Chapter 6

My Parents Visited Me from Home “Oh, I see nothing else for me to sign.” “Lady Beelzebub, that one was the last for today. Well done,” Fatla said, straightening out the stack of paper by tapping it against the desk. That was high praise coming from Fatla. One might not notice at first, but she rarely openly complimented me. Though I suppose it would be strange if my own employee came up to me, patted me on the head, and called me a good girl. Ah yes. I suppose I can rest a little now. These lulls in the deluge of paperwork weren’t so bad—when things started getting down to the wire, my hands could get so full that I couldn’t afford to stand up and stretch. “Boss, you’ve gotten a lot faster at work!” Vania cheered. Praise from both ends of the spectrum. But of course— “Vania, please do something about that desk of yours…” —there were still mountains of paperwork waiting on Vania. “Boy, I’d planned on finishing a while ago, but then I was dreaming about a school trip from years and years back…” “You were sleeping?! Do your job!” I had to help her anyway. Alas, my poor break. Still, work was far easier now than it once was; there was no doubt about that. Recently, I could even afford to pamper myself on my days off. Although, to be more specific, I had far too many rooms in my house to use well, so I simply sequestered myself in the few rooms I lived in and slept until noon… My standard of living had not changed much. Actively improving my living situation required far too much effort. “Oh right. I forgot to check if any of the afternoon mail is for you!” Vania rushed out of the room. “That girl forgets too much… Why can’t she do things properly…?” Fatla rubbed her temples. Her life must have been quite an ordeal, looking after her sister for so long. This was Fatla’s career, yes, but her time in it would not have been purely smooth sailing. All lives had their ups and downs. Or perhaps that was the natural consequence for those who didn’t put as much effort as I did into maintaining an uneventful, predictable life. Even the fields that seem flat from far away are full of ridges and stones once you walk through them. But right now, the demon king’s schemes had me working as the minister of agriculture, so I hadn’t exactly succeeded in my endeavor… If I’d known this would happen, perhaps I should have taken over my family’s grocery store in the countryside? No, running a shop would bring its own challenges. I would be in debt in the worst-case scenario. That wasn’t for me. I made the right choice in coming to Vanzeld. A little while later, Vania returned with a basket full of mail. “Here’s your afternoon letter drop, boss!” “Mmm, well done. Just put them there.” I would sort through it myself. Few letters came to the minister directly. As usual, more than half of what I received were farming magazines. Several departments within the ministry were subscribed to them. “Demon Farmers Monthly, Demon Farming Tools Monthly, Farming Artifacts Monthly, Wheat Cultivation Monthly, Double-Cropping Monthly, Cyclops & Lumber Monthly, Pests Monthly… There are too many magazines.” “It is what it is. Telling them we want to unsubscribe will only hurt the image of the Ministry of Agriculture. Even if you do not read a single page, we must purchase them as a perfunctory measure,” Fatla said breezily. Some of these magazines were very strange, and I knew little about the corporations that created them. I wasn’t so sure about using tax money to purchase these. But it wasn’t my own money, so it was all right. “I love the columns in Cyclops & Lumber Monthly. They don’t hold back; it’s so refreshing. Hardly anyone reads it, so they can be as aggressive as they want!” “Oh, so you have time to read these, do you…?” I wish she would show off some of that diligence when it came to work. Among the magazines, there was a small envelope addressed to me that caught my eye. “Oh, a personal letter? I was under the impression that I shouldn’t be able to receive things like this.” There were plenty of troublemakers who wanted to tell me, the head of the ministry, their personal opinions on things. There would truly be no end to their complaints if the minister were to read them all, so there was a different department that checked the contents of these letters. That meant this envelope had already been opened. “Who is this from?” I flipped the envelope over. “Bufuh—” I’m not sure how to categorize the sound I made, but I suppose it was closest to a sob. An envelope from my parents! I checked inside and found a note. “Bffffff…” I made another noise, louder this time. They’re coming! This is way too sudden! I couldn’t use work as an excuse if they were coming on a weekend, so I had to show them around… It was as if I’d been surprised with a weekend shift… Please release me… I hadn’t been home in the past several years; there was nothing enjoyable for me there. But I had not accounted for the possibility that they might visit me. “Lady Beelzebub, what’s the matter? You’re making some odd noises,” Fatla pointed out. So even they can tell… I couldn’t have them knowing about this. “’Tis nothing…” “I doubt anyone would react this way over nothing.” “Oh, no, I simply have something in my windpipe.” “If that’s true, then please go to the doctor.” If anyone saw my parents, the