who’re you messaging? Tsukishima?” “Yup. We’re getting ready to go long-distance. Makoto is so sweet, he always replies every time I text him.” “Sounds like him. We’ve got end-of-term exams coming up next month though, so make sure you don’t spend all your time messaging him.” “Yeah, I know.” The morning break was soon over, and it was time for third period. Though Aoi had just told me not to get too distracted, I couldn’t help texting Makoto during class, too. While I was staring at the blackboard as I waited for him to reply, I noticed something from my seat in the back of the classroom. Aoi, who sat toward the front, was going against her own advice and secretly using her phone. It wasn’t just once, either; I caught her typing something several times during class. It was unusual for her to be texting someone so eagerly. At lunch break, Aoi and I took our bento boxes to the clubroom. Ena and Ichika came, too, just like normal. Aoi had wanted to keep these lunchtime meetups just between us girls, so Makoto had never joined us for lunch. “Guess what happened today,” Ichika said excitedly. “A boy from another class came to ask Ena for her number.” “Again? You sure attract a lot of guys,” Aoi said casually. “I don’t know about that,” Ena countered. “I can’t hold a candle to Tsubasa.” “Who, me? Uh, I’m in the weirdo department, so I’m not really that popular.” “Wish I could say I was,” Ichika said, making us laugh. “Speaking of,” I said, remembering Aoi’s texting during class. “You get a lot more attention from boys than I do, Aoi.” “Huh? I do?” “Yeah,” Ena chimed in. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you have a bunch of guys crushing on you. Especially the younger ones.” “No way. If Tsubasa’s in the weirdo department, then I’m in the scary girls’ group.” “Wish I could keep up with your girls’ talk.” “You already are, Ichika,” Ena said. We chatted all through lunch break. Eventually, Aoi finished her lunch and got up to leave. “I’m gonna go back early to get ready for class. Don’t go playing hooky, Tsubasa.” Once it was just the three of us, I asked Ena and Ichika, “By the way, were either of you texting Aoi during class today?” “Hm? Not me,” replied Ena. “I wasn’t either,” said Ichika. “Did something happen?” “I don’t know for sure, but it looked like she was texting someone a lot. I’ve never seen her do that before.” She could have been talking to someone in her family, but I had a feeling it wasn’t. Ichika and Ena leaned forward eagerly. “Ooh, really? Do you think it’s a boy?” Ichika asked. “Come to think of it, she’s been checking her phone pretty often during filming these days, too,” Ena said. “Right? It’s not like her, so I’ve been wondering…” Since I’d been messaging Makoto in between takes, I couldn’t point fingers at anyone, but texting during filming was normally something Aoi herself didn’t approve of. We swapped ideas about who Aoi’s mysterious correspondent could be. We were in the same class, but I still couldn’t come up with a likely candidate. Ichika and Ena had no idea, either. We were still tossing up ideas when Ena let out a little sound as if she’d thought of something. “What is it?” I asked. “Oh, well—I know it’s not good to snoop, but I just realized we might’ve caught her phone screen on one of the outtakes from the other day. When Makoto was away, and we were filming on the sports ground.” “You think we caught her phone on an outtake?” I asked in surprise. “Yeah. I was filming the landscape while you were checking some footage, and I got a shot of Aoi while she was using her phone. I think the screen was visible. The footage didn’t turn out great, but I’ve got it saved it on the laptop just in case.” I didn’t want to spy on Aoi, but Ichika was already opening up the laptop. “Let’s see.” “I know we’ve known her since we were kids, but isn’t this stepping over the line?” I cut in. “You really can’t pass up a good love story, can you, Ichika?” Ena said. “Aoi’s not the type to put herself out there, so we have to help her out,” Ichika said. “Careful, Ichika. She’s gonna make you cry like when we were in elementary school,” I teased. “Let’s just look at the name! I have to know who she was texting.” Ichika was peering intently at the screen. I got up to pull her away, but before I could step in, she let out a “Huh?” “What is it? Did you find the name already?” Ena asked. “Well, I did, but…she’s just texting Tsubasa. See?” “Really?” I looked at the screen, apologizing to Aoi in my head all the while. Ichika had zoomed in on the phone in Aoi’s hand, and you could see a name at the top of the screen: Tsubasa Minami. So she had been talking to me. “You’re right. It says Tsubasa.” “Aha, I knew you two were like that,” Ena commented as Ichika sat back in disappointment. But I was perplexed by the texts I saw on Aoi’s phone—I recognized those messages. I was lost in confusion for a moment. I thought of asking Ichika to check, but it would’ve been hard for anyone who wasn’t part of that conversation to confirm anything. Ichika regretfully went away from the laptop while my eyes stayed fixed to the screen. Breathing deep, I took another look at the messages. Aoi’s phone showed a message thread with me. There was no mistaking that; my name was right there at the top. But one thing still puzzled me: The conversation on the screen wasn’t one I’d had with Aoi, but with Makoto. 