“When is your birthday, Chika?”
“You mean the day I was born? It’s ××××××××××××××××.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t hear that at all.”
“Hmm. How should I put it then…hmm. It’s soon.”
When I tried to drill it down, it seemed that her birthday was probably about two weeks away. Though that was based on her perception, so no matter how desperately we tried to confirm it, the day might not line up exactly.
“Why?” she asked.
“My father’s birthday was not long ago, so I was wondering if you celebrate birthdays in your world too.”
“I see. We do. When you wake up, you get ×××××× from your family. It’s like a special celebration.”
“Oh. Here we eat cake and give people presents.”
“What’s this cahke thing?”
I described the shape and ingredients to her and learned that there was a similar food in her world that went by a different name.
“I’m guessing the day you were born is a really important day in your world.”
“I guess so. Honestly, I think it’s more just ceremonial, using that day as an excuse to do something exciting.”
“Well, if you have fun with it, I think that’s a good thing.”
When I saw her smile, of all the choices I could make, simply nodding and saying “That’s true,” immediately rose to the top of the list.
“I wonder what I could do for you,” I said. “If I got you a cake, you wouldn’t be able to taste it, and I can’t give you a present either.”
“Thank you for that. But the time I get to spend with you is already more than enough.”
No matter how many times I heard that, it still warmed my heart. I could never get tired of it.
“Well, if you do think of anything that I could give you, please just let me know.”
“Let me think. Oh, then could I make one request?”
“Of course!”
A request from Chika—that was rare. My voice brightened immediately. Though, of course, I was nervous about whether her request would be something I could actually fulfill. She’d be disappointed if she bothered to ask me and I told her I couldn’t grant her wish. I’d be disappointed in myself as well, even if it was likely to go that way.
Thus, it was a true relief that my worries proved groundless.
“You remember when we shared songs from our worlds before?”
“Yeah.” It had been several months prior, but I recalled it vividly.
“I’d like to hear you sing again.”
“Uh…wha?”
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, though.”
“No, I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to…I hate to be all, ‘Oh, it’s not like I hate it,’ but anyway it isn’t like I hate singing.”
It was a little embarrassing, but not enough for me to refuse her request. What was more pitiful was that odd display of panic just now, if anything here was less than desirable.
“Still, are you all right with something that meaningless?” I asked.
“It’s not meaningless to me. I get to hear a song from another world, and I get to hear your voice sounding different from usual, so I think it’s something really special.”
When she put it that way, of course she’d be happy.
“Well, that’s fine then. Even now if you want.”
“No. I want it to be special, so let’s wait a little longer—until the day I was born is closer. I’m happy that I not only get congratulations from my family but from you too.”
As I told her how happy I was to get to congratulate her as well, the thought of her family crossed my mind. I’d been imagining a world of people of only shining eyes and nails living in darkness, but of course everyone over there, Chika included, would be fully visible to one another.
To be honest, I was jealous of her family getting to see what she looked like. However, it was because I couldn’t see her that I could boast about this unique, one-of-a-kind bond that we shared—a relationship unlike any other that existed expressly because we could not reach one another.
We talked about birthdays for a little while longer, until it came about time for Chika to return to her family. I saw her off and then left the bus shelter as well.
I looked at my watch. I had stayed a bit late tonight. At this point, a long while after the end of summer break, my family’s lingering resentment toward me seemed to have abated, and I no longer took any heat or fussing when I stayed out late. Thanks to this blessing, I’d been able to enjoy my time with Chika all the more.
On the way home, I thought about the song that Chika had requested. I realized that I had forgotten to ask her if it was okay if it was the same song as before. Either way, I needed to drill as many songs into my head as possible, including that one.
Two weeks wouldn’t be long. My life when Chika was not by my side was a bland parade of the same old high school days, easily digestible no matter how much you consumed of it. Now that I had Chika, all the color seemed to have drained from every other part of my life. My family, classmates, and everything else, already little more than the scenery at the periphery of my vision as I ran through life, were now so desaturated they were nearly pure white.