humiliation would be unimaginable. This was too difficult. Vania never had much to do on the weekends as far as I could tell. If she found out that my parents were coming, then she might stake out some famous sightseeing spots. You may think my terror is an overreaction; after all, it’s only a visit from my parents. Perhaps some of you might even be thinking about how I was before my makeover. You know nothing. “It was a fan letter for me from a civilian. Even we bureaucrats have our supporters. I must concentrate and continue to do my best.” I wrapped up that conversation neatly and forcefully, then immediately stuffed the letter into my bag. Once I had written down where we were to meet, I would burn it… That weekend, I stood before the north clock tower. This was a transportation hub for all different means of transit from many different regions. The express dullahan carriages were one of those. My parents could fly, but long distances were exhausting, so they’d chosen to take the overnight express. Finally, an express dullahan from my home region came to a stop at the parking area. The driver opened the door to the carriage, and out came my parents, both of them wearing straw hats that were too wide. They were so big, they nearly got caught on the door. Where in the world do they sell hats like those…? “Woooo, Beelzebub, lookitchu! I’ll be a nettle on a bee, you barely look like my girl!” My father, Bandido, stepped forward. (The expression about nettles and bees meant he was surprised.) My mother, Kentohmi, then exited the carriage. “Sure’s sugar! Whatta right flar yuwar now, Beelzebub!” My mother’s accent was so strong, I doubted anyone who wasn’t local would be able to understand her. Also, what she just said was Indeed! You’ve become quite lovely, Beelzebub! “I wish you would’ve given me more advance notice… It may be a day off for me, but I do sometimes have to make inspections for the ministry, you see…” My parents looked at each other and burst out laughing. And so loudly, too! People are staring! “Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Beelzebub, why’re you talkin’ all hoity-toity? I’m a right thicket full o’ bees!” “Why y’gotta go talkin’ fromma high horse? Nettle my bees, I’m rightan my reer now!” “Oh, it’s all right! You understand me, don’t you?! And the way you talk, Ma, it’s like code only locals can understand!” Also, my mother said, You’re speaking with such authority. What is the meaning of this? I find it so bizarre that my legs nearly collapsed beneath me, truly! And yes, I call my parents Ma and Pa. That’s typical where I come from. But soon after moving to Vanzeld, I stopped using those terms of address after discovering it was a very rural way of speaking. “Wow, ben me-yup, Beelzebub, with’r city talk and city look!” “Ma, please at least make an effort to use the standard dialect. I don’t mind if you speak to me like that, but people in the shops most definitely won’t be able to understand a word you say…” I could hear passersby behind us conversing: “What language is that?” “Dunno. Human speech is easier to understand than that.” “I saw a study that said Human and Demon languages are rapidly getting more and more similar now that the war’s over.” No one caught a word. Of course they didn’t. Even I was having some trouble after spending so long away from home. “Well. You’re here to sightsee, then?” “We wanna see the Topallar Temple Ruins!” “Pa, even if we left now, we wouldn’t get there until nightfall…” “Huh? Ain’t it right ’round here?” That was when I knew they had come with no plans. But perhaps that would be more convenient for me. If we stuck to the main sightseeing areas, then it was unlikely someone I knew would find us. I doubted even Vania would be wandering around the most touristy areas. “Then I shall lead the way. Be thankful.” “Scuzy ratawn, then, ya mawn-pa’r seenasitty!” I’m not entirely sure what my mother said, unfortunately. “Here, this is the Hundredth Triumphal Arch! Just as the name suggests, this one was the one hundredth triumphal arch built, so it was named thusly!” “Hoo-wee… It’s massive…” “Shoo’nup lakachree!” The first speaker was my father, and the second was my mother voicing her thoughts, which meant How tall! Yes, going around to see the usual sights would entertain them enough, so I doubted this would be too exhausting— “All right, Beelzebub. What’s next?” “Already?! That was fast!” It had only been a minute since we came. “See, we’ve gotta go around to all the places we can, or we’ll waste our day. We’re using profits from the shop t’day.” “Very well… Then next, I shall take you to the Abyssal Springs…” After five seconds at the spring, my father said, “Awright! What’s next?” “Er, would you mind sitting with your thoughts on the spring for a little while longer…?” “It’s a monster spittin’ black water. Got no other thoughts.” That was the truth, so I could not fault him for it. My mother said something, too, but I could no longer understand a single word out of her. As mother and daughter, perhaps we could simply sense each other’s feelings. Yes, it was fine. Afterward, I introduced them to many, many spots all over. To be honest, I was rather tired. My throat, especially. Not only did I have to take them to these places, but I also had to explain what was special about each