7 Lunch break was over. I didn’t tell Ena and Ichika that anything was amiss. Instead, I mulled over my discovery by myself: Aoi’s phone had messages sent between me and Makoto. Judging from the screen, it was the conversation as Makoto would have seen it from his end. There were a few possible explanations for this: One was that Makoto could’ve sent Aoi a screenshot of our chat, and Aoi had been looking at the image on her phone. But that only made me wonder why he would do something like that. There was one other possibility. The messaging app allowed a person to log into someone else’s account as long as they knew their ID and password, meaning that people could hack into another person’s account and take it over. Though I hadn’t heard of that actually happening before, in theory, you could even keep an eye on other people’s chats and pretend to be them. Either way, Makoto should have gotten a notification of the new sign-in. There was no way Aoi could’ve done something like that without his permission. The next day, Makoto came to the clubroom. I thought of asking him about it, but I was too scared to bring it up. It wasn’t like I didn’t trust him, nor was I suspicious of Aoi. But when I thought back, I remembered that they’d often been talking to each other in secret. I caught them making eye contact a few times, as though they were sharing some secret only they knew about. Could Makoto and Aoi…be seeing each other behind my back? I wondered, but I immediately dismissed the idea. No, they’d never hide something like that from me. I’m absolutely sure about that. So then, why are they being so secretive…? The following Monday, Makoto missed school again because he had to take care of some errands for the move. As an experiment, I tried texting Makoto during class while keeping an eye on Aoi in front of me. A few seconds after I’d sent my message, Aoi started tapping on her phone. She looked back up at the blackboard, and a reply came from Makoto at the almost exact same time. I sent a few more messages just to make sure. There was no doubt about it now. I could hardly believe it, but Aoi was replying to me, pretending to be Makoto. She’d perfected his writing style; the messages she wrote sounded exactly like him. But why was she doing all this? It had been raining since the morning. The four of us gathered in the clubroom after school, but I announced that we’d be taking the day off. I waited for Ena and Ichika to leave, planning to wait until then to ask Aoi about why she was using Makoto’s account—though there was no guarantee she’d give me a straight answer. As I was mulling over how to get to the bottom of this, Ena and Ichika asked us if we wanted to go to a café. Apparently, they’d heard about a popular spot by the train station in the neighboring town. Before I could answer, Aoi said, “Sorry, but if we’re not filming today, I want to go to the library.” I decided to go with Ena and Ichika. We all walked to the nearest station underneath our umbrellas, then parted with Aoi at the station, since she was taking the bus to the library. I stopped short before we reached the ticket gate to the train. “Sorry, I just remembered I have to go to the faculty office.” I told Ena and Ichika to go on without me, then hurried back to the bus stop. Aoi was still waiting for her bus. I couldn’t help but wonder—was Aoi really going to the library? Could it be that, for some reason, she was actually going to see Makoto? I hesitated, but in the end, I went to stand at the back of the line. The bus came, and Aoi got on. I followed her, tense with nerves. Aoi had taken a seat toward the front, but she was looking out the window and didn’t notice me as I made my way to the back. Even when the bus started moving, she showed no signs of having seen me. We passed the first stop, then the second, then the third. The bus pulled in at the fourth stop near the library: Aoi stayed in her seat. Then, at the sixth stop, she stood up and got off the bus with a few other passengers. I shadowed her. She’d gotten off at the stop in front of the hospital—the same hospital where her mom worked. I had a lot of questions spinning around my head, but now that I’d come this far, I couldn’t turn back. Making sure to keep enough distance between us, I tailed her. Maybe the rain covered any sound I made, but she didn’t notice me at all. Aoi went into the hospital and kept going as though she’d followed the same path many times before. I remembered one summer holiday in elementary school when I’d come to this hospital with Aoi. There was a room where the nurses could take breaks, and we went there to deliver something her mom had forgotten at home. But now, it wasn’t the break room where Aoi was headed. After a brief stop at the reception, she continued down the hallway. I thought someone might stop me, but I kept pace behind her. Luckily, no one called me out, but I lost sight of Aoi when she got on the elevator. I almost gave up, but then I saw the elevator stop on the third floor, so I hurried up the stairs nearby. When I popped my head out of the landing on the third floor, I caught a glimpse of Aoi going into a room at the end of the hallway. Checking the signage, I confirmed that I was in the patients’ ward; apparently, Aoi was here to visit someone. Who could it be, though? She never mentioned anything like this. I calmed myself down and walked toward the room that Aoi had just entered. When I reached it, I saw a nameplate hanging on the door inscribed with the patient’s surname. It was a private room, and there was only one name written on it: Tsukishima. I didn’t understand. It was the name of someone very close to me, but it didn’t make any sense. That’s Makoto’s last name…but it can’t be him, I thought. He’d been missing school because he had to get ready to move. He hadn’t been absent because he was sick—or at least, that’s what I’d thought. All of a sudden, I had a flashback to the afternoon when Makoto had fallen asleep in the clubroom and how Aoi had told me that it was a side effect of the insomnia medicine he was taking. I remembered how cold his hand had been… Feeling anxious, I pulled out my phone and wrote him a text: “Where are you now, Makoto?” Almost immediately, it was marked as read. “I’m at home. Why?” A reply came from Makoto’s account, as if everything was normal. Who was replying to me? Was it Makoto or Aoi? If I forced myself to believe what was written on the screen, then Makoto had to be home. There was no way he could be behind this door. That means…whoever’s in here must just happen to have the same name, I told myself. That must be it. What am I thinking—why would Aoi text me back, pretending to be Makoto? I’m just making it all up in my head. It must be some kind of mistake… Making up my mind, I pushed open the door. Aoi was inside, and she turned around in surprise. She had her phone in her hand, and I caught a glimpse of the text I’d just received from Makoto on the screen. And in the bed lay Makoto—with his eyes closed, asleep in a patient’s gown… Makoto—who was supposed to be at home, getting ready for his big move—was, for some reason, in a hospital room.
Chapter 3
61 min read