“Let the rest of us die in your stead,” was the implication.
The thought made me so sad. It was so tragic, I couldn’t bear it.
You should never be made to die to protect that which you hold dear.
Please, Akira… You don’t have to die either. Why can’t you realize that?
Just then, I heard the sound of footsteps—quite a few of them, too.
I looked over to see Ishimaru, Teraoka, and Kato running over toward us.
Now, Akira’s entire unit was here.
“Itakura…” Kato muttered, his expression pained. “Are you running away?”
For a split second, Itakura averted his gaze—but then he looked back up at Kato with a determined, steadfast look in his eyes.
“Yes,” he said decisively. “I am.”
Kato grabbed him by the collar.
“You coward…” he growled. “Have you no shame?!”
Itakura winced as if in pain. But Kato refused to let up.
“Were you not honored to be chosen by your country—by your emperor?!” he said. “What nobler duty is there than this?! There’s nothing more disgraceful than deserting under fire—not just for an imperial soldier, but for a Japanese man in general!”
He wasn’t holding back at all—I could tell he truly meant every harsh word. Though after hearing Itakura confess that he wasn’t ready to die yet, I couldn’t help but wonder if Kato was trying to convince himself.
After enduring Kato’s harsh gaze in silence for a good while, Itakura finally let out a bitter, sardonic chuckle.
“…Honored? Chosen?” he said, his voice little more than a raspy whisper. “Tell me—what’s so noble about being sent off to die for your country?”
He spoke in a derisive, self-deprecating tone.
“Remind me again, who was it that started this war?” he said. “For what purpose? Why should we have to die to pay for our government’s foolish choices? All I’m trying to do is go home and lead a peaceful life with the one I love… Is that so wrong?”
I could feel the anger growing in his voice.
“What did we do to deserve this…? Being dragged from our homes and shipped off to some foreign land, where we can die like dogs in a war we didn’t ask for? Don’t we deserve to live as much as anybody else?!”
His sorrowful cry echoed loud and clear beneath the dusky, twilight sky. Teraoka and Ishimaru frowned and hung their heads. Akira simply looked at Itakura, his expression indecipherable. But Kato was undeterred.
“…The one you love, eh?” he said. “A woman, I assume?”
Itakura just stared back at him—which Kato seemed to take as an affirmation.
“So you fell for some broad, and now you want to abandon your post, just like that?!” he said, his fury now reaching a fever pitch. “How utterly pathetic… You’re an embarrassment to your country! Have you completely forgotten your honor?! Your Japanese spirit?!”
Puppeted by his own raging emotions, Kato leaned in as though he meant to punch Itakura. But Teraoka quickly moved in to restrain him.
“That’s enough, Kato,” Teraoka said, his voice low but shockingly resonant.
This seemed to snap Kato back to his senses. Teraoka shook his head from side to side, as if telling him to shut his trap. Slowly, Kato released his grip on Itakura.
An awkward silence fell.
“…An embarrassment?” I muttered, almost unconsciously. “Really?”
All at once, everyone turned their gazes on me. I bit my lip, then continued:
“So, what—you’re saying honor can only be found in death, then? Is that it? Is it shameful now to even want to be alive?”
Once I’d started speaking, I couldn’t stop. The words poured right out as if from an open tap.
“That’s not right… You can’t look me in the eye and tell me that’s not ridiculous! What right do you have to call him pathetic for simply wanting to live?! Who are you to cast judgment on him?!”
Kato just looked at me, eyes wide. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but I cut him off—I wasn’t finished speaking yet.
“Itakura-san just wants to live,” I said. “To spend his life with the one he loves! What the hell is so wrong about that?”
My tears streamed out endlessly.
“Not a single one of you has any right to stop him,” I said. “So please… Don’t say another word… Just let him go…”
“Yuri-chan…” said Itakura. My eyes were so blurred with tears that I could no longer see his face, but I turned in the direction of his voice.
“Go home, Itakura-san,” I pleaded desperately. “I’m sure your fiancée must be worried sick. I mean, you’re the only one she’s got now, right? She probably lives in fear every single day, afraid she might die helpless and alone if another air raid happens, just like the one that took the rest of her family… You can’t let that happen, Itakura-san. She needs you there by her side.”
The thought of how Itakura’s bride-to-be must be feeling was almost too painful to bear. I knew I definitely wouldn’t be able to endure having to live all by lonesome in a world like this.
I wished I could tell the others to go home to their loved ones, too.
Teraoka-san—don’t you have a lovely wife and daughter who need you? Go home to them. Let your child know what it feels like to be cradled in her father’s arms.