I wondered if the world looked the same way to other people, even those who had found something special themselves. No, probably not. I couldn’t ignore how often people said that once they found something special, the whole world seemed to shine before them. Having found my singular precious thing in this world, I knew that what shined was not something as vague as the world itself. It was my own heart and nothing else.
When I opened the door of the bus shelter as always, I prayed that this would not be the day that I finally stopped seeing her. I knew deep down that time would come someday, but I still wasn’t prepared to steel myself for that possibility.
Coldness, hardness, softness, sweetness. I lived my life dreaming of those things.
Ever since the war had disappeared from Chika’s life, I usually saw her once or twice a week. It all depended on whether she could slip out from under her family’s watchful eye to visit the safe house—it seemed it wasn’t an endorsed course of action to spend much time in safe houses when there wasn’t a war going on in her world. Still, it was a trivial issue on my end; I never knew ahead of time when she would appear, so I just had to come here every day. It made me happy that she made as much time as she could to see me, despite the obstacles.
Though I didn’t know it for certain, I managed to predict the date of the visit that would be the closest to Chika’s birthday. On the second time we met again, counting from the night when I had promised to give her my birthday wishes, I spoke to Chika about it and we agreed that I would present her the song the next time we met. If it happened to be after her birthday had already passed, we would deal with that then.
Like I had initially predicted, that day soon came.
As always, I opened the door with an inappropriate level of nerves, as though each time were the first time we were to meet. Whenever I saw that girl of glowing eyes and nails there, my heart, and perhaps the whole world, nearly burst with joy. There were no words with which I could describe this feeling.
“Kaya!”
Her voice sounded more frantic than usual. I called out to her as well, sitting one body’s width away from her. As I did so, she sidled up next to me.
“You seem like you’re in a good mood, Chika.”
“Yeah, I’ve been looking forward to today.”
I had expected this response, but I still had to ask, “Your birthday hasn’t passed, has it?”
“Not yet. After the sun sets and rises again, it’ll be the day I was born.”
“Oh, so tomorrow then. That’s perfect timing, but you didn’t force yourself to come here today, did you?”
Until meeting Chika, I had never thought to consider that questioning the motives behind someone’s every action might be harmful to them. Of course, Chika was still the only one I felt this way about. If I was a good person, I could have directed this newfound empathy toward everyone around me, but that was not who I was.
“No, not really. It was the same as always.”
“That’s good, then. Oh, right, so I don’t know if they say this the same way in your world, but…”
Never once in my life had I said this stock phrase with so much actual sincerity behind it.
“…Happy Birthday, Chika. Even if it’s a day early.”
“Thank you. We don’t really use the word ‘birthday’ here, so I’m happy that I get to hear something special, just from you.”
By now, I should have been able to look Chika in the eye without any shyness, but for some reason her smile alone always made my heart flutter.
“When the day you’re born comes, I want to say Happy Birthday to you too.”
“It’s not for a while, but when it does come, I’d like to hear how you say it in your world.”
“Okay, I’ll do that. Is it really far away?”
“Yeah, some months still.”
The end of February—actually, the day I had first met Chika. She was glad to learn this, saying it would be easy to remember. I couldn’t recall anyone other than my own family ever being happy about my birthday before.
“Anyway, sorry to rush you, but how about that song?”
“Sure, okay.”
I was surprised at my own enthusiasm.
“What’s up?”
“Nothing, it’s just a little nerve-racking being put on the spot, huh?”
As with the last time, neither having much experience with singing for someone important nor being at all suited to the task, it was difficult for me to perform it naturally. That said, this was what Chika wanted. I doubted that my own singing voice was worth anything at all, but this was a celebration. Even if it was meaningless, I had to put my heart into that song.
The last time we met, Chika had requested two songs of me—the one I had sung before and a new one. This was so that she could see whether there would be any discrepancies in how the first song sounded between performances. The last time, neither of us had managed to get the melodies across quite right. I got the feeling that the same thing would happen today, but I was sure that Chika suspected the same, so there was no point in discussing my concern.
“I’m facing forward now.”