Chapter 5

It was half past four in the morning, and the sun had not yet risen to light the grassy plains of Beginnerland. A sudden sound roused the Hero from sleep. Before lying down last night, his group had discovered a waterfall not far from their campsite. Now some kind of strange, otherworldly voice was issuing from that direction. “…What is that bizarre screaming sound?” It occurred to the Hero that it could have been a rare monster. However, that was unlikely because Mako would have sensed it from her spot in a tree. He then decided he was too tired to deal with whatever it was, wrapped himself up in his sleeping bag, and used the ground and the comforter to plug his ears. “…” Unfortunately, he couldn’t fall back asleep. The voice sounded less like a monster and more like…the shrill gasps of a girl in pain. It was a little creepy. “Goddamn it, what is that…?” the Hero muttered to himself. Reluctantly, he stood, picked up a short sword for defense—knowing he probably wouldn’t be able to make good use of it—and headed toward the waterfall. The voice cut through all other sounds, growing louder as he approached. And what the Hero discovered… “Ouch! Oof! Ooooh! Yes, yes!” …was Nicoletta, a member of the Demon Army’s Four Demon Generals. The vampire masochist who’d joined his party the other day. She was standing fully clothed under the waterfall and lashing herself with a thorned whip, looking as if she were performing some demented version of morning aerobics. “What the…?” Such a sight left the Hero speechless. Even if he had thought of something to say, he wouldn’t have been able to get a word in through all the “Yes! Ooooh! That’s it! More, more!” coming from Nicoletta. He watched her for five minutes, ten minutes, but she showed no sign of letting up. The woman then swapped out the whip she had been holding with both hands and began to crack herself incessantly with two lashes at once. Very forcefully. The Hero could do nothing but look on and feel sorry for her as he hid in the shade of a tree. “Ahhh, that feels good. That feels sooooo good!” Nicoletta was deep in her own little world, and her triumphant expression made it look like she had just won first place in a hundred-meter breaststroke. Her blond hair was wet, and her neat vampire clothes were soaked and growing ragged. Yet her red eyes continued to shine, undaunted. Looking at her objectively, no one would have batted an eye if you said she seemed like a bathing goddess. “Judging from her appearance alone, she’s truly beautiful,” the Hero muttered. “Wha—?!” Nicoletta turned to stare intently at the shadow the young man was hiding in, as if she had heard his whisper. “Who’s there?! One should be open rather than hide away unseen. What was wrong? I’m not mad—the steam is not shooting out of my ears! I’ll forgive you if you give me your best licking.” The Hero had no idea what she was talking about. Her grammar was all over the place. More than anything, her word choice was bizarre. He began to doubt whether she was actually a member of the Demon Generals. She didn’t seem like a bad person, but her demeanor was screwing with the Hero’s head. “Not coming out? You’re saying I should go to you, and we’ll do the licking there? Yes, that must be it!” Nicoletta exclaimed, emerging from the waterfall with a loud splash. The Hero reluctantly left his hiding spot, accepting that escape was impossible. “Ooh, it was you, Hero. Perfect timing. You caught me during my morning routine. I was hoping someone would come by to crack the whip for me.” Leaving the Hero once again stunned by her nonsensical words, Nicoletta abruptly spread out a case she had left by the side of the waterfall. “It doesn’t have to be a lash. I only have what’s on hand, but you can pick any other tool. I really don’t mind,” she stated. The Hero wanted to fire back with When did I agree to torture you? But given his communication difficulties, all he could do was stare at her in dumbfounded silence. “Hmm? Ah, you look like you want to say something. Then allow me to introduce myself again. I’m Nicoletta! I’m a vampire and a persistently pushy masochist! I’m a pervert from the slums around the Demon Lord Castle, constantly in pursuit of the greatest pain in history. My morning exercises are meant to heighten my spirit as a masochist.” Even if he’d possessed the confidence to reply, the Hero couldn’t think of a retort. You serve the Demon Lord, so don’t call the area around her castle the “slums.” Also, your way of speech just totally changed. Be consistent with your personality. This is making my head hurt… That’s when he gave up on thinking. “…? Ah, that’s right. You have trouble speaking, just like the Demon Lord. Though, I think not responding to people can be an excellent strategic move to grab hold of their attention. Sei d’accordo?” Someone help me. I need a translator, thought the Hero. “Anyway, your arrival must mean that you want to help with my routine. That’s wonderful, Hero! Show me a portion of that sadist spirit of yours!” Nicoletta screamed, her voice echoing all around. The Hero had already accepted defeat. He judged that the smartest move would be to say nothing and do as requested. Just after six in the morning, Mako awoke from atop her branch in the large tree she was sleeping in. What is that racket? It’s so early, she thought. She had been about to dismiss it as Nicoletta’s usual nonsense when her ears caught what had to be a second voice mixed in with the first. It warranted investigation. “I’m so tired…” She dropped down quietly from the tree and sauntered toward the waterfall, the apparent source of the odd sounds. There, she was then greeted by a scene she could never have imagined. “What are you doing, Hero?! That’s not a vital spot! Hit me right here! Strike! Strike! Now yell as you hit me!” “…” “Together now! And strike! And strike! Okay, gender bender fender! Gender bender fender! Snap crackle pop! Choo choo!” The Hero was karate chopping Nicoletta according to her instructions. If his expression was any indication, he couldn’t believe what he was doing. “…What am I looking at?” muttered Mako. It was an excellent question.