Kato-san—though you can be strict and unrelenting at times, I’m sure your students can feel your passion for education and are praying for your safe return. You should be teaching them the value of life, not sacrificing your own to protect them.
Ishimaru-san—I promise your family misses seeing your bright, cheery smile and hearing your jokes and laughter. Having you around to add some levity to their lives would no doubt make this war a lot more bearable for all of them.
And Akira—go see your beloved sister again. I’m sure she loves you as much as—
My heart was filled to the brim with words I could never say aloud. Instead, I simply let my overflowing emotions dribble down my cheeks in the form of a waterfall of tears.
But just then, I felt a gentle warmth envelop my entire body.
“…Don’t cry, Yuri,” he whispered in my ear.
I felt so comfortable in his arms—arms that I knew I might never be held in again. As I stood there weeping, he rubbed my head with his hand, then turned to Itakura.
“Go home, Itakura,” he said. “To the one who’s waiting for you—the one who needs you. Go and be with her; I won’t stop you.”
Teraoka and Ishimaru nodded in agreement.
Even Kato didn’t have anything to say this time around.
Itakura screwed up his face, his eyes brimming with tears.
“Thank you…” he said. “Thank you, everyone… Forgive me!”
As he lowered his head in apology, Teraoka clapped him on the shoulder.
“Get going, Itakura,” said Akira, smiling gently. “Live your life to the fullest…for all of us.”
With that, Itakura took off running—tears streaming down his face as he struggled to choke down his fitful sobs. Akira and the others stood there in silence, their backs against the setting sun, casting long, dark shadows as they watched him go.
Once Itakura had disappeared from view, Teraoka and the other latecomers headed back to base. Only Akira remained, having offered to walk me back to the mess hall.
It was pitch-black outside now as we walked side by side down the street.
“…Hey, Akira,” I said.
“Yeah?” he replied.
I stopped in my tracks and looked up at him.
“…I want to go back to that hill,” I said.
“You mean the one with the lilies?” he asked.
“Yeah… I’d like to go there and just…talk for a while.”
He nodded, then took my hand—“just to be safe, because it’s dark out”—and we started walking again. His palm was so warm. I could feel my heartbeat quickening.
“Yuri?” he said. “Is something wrong?”
He turned to look at me, his gentle eyes glistening in the soft moonlight.
My heart skipped a beat.
I thought back on how warm I felt when he embraced me just minutes prior.
The way he’d held me in his arms and rubbed my back reassuringly until I dozed off on the night of the air raid, when I was too terrified to fall asleep.
“No,” I said. “I’m fine, sorry.”
As we approached the peak of the hill, I could smell the sweet fragrance of lilies hanging in the air. Then, standing at the top, I looked back down the way we’d come—but to my surprise, I couldn’t see a thing.
“Oh, wow… It’s so dark…” I said.
The whole town was wrapped in a darkness so thick, I couldn’t even tell that there were houses down there.
“It’s an air raid prevention measure,” said Akira, standing beside me. “We black out all the lights at night to make sure their planes can’t see where the houses are.”
Somehow, the combination of the lack of light and the complete silence, along with the knowledge that the town had just been razed by a firebombing, made it feel like I was gazing down at a ghost town. It was a melancholy thought.
I just stood there looking for a while.
Until suddenly, my vision went totally dark.
“Wha… Hey, what gives?!” I exclaimed.
Realizing that Akira had probably covered my eyes with his hands, I tried to wriggle myself free—but he refused to let go. Instead, I could feel him turning my face upward ever so gently, still blocking my sight.
“Akira, what are you doing?!” I said—losing my patience as my heart began to race.
“You’ll see,” he said, chuckling lightly before removing his hands. “Take a look.”
“…Oh, wow…” I gasped, utterly speechless. “This is incredible…”
A sky full of stars spread out before me, directly over our heads.
There were so many of them—just star after star after star—illuminating the deep indigo expanse of space at home in their galaxies and nebulae. Some of them were large, shining like brightly shimmering jewels, while others were just tiny twinkling specks.
I’d never seen a night sky like this—never known stars could shine so bright.
“You can see so many of them…” I said. “I can’t believe it…”
As I stared up in amazement, Akira rubbed my back.
“I’ve been wanting to bring you up here at night for a while, actually,” he said. “It’s definitely the best place for stargazing in the whole town.”
His sweet voice lingered softly in my ears—and the moment I looked over at him, and saw him smiling gently back at me—there was no room for doubt.
I was in love with him. Hopelessly, irrevocably in love.
I’d been trying my best not to think about it.
But I couldn’t lie to myself any longer.