“He said you skipped class again today,” she said. “How many times is that now?”
“Who knows? I lost count,” I answered matter-of-factly. “Maybe ten or so?”
My mother let out a sigh and covered her face with both hands. When she hung her head like that, I could see the white hairs on the edge of her hairline all too prominently, and I instinctively looked away.
“I swear, you’re going to drive me insane!” she muttered. “First, you skip class while your mother’s hard at work trying to support you, and then, you come home and take a nice little nap without even doing your homework! The nerve of you!”
I could feel the blood rushing to my head.
“What, you think I owe you something just because you pay the bills?” I asked. “That’s rich. Last time I checked, I didn’t ask to be born.”
As soon as the words left my lips, I realized I’d probably gone too far. Well, I couldn’t exactly back down now.
“You’re the one who had a child you were in no position to support,” I went on. “Maybe you should’ve thought ahead before you went and got knocked up!”
My mother’s face went beet-red with rage in an instant.
“You spoiled brat!” she yelled—one of her favorite nicknames for me. “You know, I didn’t tell you, but I got a call from the school the day before yesterday, too! They told me you’ve been really acting out in class, and you haven’t been turning in any of your homework! Don’t you realize you’re a junior high school student?! Studying and doing your homework is literally your job!”
“Really?” I said. “Well, I don’t remember applying for it.”
“Why, you… Listen, I’m telling you this for your own good! If you don’t get good grades now, it’ll be you who has to suffer the consequences down the line! And I promise you won’t like what they are!”
“Oh yeah? For my own good, huh…? As if. You just don’t want people to think you’re a bad parent. If it weren’t for that, you wouldn’t give a damn if I died homeless and alone.”
“Wha… How dare you speak to your mother like that!”
“Ugh, would you shut up already?! It’s my life! I can do what I want!”
The moment the words left my lips, I felt a searing pain shoot across my cheek. My mother had just slapped me across the face. Rubbing my cheek, I simply glared at her—and she glared back at me like a woman possessed.
“You’re no child of mine!” she shouted at the top of her lungs. “I don’t remember raising such an irreverent fool!”
No child of hers?
Well, of course I wasn’t. Why would she ever take ownership of the spawn of an unwanted pregnancy, one that robbed her of the best years of her youth?
That made two of us who wished I hadn’t been born, then.
I could already feel myself starting to snap.
“Well, good! Because I don’t consider you my mom, either!” I shouted back. “If you’re so sick and tired of me, then why don’t I just leave?! How ’bout that?!”
And with that, I grabbed my book bag and stomped right out the front door.
“Well… Guess I’d better find someplace to sleep tonight.”
I gazed up at the ominous blood-red twilight sky, wandering aimlessly beneath the dim glow of the streetlights, which grew fewer and further between. I made a turn at our neighborhood park and headed toward the outskirts of the residential area.
I knew if I walked along this road, I’d arrive at a small mountain—or at least, the locals here liked to call it a mountain, but it was really more like a big hill that led up into the backwoods. Wanting to go somewhere I could be isolated from other people, that was where I’d decided to hole up for now. I knew that at the foot of this so-called mountain was a bare cliff face with some kind of large cave or mine shaft dug out right in the middle of it.
“The old air raid shelter…”
I still remembered what my mother had told me about it as a kid.
“Yes, they dug that out back during the war so that people could take shelter from all the bombings and whatnot… But don’t even think about going in there, you hear me? …Why? Because it’s haunted by the ghosts of all those dead soldiers, that’s why!”
This was enough to scare me off of going anywhere near the place as a kid. It was only as I grew older that I realized it was probably just an old wives’ tale the adults here told children to keep them from going and playing around in there. I was almost in high school now, so I knew full well there was no such thing as ghosts. It would still be pretty creepy in there, no doubt—but I wasn’t in a position to be choosy.
I took a deep breath as the shelter came into view, then started slowly making my way over to it, step by anxious step. While there were still streetlights close by, what little illumination they provided didn’t reach beyond the threshold of the cave itself, so I was staring into a gaping maw of darkness. No matter how hard I strained my eyes to see, I didn’t have the slightest idea what might be lurking inside.
A few more steps, and I was standing right at the entrance to the shelter, trying my best to ignore my racing pulse as I stared into the pitch-black void. The sheer depth of its darkness was enough to give me goosebumps, but I urged my beating heart onward and took a defiant step forward before I could get cold feet. After all, this was the only place I knew where I could spend a night with a roof over my head with virtually no chance of anyone else seeing me or knowing I was there.
The moment I set foot inside, my field of vision was completely overcome by an all-encompassing wave of darkness. I froze in place, unable to take another step forward. But then, as if to shake off my fear, I threw my book bag to the ground and plopped myself down on top of it, determined to see the night through.
But then I felt a strange cold creeping up my legs—too cold for a summer night, surely, even if it was still only June. Sure, I expected it to be somewhat chilly, but this? This was beyond the pale. Was it because the sunlight hadn’t warmed the shelter during the day?
Or maybe it’s because… No. No, it can’t be. That’s just an old wives’ tale.
Now it was my own overactive imagination that was sending chills down my spine. Feeling quite cold all of a sudden, I pulled my PE tracksuit out of my book bag. I’d left it in my locker at school ever since spring had arrived, and just so happened to decide to bring it home with me today by pure chance. Quite the stroke of luck, I’d say, on a day I hadn’t originally been planning on sleeping outside. I threw on the track jacket and bottoms, then lay down on the cold, hard earth and made a futile effort to somehow get comfy.