of them. And since my parents were visiting many more of them than a typical tourist would, I was doing an astronomical amount of work… “Umm, this is a lake with a legend where…a demon king, many generations ago, received a spear from a, uh…fiend.” “Beelzebub, your explanations are gettin’ all bower.” Bower was a regional term for “sloppy.” “Oh, give it a rest. They say throwing a coin into the lake will make your wishes come true, but it’s advised that you not pollute the water. I am exhausted… I’d say you two are rather energetic for such a trip… And at your age…” Even among the long-lived demons, my parents were starting to look middle-aged. That could apparently be fixed with antiaging magic, though. “Used to it at the store, y’see. We sell heavy barrels of real nice-quality water. And wheat’s pretty heavy. And carryin’ used horse carts and whatnot can wear ya out, too. And the big sheep…” What? Something wasn’t right… “Aren’t you grocers?! Why are you selling used carts and sheep?!” “No other shop to sell ’em at. So we trade it all.” I suppose that happened in the countryside… I started to doubt whether they even carried groceries anymore. My mother then said, “Where’s’a mu’n, Beelzebub?” “Indeed. I’m getting hungry, so I suppose we should eat.” I wanted to rest a little bit as well, so it was perfect timing. I took my parents to a somewhat modern restaurant, one that wasn’t too trendy for a middle-aged couple. In my personal opinion, restaurants marketing to young people looking for the next dining revolution didn’t always have good food. Famous establishments with a long history generally had a much higher standard. “That hits the spot~” “Woo, scrum!” “Right? I doubt you can find anything as good as this in the countryside~” Oh… That was when I realized something. I’d gone native. The town around the castle was practically my home now… I hadn’t cooked the food in this establishment, of course, but the compliment still did wonders for my confidence. Then my eyes met my father’s. “Beelzebub, it is such a relief to see you like this.” My father, who had worn an expression of feigned ignorance, now looked at me seriously. My mother was the same. “What do you mean, Pa?” I was never quite certain how to handle their parental side. “When we heard you was a minister, yer ma and I thought there musta been some kinda mistake. We didn’t even brag t’ the neighbors till we were sure it was real.” Wait, that meant they waited a month to start going around boasting? C’mon. “Ma said ain’t no way you woulda got that promotion. Started worryin’ you’d run back home with yer tail between yer legs!” My mother laughed, scratching her head with embarrassment “But I see we shouldn’a worried. Ya look great livin’ it up here, city girl!” I suppose that meant my parents were recognizing my accomplishments. At that moment, I wasn’t quite sure how to react to that. Do I simply reply, Thanks? But I don’t think I’ve earned it with the life I’ve been living. I haven’t changed that much. “When you said you were sick o’ country life and ran off to the city, I thought it’d be too much for you.” My father stared up at the ceiling. For a little while after that, no one spoke. He wasn’t entirely wrong. I’d nearly fled from the town around the castle more than once during my most impulsive phase. Eventually, I’d chosen to strive for a life without much adventure, but had I wished for no adventure at all, I never would have come to the city in the first place. “But this whole time, you were workin’ in the government. Your ma and I were thinkin’ ’bout how we failed you. Our girl had all this potential, and her parents never noticed ’cause she came from the boonies.” “I was simply a pencil pusher. ’Tis not much to be proud of…” My appetite was nearly gone now. “You might not be proud of it, but someone thought you had the chops to be a minister.” Who could that “someone” be? Had it really been the demon king herself? Or was it someone else who made the suggestion? Either way, the truth was that my life had made a dramatic turn because of this someone. “Keep yer nose to the grindstone and remember yer ma and pa are always thinkin’ of you back home. We’ll manage the store on our own. I ain’t gonna ask you anything farrem like taking over the shop.” Farrem—that meant “killjoy” or “boring.” I guess he couldn’t ask the nation’s agricultural minister to take care of their local shop. No matter one’s age, a blessing from one’s parents is always a welcome thing. “I appreciate that. I had no intention of taking over the store to begin with.” “We have five branches now, and we’ve got great managers lookin’ over ’em.” What?! That was some unusual news. “Hey! When did you open branches?! I didn’t know about this!” “We got real popular after we started expanding our stock. And we don’t have too much in the way of competition since we’re out in the country. We bought up dead stores, remodeled ’em, and set up shop there.” Honestly…? I hadn’t the faintest clue that my parents were so business savvy, but I had assumed they were putting in at least some effort if their grocery store hadn’t gone under yet… “No need to worry about us. And you keep ministerin’, y’hear?!” My mother was nodding enthusiastically, too. In the end, they were encouraging me. “You don’t need to tell me to work!” I joked. Then I felt a chill. “Oh yes, the level at this restaurant is so high~ It will really help me improve my own cooking.” Vania entered the restaurant! I most certainly did not want to introduce my parents to her. If she heard their accent, then it would be clear as day that my manner of speech was entirely artificial. I had a feeling she might know already, but the true distance between our levels of refinement was rather intimidating. “And it’s great for a girl to eat alone. I can order anything I want—the way it should be!” I slowly stood from my seat. “Apologies, but I must go wash my hands. If I am not back soon, then please take your time finishing your meal. We will be leaving once I return.” I shut myself inside the bathroom stall for a little while to make absolutely sure that I did not encounter Vania. My apologies to the establishment, but some problems required sacrifice! I returned to the table with utter nonchalance. “All right, it seems you have both finished eating. Now, shall we depart? Yes!” And thus, I gracefully avoided all contact with Vania. When we left, it was already nighttime. We’d finished sightseeing, too. “We had lots of fun today.” “Whadda mendical tahm, Beelzebub.” “I’m glad to hear it.” I wasn’t exactly sure what my mother just said, but from context, I could tell she had enjoyed herself. “We’ll be in the city for the next few days, but your ma and I will be sightseeing alone together. Work hard.” “Of course. I shall do my utmost.” I would have to visit them next time. My day off was not relaxing at all, but I suppose that was all right every once in a while. “I shall take you to your hotel tonight, then. Where are you staying?” “Venalleg inyer’an, Beelzebub!” “Ma, could you please speak closer to the standard language…?” “Ma said, We don’t have an inn. We’ll be staying at your house for the next few days. Spending hotel money would be a waste. Please lend us one of your empty rooms, and we’ll manage on our own. Where’s your house?” How did her dialect compress so much information into such a little phrase…? But that did not matter. They were planning on staying at my house!! My palatial residence was rotten with rooms, yes. Not literally rotting—although there were many rooms that were quite dusty since I never cleaned them. But…I could not abide being in the same building as them! I would never know a moment’s peace. And they would come and peek into my room… If not when I was at home, then certainly while I was at work… “I shall reserve a place for you at one of the finest hotels! Are you not glad your daughter is a minister now?! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!” Now was not the time to be stingy! I had money, and I definitely planned to flex a little! After shoving my parents into a hotel that looked no less like a palace than my own house, I went home. Once I walked through the door, I realized something. “I had no idea today had exhausted me so… My shoulders are so stiff…” I flopped onto my bed. “Good morning, ma’am!” When I arrived at the ministry for work, the others employed in the building greeted me. “Aye, good morning. Do your best today.” I gracefully entered my office. Inside, the two leviathan secretaries were already at work. “Good morning, Lady Beelzebub.” “Morning, boss!” “Now that the holiday is over, let’s get back to work.” Yes, this was my home battlefield. The unique challenges presented by my parents’ sudden visit over the weekend had worn me down, but that was over and done with. I hoped they did all the sightseeing they wanted before returning to the countryside. But two hours later— Knock, knock, kno-knock, knock. How uncouth. Who would knock on the door like an amateur percussionist? —the door then flung open. “Heya, Beelzebub! How ya doin’?” “Dag’n a vier, Beelzebub!” My parents walked in! And I knew despair. “Why are you here?! Leave right now!” But they ignored me and started talking to my secretaries. “Thanks for always lookin’ out for our Beelzebub. I’m Bandido, her pa. This here’s my wife, Kentohmi. Here, have some of our local sweets and a few of our finest vegetables.” For a moment, Fatla turned to the side. “Pfft…” She most certainly turned away to laugh just now, didn’t she? But Fatla’s recovery was impressive. Afterward, she treated my parents with her usual matter-of-fact expression. “Thank you. I am Fatla, a leviathan, secretary to the minister of agriculture.” “I am also Vania, a leviathan. Wow, I can barely understand you. Where are you from?” Don’t say it outright! “Aww, shucks. You think I’ve got an accent, just wait’ll ya hear my wife! Your ministry buildin’ sure is tall! We went round givin’ out sweets and vegetables at every floor, so we’re plumb wore out!” Now I knew true despair. They said hello to everyone at every floor…? I believe it was a historian who once wrote, There is no greater enemy than one’s closest relatives, and I now knew that meaning well. To be honest, I wish I didn’t. “Begone, the both of you, now! I do not want to commit parricide! Go, go, go, go home!” I screamed. For a little while after that, Vania took to greeting me with “Mornin’, ma’am!” “Vania, every time you say that to me, the hatred toward you within me grows. I hope you are prepared for the consequences…” But Fatla’s surreptitious chuckling was even more infuriating!